Written in the Stars
By Gilmoregirl1979 (the reigning Quote Queen)
Rating: PG-13
Hi this is your friendly disclaimer: I REJECT ASP's REALITY AND SUBSTITUE MY OWN! Once again, I don't own (DAMN IT! DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!), No Harm No Sue. (JUST GIVE ME A JOB and we will call it even!)
R/R: yes please I love reviews; I wanna marry them (as previously stated, I have strange passions.)
Summary/ The Q: What if LL hooked up when they first met? What if things had moved … a touch more quickly…?
FEATURED BETA: localizy, thank you for putting up with my compulsive persnickety changes…
Localizy, What Can I Say…
No seriously go read localizy's fic what can I say…. read this first… then go to her's! PS THANKS FOR THE LAST MINUTE BETA on the afore mentioned persnickety changes!
A/N: I hope this was worth the wait!
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Chapter 26:
Sass In A Glass
As it was suspected, it was indeed the dreaded Chicken Pox, and the usual bed rest was recommended by Rory's doctor. It seemed the town motto had changed to "A Pox on Chicken Pox", because the entire town of Stars Hollow wanted to pitch in and help Rory Gilmore. Taylor even did a presentation at the town meeting about the warning signs of the virus, but when met with concerned townies, Luke and Lorelai assured the whole lot of them that the two of them had the situation under control, but appreciated the out pour of support.
Lorelai split her usual time at the Inn with a temp, who was given simple tasks: answering the phone, sorting the mail, checking people in, while Luke stayed with Rory. Anything major, like booking the dining room or the grounds for a wedding had to go through Lorelai or Mia. Luke hired four teenagers to be servers so Caesar, Ben, and himself could focus on cooking when it was Lorelai's turn to watch Rory. After a few speed bumps, a rant about the disenfranchised youth of America, and a lesson on how to use Luke's vintage cash register, everything at the diner ran smoothly.
Rory had regular visitors who could see that Lorelai and Luke were taking excellent care of Rory together, making sure her twitching hands didn't scratch herself silly. Sookie would stop by the house with comfort food, and a thankful Rory gladly accepted all offerings, provided it had a side of Luke's mashed potatoes. Mia stopped by from time to time to make sure Rory had everything she needed, just to chat, and that Lucas kept up with the potato demand. Even Lane stopped by, but she could only visit through a closed bedroom window. Mrs. Kim didn't want Lane to get sick as well. So, the two friends would sit at the window sill, chat through the glass, and Lane asked Rory if there was a way she could somehow save the chicken pox bug so she could catch it during the school year, like during a test or something. Rory assured that she wouldn't wish the chicken pox on her worst enemy.
With a painful sigh of relief, the trio completed Dorian Gray, and was all too happy to move on to Emma because Rory assured both the adults that Jane Austen would be an "upper" compared to Oscar Wilde. They would play the card game fish; work on plans for Lane's CD storage, plan movie nights for the rest of the summer, and all the things they were going to do together once Rory got better.
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After two weeks of being bed ridden, Rory was up and around just in time for the Fourth of July. July 2nd was her first morning out of bed and she was enjoying a glass of juice with Luke in the Gilmore kitchen.
Lorelai came downstairs, ready for work, and saw her daughter at the kitchen table, "Hey honey… you feeling better?"
"Much better," Rory assured, "Mom, you want some juice?"
Lorelai winced, "It's pink?" and she stared at the glass trying to figure out what fruit would give off pink juice.
"Yeah its grapefruit juice… its sass in a glass" Rory smiled like her normal peaches and cream self, emphasizing her Ss.
Lorelai turned to Luke pleaded, "Please tell me you didn't teach her that?"
Rory defended Luke, "It's on the carton," as Rory pointed to the side of the carton with the sales pitch on it.
Lorelai took a peek and couldn't believe some idiot actually came up with that slogan… and that another idiot approved it to be printed on all their cartons across the country, "Umm I'll pass on the sass," and went for her standard Coffee.
"You made a rhyme." Switching topics Rory posed, "Mom, are we going to the Fourth festival…"
"Like you have to ask, is Lane coming with us?"
"I think she has family coming in again, we're hoping for a sleep over soon though… we have to finish her CD cubbies. Luke? Are you going to come with us?"
"Like I have a choice?"
"Come on Luke… you're a guy… don't you like fireworks and explosions?" Rory couldn't wait to see the bursts of color and lights in the sky again.
Lorelai smile turned to something more… mischievous again, "Yeah Luke, fireworks?" and Lorelai winked behind her daughter, so only Luke would see, and Luke wondered what type of fireworks his girlfriend had in mind, since Rory was better and they could have their official make up date.
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During the Fourth festival fell on a Thursday however that didn't stop the town from celebrating their grand festival and having their fireworks display mid-week. Before Luke could start on a rant about the Forefathers or the Revolutionary War, the girls persuaded Luke to win them prizes at most of the games. He was especially good at throwing baseballs at milk bottles and wincingly happy to buy them every manner of disgusting junk food the venders were offering and that the girls could stomach.
On picnic blankets in the square, all town folk watched the fireworks together, but the real fireworks came after the Fourth festival, when Luke and Lorelai could enjoy some quality alone time after Rory went to bed.
"I love the Fourth of July," Lorelai sighed to herself.
"I think you just love sex," Luke smiled, as they cuddle up in her bed, kissing her shoulder.
"Seriously, I love what it represents you know, independence, breaking away from tyranny, if it's never been done before, forge ahead and make a new way. Make a real difference in the world…hmmm like that, keep that up on my ear lobes…"
"Are you talking about 'your' Inn? Or your parents?" Luke smiled.
"Both actually," thinking of her defiant steps away from her parent's lifestyle and of a future business a few years… down the line.
"Not to mention that you love the hot dogs, and corn dogs and French fries covered with cheese… pretzels covered in cheese …nachos covered in cheese …" Luke was unable to remember all the junk food items she gorged herself with, " …funnel cakes…"
"Hey I loved your chili cheese dogs the best…" referring to their barbeque dinner at Sookie's before the festival officially began, "and did you notice… I ate the corn on the cob… a vegetable," hoping he would be proud.
"I'm just glad Rory let me cook…"
"Yeah, well, when she learns something new she does become quite obsessed with it."
"Well, it's good for her, gives her self esteem a boost."
"I'm sure a daughter of mine would never be lacking in that," and Lorelai sighed in his arms again "but the food was really, really good this year," settling into her pillow and falling asleep.
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On Saturday, it was Lorelai's day off and apparently it was her turn to be under the weather.
"How you feeling?" Luke asked entering Lorelai's room.
"Ugh… Rory is right this summer Sucks! I hate being sick… and this was already my day off… so this makes me just feel even worse… I mean all the time I had to juggle at work to be there for Rory… and this is what Karma gives me for my good deed."
"Well, at least you don't complain about it…" Luke said dryly. Honestly he felt bad, and wondered if it was his dinner last night that made her so violently ill till the wee hours of the morning. "Maybe this is what you get for eating like 10 pounds of junk at the festival?"
Lorelai dismissed, "That was days ago…and with my cast iron stomach? Please!" she rolled her eyes, "... maybe, I ate too much? Is that possible? Me… eat too much… man, Rory just got over chicken pox and now I have the plague …not fair…" showing how immature she could still be and pouted, even though she was supposed to be the responsible parent.
"You don't have the plague" Luke replied sitting on the bed with her.
"You did this to me…" thinking of the offending dish that caused her condition, maybe even blame his chili cheese dogs from a few days ago, "What did you make last night anyway…"
"I told you, Fettuccine Alfredo with Shrimp… you like shrimp…maybe it was bad shrimp", searching for the reason why his girlfriend was suffering, and truly sorry if he had really been the cause.
"Well, hello? You are in the food service industry, aren't you suppose to check that out before you cook it!"
"You are just mad that I didn't deep-fry it like you wanted. Rory and I ate it … we are fine …"
"Yeah, Rory's adopting your weird diet; you are slowly brain washing my kid into eating healthy…Shame on you pitting mother against daughter."
"Hey, I just give her a choice, she makes the decision," he playfully defended.
"Oh yeah? Sass in a glass?" Lorelai quoted.
"I was drinking some juice… and she wanted to try it…"Luke defended.
Lorelai growled and scowled at the positive influence her boyfriend was being on her kid, but secretly she thought it was cute. Sass in a glass… now she thought it was funny and clever, just like Rory did.
Suddenly remembering the glass in his hand, "Oh, speaking of which, here, I brought you some juice."
"My stomach has enough sass at the moment, thank you!"
"It's apple juice; it has pepsin in it which will help settle your stomach."
"How do you know so much?" she asked as she took the glass. "Were you a nutritionist in another life?"
"Well I got on my little health kick… after… my dad died…"
Lorelai bit her lip, knowing what a sensitive subject William was for her fella, "Luke…I'm sorry I didn't mean to … tease."
"Yes, you did, and it's fine… taking care of my self is how I can take care of you," he looked her in the eye, and taking her hand in his, "and I can promise I will be around a long, long time."
"Good," Lorelai smiled, finding it refreshing to have someone to take care of her for a change, to pamper her every once in a while, treat her like the queen she knew she was.
Their quiet moment burst when Rory called up the stairs, "Luke!"
"Yeah," he called back.
"Mom's broth is done!"
"Okay," then Luke turned back to Lorelai, "it's been a while since you… you know…"
Barfed, threw up, puked, blew chunks, "Exploded?" Even though her stomach's bathroom antics wasn't her most attractive moment, Luke had stayed by Lorelai's side, hoping his presence was some bit of comfort during her misery.
Admit ably, Lorelai worshiping the porcelain wasn't Luke's favorite memory of their time together, "Well yeah… anyway, I thought you'd like to try so some toast and broth, I'll be right back," and Luke kissed her forehead and went downstairs.
Lorelai felt Luke knew best, as much of a health guru he seemed to be, and Lorelai forced herself to drink the juice, since it had been almost 8 hours since she ate anything…Hmmmm apples…
Apples!
It was then Lorelai looked at the amber liquid in her glass. The last time she craved apples she was pregnant with Rory. But I'm not craving apples… Luke brought this for my stomach… he doesn't know about my crav… my stomach… and Lorelai's gazed lowered to her own abdomen, considering the ordeal it had put her through last night, and she wondered if there was a little Luke curled up inside of her, if her sudden upset stomach was … morning sickness? Lorelai recalled, Rory and I are fine… we ate it…
Oh my God!
Lorelai considered how active they had been in respect to the bedroom lately, and began to wonder if the night of their make up over Rory's Parent Trap/Marriage Dispute a few weeks ago was ironically the night in question. We didn't really take… precautions… there wasn't …really time in the heat of the moment.
"Hey mom," Rory suddenly appeared and carefully came into the room; she was balancing a bowl of broth on a plate of dry toast. She had made it all the way up the stairs by herself, and it would have been a shame to drop the scalding hot liquid on her mother now. "Luke said you should eat this… and that I can't help you hide it or lie about it…" and Rory put the plate on the nightstand, moving the alarm clock to the floor.
Lorelai looked at Rory's sweet face, her first born, and she suddenly, inexplicably, became terrified of being pregnant again.
"Mom? Are you okay? You look… a little green"
"Umm yeah Baby…umm Honey", she corrected, "… I just… really need a hug right now."
"You're not gonna throw up on me are you?" Rory winced, having seen part of her display last night.
"No, I promise," and mother embraced child, wondering if she could do it all again, and it took all Lorelai had to keep from crying in front of Rory.
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When Luke came back up stairs, "Okay… I got to go to work… but you have Nurse Rory who is just a holler away…she's still working on her book lists and it's only July…" then he saw the nervous, "deer in the headlights" look on her face, and he couldn't understand what could have changed in 10 minutes. "Lorelai? Is something wrong?"
As Lorelai met his gaze she remembered her accusatory tone from before, "You did this to me…" only this time it wasn't in jest, and she said honestly… "I don't know…"
"Okay? Well, are you … gonna be sick again?"
She stayed silent as if she didn't hear him, "Okay? Well, we'll talk when I get home …feel better," he brushed her hair off her shoulder and he kissed her forehead again, but she grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving.
"Lorelai?" Luke sat down on the bed, "What is it?"
"I think …I'm in trouble?" she said anxiously, feeling like she did back when she had to tell Chris about their news.
"Okay? Like mob trouble? Are men with tire irons coming?" when she didn't crack a smile, Luke sat down with her on the bed realizing she maybe serious for once, "What? Is it money? Cause I could…"
"No, Luke…" Lorelai didn't know how he was going to react. Sure, he was great with a fully grown Rory, but he still seemed to flinch when seeing squishy babies in public, or gripe when people left nasty diapers in the restroom, or if the little ones would cry in his diner, How can something so small make so much noise, she believed were his exact words.
"Lorelai…come on." If she was in trouble or needed help he wanted to get it straight away.
Lorelai took a deep breath, "I think…I may be… pregnant."
"What?" Luke wanted to make sure he heard her right.
"I'm afraid… this, my upset stomach…might be…morning sickness," Lorelai confessed cautiously, hoping he wouldn't spontaneously combust right there, and all she'd have left of him would be his army green ball cap.
"Really?" We're gonna have… a baby…?
The smile Luke wore told Lorelai he'd be happy if it was true, and it was like dagger in her heart that she didn't feel the same. We're not ready for this…"I don't know …I haven't ... taken a test or anything… I was just sitting here thinking…and well…it is possible that we… you know…"
Just as Lorelai could tell Luke was happy by the idea, Luke could tell Lorelai was less than thrilled. "You … didn't want this to happen…" he paused on purpose to gauge her reaction, "…did you?"
"I don't know…I just… I mean I'm finally used to Rory, 10 years and I got the cool mom thing down…and well another baby will take away from my … attention to her, and you and me… we have a nice routine…we just made up… and well, we have an understanding about… our future… and Rory likes you… I just don't want to … add to the mix right now… we were taking things slow… a month at a time… I mean this isn't like buying a TV together… this is a person… a whole new living breathing totally dependent living inside me person…"
"It won't be inside you forever," Luke took her hand, hoping he could convince her that this wasn't bad news.
"Exactly… then it is out here in the world… another child to raise and change diapers, and … I just don't know if I can't do it all again…"
"Lorelai, it won't be like last time…you're older now, a little more mature, granted a very little… but you won't be alone…I'll be here…"
"Luke… I don't…." she was trying to find the words to explain it to him, a way to make him see her perspective. "I don't want this to …ruin us…like it did with me and Chris."
Luke's mouth was too quick for his brain, "Is that it? That I'm not Christopher… do you still want to be with him…?"
"What? No … that's not what I meant…"
Luke took a deep breath and raised a hand to stop her and himself from saying another word, "Lorelai… I'm sorry, that just… Look, I can tell we are going to have a fight here and are going to say some more things we don't mean … if we don't just… take a step back…"
Take a step back? I'm already pregnant, the damage is done. We have to deal with this.
"We should… think about this…okay? I'm… gonna spend the night at the diner tonight, let you get your… thoughts together…"
"Luke… "
"I have to get to work…" he had to get out of there before his temper got the better of him and he said something else stupid. He was upset and hurt; this could have been a step toward a real future with Lorelai. A guarantee for both of them that they would always be together, but she didn't want any of it, and it was hard to keep that inside.
"Luke, don't go…"
Just like that, Luke lost control again, and all the thoughts flooding his brain came out, "Oh now you want me to stay? Damn it Lorelai, you can plan you future with an inn that maybe, someday you might want to buy and own and run… but you can't even give me a clear answer about our future? I have to take things a month at a time? And you just dropped this bomb in my lap? ... And you know what? I was happy for like five seconds, thinking I was gonna be a father… and then I saw the look in your eyes… and it's all gone… So fine… you don't want me to force anything on you… you don't want me making decisions for you…fine. This is a relationship, Lorelai… you can't have still waters all the time…it's not always going to be smooth sailing… and I'm sorry but I've been very patient… I've been here, invested in you and Rory, but it's always about you!"
Realizing he had fallen in to the pattern he had wanted to avoid. His hurt feelings were making him say things he should have kept to himself, "… Look I can't talk to you about this right now…this is exactly what I didn't want to happen … jeez… I'm…it's just … I'm gonna …go"
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The day seemed to drag on without Luke… and with his possible progeny growing inside of her.
Lorelai had been stunned silent after Luke's out burst. Her upset stomach gave her reason to remain tucked away in her room. Lorelai successfully hid any sign that anything was out of the ordinary from Rory the entire day. After a day of thinking, worrying, and pondering; A day of being too fidgety and nervous to sleep, but so tired she wanted to escape her reality, Lorelai finally could curl up in her bed to try to go to sleep.
Lorelai felt cold all over, and pulled her blankets up as much as she could, she recognized the shivers came from his absence from her bed. She had grown used to his warmth next to her so much lately. Lying alone in the bed, she missed Luke, even though he was just a phone call away, just a few blocks at the diner, she knew he needed his own time to process the new situation. The long day turned into an even longer lonely night.
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When Lorelai returned to work on Sunday, she tried to wear a brave, happy face, hiding her anxiety from Rory, Mia and even Sookie, her best friend. Lorelai skipped a morning visit with Luke; begging Sookie to make Rory and her breakfast. Rory missed seeing Luke, and asked her mom if they could go to the diner for dinner, and Lorelai's only answer was a "we'll see". With Rory's new talents in the kitchen, Sookie had her chopping vegetables and other simple kitchen tasks to occupy Rory's day at the Inn. While Lorelai's mind kept playing tricks on her and she would occasionally pause in the middle of her work, as if she thought felt a phantom kick in her stomach.
Lorelai was finally sent over the edge when the former concierge, Carly, brought her baby, Ann Michelle, in for a visit to show off the new baby. A small crowd of Inn employees and friends was fawning over the baby in the lobby; all the while Lorelai stared intently at the child. As the baby gurgled and laughed for her audience, Lorelai's sensitive state of mind translated it as mocking laughter, as if the baby knew Lorelai may be expecting as well. After a while the crowd shrank, and when Sookie was done visiting, she and Rory went back to the kitchen waving congratulations and goodbyes. Mia had a phone call, and it was down to just Carly, Lorelai, and the baby in the lobby.
"So how do you like the new role?"
"Huh?" raise her gaze from the baby to meet Carly's eyes. I'm already a mother… what are you…?
"As concierge… I remember when you were just a maid… working harder than anyone else… if I had to have a successor, I'm glad it was you."
"Thank you, Carly…" Lorelai was still distracted by the baby, again, "that means a lot…really."
However, Carly suddenly stood up, and Lorelai dared to hope she was leaving with the child. "Lorelai would you mind? My bladder still thinks I'm pregnant" and Carly offered Ann Michelle to Lorelai.
"Oh no, Carly really…" Lorelai begged.
"Relax, I know you're a little rusty… but it's like riding a bike I'm sure…" and Carly handed Ann Michelle over to Lorelai, and she went to use the restroom.
Lorelai held the baby, self conscious that passers by would think Ann Michelle was hers. I hear you God, you can stop now…Jeez, all I need now is Luke to walk in and say 'well that was fast!' Each passing moment was agony, but she had to admit… the kid was cute. The newborn blue eyes were already fading to a dark brown, like Carly's. Not our baby…his blue eyes would stay blue…thinking of a little Luke again.
Lorelai snapped herself out of the daydreaming, she couldn't take it anymore. After Carly collected her baby, and diaper bag, Lorelai feigned to Mia that her stomach was bothering her again, and took Rory to go "home" but went shopping instead.
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Luke knew he couldn't stay away for long, it would send the wrong message that when things changed or got tough he was out the door, like Christopher. He wanted this baby, wanted to be a father, and wanted the chance to prove to Lorelai he was there for her… no matter what her decision was about the baby.
He knew he was right, that a relationship wasn't always still waters or smooth sailing, especially with a woman as complicated as Lorelai. He also knew that hanging out with Rory seemed to make him smarter. He recalled a quote from Rory's copy of the Count of Monte Cristo, how the count had advised the young Mondego;
You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome do your worst for I will do mine. And the fates will know you as we know you…
That quote may have been a bit extreme for his situation, but Luke knew he was going to make this work. Knew he'd have his fill of storms in the future, and that Lorelai and Rory were worth every one.
That evening, he entered the house, and found Lorelai on the couch; she looked like she was unwinding from her day at work. "Hey…" he half smiled.
She turned her head toward him, "Hey" she half smiled back, straightening up, "I was… gonna call you…" and she cleared her throat, hoping she could go first.
"Um, is Rory here?"
"Out with Lane," she shrugged.
"Okay… good." Luke sat on the coffee table across from her, "Look about before… with the Inn thing and the future… I'm sorry, I mean, it's good that you're… starting to think that way… and set a …goal…it's just … it was too much at once… at first it was like good news… and then you were less than thrilled about it... and I wanted to prove to you that I wasn't gonna leave you just because you know… things changed …just when you need me the most like …like some people" he growled so Lorelai knew he meant Chris, "… and well, then it was like you were gonna break up with me anyway cause well…I'm not the father of your kid…well I am the father… of you know… the one you are going to have… but not the one you already have…. I'm…let me start over."
"Okay?" she had to laugh at his blundering.
"Lorelai…I'm gonna be honest… I want this baby…I'll do it, I'll change diapers and do the 3 am feedings …everything…"
Lorelai shifted uncomfortably, "But you are so crabby if you don't get your 8 hours…" Lorelai still thought his offer was sweet.
"Lorelai, I'm not going anywhere …maybe… when you're ready…we could make it official and get married…in the future…way distant future, no… pressure… but if you're not ready now… or if… you don't… want it… well," it almost killed him to say it, "I'll respect your decision… I mean… I know we could… you know… work past this…I don't want to lose you."
Luke was bending over backwards, again, just to accommodate her emotional baggage. "Luke," she had to set the record straight …again, "… I'm not pregnant."
"What?"
"Well, after you left yesterday… I was going crazy… you know… with not knowing… and being stuck in this house didn't help, cause well everything made me think of you… and today…" she laughed mirthlessly, "today at work… I couldn't handle not knowing… I couldn't think of anything else…so… I faked sick, and took Rory shopping at the mall in Hartford…and while she was looking at the amazing selection of Waldenbooks… I went to the drug store and… got a pregnancy test. I mean if anyone in town saw me buy a test from Doose's, huh, we'd have that wedding sprung on us right quick…. Anyway, before I could even take the test… well I got my period…" she winced, knowing Luke hated to hear about female troubles, and that he'd be disappointed.
Luke was in disbelief, all the signs pointed to one conclusion "…but the... morning sickness?"
"Bad Shrimp? Summer Bug? I don't know, my stomach… just needed to purge itself…" she shrugged, "between your cooking and the Feast of the Fourth Festival, I guess I did put it through a lot in a short period of time, I don't know."
"Oh" and Luke didn't know what this meant now.
"…and while I appreciate… all your offers… you know… to be here… and to leave the final decision about… the baby… up to me…but… I don't think…" the past made Lorelai tear up again, "I couldn't just… get rid of it." Lorelai recalled with perfect clarity the words Strobe Hayden used when discussing Lorelai's options during her first pregnancy. She could get rid of it…
"Lorelai?" Luke smiled, wondering if she was ready for him full time, if she was tearing because she was now disappointed that she knew she wasn't pregnant.
"…But …I'm still going on the pill," she finished quickly.
"What?"
"Luke… I don't want to go through this every month…I'd like to have some… I don't know insurance…"
Luke was quiet for a minute, "Would you ever … you know, want another?"
"Honestly… right now… I don't know…" and Lorelai could tell she wounded him, "Luke, I can't give you an answer…I mean... marriage… kids… that's all really long term permanent stuff…"
"Exactly… Lorelai I love you, I'm not going anywhere…"
"Then, please, Luke, give me time, remember when we said we were going to take things a step at a time… Well you are talking about two really huge steps… we had a near miss here…"
Luke stood and paced in front of the fireplace for a bit, then he said, "Lorelai… you want me to accept your perspective but you have to at least respect mine…"
"Okay?"
"Rachel never wanted kids, okay, just flat out 'no'…and when I was younger, I thought I was fine with that, but lately something about that gnawed on me… Now do kids drive me nuts? Yes… if they are undisciplined or ignored by career driven parents… but not Rory… okay… Rory turned me around… the idea… of us having another Rory… to raise together…like I said before… it's nice to think about…"
"Yeah… it is…" Lorelai agreed thinking of her elusive perfect family that she and Emily wanted so much, "Luke… I… care about you. I do… a lot… its just…"
"You care more about your Inn, your new dream … than you do about us!"
"Luke, no… please, just …"
Just before anything could be really resolved, Rory and Lane came home "Hey Mom…they are having a Spencer Tracy/Katherine Hepburn marathon at Black White and Red… you wanna call…Luke…?" and Rory noticed him by the fireplace in the living room, surprised to have been thinking about him and poof, like magic he was there. It's like he knew.
"Hey Rory…?" he smiled lamely.
Rory was happy to see Luke, till she sensed the tension in the room, "Lane, I'll talk to you later…" keeping her eyes on the adults.
"But what about the movies…?" Lane cocked her head, oblivious to the tension.
"I'll call you later about it…family meeting," referring to whatever she just walked in on. When Lane had left, Rory asked the adults point blank, "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Lorelai scoffed trying to sound innocent.
"Bull," she snapped.
"Rory?" Luke was shocked she'd use that word.
"I'm not stupid…something has been off since yesterday…your sudden need to go shopping… all the way in Hartford, when you were sick," she turned to Luke, "and you didn't come over last night…" and Rory gasped, "Are you two breaking up?" Rory asked, looking back between them.
Rory Holmes was still on top of any funny business with the pair, it was silly for Lorelai to think that could keep things from Rory. Lorelai decided to answer for both of them, since Luke was leaving her to make final decision about their situation, "No, Rory, we are not breaking up." She repeated slowly and clearly, so Luke understood that as a fact.
"Then why are you fighting?"
"We are not fighting…"
Rory knew they were keeping something from her, and that hurt, and she went to her room in a huff. Angry that they were still treating her like a kid, that they didn't trust her with the truth. Lorelai followed, and Luke hung back in the living room, leaving them to their girl talk.
Lorelai found her on her bed clinging to Colonel Cluckers, "Rory… we weren't fighting. Were we having a serious discussion?" she asked rhetorically, and answered, "yes… but we are not breaking up."
After a long moment of pouting, Rory finally said "Good."
Lorelai sat down on the bed, and sighed, "You like Luke, huh?"
"Yes, you could say that…" I love him, and Rory squeezed her stuffed chicken harder.
"Good, I like him too…"
"But you don't love him…" Rory mumbled.
"I do…I do love him…" but the words sounded strange and weak coming out of her mouth.
"But you haven't told him…" Rory's tone told Lorelai that the 11 year old didn't believe her own unconvincing tone.
"Rory… that's serious business…I don't…"
"What?" Rory sat up, and turned to look at her mother "You don't what? I thought you told people how you felt so that they wouldn't leave…"
"Rory there is more to it than that… I guess love is… respecting each other… unable to live without the other… it's like… magic…you know… like a grand epiphany smacking you in the head saying 'hello this is your perfect match'?"
Rory looked confused, "You mean after all these months, all the time you spend together, after all he's done for us… there is no magic for you? You haven't had that grand smack…"
"It's more… complicated… our situation…"
"Because you loved dad first?" Rory was desperate to understand the complexity of the adult relationship, much like she would try to understand a molecule of water at school.
"Well, kinda…? Rory look… I did…love your dad… but that was a long time ago… and well it's just… we weren't in love…"
Rory was even more confused, "huh?"
"Well I've never really been in love … you know like the in the movies… I don't really know what it's supposed to … feel like…"
"But you and dad…?" had me?
"We had some great times…really, and for the time and how young we were… I did love him and care about him…but… I lost him… and you know what… I learned to live without him."
Rory was trying to follow her mother's logic, "Do you think… you could live without Luke?"
Before Lorelai could answer, Luke came in, "I called BWR, the movies start in 20 minutes… if we are gonna go… we'd better leave now."
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Lorelai couldn't tell you what classic Hepburn/Tracy movies they had played, she was too distracted. Rory and Lane were whispering comments to each other. Luke was holding her hand, but Lorelai could see he was still thinking things through on his own. Lorelai did catch some classic scenes of banter, and thought the match on screen reminded her of herself and Luke. A rough, quick-tempered man, who was sweet when he wanted to be, and a sophisticated, beautiful, smart-mouthed, sassy lady.
She and Luke would verbally spare, but always ended a playful disagreement with a kiss if not more. Luke would go out of his way to do special things for her, cooking her favorite foods, brewing the coffee before he left for the diner in the morning. Always willing to help with Rory, wanting to be involved, hoping one day they could all be a family.
Even Hepburn and Tracy had difficulty being together in real life. Sure they loved each other, but Tracy was still married to another woman even when he died. Even though Katherine was the one who won his heart and nursed him while he was old and ill, even though they never got to make vows and have the whole wedding hoopla in this life. It was good enough for them.
Yet, Rory's question still prodded at Lorelai, and she had to ask herself, could I live without Luke?
Naturally, the independent spirit in her told her of course, naturally, it will be like old times.
But the question sprung up, would she want to live without him…?
She shook her head of these thoughts, knowing she'd never have to face that. Luke would always be there… he was kind, he was patient, and he was in love with her… certainly he'd give her the time she needed.
However, Rory's fear of a Luke and Lorelai breakup, unwittingly triggered Emily's criticizing voice in Lorelai's head, But really Lorelai, how patient do you expect him to be?
Emily's words always rang with disappointment, and Lorelai some how felt her own disappointment made Emily manifest in her head, Lorelai felt like she was letting Luke down, unable to commit to him, for some free spirit reason.
She pushed her worry out of her mind, and focused on Hepburn and Tracy.
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Over the next few nights, Luke and Lorelai never really finished their conversation. They would go through the motions of their routine, talk, of course, about what was for breakfast, about rain gutters, about how quickly Rory was breezing through her book list. There never seemed to be a good time to conclude their conversation.
Luke stayed over, but he was still in his own head and seemed to keep to his side of the bed since "the pill" conversation; it was almost like he was afraid to touch her since she got her prescription for birth control filled. Lorelai hid her new prescription with her other monthly feminine supplies, knowing Luke wouldn't go near them. She'd discretely take her pill after he left for the diner or while he was in the shower.
After a week of no real affection from him, Lorelai tried a ploy to be close again, "Luke I'm cold." Not waiting for permission, she rolled over and snuggled up close to him in bed, he didn't argue and accepted her in his arms. After a few more minutes, she asked, "You know Luke, we really haven't…" and she started to kiss his neck, "fooled around… you know… since I've been on the pill… which kinda defeats the purpose…don't you think?"
His thought process finally concluded when he sighed, "You know Lorelai… you don't have to stay with me…"
She stopped her tantalizing pecks, "What?"
"I don't want you to feel like we have to… stay together… if you don't want to…"
"I do … I do want to…"
However, Rory's assumption the other night only added to Luke's speculations as to why they were still together, "Lorelai, its okay… I mean if we are staying together for Rory's sake… we can just ... be friends… I can still be there for you and Rory."
"Luke, I don't think we could ever just be friends…" she snickered, and she nibbled on his earlobe, to make him forget his silly talk and that absurd notion.
Luke pushed her off of him, "Lorelai I'm serious… if you don't" …love me "Want to be with me..."
Lorelai sat up in the bed, she seemed to realize for the first time. "Are you breaking up with me?" Luke seemed so relaxed, so indifferent, as if their separating didn't matter to him, as if this was inevitable.
"Lorelai, you aren't giving me a choice…you won't tell me how you feel about me… but you seem to like having me around to help with Rory… so if that's all you need… fine…we can just be friends…"
"Luke… I … I can't lose you… I don't want to be with out this… " Lorelai thought of Rory's simplistic perspective on love, and wondered if she did say it, it would keep Luke from leaving. She put her hand on his chest to keep him from getting up, and she could feel his heart beat; she had always loved it's comforting rhythm when he was lying next to her, even though hers was now panicked; she loved having him next to her; loved him sitting at her kitchen table, teaching her daughter how to cook; loved how he held her hand in public. Was Rory was right, did all those little things add up to Love? Were those little butterflies whenever he touched her Love? The way he always made her smile, even when he was ranting, LOVE?
The fear of losing him, losing moments like that, losing what they had became overwhelming… and she wondered how she could survive without his scruffy beard, his curly hair, his loving blue eyes, his touch, his scent, his coffee, just him.
Luke sat up himself, to explain his side of the story, "Lorelai…"
Lorelai cut him off, "I love you," before she could stop herself and she could tell he didn't believe her, like she was using it to bargain with him. "I know it's really bad timing but... I do… I can't just be a friend with you… you mean too much to me and to Rory. After everything, especially the last few days… you promised, you said you wouldn't walk away…"
Luke saw how unsettled she was by the mere idea of them going their separate ways, and Lorelai took his hand, as if her grip could keep him from leaving, to show him she was genuinely, speaking from her heart, he saw her eyes were filled with a real fear of loosing him and what they had. She practically climbed into his lap, as if sitting on him would keep him from leaving, but also needing to be close to him, needing to show him, "I love you, Luke, I do" she whispered in his ear as she hugged him.
"I love you, too," he said, rubbing her back, and he had to grin, "…more than the Fourth of July." He only smiled and squeezed her closer, wanting to hear her say it again.
She giggled away tears, happy to have his warmth beside her, and they settled side by side in bed again. As he spooned with her, Lorelai swallowed, hard thinking of a future with him again, trying to include him with her plans for the Inn, "Maybe… someday… we could have another …discussion…about…marriage …and kids…"she said shyly.
"Someday," he agreed, seeing she was telling him not to give up hope, "okay."
Lorelai was content just to be held by him, knowing now this was what love felt like. It was spooning with the perfect man in bed, his scruffy cheek against hers; his arms tight around her waist. Instead of the wistful pang of the last 10 years, there was a delightful swelling of warmth and caring in her heart. Moments like these, when Luke did something special for her or Rory, Lorelai thought she'd bust; and now, in his arms, Lorelai felt safe and warm again… like she was home.
They had a new understanding…they were in love.
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A/N: original title…Prego, Luke Danes Style
Alternate title: I Love Fourth of July Fireworks
Oooo hey Robotech anyone? "they are in love…"
A/N: prediction may contain spoilers!
You were WARNED:
I think when Jess comes back (cause he couldn't stay away…sorry see the X came back), and smacks Luke upside the head (you are so stupid man you have your Gilmore girl, you have your happiness right there… just take it…) and with that advice… LL will elope, which of course will upset/embarrass Emily …so everyone wins!
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"That was all God given talent..." why thank you Luke!
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R/R: PLEASE, I like to better myself. To quote The Princess Bride,
"...Remember this is for posterity, ... so be honest."
Please be specific with R/R; name one (or as many as you can think of or want to mention..…) At least one specific thing you liked
Please! It makes me feel good...inside (Dirty!)
Hence the Rant option below.
Insert Rant here V
A/N: if not completely satisfied with this chapter, please return unused portion for a full refund...