Chapter 7
Lost, Found, Lost
A breeze. Oh, that's what it was, it was a breeze! It touched his face, backed away, and then whispered back at twice the speed, breathing over his entire body. Relaxing him, reviving him. Legolas opened his eyes. He was in Rivendell, lying on a soft bed, the colored leaves dancing over the mattress and his own body both with a sort of playful intention.
Rivendell. By the Valar, I'm in Rivendell!
Legolas threw his feet over the side of the bed, and realized he'd never felt better in his life. The breath of Rivendell resounded about him, like great arms embracing his weary body. He looked down at himself. He was dressed in a lavender tunic, decorated by intricate silver thread, and there didn't appear to be a scratch on him. He was alive and well.
The sound of a young elf singing swam distantly up from elsewhere unknown. He walked curiously to the balcony, a smile all ready touching his lips at the lovely voice. It was a young girl, by the sound of it…she was singing of a garden, made of only white. The pale, glowing white with which the moon is colored.
As he approached the railing, he looked down. There was an elf pacing the stone cobbles below…waiting for something. Elrond?
"Elrond!" Legolas called, and then laughed, feeling so good to see him. The laughter echoed in a golden way, jumping from each and every balcony before running away. "Lord Elrond, where is Estel?"
The elf lord looked up, and smiled faintly. "Legolas," he replied, but his voice seemed so, so far away.
Legolas frowned. "My lord?"
"Estel is sleeping. He's resting right now, Legolas." The elven lord nodded encouragingly. "But you must wake."
"Wake…?" Legolas replied faintly.
"Yes. You are healed, for now, and we need your help. I'm sorry." Suddenly, unexplainably, the elf lord was beside him. He hadn't flown, he hadn't run…he hadn't disappeared either, he just simply stood in the courtyard, then went straight to the balcony and faced the young elf standing there.
"Estel needs you." He smiled sadly as Legolas faced him, and reached out a hand to touch the prince's forehead. "Awake, Prince of Mirkwood."
And all began to fade into blackness.
- - - - -
Legolas' eyes snapped open. He was looking up at a cavern, glowing orange. A cavern? Yes, he could see the stalactites hanging far, far above the place in which he lay. A great tunnel…
The prince shot into a sitting position, the words "I'm in a cave," spilling from his lips before he could stop them.
"Yes you are," came a quiet voice, causing him to spin the other direction.
"Elrond!" Legolas cried, but the echo that fled through the tunnel ran in fear, and didn't stay to be joyous as it had in his dream. It was an echo dank and damp as the ground on which the elf was sitting. Even so, he was very glad to see Elrond's face.
The elven lord smiled, and then looked down at what he was doing, closing his eyes partway.
It was then that Legolas realized what it was the healer was doing. Lying on the ground just before him, his head pillowed on a balled-up cloak, lay Aragorn. His eyes were closed, and his chest was rising and falling steadily. Elrond's long, strong fingers were poised on either side of the human's temples, and he was whispering gently.
"Thank you," Legolas said after a moment of enjoying his friend's peaceful sleep. "Thank you for taking me to Rivendell…I needed it."
"You're welcome," the lord replied quietly. "I thought you might. And you had to sleep while we fixed your knee anyway."
Legolas tested the joint thoughtfully. It was sore, and he wasn't sure he'd trust his weight to it, but the pain was dramatically lessened. "Where's Estel?" he asked after a moment.
"In his room," Elrond replied smilingly faintly. "I think he needs it even more than you, Legolas."
"I know he does," Legolas countered quickly, and the elven lord nodded, and seemed satisfied.
"Estel," he suddenly whispered, closing his eyes the rest of the way. "Don't think I'm going to pretend I didn't see that."
Aragorn shifted in his sleep, and a very familiar smile crept across his lips.
"Now you put that back, before your brother finds out," Elrond chided the sleeping young man, unable to hide his enjoyment of the situation Legolas could not see.
Again, the human shifted in his sleep, but this time, his head rocked loosely from side to side, in a gesture of "no", and his smile widened.
Legolas grinned back at him automatically, then lifted his eyes to the ceiling, the smile disappearing under a frown. "We're in Gabil Gûndu." It wasn't a question. He remembered this place well.
"It isn't the same hall you knew- it's changed. But yes," the elf lord responded.
"Lord Elrond," Legolas asked slowly, something just coming to him. "How did you find us?"
"We'd been searching awhile. Anorc told us where you were-"
"Anorc? So he didn't-"
"Betray you? By the Valar, I should say not. He came immediately to us, when Estel collapsed, and took us to your location. The trouble was, you weren't there anymore."
Legolas felt slightly stupid, and apparently, the lord could see it, for he added, "Do not look down on yourself, young one. You were right to press on, and brave as well. Goodness knows what would have found you, had you stayed where you were. There was sound of orcs about, when we at last found you."
"And how did-"
Aragorn stirred, tossing his head to the side in Elrond's grasp. The elf lord, closed his eyes, and gently whispered, close to the human's forehead, "shh…rest, my son. Lie down and rest. Use Elladan's blanket, it's warmer; He won't mind. Idh mae, ion-nin."
The human's body slackened all-the-more, and a small breath hissed from between his lips as his head rocked to the side in sleep. Elrond smiled fondly down at him, and then lifted his interested eyes to Legolas, as though expecting a question.
"How did you find Estel and me?"
"We heard you cry out, that led us in the correct direction. As we approached, Estel turned terrified at our footsteps, and while unfortunate for him, it was beneficial to us, for we managed to find your exact location. Estel was lying on his back, his eyes darting at the sky, and his body thrashing about, as though to get away from something. You, Legolas, were lying on your face, your leg at a disturbingly odd angle, and your hand grasping for dear life to his hand." Elrond's eyes seemed to see through Legolas', and were proud of what they found. "You wouldn't let go, even in sleep, until I lulled you into Rivendell, and relaxed you."
"Before my consciousness fled me," Legolas said quietly, "I recall finding something in the dark, familiar. I did not know it was Aragorn's hand." He shook his head in wonder, and expected to see confusion on Elrond's face, or at least the curiosity he himself was feeling.
But rather, the lord look pleased all-the-more, and shifted his gaze then back to Aragorn.
"How-" Legolas asked suddenly, the question just coming to him. "How did you escape, my lord?"
Elrond sighed a moment, then shook his head. "More about that later. We must get moving. There's much to do, and little time, especially for Estel."
Regretfully, he pressed a warm palm against Aragorn's forehead, and called soflty, "Estel? My son, you must awake."
Aragorn's eyebrows furrowed, and he shook his head slightly.
"It's all right…" the lord continued gently. "Take my hand. I'll lead you to Legolas."
And after a few moments, the human's eyes slid open. His blue gaze roved the ceiling above him, as Legolas' had upon first awakening, and then fixed on the elf prince's face. "Legolas," he smiled gently.
"Mae govonen," responded the friend, reaching for Aragorn's hand, and squeezing it in his own. Proving to the human that he was indeed awake.
"I was in Rivendell," he whispered, smiling up at Elrond. "Thank you, Adda…it was good to go home."
Elrond smiled back, and squeezed the young man's shoulder silently. "We must get moving. There is much to explain, and-" he paused a moment, judging what it was he should say. Finally, he finished, "And we need to show Legolas something."
Legolas's eyebrows furrowed, but he knew better than to ask what. Instead, he went about working himself into a standing position. At first, his knee trembled with the weight put on it, but it stiffened, something popped, and it held firm, leaving only the very back of it throbbing lightly.
Nodding with satisfaction, Elrond beckoned Legolas over to help him with Aragorn. And once the three of them were on their feet, they started off down the tunnel.
- - - - -
It seemed like they had walked for an hour, by the time they reached their destination. They were standing before a great, stone wall, stretching from the ceiling to the floor. Before he realized what he was doing, Legolas had backed away several steps. He felt a warm hand close over his shoulder, and looked up to see Aragorn standing just over his shoulder.
"Mellon-nin?"
"I can't go in there," Legolas whispered. "I remember it too well, Estel, I'll just- Lord Elrond, can we-"
"Legolas, listen to me," the elf lord said gently but seriously, moving to stand before the prince. "This is not the hall you remember. Not anymore. By the wisdom of Binwen, the dwarf that set you free, it has become a better place. You must trust me, young prince. You need to conquer your fear."
Legolas licked his lips vaguely, his eyes tracing the stone wall cautiously. His cold fingers splayed to the sides, opening his hand wide, and he swung it behind it, groping for Aragorn's. The human quickly grabbed the outstretched hand, and squeezed it tight in his own. And smiling a little, Legolas nodded.
Approaching the wall, Elrond's voice rang out, "People of Gabil Gû ndu! It is I, Lord Elrond!"
Instantly, the rocks began to slide before them, just as they had when last the two friends were here. Some of them fell off, rolling down the passage, but most of them pulled back, creating a great crack that spread into a doorway. Legolas would probably never understand the Dwarve's idea of magic, really.
Finally, the doorway was complete opened, and the three stepped through into the great hall beyond. And Lord Elrond was right…it wasn't the same place Legolas remembered.
There were ten times the doors there had been, leading in every direction from the great room, leading to unknown places underground in a veritable network. There was more traffic, too; dwarves moving back and forth over the dirt floor, moving in and out through various doors, and making a surprisingly small amount of noise, for their kind.
Looking up, Legolas saw where Bodruith's thrown had been, at the top of the stone dais, there was now a table instead, with plants and various liquids spilled over it. His hand relaxed its grasp on Aragorn's. Standing beside the table was a fair-haired elf, pursuing with great concentration a book lying open before him.
"Harain," Legolas breathed, running four steps up the dais, Aragorn tagging quickly along, his hand still holding the prince's.
The healer turned, and his face lit with enjoyment. "Your highness," he acknowledged, putting his hand to his chest and bringing it away in the elven greeting. "It does me good to see you."
"And I you," Legolas put in. "I owe you much, my friend."
Harain ignored the comment, seeming a little uncomfortable with it, and turned his gaze to Aragorn instead. "Young Estel," he smiled, repeating the elven gesture. "The lord of Rivendell told us you were well. I'm glad."
Aragorn returned the greeting, and smiled. "Legolas told me of your exile on his and my account, Harain. I thank you."
Again, the elf seemed a little uncomfortable with the praise, and Aragorn realized him to be too humble for the words. And yet, Harain nodded, accepting it, and added, "I did what I could, and what I fervently believe the both of you would do for each other." At this, his eyes sparkled, and he looked over the two heads to the figure standing behind them.
Aragorn and Legolas both turned to look at Elrond, who was meeting Harain's gaze with a similar expression.
"And what have you been telling this elf, Adda?" Aragorn demanded, feigning indigence.
The lord only shrugged, and looked as though he would have answered, when a third elf came running up the side steps of the dais, all ready speaking Harain's name. "Harain," he repeated, "Bryn finished the trench, and he says you were going to teach him to sew it. He's getting impatient," the elf winced, causing Harain to grin slightly.
"Well, so I did." He turned to the two friends. "I shall see the both of you later." They nodded, and he followed the second elf out of the hall and through one of the many doors.
"And how did Harain come to be here, Elrond?" Legolas asked, in a tone that guessed he wasn't going to find out just yet.
"Later," Elrond responded, proving the prince right. "First…I have something I must tell you, Legolas."
Curious, Aragorn and Legolas both followed the elven lord across the great hall, and towards a door far to the corner. It was different from the others- the door was made out of a refined oak, as apposed to the random log that most of them were made of. Elrond came to stand before the door, and placed a gentle hand on it, turning slowly to face them.
There was a moment of silence, and unable to bear this secrecy yet again, Legolas blurted, "What, Lord Elrond?"
"I have something to tell and something to show," Elrond began, clasping his hands studiously behind his back, and taking a step towards Legolas. "It's going to be hard for you, and a lot to take in, this I know. But I also know that if I withhold it from you, you and I both will regret it."
Legolas fought not to be impatient or afraid, but the completely still and serious expression on the elven lord's face made his heart race with both emotions automatically.
He reached out a hand to grab Legolas' shoulder- a gesture the prince was not used to receiving from the elf lord. "It's about Edren," he said quietly.
"Edren?" Legolas' voice echoed, his face changing from uneasy anticipation to confusion.
"Legolas, he…well he's alive."
Maybe it was because of the heartache he had endured after Aragorn "died", maybe it was because death seemed so blatantly certain this time, but Legolas hadn't left any room in his thinking for the possibility that Edren wasn't dead.
It took him several moments to stop staring blankly at Elrond, and shift his vision to the floor instead.
Say something…shouldn't you say something?
But when Legolas tried to speak, all that came out was, "Oh."
The response seemed to surprise Elrond as well, because for a moment he just stood there, his hand on prince's shoulder, as though at a loss for a response. Then, the next moment, he started to speak in the same tone he'd been using before, as though nothing had happened in between.
"As I said, it's a lot to take in, but there's something else I-"
"Where is he?"
"What?"
Legolas looked back up at Elrond, his eyes suddenly lit with desperation. "Where is Edren?" His words started to speed up, as though they'd simply been held up for a time in his throat, and were all trying to come out at once. "Is he in Rivendell, is he back home, in Mirkwood, with my father, is-"
Legolas' eyes fixed on the door behind Elrond, and something behind his eyes clicked. He started towards it.
"No, Legolas, wait." Elrond stepped in front of him, grabbing him by the shoulders, and trying to haul him back from the door.
"Let me go!" Legolas cried out in surprise, trying to pry the fingers off his shoulder.
Elrond held tight, trying to make eye-contact. "There's something-"
"Edren's behind that door, isn't he!"
"Calm down."
"But he's alive," Legolas pleaded, attempting to push away again, his boot heals smacked the floor like a nervous horse.
"Listen to me."
"Let him go," Aragorn stepped suddenly beside the two, and began trying to separate them. "Adda, can't you just-"
"Aragorn," Elrond said, and Aragorn shot back a step as though hit, at the stern tone, and the use of the his human name.
But Aragorn's interference had been enough for Legolas, since Elrond's strength, when divided, wasn't enough for Legolas' sudden determination to be in that room. The prince shoved past the elven lord, wrenched the door open, swung inside, and slammed it behind him.
Elrond attempted to open the door after him, but Legolas was still holding the handle on the other side, sealing it shut. He let go reluctantly, turning to find Aragorn, whose back was braced against the wall, his eyes still wide with surprise.
"Estel," but Aragorn shook his head, cutting him off.
"I'm sorry, Adda, I don't know what came over me…I only-" he swallowed hard. "I have seen Legolas this way many times in the past days and…I never used to see him so desperate, and now I do all the time...I hate it. My reaction to it has become automatic," he concluded meekly.
Elrond's stern air did not leave him, and yet, under the surface, it had changed from anger to concern. It was a mild change, and not a visible one, but Aragorn sensed it acutely, and it made his stomach tighten abruptly.
"Adda-" he whispered. "What have I done?"
- - - - -
Sighing, Legolas let go of the door-handle, and took a step back. What had come over him! Since when did he scuffle with the Lord Elrond? And Aragorn as well…suddenly, he felt all the more horrible, realizing he'd dragged Aragorn into a fight with his father.
I shall need to ask both their forgiveness, Legolas thought numbly to himself, as he pushed a flattened hand against the door again in thought.
And somehow touching the door seemed to bring into his head what he was really doing…trying not to think about the present. No matter how wonderful the idea seemed, he just couldn't bring himself to face the possibility that Edren was alive!
And yet, when he'd stood before this same door, on the other side, he HAD felt something…something comforting that brought back a flood of childhood memories with it, like a familiar smell sometimes does. And the feeling had grown since walking through the door…
"Is that- Legolas?"
Legolas turned suddenly, the voice startling him. He was looking into a dim room, surprisingly beautiful for underground, decorated with two things: a bed and a small table.
Legolas walked forward slowly, the torches on the wall flickering as he stepped past, his eyes fixed on where the voice had come from. It was an elf, sitting halfway up in the bed…
Legolas choked. "Edren."
He ran, leapt onto the bed, and threw his arms around his friend. "I didn't dare believe it," he shuddered, squeezing the elf as tightly as his frailty would permit. "But you're alive. You're alive, Edren, I can't believe it!" he cried, and then laughed as well, the net result being a sort of coughing sob, which skittered into a hysterical, breathy laugh.
"Yes, I am," came the soft reply as Edren's arms went loosely around the prince. "They- they said you were coming. Legolas, m- mellon-nin."
And Legolas froze. "Edren?"
Edren's right hand gave his arm a half-hearted squeeze, while his left lay behind Legolas' head, just barely brushing his golden hair. As though the elf were glass. Legolas pulled back out of the hap-hazard hug in confusion.
"What's wrong?"
Edren smiled faintly. "Nothing, Legolas."
The words sounded so fake, it made Legolas leap off the bed in fear, backing into one of the bed-posts instead. He felt as though he were in a dream. "What is going on, Edren, what's happened to you?"
Edren shrugged, still trying a faintly pleased smile, though the expression looked like a poorly-crafted mask. "Elrond said you'd come, I just- wasn't expecting you yet."
Legolas' eyes shifted to Edren's hands. They were messing with his tunic-front, rearranging the wrinkles left by Legolas' hug, and he seemed to be checking himself to make sure he hadn't lost or broken anything in the midst of his friend's embrace. He was trembling.
"Legolas, it is strange, all this, but believe me, it makes no more sense to me either," Edren said in a tone that insinuated Legolas should understand what he was talking about. He looked up again.
It was then that Legolas realized was seemed so wrong. Edren's eyes. They were searching him, sizing him up, taking in every detail of the prince's appearance. And in they're essence they were not happy, nor upset. Nor did they even carry the confusion his voice conveyed…Edren's gaze was curious.
"Edren," Legolas whispered, his voice low with scarcely-concealed alarm. "Don't you…"
Edren's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as something dawned on him. "Elrond said he was going to tell you," he murmured worriedly. "Didn't- didn't he tell you first?"
Legolas stared to pant, and stepped slowly back from the bed, trying hard to make himself calm down. "No."
"Legolas-"
"No…no…n-no…" his back hit the door, and his cold fingers fumbled for the latch.
Edren was sitting up in bed, his eyes wide with a strange concern. "Legolas, I- I'm sorry-"
SLAM!
Legolas stood, panting, his back braced against the wooden door, and for the briefest second he attempted to think. He was still frantically whispering, "no…no…no…"
"Legolas?" Aragorn approached his friend hesitantly.
Legolas' eyes darted upwards, catching the familiar look of concern in the man's eyes. "Where is Elrond?" he demanded.
The low, cold tone took Aragorn by surprise, and he paused a moment before answering. "He's gone to fetch Edren's medications. He's had him taking-"
"I don't care what Edren's been taking," Legolas snapped.
Aragorn flinched as though he'd been struck, and began to fumble for his words. "I-I'm sorry about Edren. Ada told me-"
Legolas shook his head in irritation, shunning the offered comfort, and pushed past Aragorn, yelling, "Lord Elrond!"
Aragorn's hands clenched and unclenched nervously, and he watched his friend's impatient gaze sweep the great hall before him. "Lord El-"
"Legolas." The prince whirled around, facing the elven lord who had come swiftly up behind him at hearing his name shouted.
Legolas froze for the briefest moment, during which he consulted Elrond's eyes…searching for answers. And in the lord of Rivendell's gaze there was an apology. He knew.
"What have you done to Edren!" Legolas shouted suddenly, causing Aragorn's breath to catch in his throat.
"There was only one way to save him, Legolas. He was shot in the neck with a poisoned arrow."
"Was he dead when you found him?"
"No."
"Then he had a chance! What did you do to him, Elrond, WHAT!" Legolas took a violent step forward, and the picture of him shouting at the elven lord reminded Aragorn of a spoiled child and his father. He wanted to intervene, and yet felt Elrond still didn't want him to.
"The poison was a mixture of Bengwiil and Salab, Legolas, it attacked, numbed and then attempted to heal Edren's mind. We did all we could, but we could not salvage his memories."
"He doesn't remember me, ELROND!" Legolas spat the name like it was an insult, his eyes reddening with tears. "I've known him all my life, and he doesn't remember me AT ALL!"
"Legolas, I'm sorry-" Elrond attempted to reach out to the prince, but Legolas shoved his hands away.
"No- don't!" he cried, "I don't NEED your pity. Amin delotha le!"
/I hate you/
"Legolas!" Aragorn shouted, before he could stop himself, and glanced quickly from the elf to Lord Elrond. His father didn't react.
"Legolas, listen-"
"NO!" The prince shook his head violently.
"Listen to me."
"I don't want to hear your excuses!"
"Legolas." Elrond's tone was suddenly very stern, and Legolas' glistening eyes seemed to lose a little of their glare. "There was nothing else that could be done. Do you understand me? There was nothing else we could do. There was nothing. Else. Would you rather have lost Edren?"
Legolas' eyes darted back and forth between Elrond's for a long moment, before he whispered hoarsely, "Maybe…"
"Come here," Elrond said, suddenly gentler, and reached out to grab him by his shoulders. Legolas' reaction was violent.
"Leave me alone!" he screamed, smacking hard into Elrond's chest, like he was pitching a fit. "Let me go!"
"Legolas, don't fight me."
"Let go of me!"
"Legolas-"
"I wish you had never come to know me! I wish you would leave to the Havens that I may never SEE you again! Why couldn't- it would be better that Edren were dead, all right! I wish you'd leave my life ALONE!" His fists pounded fiercely against the elven lord's shoulders and chest. His words were cruel, but he seemed to simply be shouting anything that entered his head.
Aragorn, unable to hold back any longer, ran forward, grabbing the prince by the shoulders, and began to shout, "Legolas, stop it! Hauta!"
But Elrond's arms closed tightly around the thrashing elf, and though Legolas' body fought in rebellion at the touch, he continued to hold him tight. "It's all right. It's all right, young one. Don't fight me…"
"I hate- I wish you'd leave, I wish…I-" Legolas' voice began to break down, and at that moment, his knees buckled and he sank to the floor. Steadily, carefully, the elven lord and his son sank with the him, Elrond collecting him securely into his arms, Aragorn wrapping his embrace tightly around his friend's shaking shoulders.
"H- doesn't remember," Legolas shuddered into Elrond's velvet robes.
"Iston," Elrond whispered.
"I've known him my whole- my whole life, a-and he doesn't remember me!"
"Shh…let it go."
"And after all he's…all he did for me, and I…"
"It's not your fault."
"H-he doesn't-"
"I know."
"…doesn't know me anymore."
"Let it go, Legolas…"
Legolas cried until his chest couldn't handle his tears anymore. Since the moment he'd realized Edren was alive, relief had become fear, fear had become anger and now anger crumbled into an aching throb in his heart that felt as though it would never leave.
Elrond rocked him gently, and Aragorn pressed his forehead to the back of the prince's golden head, whispering, "It's okay, mellon-nin. It'll be all right…we'll think of something."