It has been quite some time since I've updated this, and I apologize, I've had quite a number of AP exams and school exams to cope with. I'll attempt to update frequently, but in the meantime, I leave you with chapter two of the not quite critically acclaimed: Invisible War parody! (Note: I do not own Deus Ex: Invisible War or any of it's proprietary (is that the right word?) content).

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Alex D stood by the window of his new home, staring blankly at the Upper Seattle skyline. It would have been pretty, if not for the massive, industrial-sized turbines on the slate gray roof which he knew was completely unnecessary, or for the fact that his window was completely running agentproof, the massive blotch of bluish purple over his right arm as a testament to this newly-discovered fact.

Aside from the pain, Alex had no idea of knowing what he'd just done to his arm - the Special Ops armor was a pain in the ass to remove, and a grimace came to Alex's face when he remembered the last time he was allowed the luxury of a shower...

Alex was then momentarily distracted by a pigeon landing on the roof outside his window. He gasped as only a schoolboy would, pressing his nose against the window with such speed as to earn him a broken nose, but he ignored the pain, squealing with glee at this sight. Soon enough, the bird took off, an unwitting actor to a witless audience, who tearfully murmured the words 'goodbye little one' before returning to his surroundings.

Alex immediately checked the satchel he had strapped to his left hip, to see if everything he brough from Chicago was secure. The articles he carried were those which he prized the most, from his extensive range of self-care travel cosmetics to the limited edition NG Resonance figurine. Satisfied he had everything he could possibly need for his stay in Seattle, he unstrapped the satchel and placed it in the footlocker to his left. Upon opening it, he noticed a datapad and a basketball. He read the datapad - it contained a note from a Leila Nassif. He could swear he'd heard the name, but he couldn't remember from. The datapad had an image attachment, that of a map of the apartment level he was on, he briefly examined it, and happily realized that he had the biggest apartment of the other three.

Alex looked up from the contents of the footlocker and immediately banged his head on the bottom of an overhanging shelf. Cursing to himself, he looked above the aforementioned shelf and opened his mouth in pleasant surprise.

"...A trophy? OH MY GOD! This is awesome!", he screamed, examining the inscription at the base of the trophy. He read it out loud, "The following trophy is awarded to ... for services rendered to the party of ." Briefly wondering whether that was how his name was spelt in another language, he decided in the positive and pocketed the other item on the shelf, a pair of binoculars. He could see himself using this many times.

Alex picked up the basketball and decided to put in a little practice before he went out. Backing u past his bed, he took up position between his workdesk and the door and started throwing the ball in an underarm fashion towards the window. Suffice to say that he was often picked last when playing basketball.

"Ahem," said a voice to Alex's right.

"What the..", Alex turned to the right, and was rewarded with a swift hit in genitals from the ball which hhad just thrown in a quite powerful fashion. 'Son of a... Jesus..'

"You must be Alex D," asked a woman Alex could have sworn he recognized, though not in his current state.

She spoke with false cheerfulness, but Alex was none the wiser.

"Who.. who might you be?", asked a tense looking Alex.

"Leila Nassif.. I'm the current.. Um, well, I will be in charge of coordinating your stay at this facility. You were just transferred here from Chicago."

"Chicago?", responded Alex. "I've never heard the name bef--- oh, wait, yes, yes I have.. she was the one with the-", and at that, Alex made a lewd motion with his body, grinning from ear to ear.

Dr. Nassif stared blankly at Alex while he continued the motion. This is going to be impossible, she thought to herself.

"Chicago? The city you were JUST IN?" she stated in a frustrated tone.

"Ohhhh.. right. My bad, ma'am.", apologized Alex sheepishly.

"You can call me Dr. Nassif.", she said, in manner of an acceptance.

"Ohhh, right, yeah. Wait a minute... You're the one from the datapad! It's great to finally meet you."

Leila stared wordlessly at Alex.

"What.. what is it, doctor?"

"I was at the Chicago facility WITH YOU. For the last TWO YEARS. I used to come to your weekly sports sessions to talk to the team every week."

"Yeah, about that, I never really got to play, so they kinda let me go wander around the academy."

Leila muttered something under her breath.

"Okay, be that as it may-"

She was interrupted by a soft rumbling, that quickly grew louder and more violent, yet not violent enough to drop a man to the floor, which was what happened to Alex.

"OH GOD! EARTHQUAKE! ABANDON SHIP! MEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!", screamed Alex in a high-pitched voice.

"...It wasn't an earthquake. Just... just remain calm, and go down to reorient yourself here. We'll take care of it."

"I have a right to know if I'm in danger.", said Alex resolutely. "I do have a right to know if I'm in danger, right? I really don't know what my rights a-", but he was cut off by the good doctor.

"Just go visit Billie Adams, she's nearby, the other apartment on the left side of the elevator. It should be in your map."

Alex stood, thinking over this.

"Is it the apartment that's smaller than mine?"

"Err.. Just try all the intercoms. I'm sure it'll allow you to come to a judgement about your other peers, as a bonus. If you're smart enough to make judg-"

"OH YAY, BONUS!", Alex chirped cheerfully.

"Okayy. right. Just leave, here's the code to your bedroom door."

"Kay. Bye."

Leila Nassif logged off without a word. God, she thought, what an idiot this man was.

Alex was left with some thoughts of his own, which managed to give him a slight headache. He opened up the doorway, and, assuming the door on his left was the bathroom, walked right in, at which point the dark room immediately lit up.

Woah, he thought to himself, this is hi-tech.

The next five minutes saw Alex entertain himself walking back and forth through the bathroom door, giggling to himself everytime the light went off. Eventually, after feeling what he thought was a slight tremor, he looked at the bathroom.

Toothpaste he'd never want to use, a shower he never could use, and a toilet he didn't need to use. This is great, he thought to himself.

He stepped out of the bathroom for one last time and took a look into his bedroom, and suddenly noticed a candybar on the workdesk next to the holocomm. Beads of sweat broke out on Alex's forehead, as he contemplated the pros and cons of indulging in temptation. He had memories of his childhood as the fat boy of the class, being taunted by his fellow students. He was no longer an obese child, but such memories often have severe impacts upon the future actions of their victims.

Alex's mouth was now watering, but he couldn't indulge himself. He tore his gaze from the chocolate, and proceeded to the kitchen, nonchalantly walking into several chairs and sending them flying into various parts of the room.

Alex opend up the fridge, and was rewarded with the sight of delicious, nutritious bread. He took the loaf of bread, and gobbled it down greedily, as if it were some Thai delicacy or of a similar league. With crumbs of bread adorning the corners of his mouth, he stepped outside his bedroom into the tastefully decorated corridor. To his right, Alex espied a vase which certainly looked valuable. No one would miss it, he reasoned, so he grabbed it and shoved it into a pocket on his chest, where it remained, an inconspicuous looking bulge. Alex began to whistle, clasped his hands and placed them behind him, and walked on as if no minor theft had just occurred. To his right, he noticed an alcove with a table and some vending machines, and decided to have a healthy soda to bite down on the earlier temptation for a candy bar. As soon as he entered the alcove, a janitor reading a book noticed him, and greeted him with much enthusiasm.

"Why, hello there! I didn't know about any new arrivals! What are you doing here?"

"Well, it's nice to meet you too, mister..."

"Francis. I'm the janitor up here, which is kind of unnecessary because of the cleaner bot down the hall, but hey, corporate bureaucracies, you know?", he responded, as if it were an inside joke between him and his unwilling partner.

"Uh, yeah.. corporate thingies... so, I'll just get my soda and I'll be out of here."

"Don't let me bother you!", replied the janitor, at which point he set his book down upon the table and stared unblinkingly at Alex.

Alex, unnerved by the janitor, proceeded to study the operating procedure of the vending machine. After three minutes, he had not managed to decipher the instructions, and was forced to ask for assistance.

"Mr. Francis-" "Yeah, man?" 'How do you operate this vending machine?"

"Well", replied a pleased-looking janitor, "It's a relatively simple process. First, you have to apply for a registered, paid account with Montybites. through the necessary channels, perhaps paying through your American Express card, though Mastercard's not discouraged, and then, when they mail you the necessary customer card-", Mr. Francis took a break, "You're not listening, are you?"

"The Express to the what now?"

"Oh, come on, it's really easy!"

"Dude, that sounds like bullshit, all of it. And," Alex examined the vending machine, "TWENTY FREAKING CREDITS? For a goddamn SODA? And there's only like, one brand of this crap."

The janitor shrugged, "Way of the future, man. Way of the future."

"Way of the future my ass, this is how we do things Tarsus style," at that, Alex punched the machine twice, followed by a swift roundhouse kick, upon which he hurt his leg. He grabbed it and began to howl in pain, but he had accomplished his job. A soda exit the vending machine, and landed upon his head, furthering the intensity of Alex's hysterics and profanity.

The janitor, too, was scared by this sudden display of violence, and yelped in surprise. This brought the attention of the local SSC guard, who ran over to see what the problem was. He didn't make it, for a huge explosion occurred, and a gout of flame arising from the ventilation system enveloped the poor soul, ensuring that he didn't manage to accomplish his duty.

Alex stopped moaning and looked up, wild-eyed, to see the janitor get up and run to the corpse of the guard. Alex got up too, and while the janitor ran off, Alex bent over the body to examine what exactly happened, oblivious to the obvious burn marks along the guard's side. Alex soon drew to a dead end, and decided just to move on, until he saw something lying by the guard that changed his life forever. It was in the shape of a fat T, with the vertical section half filled with a pulsating blue substance. This would be his new addiction, the very substance around which his life of the immediate future would revolve.

Secretly pocketing the partially depleted ammo clip, he ran on to follow the janitor.

"Mr. Francis, sir, what happened? Do you have any idea?"

"Mike and I... we've worked here for years. Usually nothing makes it past the turrets."

"'Usually'?", replied Alex suspiciously.

"Once a dog made it past the turrets when they were down for routine maintenance. Killed off half the staff."

"I se-WHAT?", was Alex's astounded response.

"Hey, don't look at me, I don't run Standard Security. Speaking of which, I'm sure they'll be sending someone along now. We'll be safe.", For one of the few times in his life, Alex was astounded by someone's stupidity, but decided to skip the contradiction apparent in that statement.

"By the way, did you know that you have a big bulge in your chest?", said the janitor hesitantly.

"Don't judge me!", yelled an hysterical Alex, who quickly removed the vase from his pocket and threw it at the janitor with full force, who screamed a challenge as the vase broke on his forehead.

After a few seconds, Alex regarded the janitor's blank face.

"Aren't you going to respond to tha...", asked Alex.

"WHAT?", responded the janitor.

"You know what? Never mind. I need to find someone."

"WHAT?"

Alex ran back to the corridor next to his room, because the recent encounter had just reminded him of something Dr. Nassif had told him to do.

He faced the intercomm next to the door across from his apartment, and activated it.

"Hi, this is Klara Sparks room you're trying to get into. Right now, I'm probably out trying to find a home for homeless kittens,

or maybe I'm already on my first assignment for Red Cross, but if not those or anything relevant, I'll be downstairs in the

medical area doing nothing in particular."

Score one, Alex thought, I'm right across from someone who sounds HOT. Next intercomm, he thought to himself.

He ran back to the janitor, who assumed Alex was there to comfort him, and was sorely disappointed when Alex completely ignored him.
Alex activated this intercomm.

"Yeah?" asked a surly woman's voice.

"Sorry, just wanted to see if I could judge.. err, know who's living here." replied Alex.

"Alex? It's great to hear from you. Come on in, I'm opening the door."

The door slid open, and Alex walked in, taking in his surroundings. It seemed that Billie had settled in nicely, if the occult symbols painted on the walls and ceiling were any indication.

"So Billie, how's it been over here? Whatcha been doin'?" asked Alex in his most confident voice.

"Been trying to cut my wrists.", replied Billie.

"Always the kidder Billie, always the kidder. How's everything?" said Alex.

"Screwed up. I tried to get answers about Chicago out of Dr. Nassif, but she would only give me the elevator door code. I made sure to write it down on the wall somewhere."

"Yeah, I was coming to that. Nice decorating you've done... That looks like some really good fake blood there."

"Er, yes, fake blood. Just take down the elevator code."

"So, I guess you met the other trainees?"

"Vapid, unsophisticated cretins who don't know a good poem when they hear one. We'll get through here in a breeze."

"They sound like my kind of people."

"Riiiiight."

"Make a good impression on the local brass?"

"Yeah, Dr. Nassif wasn't pleased to see me rifling through her office files. All this data on test subjects. I can't imagine what that has to do with Tarsus."

"You were always great at making friends. Anyways, thanks for this elevator code, I have to go downstairs to meet the other guys."

"You'll be disappointed."

"Glad to see you again, Billie.", Alex said, with a cheerful edge to his voice.

Alex waltzed past the janitor, who was hurt at being ignored so brutally, and moved on up the corridor, where he walked into a cleaner bot. He bent down and began talking to the cleaner bot.

"R2? It's good to see you! Where's C3PO?"

"Activating Stored Voice-Log 1947," responded the bot, "Repetition: Don't call me R2, Shitface."

"Oookay, I'll just move on."

"You do that."

Alex was thrown off by this encounter, but he noticed another intercomm, so his trepidation evaporated at the sight of something to accomplish. He activated the intercomm.

"Hi, this is Leo Jankowski's room. You haven't heard of me? I'm the guy who's directly descended from God. And I'm STILL better than him, pleb. I'm probably down in the rec area walking on water, so get on down there post haste."

He sounds like a nice person, thought Alex with genuine interest.

Alex looked across from Leo's door and saw a news terminal. Usually, he found news to boring to listen to, but Pequods usually had some fun commercials. So Alex activated the terminal and listened at first to some boring gumbo about terrorist attacks on a familar sounding city, more gumbo about said city, and finally, ultimate bliss, a pequods ad. Satisfied, Alex proceeded to the elevator. He decided to take a few moments to chat with the guard standing by the elevator.

"So, I hear the Knicks are doing fine this season."

"Wh..What are you talking about?"

"Er, you know... football?", replied Alex, not with a little hesitation.

"Okay, look, I know you're freaked about the explosion and everything, but don't worry, SSC can handle this."

"Well, I did do special ops training for about 14 years, I guess I have about more training than you guys."

"Why don't you shut your mouth and get in the elevator, rookie?"

"Fine, asshole."

The guard gave Alex a look to kill, and upon consideration, Alex decided it was time to leave the floor. He got into the elevator, and immediately started humming to the catchy tunes, and so began the long ride down...