RR76: I'm still alive dammit! Now I order you to read that which I have written, or suffer the conseekwensees. Yes, I know I said conseekwensees. Whatayagonnadoaboutit, eh? Eh? I said EH? YOU REFUSE TO REPLY TO MY SAYING EH? YOU WILL BE PUNISHED! (throws badger at you) DEATH BY BADGER!

Badgers are cool, aren't they? Almost as cool as medicine cabinets and beefsteak. But that's just me.

Responses:

Due to circumstances beyond his control, the Author cannot reply to reviews. He apologizes for the inconvenience.

Word spred like wildfire that the defenders of truth, justice, and homoerotica, the Pre Teen Titans, had fallen. With that, the noble citizens of Leap City got into a single file line and marched downtown to get themselves murdered. What fun. What stupidity.

Dirt floated on her giant perch of lipstick and thongs, leading the army of dancing Fantanas down the abandoned streets of Leap City. "We have conquered the whole city/Time to drink our drinks so fizzy! Wanna Fanta, doncha wanna--" SMASH! One of the Fantanas exploded after being hit by a Mysterious Laser from the Beyond. A group of them was hit with a Mirth Morter, causing them to laugh themselves to death. Still another got green paint splashed on her and died. STILL another was inflicted with first-degree burns and died from all the itching and stinging. And STILL ANOTHER was...um, well, she was wrapped up in a swirling blue and red light that resembled a lava lamp and...kinda imploded in a flash of green static. It's this weird thing from this TV movie made by PBS called Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. The movie really, um, sucks.

Anywho, that left Dirt all alone. She got down from her lipstick and thong perch and was soundly bitch slapped by the Pre Teen Titans. She ran away bawling.

The Pre Teen Titans stepped out of a smoggy foggy cover of, well, Sfog, which is equal parts Smog and Fog. Sfog. Look it up jackass. "Our friend greatly resembled poultry during her retreat," Sunburn said sadly (SSS!)

"...Right then. I have no clue as to what she said people," said Crow.

"It doesn't matter," a voice with a Puerto Rican accent said. All eyes turned to the Pre Teen Titan's new leader...Aram Fingal, or just Fingal. He looks and talks JUST like the late great Raul Julia. Look him up jackass. He wore a green shirt and tan pants, and had the power to make no sense. "We must stop Novicorp before the Fat Man can delete my brain!"

Everyone stared. "THIS is our leader?" Creature Kid exclamed.

"Dissent in the ranks is not good for morale Creature Kid," Blowbot stated. "Be silent, or I will blow you."

"Dude, just SHUT THE HUCKING FELL UP ALREADY!" Creature Kid shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Where are you going, my young hot lady?" Slode hissed at his fiance, Dirt, through a Magical Earpiece from Hell.

"Like, I was getting my petite ass kicked Slode!" Dirt chirped. "I had to, like, get out of there!"

"NO!" Slode roared. "You must defeat them. Only then can we truly be together."

So Dirt stepped out of hiding when she was punched by Blowbot, who then blew her. With his Mystical Laser from the Beyond. DUH! The rest of the Pre Teen Titans charged, and Dirt was soundly beaten back. This continued until Dirt ran very very far away. "Like, Slode, I can't take them alone!"

"Dear hunnybunch," Slode said, "You are never alone."

Out of nowhere appeared the three monsters from the last chapter, Count Sparkula, the Creeping Terror, and Bolt Vanderhuge. The three monsters were surrounded by glowy light until the congeled into one fat guy. And it was...

"Mr. Fingal!" the new villian, Fat Man, said, burping. "My apologies, but..." He pulled out a pistol. "You are being terminated with extreme porkchops!"

Fingal raised his arms into the air. "I HAVE INTERFACE!" he shouted, and started glowing orange. He walked up to Fat Man and stood there stoicly, a blue and red light circling him. He stared at Fat Man and Fat Man dropped his gun.

Fat Man's eyes bulged. "Oh, it's the big one!" he gasped.

Fingal stood there and stared at Fat Man some more. Fat Man's eyes bulged some more. "Hold on, I'm...passing a ham through my left ventricle!" Fat Man gasped some more.

Fingal did some more staring. "Think of all the sausages I'll never eat!" Fat Man sobbed.

Fingal stared some more. Geez, are you killing him or trying to fall in love with him? Dammit, just FINISH HIM OFF! Sorry. Rant of doom. Hee.

Fingal stared SOME MORE... and then the red and blue lava lamp thing surrounded Fat Man and made him disappear in a haze of turquoise static.

The other three Titans stared. Wait--three? Where's Creature Kid?

"Good question, Narrator san," Crow said blankly. "Where is the little bastard?"

Fingal, still orange, walked up to his teammates. "Hey, did you hear, I'm interfaced you know," he said exitedly.

Suddenly, a kid with red hair and a gun ran out of nowhere. "MOVE THE TROOPS TO THE WEST!" he shouted, and ran off.

Everyone stared blankly. "Okay, that was random," Crow said.

Meanwhile, Dirt ran into Slode's Underground Chamber of Doom. "Slode, lover, I lost!"

"Aww, it's okay Dirt," Slode cooed, taking the girl into his arms.

Suddenly, Creature Kid ran out of nowhere. "DIRT!" he gasped. "TAKE YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF HER SLODE!"

"Filthy...okay, that's just rude!" Slode sniffed. "I'll have you know I wash my hands before every meal and after I go to the bathroom!"

"RrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Creature Kid said. He coughed."Sorry, sore throat. Ahem. I WILL KILL YOU SLODE!"

"Hunnybunch, would you mind killing this annoying green interloper?" Slode said, nuzzling Dirt's nose.

"Sure thing Slodeybear," Dirt beamed. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and used her powers to attack Creature Kid with mass amounts of perfume. Creature Kid coughed, and was suddenly hit with rouge, making him bright red. Dirt laughed preppily and assaulted him with a beefsteak, but Creature Kid evaded.

Dirt stared at him with contempt. "Fine then. You, like, leave me with no choice!"

Creature Kid's eyes widened in horror. "No...don't..."

Dirt started talking. "So I was walking through the mall one day and I saw the cutest little blouse for sale and it was, like, $50.00 and I was like '$50.00? Like, what a ripoff!' and so I like, complained to the store manager and he like threw me out so I like, went to this other store and there was the same little blouse and I was like 'Omigod I have to have that omigod!' so I stole it and ran away and so I, like, came back the next day and I was walking through the makeup isle of Bulls-Eye, and I saw all these different kinds of eyeshadow and none of them really brought out my eyes so I looked down the makeup isle and I saw this peach lipstick and I was like 'Omigod that is soooooooo good for my lips omigod' and so I got the lipstick and ran off and I like went home and started putting it on when I noticed a zit on my lip and I'm like 'Omigod a zit omigod!' so I got some coverup and I put it on and it, like, worked soooooooo well and like, nobody noticed the zit and I like went back to the Stupid Spoiled Whore shop and saw this cute little sweater that had 'Little Slut' studded on it with rhinestones and I was like 'Omigod that would look so good on me omigod' so I called up my friend Kristi and I was like 'Omigod Kristi you won't believe what they have for sale here omigod' and she was like 'what what' and I was like 'they have this little sweater' and I took a picture of it and sent it to her and she was like 'Omigod that would look so good on you omigod' and I'm like 'yeah I know but it's too expensive' so I stole it and put it on back at my house but it was like, tooooooooo big so I had to sneak it back in but I got caught by the guards and then I, like had to use my mom's advice so I pulled off my shirt and started to--"

"Good God, SHUT UP WOMAN!" Creature Kid shouted. His leg suddenly got caught in a plothole and he couldn't get out. Dirt walked up to him snarkily.

"Now, finish him snookums," Slode purred, "and we can go and get married and be together forever."

"STOP!" a Puerto-Rican voice shouted. The Pre Teen Titans rushed in.

"Dirt, let us go the the grouping of shops and purchase lots of tampons and lipstick!" Sunburn shouted.

"Yeah Dirt, you may have betrayed us and tried to kill us, but we still love you!" Crow cried.

"Return to us friend, or I will blow you," enthused Blowbot. Okay, maybe 'enthused' is a bit too much...

"You have to make a descision, Dirt," Creature Kid said sadly. "Be with him...or me..."

Dirt's eyes watered. "Creature Kid...I...I..."

"What are you waiting for?" Slode said impatiently. "Just ki--" Just then, the Sword of Badassness and I-Just-Saved-The-World-Even-Though-It-Was-A-Raven-Season-But-I-Still-Get-All-The-Credit-Because-I'm-Robin-And-I-Rock-And-I-Comfort-Her-Every-Time-She's-Upset-Like-I'm-The-Only-One-Who-Can-Because-The-Writers-For-The-Show-Are-Evil appeared in Slode's chest. His body fell to the ground, and Robin pulled the bloodied sword out. "Titans, GO!" he cried, proving he is a control freak.

"Like, NO! SLODE! MY LOVER!" Dirt said, bawling her eyes out.

Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire came running (or flying) out of nowhere. "Hang on Raven, we're coming!" Beast Boy shouted.

"Raven? What--" Creature Kid stopped talking. Beast Boy stopped running.

They stared at each other. "Dude," they said in unison. "You look just like me!"

Dun. Dun. DUN!