33
"I'm going to bypass the station and go straight to the Family M. I'll show you around the property." Buck told Jenny. She held a sleeping Ike in her arms. He told her the whole story of when Emily came to Rock Creek even through finding her passed out the day he found out about Ike. "I've been to the land and have started on the foundation of my bunk house but I haven't been in the cabin since the night Ike was born."
They arrived at the property. Jenny put Ike into his basket. Buck came around and lifted her out of the wagon. He kept his hands on her waist and just looked down at her and smiled. She looked up at him and smiled back.
"While Ike is still sleeping, I can help you unload." Jenny said.
"You don't have to do that." Buck responded.
"But you had help loading all this wood. I am fully capable of lifting wood. We'd assemble and disassemble the teepees when we'd move."
Buck lifted several planks. "I'm going to take this wood and store it in the barn for now. All the animals are at the station, so there's room."
"So I'm just supposed to stand around looking pretty?" Jenny asked.
Buck stopped what he was doing and smiled. "Yeah. You're doing a very good job of it."
"The women helped when we moved in the tribe. Even with cradle boards strapped to their backs."
She attempted to lift a plank of wood. To her disappointment, it was very heavy. 'And Buck lifted several of these?' She thought to herself. She managed to pull one off. Then was able to drag it a few feet before Buck came back. "Jenny please, I don't need the help. You're helping me just by keeping an eye on Ike. If I come across some smaller boards, you can carry them in."
"Fine." She conceded.
Jenny watched Ike sleep then as the wagon was emptied, she began searching for the smaller boards. She found a few and by the time Ike started to stir, the wagon was emptied.
"Just in time to go inside." Buck said
lifting the infant out of his basket. "First time I came in here, was the morning of Mr. Metcalfe's funeral. It seemed like a nice place to me." Buck said as they stood on the porch. He held Ike with one arm, then took a deep breath. He grasped Jenny's hand and with the hand he holding Ike with, he opened the door.
The memories of the past year came flooding back. "Ike, this is where you were born. Where I lived with your Ma. We'd read out loud. She sewed. That sign hanging at the bunk house, she made that here. This used to be the room your Grandpa slept in, then me." Buck walked over to where the mantle was. There sat the blue and white thimble Buck bought Emily. Seemed like a life time ago. He picked it up and held it to Ike. He tried grabbing for it but Buck didn't want to the infant to put it in his mouth so he took it away and put it in his pocket.
"Over here was the room your Ma lived in. She was so happy to have you. You're Pa spent some time in this house too." Buck said going back to the main room. "He slept here one night." Buck said pointing to one of the chairs. After a very long pause of silence he said, "I'll tell you all I remember, even if it hurts a little."
Jenny just stood off to the side of the main room. Once. Buck sat down in one of the chairs and she walked over to him. She hugged him from behind. "That must have been difficult for you." She said. Buck put his hand on her arm and leaned his head back against her.
"Let's get some fresh air." Buck said. He walked over to the wagon and pulled out the blanket. He set it down near the wagon and had Ike sit down. "What makes you say it was difficult?" Buck asked Jenny.
"Once you started describing everything, you were speaking in Kiowa. I understood a word or two but the gestures were pretty clear."
They just stood there in silence for a while. Buck would look down at Ike contentedly sitting and touching everything around him. "Buck?" Jenny asked.
"Yeah."
"I figured out one thing I'd like to do."
Being grateful for a distraction from his own thoughts, he wanted to hear what Jenny had decided.
"I'd like to see Two Ponies. I want to tell him about what I remember about our mother. Your last sentence was in English. Even if it hurts, I want him to know what I remember and that I still love him. I want him to know that."
Buck wanted a distraction but not that. He didn't want to hear that Jenny wanted to go back to the tribe. He didn't want to even imagine what his world would be like if Jenny left a second time. Always seeing the Why, Buck concluded that Jenny just wanted to know that she wasn't forgotten. She never got that from Tompkins. It's logical to conclude she'd want Two Ponies to know he wasn't forgotten.
"I can't go alone. From here I wouldn't even know where to start to look." Jenny said looking at the ground. "Would you take me?" She asked looking up.
She wanted him to take her back to the tribe? She wanted him be the one to leave her there?Just the thought was making his heart break. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He said nothing. He was just trying to struggle to breathe.
"You're not saying anything. If you don't want to take me. I know I can't go alone. I just wanted to tell you something I wanted."
Buck was still silent. "Jenny, I. Cant. Leave. I promised Emily that we'd stay here." Buck said exasperatedly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." She said and looked back at the ground. There was silence again. "Please forget I said anything."
Ike leaned over too much and Buck sat him up again.
"How can I forget? You leave my life and you're back. And I'm the happiest I've been, well, ever and now you want me to take you back to the Lakota?"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left. If it had just been you, maybe I could have stayed." Jenny said. "But it wasn't just you there in Sweetwater."
"What does that mean?" Buck asked. "I asked you to stay!" He yelled. Baby Ike looked up at him. He immediately regretted yelling.
"I thought in my foolish, childish head that if I went away, that my father would come get me. That he'd tell me he never wanted me to be away from him. In my fantasy he'd tell me he loved me. That's why I said I couldn't come back. I wanted this grand gesture. And I didn't get it!" Jenny was very close to tears so she stopped talking. Then she asked, "Buck, you had said that if your family had been found, you'd want them back. If you could, would you want Emily back?"
"Yes." He answered much calmer. "But as long as we're talking about fantasies," Buck said feeling his agitation come back, "I'd want Ike back and they could have married each other and raise their baby. And I wouldn't be alone!" He was yelling again.
He couldn't think of what to do next. He looked up at Jenny, he didn't mean to yell. He was so upset because he didn't want her to leave. He wanted her to stay; with him. Before he knew what he was doing he took the few steps over to her and put his hands on both sides of her face and pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. Jenny took both her arms and wrapped them around the back of his neck and kissed him back with as much passion. Needing air after a few moments they broke apart. Buck had moved his hands to her waist. He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm so so sorry I yelled."
"I'm sorry I upset you. I never intended to."
"I'm not sorry I kissed you." Buck said with a smile.
"I'm not sorry either." Jenny said.
They just stood there. "I don't want you to go, Jenny."
"I know, Buck. I won't go on my own. If you don't take me, I won't go without you."
That was good enough for him. For the time being. If he didn't take her back to the tribe, she'd stay with him. Maybe if he kept her happy enough, she'd stay. He wanted to kiss her again. So he did. They were interrupted when Ike started to cry. He had leaned him self over too much and got into a position he couldn't get himself out of.
"He's going to need a bottle soon." Buck said after rescuing the infant. "We should head back." Buck took Jenny's hand and walked her over to the wagon bench. After putting Ike in the basket, he lifted Jenny into the wagon. Then he kissed her again.
"It's been a bit of an emotional day. Can we go to the store tomorrow?" Buck asked.
"That's absolutely fine by me."