RR76: Yep. I'm updating. Good.

Responses:

EMBER91: Strudelganger!

Rory: Hey, you thought that Dirt's speech was boring then, wait till you see what she does next. 'Certain boys'? Ahem.

im in a kill people mood: But beefsteak is delicious!

SaintH: Yep. Slode. We should petition the administrators of the site to stop being so damned picky, or something. They removed fourthelement's story. Just like Pre Teen Titans and 3rd Wall.

Lady Katreina: I'm makin' more, I'm makin' more...

This chapter is dedicated to the memory of "When Titans Sing," "3rd Wall? We don't need no 3rd wall!" "Pre Teen Titans: The Original" "Code Lyoko Insanity 4" and all other stories deleted by ff dot net.

Don't own. Don't sue.

So. The Pre Teen Titans were on their rooftop playing a rousing game of Volley Tennis. What is Volley Tennis, you ask? Words cannot describe it. Actually they can: The bastard son of Volleyball and Tennis.

Creature Kid served the ball, and unfortunately, Sunburn jammed her fingers trying to 'set' the ball. See, you can only hit the ball in one of three ways:

1. Poking it with your thumb, index and middle finger.

2. Backhanding it.

3. Spiking it, which is actually kind of fun.

So Gypsy tried to spike it, but then remembered: She has no hands. And the ball fell off the roof into the ocean. Raven tried to get it, but suddenly a plothole opened up at the edge of the tower. Out of the plothole stepped...Dirt.

"DIRT!" Creature Kid shouted, and glomped her. They then proceeded to make loud obnoxious love, but Raven stopped them before it went to far. "What the hell are you doing here? Go back to your pep rally, bitch!" she shouted, grabbing a machete and attacking Dirt. The stage crew held her back.

"Like, hi guys, howzit goin?" Dirt squealed preppily. Raven punched her and ran off. Just then, the monster known as Writers Block arrived. The Pre Teen Titans tried to fight it off, but he was too strong, and sent them two minutes into the future, where they had to fight a giant tapeworm! Dun dun dun! They fought, and eventually killed it, and followed it's trail, for you see...it was like...from the underground...yeah... and they got to this big ol' circular thingy...and then three more tapeworms came and ran off. Creature Kid, Blowbot and Sunburn went off after them, Gypsy, Raven and Dirt stayed behind to find Slode. How did they know he was behind this? I dunno. Plothole.

Anywho, Slode was behind some big ol' wall of dirt. "Crap. How do we get past that?" Raven asked.

"Like, never fear!" Dirt exclamed. "I'm, like, 3/4 dirt on my mothers' side! I, like, speak Dirtenese!" She walked up to the wall of dirt, cleared her throat, and started talking in a strange language. "Like, Saouldal pro gemstian Dirt. Eir flenstegem siroc dun esperdochni hel morth. Ploegol spliglen jon gorgo voible stricknine del socom, efenint bellscratchum dinglehopper saltoblastrig nipplepinchy?"

The wall of dirt opened up. "What did you say to the dirt?" Gypsy asked, scratching her purple box head. Of course, since she had no hands, she had to have Raven scratch her head for her.

Dirt blushed. "Like, I used the advice given to me by my mother, Ms. Haris Pilton!" She skipped preppily down the opened road of dirt. Raven and Gypsy stared after her. "I don't even want to know..." Raven sighed.

Back with the others, things weren't going so well. They had chased the giant tapeworms to the top of the...Earth...planet...thingy...and found that they were trying to sink Pre Teen Titan's Tower into the ground. Boo tapeworms! So they got to fighting the tapeworms. Which also wasn't going so well, because the only thing that they could to them was A) Give them sunburns B) Blow them C) Splash green paint all over them. Actually that last one would give them lead poisoning. So that's what they did, I guess.
Meanwhile, Dirt, Raven and Gypsy had arrived at the end of the tunnel and found a giant computor thingy, and another giant tapeworm trying to eat the rock out from under the Tower. "We have to stop those tapeworms! Maybe there's a clue on how to do that in this computor!" They ran to the computor, but Slode appeared and kicked Gypsy out of the way. "Slode..." Gypsy muttered.

"Like, hi baby!" Dirt squealed, glomping Slode. Slode pushed her away. "Not now, sugarfoot. Maybe later."

"'Baby'? 'Sugarfoot?'" Raven asked suspicously. Dirt sweatdropped.

"You two stop the tapeworms, I'll fight off Slode with my Zizzle Stick!" Gypsy shouted, pulling out a stick made entirely out of beef. The two got to fighting.

Dirt and Raven exchanged a look. "All right, that...seriously sounded wrong," Raven said blankly. Dirt nodded her agreement. They ran back to the computor. "Okay, now lets see if we can stop the tapeworms." Which they didn't. And the tower started to fall through the dirt ceiling. "Come on, there's nothing we can do!" Raven shouted to Dirt.

"Like, yes there is. Trust me!" Dirt shouted back. She stepped forward, raised her arms, and...

"So anyway, like, I was driving down the road the other day, and I like, saw this guy on the side of the road, and he, like, had this sign that said "Hollywood or Bust," and so I, like, pulled over and asked him "What's your name?" and he's, like, "Hauly Phore." So I, like, got him in the car, and we went to this motel, and I, like, did this thing that I can't, like, talk about! So anyway I kept driving, and I got to where I was going, but I got there early, so I went to this cute little coffee place next door, and they served the most delightful double-mocha espresso I'd, like, ever had! So I'm sitting there, drinking my coffee, and I look to my left and there's this guy over there and I'm like 'omigod, that's Prad Bitt!" So I called up my friend Janice and I'm like 'omigod Janice you are not gonna believe this!' and she's all 'what what what?" and I'm like, 'I'm sitting right next to Prad Bitt!' and she's all 'no you are not,' and I'm like, 'yes I am, he's drinking a decaf latte!' And we laughed, and I'm like sitting there, and Prad looks at me and he's like, 'Pipe down or I'll tear your windpipe out,' and I'm like, 'I'm sitting next to Prad Bitt and he's threatening me!' And he pulls out a knife and..."

"All right, all right, I won't drop! Yeesh, stupid blond bimbo..." the hunk of dirt that the Tower rested on muttered.

So later, at the tower, Raven and Dirt were walking down the tower, talking about girly things like tampons and lipstick, and...um...what else are teenage girls into...Morgan Freeman. Anyway, then they walked into a dark room. "Like, where are we Raven?" Dirt asked dumbly.

"The killfloor," Raven said menacingly, unsheathing a sword. "Time to die!" She pounced on her, swinging the sword wildly, cutting through Dirt's flesh over and over again, until finally--

"Cut!" RR76 shouted. "Raven, what the hell? You weren't supposed to kill her! You know what, I'm sick of you constantly screwing things up, and murdering the cast members, and yes, forcing yourself onto Creature Kid every five seconds! If Crow came back from Minnesota right now, asking for his job back, I'd fire you in a heartbeat!"

Just then Crow burst in. "Hi everybody, I'm back! Can I have my job again?"

RR76 chuckled. "Oh Carson...Raven is fired." Carson came out of nowhere, grabbed Raven, and dragged her off. "NOOOOOOOOO! Creature Kid, help me! Please!" Creature Kid did nothing. So Raven was left to her horrible fate. But she had sneakily activated her "Aw, Crap" signal on her communicator.

Back at Titan's Tower, a light started flashing. "It's Raven!" Robin shouted. "She's in trouble!"

"What? We have to save her!" Beast Boy said heroically.

Robin pulled out his Sword of Badassness and I-Just-Saved-The-World-Even-Though-It-Was-A-Raven-Season-But-I-Still-Get-All-The-Credit-Because-I'm-Robin-And-I-Rock-And-I-Comfort-Her-Every-Time-She's-Upset-Like-I'm-The-Only-One-Who-Can-Because-The-Writers-For-The-Show-Are-Evil. "Titans, go!"

Cyborg tapped Robin on the shouldar. "Do you think coulda given your sword a more convenient name?"