History

"Cor, he don't half stink don't 'e?"

"Yeah, I know… Stop poking him with a stick, use a metal pipe."

Vyvyan was rudely awoken from his snooze by two kids he hadn't seen before. He had only been asleep for ten minutes. They were prodding his face with a stick :What the bloody hell are you poking my face for?" he shouted out suddenly, startling the two kids.

"See! I told you to use a pipe!" One with stupid shaggy blonde hair (Matt) scolded his much taller, darker-skinned friend (Nick), who continued poking Vyvyan.

"Bugger off!" Vyvyan snapped, swatting the stick away.

Matt, being the complete gay dumbass he is, leaned closer "Did you die?"

"No." he replied rolling his eyes and standing up "Now piss off!"

"Oi, that ain't no way to talk to us." Nick said sounding hurt.

'Look, it ain't hard! You just walk out the door and never come back!" he gestured towards the door then took a deep breath to prepare to shout "NOW GO A-WAY!"

Sulking like the two pathetic idiots they are, they retreated out, shutting the door behind them.

Vyvyan smirked at his outburst. It then turned into a sob of distress as he heard the bell go "NOOO!" he shouted, having a tantrum, jumping up and down.

"Mr. Vyvyan!" A kid's voice drifted through the door "Where are you?"

"Uh…" Vyvyan stuttered thinking quickly…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… He slowly lowered himself behind a boiler and tucked his legs up to his chest so he was concealed in the room. He did not want to continue with this job. It was awful. It meant socializing which is something he didn't like doing… At all. He saw shadows go past his door, back and forth.

Then, he heard the class entering the D.T. room and begin continuing their destruction. He sighed in relief. All he had to do was sit there all day… Alone… Missing History, missing French and missing… Science! He bolted upright and ran back into the D.T. room. He wouldn't want to miss science ever… Not since he brought S.P.G for a dissection demonstration…

However, that would have to wait, he had to get on with History first…

He shoved all the class out of the D.T. room like sheep. He ordered (harshly) for one to lead them to the history room. Down two mini-flights of steps, across an under construction piece of tarmac near the Astroturf and up a ramp to the first door on the right. The other room near the top of the ramp was the Geography room for other classes but it was joined back to back of the History room.

Kids pulled out all their books and slung their bags on the rack outside. However, the girls weren't bothered and just took their bags in and dropped them on the floor, making it an obstacle course for teachers.

Vyvyan made his way to the front of the class in front of the whiteboard near the T.V. and clapped his hands together "So, what do ya do now?"

Stuart raised an eyebrow "Learn about history?"

"Aw, great!" Vyvyan smiled enthusiastically. He grabbed a wheely chair and sat on it backwards "Right, then." He lifted his leg up "You wanna know how I got a metal implant in my leg?"

The class sat in a confused, scared and disgusted silence.

Disappointed, he lowered his leg "Okay… What about how I got the most awful hangover?"

Still silence.

"You boring bastards…" he muttered. His eyes lit up "Then how about the time I got S.P.G?"

"What's S.P.G?" Scott asked.

"My hamster."

Sam squealed "A hamster! I love animals!"

"Yeah, I brought him in."

"NO WAY!" he screeched.

Clutching his now throbbing ears, Vyvyan nodded.

Whispering broke out between the kids as Vyvyan rummaged around in his jacket pockets. He opened one and a moth flew out… Some could hear it praising the lord saying "I'm free! Free!" until Vyvyan grabbed it and stuffed it back in his pocket. He looked in the other and was greeted by the Glaswegian insults of his hamster.

"Och, what te ruddy hell did ye put me in dere for, pally? Oi deserve much betta treatment den bein' stuffed in a spotty git's pocket!"

"Nice to see you too, S.P.G" Vyvyan replied with a smile. He put him on a table and all the class gathered around. Sam started poking the hamster repeatedly, which Vyvyan didn't seem to mind.

"Why is he called S.P.G?" Ben Turner asked.

"It means Special Patrol Group."

Manaal frowned "Strange name for a hamster."

"Not really. Ya see, I used to send him on commando missions when he could move his fat-"

"Is dat right, pally? Look who's callin' te kettle black!" S.P.G snapped, offended.

Shaking his head, Vyvyan continued "And I used to make him do Kamikaze missions like venturing into Rik's laundry bag to plant a small bomb that he'd carry on his back. Or I'd make him parachute down the stairs with a five kilogram weight. SO he's like an army hamster."

"Me dad was in te army. Stupid idiot, what were 'e thinkin'? Serve te country? Stuff te country! I dun' care if millions o' humans are slaughtered by bloody Nazis!"

"Anyway, I found him in a bin."

"Aw, poor thing!" Kirstie said

"Nah, the pet shop had thrown the little bastard out 'cuz he kept taking carrots."

"No wonder he's fat." Bertie muttered.

"No, he don't eat 'em. He stuffs them down his pants to impress the girls." Vyvyan declared.

"Oi! Dat was a secret ye uncaring prat!" The hamster cursed, throwing himself at Vyvyan and latching onto his arm.

"GAH! The bastard!" Vyvyan yelled, stumbling backwards, hitting his arm against the wall and the tables. A few of the kids grabbed the rabid hamster and tried prying it off but it was no use. Vyvyan then got a camel stick the History teacher had and used it to whack S.P.G over and over, injuring himself mostly in the process.

After a long struggle, Vyvyan ran to the window and positioned his hamster just on the other side and brought the window down. A rip and a tear accompanied by a silent gasp of pain from Vyvyan as he did so. As S.P.G fell through the air a bird swooped down and picked him up suddenly squawking in disgust at the hamster's taste and threw him into some bushes.

Vyvyan examined the teeth and claw marks on his arm "Little bastard!" he returned to his car at the front of the class who sat in silence. For no reason, Vyvyan fell forward, flat on his face, unmoving.

Looking from their teacher's limp body to each other, the class sat still. Suddenly, they erupted in a torrent of troublesome acts, jumping over Vyvyan and around the room. A typical History lesson.

I feel that this was rushed… :-\ other than that… No comment.