Chapter Four

Lee's afternoon shift in CIC was just as boring as usual, but it didn't drag as much as it normally did. Today he could pass the time by reliving every moment of that morning's flight with Kara.

He hadn't realised until he sat in the viper's cockpit quite how much he'd missed flying. The memories of dog-fights with his friends exploding around him, of struggling to stay awake on double-shift CAPs, had blotted out the older ones. He'd forgotten the magic he'd always found in flying – the exhilaration, the sheer joy of it, the sense of soaring alone and untrammelled, of escaping all your petty worries and concerns. The feeling of belonging.

He promised himself he was going to take a viper out regularly from now on. So what if a commander wasn't supposed to? They hadn't seen a Cylon for months, there was hardly any danger.

Anyway, he didn't care if there was, or if anyone protested. He'd been going slowly mad with boredom for months, and now he'd found something to keep him sane. He wasn't going to just give it up.

He silently thanked Kara for pushing him back into flying. He just wished they'd get the opportunity to fly together again, but she'd be going back to the planet tomorrow. He felt a twinge at the thought. Perhaps he could persuade her to visit for a flight from time to time. She'd missed it as much as he had, he knew that. She'd been close to tears after they landed, although of course she'd shrugged it off. She'd never liked to appear weak, especially in front of him.

-----

He finished his shift and went back to his quarters to find Kara waiting for him and the enticing smell of hot food in the air.

"You cooked?" Surely even four months of playing house on New Caprica couldn't change her that much?

She burst out laughing. "Get a grip, Lee. I grabbed a couple of trays from the mess hall and heated them up."

He grinned. "Good. I was worried you'd been replaced by a Cylon clone for a moment."

"Ha, ha. You're so witty, Lee."

"My humour's just too sophisticated for you to appreciate."

"I should have made you cook for me," grumbled Kara, spooning the food onto two plates, splattering the counter with gravy as she did so. "You used to be pretty good at it."

"Pretty good?" He pounced on it. "Wow, that's high praise, coming from you. The best comment I ever got from you on my food was a grudging 'not bad'."

"Well, I didn't want your head to get any bigger than it was already."

"It still wouldn't have reached the size of yours." Lee couldn't help smirking. She'd walked straight into that one.

Kara picked up a damp tea towel and hurled it into his face. Lee threw it back. It fell short, and landed directly on one of the plates.

Kara glared at him, though he could tell she was trying not to laugh. "That's definitely your meal, Apollo."

-----

After they'd eaten they settled down on the sofa, and Kara produced a bottle from under the coffee table. A grin spread over Lee's face as he looked at the dark brown liquid. That particular colour was unmistakable.

"Is that what I think it is?"

Kara winked at him. "The Chief sends his regards."

"Does it still take the lining off the back of your throat?"

"Absolutely."

Lee stood up. "Then I'll get the glasses."

The bitter taste of the home brew brought back a whole host of memories. So many evenings with the pilots in the Galactica rec room, joking and telling stories and watching Kara wipe the floor with everyone at triad. Sidling in knowing he had a whole pile of paperwork to do and shouldn't really be there, telling himself he'd stay for just one drink, and then finding himself still there hours later, staggering back to the bunkroom with Kara leaning on his shoulder, giggling drunkenly in his ear.

He missed it. Wished he'd appreciated it more at the time.

How were they all, down on the planet? He asked Kara, and she told him, about the Chief and his trade union and his marriage to Cally, about Gaeta working for Baltar of all people, about Hot Dog setting up a bar.

After a while the talk drifted on to the past, to memories of the Colonies. To nights drinking with Zak, the trip the three of them had taken to the mountains one summer. To family gatherings at his mother's house, to pyramid games they'd watched together.

It was odd, he thought, watching her face light up with amusement as she remembered some prank Zak had pulled. They could talk about Zak now. For so long it had been the forbidden topic, even the mention of his name fraught with danger.

But then there were new forbidden topics now, new names not to be mentioned.

Sometimes he got so tired of playing this frakking game with her. But he didn't know how to end it. Not without ending everything.

-----

They got to the bottom of the bottle all too quickly. Lee poured out the last of it, trying not to spill the liquid as his hand shook slightly.

Of course Kara spotted it. "Drink getting to you already?" she mocked, pulling both glasses towards her. "Maybe you shouldn't have any more."

Lee tried to pull his glass back, but she hung on to it. "I'm fine. I can hold my drink."

"Yeah, right," Kara taunted. "The last time you said that was just before you threw up in my lap."

"Frak you." Lee pulled a face at her. "You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

"Nope." Kara grinned smugly. "But I figure I'm entitled. After all, you did throw up in my lap."

"And what about all the times you've thrown up over me?" Lee asked indignantly. "Must be at least half a dozen times, and you just laugh it off. But I do it once, and all of a sudden it's this big frakking deal-"

"Of course it's a big deal!" Kara smirked. "It's you. Everyone expects that kind of behaviour from me. But not from you, Captain – sorry, Commander - Tight-Ass."

He glared at her. "I am not a tight-ass!"

She giggled. "You are, Lee. Sorry. That's why it's such a big event when you actually take the stick out of your ass. I have to record it for posterity."

"Give me my glass back." He tried to pull it out of her hand; she held stubbornly on to it.

"Better not, Lee. Who knows what you might end up doing?"

They tussled over the glass, and some of the brew slopped out onto the table.

"You're spilling it!"

"Let go then."

"Nope."

Lee thought for a moment. Then he pulled at the glass again, and while she was distracted, reached out with his other hand and pulled her hair as hard as he could.

"Ouch!" She pulled back in surprise and pain and let go of the glass. "Frak it, Lee!"

He lifted his glass, smirking. "It's your own fault for growing your hair. Far too tempting."

"Really?" She stared at him, eyes narrowed. "Then this is all your own fault."

Lee had barely a moment to recognise the look in her eye before she launched herself at him. His glass went flying as she knocked him back onto the sofa.

"Kara!" he protested as the brew soaked them both.

"Serves you right." Her fingers dug into his ribs, pinching unmercifully. "So does this."

"Stop it, Kara!" He tried to pull her hands away, get a grip on her wrists, but she twisted out of reach.

Fine. He went for her hair again, but she was ready this time and she jerked back violently, over-balancing them. They tumbled off the sofa onto the floor, and she landed squarely on top of him.

When Lee got his breath back she was laughing down at him.

He scowled in return. "Get off me."

"Why? I'm just fine here." She smiled mockingly.

He glared at her and tried to push her off. Unfortunately they were trapped in the narrow gap between the sofa and the coffee table and he had very little room to move. Kara held on to her position without difficulty.

"What's wrong, Apollo?" she taunted, laughing. "Don't like being at a disadvantage?"

Exactly. He was at a disadvantage. She was pressed closely against him, and he could feel his body starting to react. He had to get her off before she realised.

"Just let me up, Kara. We're too old for this."

"Feeling your years, Lee? What, did you hurt your back or something-"

She broke off in mid-taunt, eyes widening.

Frak. "Get off me, Kara!"

"No." The laughter had died out of her eyes and she was looking at him with an expression he knew all too well. The one she wore when she was about to do something completely crazy. His heart started to thud violently.

"Kara-"

"No," she said again, and leaned down and kissed him.

For a moment Lee froze.

What the hell? I won't let her do this to me again, I won't-

He tried to pull his mouth away, but her hands came up to stop him, holding his head in place. He shuddered, trying to ignore the soft warmth of her body against him, her scent invading his senses, the sudden fire racing through his veins.

"Don't fight me, Lee," she murmured against his mouth. "Please."

He opened his mouth to reply, and she seized the opportunity, deepening the kiss and thrusting her tongue into his mouth.

Lee's control shattered. He groaned and kissed her back just as fiercely. Gods, he had wanted this for so long…all rational thought disappeared. All he could do was feel.

It wasn't until she began pulling up his tanks that reality came rushing back. He pulled his mouth away from hers and caught her face with his hands, forcing her to look at him.

"Kara, we need to talk."

Her eyes narrowed in frustration. "No, we don't."

"Yes, we do," he said firmly. "What's this all about?"

"I thought that was obvious," she said with harsh mockery. "What do you want me to do, draw you a diagram?"

"Kara, I'm serious!" Why did she always have to be so defensive? "We need to talk about this-"

She pushed his hands away and cut him off by kissing him again. Lee responded despite himself, losing himself in the power of it.

When she finally broke the kiss she was breathing heavily. There was pain in her hazel eyes now instead of anger, and Lee reached out instinctively to comfort her, stroking her cheek.

"We don't need to talk, Lee. Please." She turned her face and pressed a kiss into the palm of his hand.

"But-"

"We don't." Her voice was desperate. "Please, Lee. We're no good at talking. When we talk we screw things up. Remember last time?"

Something caught in Lee's throat. Remember? How could he forget? How many times had he lain awake, reliving it all, wondering what he could have done differently? He didn't want this to end as that had.

She looked into his eyes and nodded as if he had spoken.

"Do you want me, Lee?"

"You know I do."

"Then no talking. Please." Her voice was trembling now.

"Okay. No talking," he said, and pulled her t-shirt over her head.

She was right. They could talk later. Right now he was here, and she was here, and for once they both wanted the same thing at the same time. Nothing else mattered.

He wouldn't allow it to.

-----

The next few minutes were a blur of desperate hands and discarded clothing as they made their way to the bed, mouths still locked together. He couldn't stop touching her, half afraid that if he did she would disappear.

As they fell onto the bed he was suddenly afraid that this wasn't real, that it was just one of his all too-frequent fantasies about her. He closed his eyes, but when he opened them she was still there. He suckled her breast and she moaned and then swore at him, and he smiled. This was definitely real.

He expected her to want to go on top, but she surprised him, lying back and pulling him down on her instead.

He had waited for this so long that part of him wanted to slow this down, savour every moment, but his body wouldn't let him. Neither would she; she resisted any attempt to go slowly, pulling him to her and ruthlessly doing whatever she could to drive him to the brink. It scared him a little how easily she managed it; it felt almost as if he was drowning in her, losing himself.

He looked down at her, at the tumbled fair hair and the familiar stubborn face, in a kind of disbelief. It felt so odd to be doing this and really seeing her face, rather than seeing some other woman's and fighting to pretend that it wasn't her.

She opened her eyes as he paused. "Lee," she said exasperatedly. "Stop frakking over-thinking!"

He laughed and surrendered, pushing into her. Her whole body stiffened and she gasped his name.

"Kara," he gasped back, and her eyes met his and held as they moved together.

As their eyes met everything changed for Lee. All his doubts fell away, all the niggling worries that he was making a mistake fell away. How could this be a mistake? This was Kara, whom he'd always loved, deep down. This was Starbuck, his other half. This was where he belonged, where he was supposed to be.

Finally she broke around him, moaning his name, and it shattered the last of his control. He followed her, and even as everything faded around him he kept his eyes fixed on hers.

-----

Afterwards she fell asleep, her head resting on his shoulder. Lee knew he should wake her, knew they needed to talk, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. She looked so peaceful, so contented – he couldn't ever remember ever seeing her look that way before. He didn't want to spoil that, or the shining glory of what had just happened between them.

So he settled back on the pillows, pulling her closer against him. She murmured in her sleep and buried her face against his neck. He took a deep breath of contentment and let his mind drift, ignoring the worries lurking at the back of his head.

All that mattered was that they were here together, he thought firmly. Everything else – Dee, Sam, their past - were minor complications. They'd manage. They'd talk tomorrow, sort it all out.

But still his hand tightened instinctively on her shoulder as he fell asleep, and his final thought was to hope that she was still there in the morning.