▬ Mikaelson Compound, New Orleans ▬

There's a lump in his throat when Elijah returned to the compound. He didn't care to move his car into the garage, for he didn't intend on staying too long. However, despite his intentions of leaving as soon as possible, he remained in his car for a little while longer and starred at his trembling hands.

He's a master of hiding his feelings behind an armor of suits and impeccable manners. An indifferent shell, only rarely bothered by emotions. He has his own emotions in check, under control. Sealed away. Complete indifference. He didn't bat an eye when he kills, he didn't bat an eye when Niklaus accuses him of yet another ridiculous allegation. Sometimes anger sept through his armor, anger and a thousand years worth of old rage. Something he shares with his siblings: the rage that can overwhelm him and dictated his doings, although he tried to control even that what was given to him by nature.

Fear, however, is rare for him.

It's spreading in his veins like a deadly poison, ready to reach his heart.

Ever since discovering that something is wrong with Katerina, he has had it under control.

The optimistic brother, always believing in the impossible.

An idealistic fool, if one were to take his brother's words.

Even after Rebekah had told him that there's a good chance Katerina is dead, he was quick to have it under control after the shock wore off. It sounded too unbelievable what his sister had told him but even if it were true, he refused to believe that his Katerina was dead.

The girl that had outrun his brother for half a Millenium, the girl that had survived Mikael's wrath (or so he was told). The girl that always had a plan b and c. The girl that had fooled both him and Niklaus as well as treacherous Trevor. The girl that managed to turn herself into a vampire by a trick and escaped successfully, against all odds.

Even if she had turned human again, he doubted that would be her death sentence for she is a true survivor. A fighter spirit. Surely she would have found a way to ensure her safety.

But what if she hadn't?

He hadn't shown that the result of the locator spell worried him. He has studied witchcraft and his mother's grimoire extensively, he knew there must have been a clear result of her location. He should have seen her. But he hadn't. And that begged the question: What did the vision truly show him?

An old lady baking cookies wasn't the goal of his search but besides her, there hadn't been anyone else in the room. No Katerina. He had looked but there hadn't been another person.

The cold hands of fear gripped his heart and he had to grasp the steering wheel to stop the uncontrolled shaking of his hands.

What if it wasn't a person the locator spell showed him? What if it had been an object? What if ... what if it had been an urn? With Katerina's ashes?

Elijah gasped and pressed his eyes shut, his grip around the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles turned white.

NO no no no!

He can't be too late. He simply can't be too late. The locator spell for finding someone's remains hadn't shown a result at all, therefore she cannot be dead. She cannot be dead. She can't.

The Original Vampire refused to accept her death. As long as he convinced himself that she still lives, she can't be dead and he can't be too late. He needed to calm himself down. He can't help her if he loses control. If he's letting fear immobilizing him.

Elijah focused on his breaths and inhaled and exhaled deeply after he had loosened his tie a bit. Cold sweat moistened his neck but he quickly wiped it away with his handkerchief before he got out of the car and sucked the cold night air in.

The cool air grounded him and after another two minutes, he finally had himself under control again. His hands stopped trembling and he swiftly fixed his tie before Elijah quickly climbed the stairs of the mansion.

Elijah had almost finished packing. He couldn't say how long he'll be gone but he knew he won't return anytime soon. Even if his search turned out unsuccessful he didn't feel like returning in the foreseen future. If the worst scenario happens, he preferred to be left alone and mourn her loss in peace.

He placed the last of his selected attires in his suitcase, paying attention that it doesn't wrinkle. Then, Elijah closed the suitcase and grabbed a travel bag. This time, however, the content wasn't meant to be for him. He didn't know in what condition Katerina is going to be if he finds her so he figured it's best if he makes some arrangements so he's hopefully prepared.

Unfortunately, he doesn't remember what it's like to be human. He can't comprehend what a human needs to feel comfortable and safe. Of course, their household wasn't exactly equipped of meeting the needs of a human. They've been vampires for too long, and if they wanted to throw a feast, they simply employed some cooks.

But he assumed it's the best preparation if he packs some blankets, bottles of water, and some packed food initially purchased for Hayley. Thanks to the presence of the pregnant werewolf they had at least some things available.

Nonetheless, Elijah wished he could prepare for more. While it soothed his nerves to know he had at least packed something that perhaps can help her, he also feared it's not enough. What else is possibly needed? What else could help her?

Food and Drink are essential things for a mortal. They needed sleep, they needed warmth - for that, he had packed the blanket. What if she's hurt? Or sick? Elijah assumed that the cure must have done something to block the effects of vampire blood. Otherwise, Katerina would long be a vampire again. He's certain someone in Mystic Falls would have turned her again if it had been possible - voluntarily or involuntarily. Katerina knew how to be persistent, knew how to get her will.

Thankfully, Elijah has some knowledge of basic first aid. Sometimes, witches or other mortal allies refused vampire blood, and if they are needed, knowledge about how to keep them alive is useful. He needed to get a first aid kit and some basic medications once he's on his way...

"You missed supper..."

Niklaus' voice tore him out of his mind but Elijah didn't bother to respond. Instead, he zipped the travel bag and placed it on top of his suitcase.

"Is that what occupies your mind? How to sneak out and pack without having a word? Are you moving to a hotel because my dear brother is still not in a forgivable mood? What else is needed to get you out of this foul mood?"

The muscles in Elijah's jaw tensed and his grip tightened around the bag before he finally turned around and stared at his younger brother with an expression in his features that left no doubt that he's indeed intending on leaving. Although it has nothing to do with being in a 'foul mood' as Niklaus named it. Or rather, it only had partly to do with it.

Niklaus had known.

Of course, Niklaus had known just as Rebekah had known. They've been both to Mystic Falls, Niklaus has even returned to the town a few times after they resettled in New Orleans.

He had known what has happened to Katerina; of course, he had known. He had known how much she meant to him, had known that he wanted to know her safe. But as treacherous as his brother is, he hasn't deemed it as important to tell him. He isn't foolish enough to believe Niklaus would have done anything to help her. He didn't expect anything regarding that matter for he's thankful he left her alone. But he could have had at least the decency to tell him. To allow him to offer her his help. To allow him to say goodbye...

No!

Katerina is not dead!

A shudder went through Elijah's body before he narrowed his eyes, his gaze darkens enough for Niklaus to tell it's better to be careful.

He still didn't deem it necessary to answer his brother's wild speculations, instead, he grabbed his suitcase and the bag and walked towards the door.

"I suggest you move away, Niklaus"

His tone is low, almost casually as he stared into his younger brother's blue eyes. Elijah could see that his reaction surprised him and he could also see that he's pondering the why. Nonetheless, Niklaus didn't move a muscle.

Elijah's grip tightened around the bags as he struggled for control, his patience running thin. There it was again: The rage. The rage that sometimes managed to overpower his will. The desire to hurt Niklaus just the way he had hurt him with his multiple betrayals. To make him feel what he's feeling. At least giving him the satisfaction to throw him down the stairs. But that wouldn't bring Elijah any further. That won't give him any more details about Katerina.

Then, however, Elijah just shoved Niklaus roughly to the side, "I told you to move." and made his way out of the mansion.

Elijah managed to get back to his car without any further hindrances and packed the bags in the trunk before he left the compound without another look back. He didn't need to because he knew that somewhere behind the windows, Niklaus is watching him.

After he had gotten the missing things, such as the first aid kit, basic medications, grape sugar, and some chocolate bars, Elijah finally drove up the highway to the east.

He had left New Orleans behind quickly as he sped over the highway, his attention solely on the road to prevent him from focusing on anything else, to prevent him from thinking about the possibility of coming too late. The thought alone managed to strangle his throat.

The sun was starting to set as he left Lousianna when his car notified him of an incoming call.

Rebekah.

His thumb hovered over the 'accept the call' button on his steering wheel but then Elijah decided against it and ignored his sister's call as well as the following other threes. He didn't wish to speak to any of them.

Instead, Elijah started to call all of Katerina's numbers again - only to get the same result. Connection not found. Number not available. number not found. Ringing without anyone picking up the phone. He groaned in frustration and almost struck a car when he changed into another lane.

"Call Kaitlyn Sawyer", Elijah finally demanded, being reminded that there was another number that used to belong to Katerina. An Alias she used when she first made contact with him. She had called it a precaution because she couldn't be sure if he had been willing to listen to her if she had contacted him by her real name. She had told him with a sneaky grin that she wanted to bait him with a piece of information to raise his interest. And it had worked out.

It took a while until a connection could be found and to his surprise, he was sent to her mailbox.

"Hello. I'm currently not available and my time's precious, so whoever this is, make it short."

His heart contracted and tensed at the sound of Katerina's voice and he so wanted to believe she still used that number. That she hadn't just forgotten to delete it.

"Katerina..." he addressed her, his tongue curling around her name like it's the most beautiful thing in this world. But at the same time, it's also the most painful one.

"I know we haven't talked in a while ... I know you may think I forgot about you, ignored you. Which isn't the case, Katerina. I was physically unable to answer your calls. Please, Katerina. If you hear this, if you're somewhere out there, contact me. Call me. I need to know ... I need to know that you're safe."

It took every effort to keep his tone even, to not let his voice tremble. The underlying feeling that she's not doing well, that she's perhaps close to death, that she's maybe scared and all alone, pained him. It messed with his mind. The brunette meant too much to him, too much to lose her just like that.

"You may think that I left you forever but that was never the case ... sometimes love means sacrifice. I would have done anything to keep you safe even if it meant saying goodbye to you for now. I never left you, Katerina. Please hold on. Hold on until I get to you."

His voice threatened to break at the end of his call, realizing once more that unfortunately, there's every reason to worry and assume the worst.

Deep down, Elijah knew that there's something terribly wrong. Deep down he knew that there's the possibility he's coming too late... Tears well up in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away.

If he lets such emotions win, then it's real. And if it's real, she's gone.

He's not ready to give up just yet.

A/N: This is the first part of the insight into Elijah's feelings. It's going to get more intense as time passes.