From Heathen to Hero 3
Disclaimers I don't own Kono Suba, please support official releases and your local fandom communities.
Otherwise I'm bummed out how this spring and summer is really biting the anime and other entertainment industry in the ass, so here's to hoping for any upcoming DLC's to the games I bought, all the anime I plan to binge watch, and all the manga I ordered and I hope you all an enjoyable time during this stupid outbreak.
They were getting close to exiting the first border of the lands of Truxasko into the lands of Neo Az-Maya, and it wasn't a cake walk, especially now.
About 2 hours ago, Kazuma and Aqua's vehicle decided to give up upon taking a few bullets to the engine of their proud muscle car that Kazuma thought he was gonna keep forever.
If that wasn't bad enough, his flip trick cell phone got destroyed in a fight with a demi-demon, a utility that helped them out in procuring bullets, food, and fuel on the road.
Right now, he and Aqua were walking the blistering hot roads of route 66, with only their bullets and guns, a map, and the book on Hell history.
Apparently, current day Hell was modeled after some of the states within the US, specifically states such as Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California, since those states also paralleled with the real route 66.
More so, it recently changed and turned into an anarchy society ruled by one being, after the sight of what Hell had looked like for almost 2,000 years was beginning to look like an eyesore.
While it seemed the farthest outskirts in Hell was true anarchy, apparently, their destination Kalliphonreeah was more civilized.
While Kazuma still had a lot to read, right now, he and Aqua were practically dragging their feet at this point from walking in the heat.
"Hey Aqua… pant… water… please…" said a horsed Kazuma as he and Aqua were more than thankful she was able to perform water magic.
"Here you go" panted Aqua as she had previously emptied a beer bottle and filled it with water for the both of them, as the thoughts of using an empty gas canister didn't seem like a smart idea.
Taking the bottle, Kazuma hurriedly drank it as his thirst was quenched before swiping the brow off his forehead.
"Hey… Kazuma" gasped Aqua, "Yeah" responded Kazuma as he didn't have the energy to quip his regularly sarcastic response.
"Can't we just… take a break… and let it… snow…" said Aqua as she stopped to rest, while holding her shotgun besides her.
"It's not even 9 in the morning, besides it be a waste to use it if we're not gonna sleep, much less we'll just quickly freeze to death, or worse suffer from hyperthermia" explained Kazuma.
"But I'm tired… and this gun is starting to feel heavy" said Aqua as she began to fill up the bottle again to quench her thirst.
"Then here, trade with me" said Kazuma as Aqua was more than happy to switch Kazuma for his gun in return.
"Sigh, what are we gonna do" groaned Aqua as she began to squat over and refill the bottle for the next time either one of them needs a swig.
"I'm hoping that at some point we run into the next gas station, or possibly even a pay phone before we get jumped by the next band of demons, otherwise we're better off taking our chances that the next attack, they have a vehicle for us to use" explained Kazuma.
"They all sound like terrible ideas" said Aqua bluntly, "I'm just going with the flow given how our situation is practically as bad as having jack shit, but jack had the sense to leave town" said Kazuma.
Too tired to bitch, or for either one to get into an argument, both Kazuma and Aqua continued to walk for another mile, before spotting Dairy King.
"Heh, Aqua get your ass moving, ice cream is on me" laughed Kazuma in joy as Aqua didn't need to be told twice as they ran towards the establishment.
Once there, Kazuma and Aqua catched their breath before finally approaching the counter, where a female demi-demon stood there.
"What can I get for you" asked the demi-demon as female demi-demons were high pitched that they normally screamed like banshee's, that it must take a lot of will power to hold back when talking regularly.
"Give me one rocky road blizzard for me, and for you Aqua" asked Kazuma as he turned to the fallen goddess, in a literal sense, maybe figurative if you think hard enough about, or hell even both.
"I'll take a cookies and cream blizzard" answered Aqua, "No worries I heard her" said the female demi-demon as she began to charge them up.
"Hey you wouldn't happen to have a phone we can use" asked Kazuma, "Sorry, but we actually get no service here since we're that close to the border" said the female demi-demon as she handed them their frozen treats.
While one to normally ask questions, Kazuma didn't care as he and Aqua began to sat down and eat their desired dessert.
"This is so good" said Aqua as she said in between bites in pure bliss, "Yeah, it's damn good" said Kazuma as he felt refreshed before getting a brain freeze, as he threw his head back in pain while clutching it.
"Ugh" said Kazuma as Aqua just sat their laughing whilst kicking her legs.
Unfortunately their fun time ended, when the same female demi-demon and her co-workers came outside armed with weapons, which got Kazuma and Aqua back on their feet.
"Whoa now, I thought you demons don't kill while working" said Kazuma as he and Aqua backed away while preparing for another fight.
"It's called going on a break" said the female demi-demon before she screamed an ear screeching scream that startled the duo.
But because this is Kazuma, he took advantage of the situation and blasted her head off, "Alright, come get some" said Kazuma as he cocked the used shell from the shotgun.
As he requested, the demi-demons began to charge towards Kazuma and Aqua as they backed away whilst laying waste and used bullet shells to the ground.
Blasting a hole into 2 incoming demi-demons, Aqua gripped her gun with 2 hands and made her shots count, while also switching to delivered her signature God Blow and Requiem, while also using a kick version called God Stomp, where Aqua explains it's filled based on a goddesses denied craving and ire, which might be an appropriate attack given the hidden commentary.
"God Blow" shouted Aqua as she punched the last of the demi-demons as Kazuma made quicker effort with the shotgun, even when reduced to using it as a blunt weapon.
"Groan, I'm getting tired of this shit" said Kazuma as he smashed the butt of the shotgun into the already dead demi-demons head for good measure.
"Hey Kazuma" said Aqua as she began to approach the counter, "Yes I'm Kazuma" said Kazuma, "Since we killed all the employees here, think we can grab ourselves a much rewarded blizzard".
Seeing how Aqua's words had merit, Kazuma saw no harm as he began to collect their bounty and anything useful to them.
"I'm down" said Kazuma as they made their way around the building and entered through the back where they began to find the mixing ingredient and operate the machine to make themselves a few blizzards and a couple of other things ranging from burgers, hotdogs, tenders, fries, and much more.
"You know, this is probably something I missed back on earth before I met you and our lives as adventurers" said Kazuma as he was one of the few people who'd enjoy dipping his fries into a frosty treat, be it the afore mentioned blizzard or milkshakes.
"I have to agree, especially the stuff the American's make" said Aqua as she too also dipped her fries in her blizzard while they both shared a basket of tenders and mayo.
"Speaking of, I wonder when are we going to find ourselves a Tennessee Fried Chicken, or hell I'll even eat at Bluto's Chicken better yet" said Kazuma as he began to eat some tenders.
"I heard that at TFC they can make you a chicken sandwich while using 2 doughnuts as sandwich buns" said Aqua as she happily enjoyed her 3rd blizzard.
"That sounds super unhealthy, yet something I hope to add on my bucket list" admitted Kazuma as the thought alone made his heart ache, but his mouth watery and his stomach rumbling.
In spite of their huge differences, be it in stat power, common sense, and responsibility, it was moments like this where their friendship truly stems from, something that both Kazuma and Aqua are willing to admit.
Before they could continue talking, they heard the faint distance sound of a car approaching them, as Kazuma sprung to action.
"Aqua, let's catch a ride" said as Kazuma as Aqua set down her blizzard as he began to walk into the road with their shotgun fully loaded and pumped.
Seeing as there were 2 demi-demons riding, and with their sights no less set to Kazuma, the former billionaire adventurer began to run off the road and lead them outside the parking lot of Dairy King, where he and Aqua ambushed them by surprise when the driver came to a halt ready to maul them to death.
End results was both demi-demons laying in a puddle of their own blood as Kazuma collected more money and examine the state of their vehicle.
While their vehicle was anything but comforting, since it was a rusted old Packard with the back seats ripped out for a larger fuel tank, and the front seats were torn, it was better than walking in the heat.
"Hey Aqua you ready to hit the road or what" called Kazuma as he was already loading up with their guns, "Hold on, I'm just grabbing us some blizzards for the road" said Aqua as she was carrying 2 trays holding 4 blizzards in each.
"Alright, let's roll" said Kazuma as he began to drive them to the Neo Az-Maya border.
Time Skip
It was getting close to midnight, according to the clock of the vehicles radio, even though the sun remained constantly out and hot, and after stuffing themselves with nothing but blizzard and junk food, Kazuma and Aqua were starting to feel sleepy.
"Hey Kazuma" said Aqua "Yes I'm Kazuma" said Kazuma, "When are you going to pull over so we can sleep, I'm getting tired".
"Yawn, I'm getting there too, but I at least want to find us a gas station that sells something for us to stay warm, even if its 2 layers of hoodies" said Kazuma since when it gets cold, it gets cold and no amount of spooning will keep them warm.
Luck had came when Kazuma did spot another gas station 1 hour later, since all previous gas stations before sold nothing but bandanas as clothing article.
More so it looked like one of those big minimart gas station combo, as Kazuma began to park their car.
"Hang tight, I'll be back" said Kazuma as Aqua waved him off as he entered the station.
To his luck, they not only had hoodies, but shirts too, so making the decision to buy both, Kazuma went out and back into their car, as Aqua turned to see what he got.
"Here you go" said Kazuma as he passed Aqua her hoodie and a blue t-shirt as he began to remove his many layers of clothing, in favor of putting on his recently purchased t-shirt, which was green.
"Ah, much better" sighed Kazuma as Aqua herself began to unbutton and undo her vest in favor of a clean t-shirt.
Adverting his eyes simply out of consideration, it only took a minute before Aqua was fully clothed.
"Sigh, what I give for nice relaxing bath right now" sighed Aqua, "Please don't mention baths, I'm like dying for one, even if it's just a shower of all things" said Kazuma as he can relate to the sentiment.
Driving away from the gas station, both were fortunate enough to put a few miles ahead of them, before activating his ability given to him by Azay as the area began to snow.
Putting on their hoodies and leaving a crack in the window, the only thing Kazuma and Aqua could do is recline their seats back as Kazuma had handed Aqua their old top layer clothing to keep her revealed thighs warm.
"Hey Kazuma" said Aqua, "Yes I'm Kazuma" said Kazuma as he was trying to get some sleep.
"When do you think we can spend a proper night at a motel" asked Aqua as this wasn't the first she had inquired about this question, nor will it be the last.
"When we not only got the money, but a guaranteed that we won't be killed in our sleep, now go to bed already" said Kazuma as Aqua turned her head to pout and Kazuma could feel her glare.
"Aqua I'm really trying to sleep here" said Kazuma as he'd rather not end their day with another argument, especially since the longer their conversation goes on, the more time they're wasting under their winter blanket.
"Hmpf" responded Aqua as she turned around and put the matter down for the time being, much to Kazuma's relief, that is until the ground began to quake.
"Hey Kazuma" Aqua said nervously and wide eye awake, "Yes" said Kazuma as he felt exactly the same how Aqua was feeling.
"Please tell me that was the car or at least your stomach" said Aqua, "I was gonna say the same thing" said Kazuma before there was another light tremor where both shot up and readjusted their seats.
Seeing but a few feet away from them that the ground was literally cracking open with tentacles emerging, Kazuma didn't need to think twice when he began to start the car and drive out of the area.
Emerging from the ground was a true demon, an ancient one at that, since it lacked in any resemblance to being remotely humanoid in any department, as it's long muscular arms were branched and covered in tentacles, it's chest clearly scaly, with giant bronze staples embedded in its chest that continues to bleed.
Anything from the waist down was nonexistent as it seemed to drift with its tentacles, before the head shown itself as there were no visible eyes, and it's mouth was perfectly circular with large jagged teeth that it can swallow a man whole like the fabled kraken.
It's height clearly stood taller than the Empire State Building, as it's inhuman skin color of purple on black made it so that it would definitely stand out from any other ancient demon.
"Kazuma what the hell is that thing" cried Aqua as she clung to him tightly, "I don't know nor do I want to, now let go off me it's really hard to drive" yelled Kazuma as he had his eyes on the road and on the rear view mirror.
Now fully submerge the ancient demon had spotted Kazuma and Aqua before swiping down to smash and quake the roads that it resulted in Kazuma making an emergency stop since they were about to collide against a wall.
"Ah shit" said Kazuma angrily as he tried drive in reverse, but it was too late as the ancient demon began to grip their car in its tentacle clutches.
"Abandon ship" yelled Kazuma as he and Aqua made a desperate effort to hop out their car, "Goddesses and ladies first" cried Aqua as she was the first to hop out, followed by Kazuma.
With their vehicle destroyed and their weapons and a majority of their old clothing destroyed, Kazuma and in a sense were naked and completely out matched.
"I thought I smelled the putrid stink of a goddess, and the fact we have an untainted human by her side not under the protective eyes of Satan, very interesting" spoke the ancient demon as its big booming voice shook not only the foundation but the duo lost in Hell.
No matter, for once I kill you goddess, I will be given the rightful recognition and respect to lead those who are tired of Satan's Hell, and make every damned individual be consumed by my might so that we may rise to claim what is ours amongst those gods in heaven, and finally unite all 3 realms under one rule" said the ancient demon as it used it's tentacle hands to grab Aqua as Kazuma was frozen in place to act or do anything.
As Aqua began to cry in fear for the very last time, her savior came when the sounds of loud rapid gunshots freed her from the ancient demons grip as she fell on top of Kazuma who groaned in pain.
"Nergal, one of the ancient demons to out spokenly resent and damn our master" came the familiar voice of Monet as he walked in on the scene holding a double barrel shotgun.
"I must say Honey Monet, he was always quite a brute" came the new voice of a man wearing S&M clothing, except for the mask and ball gag.
Otherwise like the previous devils, he was red skin with horns, as he had dressed in leather pants, criss-crossed leather belts on his chest held by a silver band, and shoulder pads studded with spikes.
Otherwise his hair was on the long side for males as it was dirty blonde as he stood proudly next to Monet holding an M16 assault rifle.
"Monet the Devil of Greed and Billy Cock the Devil of Lust, why do you dare to disturb in matters that don't concern you" said Nergal, "As a matter of fact this does concern us since the big man himself wants these 2 alive and see them make it to the end, and it's our job to see them through" said Monet.
"Also the names Scex Pistal you walking dick tease" said Scex Pistal as he and Monet gave Kazuma and Aqua a sense of hope and safety.
"Grr, I won't get an opportunity like this, and damn your lord for being weak and for allowing these 2 for entering these accursed lands without punishment" said Nergal as he made it clear that fighting wasn't an avoidance.
"I'm down for rough play, but you my friend probably wouldn't know when you crossed a line" said Scex Pistal, "Beloved, let's show this ingrate what it means when crossing the words of Satan" said Monet as both men began to brandish their fire arms.
Charging in head first as Scex Pistal began to lay fire that pushed Nergal back, Monet opted to flank the ancient demon from behind and brought him to howl in pain.
Having enough, Nergal made an attempt to reach and crush Scex Pistal under his grip, but the devil cut his way out holding a combat knife as he loaded his assault rifle and continued to shoot.
Not losing any slack, Monet seemed to dance around as he evaded any grabs towards him as he fired at Nergal, before reaching under him and charged his bullets with pure evil power that it got Nergal to collapse as he bellowed in pain.
Teleporting their way in front of the ancient demon, both devils had smug smiles to see an obvious thorn in not only theirs but Satan's side to be down on the ground.
"I can't believe it, an ancient powerful being such as myself, brought down upon by false devils" Nergal said as he clearly admitted defeat.
"Say what you will about us not being devils, but never talk down on or master, or defy his words again when given explicit orders from him or those that speak upon his behalf" said Monet as he began to reload his gun.
"So here's your choice, since I'm a little turned on by our fight, if you lick my boots now and plead forgiveness, we'll let you walk free, otherwise today is the day Hell loses another ancient demon" said Scex Pistal.
"I'd rather see Hell fall under Satan's power than beg phony devil" said Nergal, "You heard him Monet Honey" said Scex Pistal as both devils laid waste in killing the ancient demon that was Nergal.
Once they finished killing Nergal, it was time for the 2 devils to approach our heroes.
"Please forgive us for not arriving sooner" said Monet as he and his partner Scex Pistal approached Kazuma and Aqua.
"Sorry is not good enough, I almost died and possibly almost got violated when this coward of a NEET-gah" cried Aqua as Kazuma once again bopped her on the head,
"Seriously, would it kill you to show some gratitude to these guys" Kazuma said angrily as Aqua gripped her aching head while crying.
"So these are the people we're rooting for, no wonder you mentioned they're a couple in need of angry make-up sex, looks like they need to do it bad" said Scex Pistal as both Kazuma and Aqua looked at him angrily.
"We're not a couple" Aqua and Kazuma said in unison, "Alright, friends with benefits" said Scex Pistal as Kazuma and Aqua felt more offended then their previous accusations.
"Anyways, we came here to give you both some good news" said Monet as this got Kazuma and Aqua's attention.
"Our dark master Satan is aware of your situation, and has given us orders to help and assist you both by any means necessary" said Monet as this got them both to smile with hope.
"So does that mean, you guys can say give us an instant trip to Vey Aria to meet him" asked Kazuma, "Unfortunately no" said Monet as this left them confused.
"Why" asked Aqua as she ready to break down and cry once more, "Well Satan, as forgiving and supportive he maybe, he can't make any exceptions to those cast down and sent here without paying their dues first" explained Monet.
"With that being said, he has deemed the most suitable punishment for Kazuma that he must continue to travel the route to Hell, and meet him in Vey Aria with Aqua continuing to be on his side, and once you both make it there, depending on your actions, he'll make one last final judge ment for him, which in fall may or may not affect you Aqua" said Monet.
Seeing as the whole reason he got stuck in Hell, was because of his actions, he not only has to pay the price of being here with Aqua in his care, but now he still has to face final judge ment based on Satan's decision, and frankly Kazuma was clearly frustrated and wish he could give up his existence.
Though before he could dwell on reprimanding him, Aqua gripped his shirt and shook him back and forth as Aqua began to cry herself.
"You stupid NEET, is this the thanks I get for my gracious help that I have given you" cried Aqua with tears, before Kazuma broke free and pulled on her cheeks.
"Aw, don't they look cute honey" said Scex Pistal as he clung onto his partner, "I knew you'd agree beloved" said Monet affectionately as he leaned his face next to his partners.
"Now enough, of your bickering the both of you, we do got one more bit of good news" said Monet as he got Kazuma's and Aqua's attention.
Later
After taking them to do some much deserved shopping, Kazuma and Aqua were now fully changed and armed for their journey.
Changing the olive drab shirt, for a true green t-shirt, some fresh jeans and black shoes, Kazuma also got himself some padding on his knees, elbow, and shoulders on top of a bullet proof vest.
Aqua, got herself a much more better fitted blue t-shirt with white fabric on the hem, as she wore jean shorts, and blue converse with white lacing.
Their weapons consisted of Kazuma using a standard 9mm handgun, and a hunting rifle, as Aqua carried with her a 9mm Mauser pistol FN SLP shotgun with comforting stock and grip.
Outside now with a car they had pilfered, it was time to say goodbye to their friends for the time being.
"Alright, I think you're both set to go" said Monet as Aqua was on the wheel as Kazuma finished loading in their guns, "Hold on, we can't see them off just yet" said Scex Pistal as he approached Kazuma and pulled out another pendant of his own.
"By the powers vested in me, as the Devil of Lust, I give him a portion of my power that in hopes it aids this man in his survival" said Scex Pistal before handing the newest in a line of accessories Kazuma has garnered.
"Thanks you" said Kazuma as he wrapped the pendant around his neck, "Alright lover boy, since you now have a portion of my power, it functions passively like partner, except instead of gaining money when you kill someone, you'll feel a little stronger, faster, and overall super during every witching hour" explained Scex Pistal.
"When and what is a witching hour" asked Kazuma, "Oh that means every quarter hour so, 3, 6, 9, and 12, you feel yourself gaining an edge in life for the next half hour before and after" explained Scex Pistal.
"Also, no need to worry about performance issues, you also gain an edge to impregnate an entire underground brothel filled with succubus now with that thing on, or when just between you and your girlfriend" said Scex Pistal with a wink.
"We're still not a couple and never will be" said Kazuma, before hopping in the car as they waved the sweet couple goodbye.
"Got to admit, they're clearly meant to be for each other and I'm glad that they're on our side" commented Kazuma, as Aqua continued to drive, "Love is beautiful regardless who it is and with, opposite sex, same sex, human, gods, and devils, it's always a beautiful sight to see" said Aqua as this was one of her moments that really impressed Kazuma and reminded him she was a goddess.
"Frankly I'm a little jealous" said Aqua, "Why, never found a god out there to be impressive" asked Kazuma since he never did inquire the daily lives and relationships of the gods, not even with Eris.
"A lot of them just want to fornicate for free, if not want to get married without getting to know each other first, and neither one sounded appealing" said Aqua as she impressed Kazuma yet again in the same day as he smiled.
"Heh, good to know" quipped Kazuma as they continued to drive into the new lands of Neo Az-Maya as the remained determined to continue their journey to Vey Aria.
Alright, I'm gonna end things here, wanted to change their design and look a little before they continued on their journey, so yay for me in getting that done.
Otherwise I know a lot of people will be asking about Megumin and Darkness, so next chapter they'll get some screen time, just don't anyone get their hopes up since this adventure will be only done by a singly pair and not a quad group.
This has been your Humble Narrator Tobi Yaza. =3