RR76: Sorry to everyone who went back to school this week. I know I didn't. I start in September. Ha.
Also, with this chapter, and the subsequent reviews that follow, Pre Teen Titans GO! will pass Carson as my most reviewed story. Yeay.
The two green shapeshifters stared at each other "Dude, who are you?" asked Beast Boy. "You look just like me...only short. Er."
"I'm Nermil," Creature Kid said, extending his hand. "Nermal Logan. But you can call me--"
"Wait--Logan? That's my last name!" Beast Boy said with a grin. "Garfield Logan!"
"Whoa," said Creature Kid, scratching his head. "You think we're--"
"Brothers?" Beast Boy asked hopefully.
The two stared some more, then collectively said "Nah!" and ran off.
Dirt suddenly stepped in front of them. "Um, like, I'm sorry to interrupt this, but like, my fiancé is like, dead, and it's like, ALL YOUR FAULT! DAMN YOU CREATURE KID!"
"Hey, it wasn't me!" Creature Kid shouted frantically. "It was the closet homo in the tights!"
"Who, Bluejay?" asked Crow.
"No, the other one!"
"Oh! You mean Robin!" Beast Boy laughed. "He isn't gay. He and Starfire do some, er, 'heavy petting' just about every night. Problem is Robin won't glonko Starfire's zonsphar, so they're kinda in a rut."
"Oh my God..." Creature Kid gasped. "Man, he won't--he won't glonko her zonsphar?" Beast Boy shook his head and Starfire hit him. "You are not to reveal Robin's apathy towards my zonsphar!" she yelled.
"Um, guys?" Cyborg interrupted. "We're kinda here for a reason, and it isn't to talk about Starfire's zonsphar." Starfire hit him.
"He's right," Robin said, blushing. "We're here to find Raven, not talk about Starfire's bizarre Tamaranian foreplay."
"How dare you!" Starfire snapped. "Zonsphar glonkoing is an accepted and deeply enjoyable part of the Tamaranian mating ritual!"
"Starfire, for the last time, I will NOT PICK YOUR NOSE!" Robin roared. Everyone was silent.
Starfire sniffed. "But--but Robin," she sobbed, "On my world, there is no greater expression of love and devotion than the glonkoing of one's zonsphar. Do you not love me?"
Robin gaped. "Starfire...of course I do..."
"Then glonko my zonsphar. Right here," Starfire demanded.
"What?" Robin asked in shock. "Starfire, but--I--they--ugh..." he shuddered. Robin closed his eyes and shoved his finger up Starfire's left nostril.
Everyone "ewed" in unison. "Get a room you two!" Cyborg shouted in disgust. Starfire sighed contentedly and Robin withdrew his finger.
"Thank you Robin," said Starfire warmly. "Now let us find friend Raven so that Beast Boy may glonko her zonsphar long into the night!" The Titans flew off, leaving a very disturbed group of pre-teens behind.
"Wait!" Dirt cried. "Like, what about my Slodeybear?"
Blowbot blew her. "I have blown our opposition," Blowbot stated. "Our objective is now complete. Now, may I inquire as to the whereabouts of teammate Creature Kid?"
Everyone looked around. "The disturbing robot is correct!" Sunburn gasped. "Our useless diarrhea colored teammate is nowhere in sight!"
"It was obviously Novicorp!" Fingal shouted. "Quickly, insert your minds into the bodies of random animals and get wasted!"
Everyone stared at him. "Can we have a new leader?" asked Crow.
"Okay guys," Robin said, "split up and search. We aren't leaving without Raven!" He brandished his Sword of Badassness and I-Just-Saved-The-World-Even-Though-It-Was-A-Raven-Season-But-I-Still-Get-All-The-Credit-Because-I'm-Robin-And-I-Rock-And-I-Comfort-Her-Every-Time-She's-Upset-Like-I'm-The-Only-One-Who-Can-Because-The-Writers-For-The-Show-Are-Evil and ran down the hallway shouting "Titans, GO!" at the top of his lungs.
The Titans--and Creature Kid--shrugged and ran off in separate directions. Beast Boy opened his door and saw a feast fit for a king. That is...the king of HELL! Scattered everywhere were bodies of dead people.
Carson stepped inside the room, his eyes jet black. "What are you doing in my dressing room?" he snarled in a demonic voice. Beast Boy blanched.
Cyborg stepped inside a room. "Welcome!" a weird voice shouted out of nowhere. "You've reached the Author's Feminine Side!"
A very very old woman in fishnets and a tank top--picture that, I dare you--stood in the back of the room smoking a cigarette and hacking up phlegm. "The author isn't so feminine, I guess," Cyborg said with a shrug.
Starfire opened a door and Beast Boy ran out. "Geez, thanks Starfire, I thought I'd be in that closet forever, and Bob, MAN he won't shut up!" He looked around. "Hey, this isn't the set for 7 Minutes in Heaven Minus the Heaven! Where am I?
Starfire gave him a weird look.
Robin entered a room. Suddenly, a voice shouted "Welcome to the Fireworks room!" A bunch of fireworks suddenly went off.
Robin stared, hypnotized. Then he started shouting. "YEAH! ALL RIGHT! FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! ROCK ON FIREWORKS! ALL RIGHT! FIIIIIIIREWOOOOOOOOORKS!"
(Screwy, ain't it?)
Creature Kid flung open the door to hear the sounds of a girl screaming "Stop it, stop it, I can't take anymore!" "Raven?" he asked nervously. He walked in and the sounds got ever louder. Finally, he reached the source--a dark room. He flipped on a light switch and saw what was causing the screaming: Raven. Chained down. At a table. With a bib. And a fork in her hand. And several dirty plates in front of her.
"Stop, please, it's delicious, but I can't eat another bite!" she moaned.
"Oh come on, just one more dish?" a familiar voice said. Carson came out of a kitchen with an ice cream sundae in his hands. "I hope you saved some room Raven."
"Well...all right," Raven said, grabbing a spoon. Creature Kid cleared his throat and both of the teens looked over at him. A huge smile grew on the empath's face. "CREATURE KID!" she shouted, breaking free of her chains and glomping the hapless preteen. "I missed you so much!"
Carson stepped up next to him. "Hey kid, how's life treating you?" he asked with a smile.
"Raven, what's going on? Why were you chained to a table and not being tortured by an evil teenage assassin?" Creature Kid asked in confusion.
"It turns out that Carson is a master chef," Raven explained. "He's treated me like a queen here. And he makes a delicious bowl of Minestrone!" She smiled seductively. "That's enough talk, don't you think?" Raven locked their lips and pulled him onto the couch, where they made out. Carson turned away in disgust.
Suddenly, the door opened again and Beast Boy came through. "Raven, we're here! We're gonna get you--" he stopped and stared at the short green shapeshifter who was on top of his girlfriend on the couch. Beast Boy's face contorted in fury. "What...What the SAMUEL LANGHORN HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" he roared.
The black-eyed demonic Carson look-alike came in behind him. "Hey Source of all Evil," Carson said with a wave.
"Hey mortal vessel," S.O.A.E. replied. He looked at Raven and Creature Kid. "Wow, this is awkward."
"Beast Boy--um...this isn't what it looks like!" Raven said in desperation.
"Really? So then why is there a shorter version of ME LYING ON TOP OF YOU AND FONDLING YOU IN WAYS THAT ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO FONDLE YOU?"
"Um...whatever do you mean?" Raven asked with a shaky smile.
Suddenly, a huge voice boomed over them all. "I...HAVE...INTERFACE!" Suddenly, Fingal appeared, 50 feet tall and glowing orange.
The five people stared up at the giant Spanish Puerto-Rican data processor third class from the crappy TV movie Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, which I do not own. Carson voiced their collective thoughts. "Oh...sh--"
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!
RR76: Review.