His brother is dead. So senseless. He didn't have to die. Buck thought as he rode his horse. He still to this day, 2 months and 16 days, after Ike was shot, he had no regrets of shooting Neville. He brought so much pain. There Was no reason for it. He deserved what he got. No one else did. Not Emily, not Mr. Metcalfe and definitely not Ike.
Buck's arm had healed enough that he wanted to go tell Emily that Ike's name will live on. He hadn't seen Emily in months, since he went over to Cottonville and got her that mule. He used the money that Ike was saving. It wasn't much but Buck got the best mule. She refused help, but Buck didn't push very hard. Going over to that place brought too many painful memories. But Teaspoon had told him he had to get on living. And Mrs. Granger had explained about love. She had told him that since Ike was in love he couldn't not help Emily. Buck sighed. Living's hard with a huge hole in your chest. That bullet in his arm was easy.
He made his way down the road and could see the house. Ike was so happy there. That barn still needed a lot of help after the fire, but Buck guessed there's only so much one girl could do. He felt a twinge of guilt at not coming more often to check on her. He dismounted his horse and knocked on the door. It was pretty still in the house. He looked around outside, the mule was out. But no sign of Emily. Off in the distance he could see the mule standing by a field. In the distance he could see a mound next to it, but where was Ike's girl?
Buck started to walk over to the mule, why would Emily carry a sack of seed and just leave it with the mule? As he approached, that was no sack of seed, that mound was wearing pants and a blouse. Buck ran over to her. She was completely unconscious.
"Emily! Emily! Wake up!" He shouted as he turned her over and put her head in his lap. She layed there motionless. She was breathing, so Buck picked her up and carried her to the house. He easily found her bed in the two bedroom house. She didn't seem feverish. He got a wet cloth and began dabbing her forehead. Her hair had grown just a bit since he last saw her. If she didn't rise in the next 5 minutes, he was rushing over to go get the doctor.
Two minutes later she began to stir. "Ike, wha-" her eyes spring Wide open. "Uh, wha-, why am I here?" She said as she sat up. Buck was probably the last person she thought she'd find in her house as she lied in bed.
"Hi Emily. It's me Buck. I found you out in the field. Why'd you pass out? Are you sick? It didn't seem so overtly hot out. Here let me get you some water."
"Um, I don't know. I was out plowing so I could get a bit of planting done, and next thing I know, I'm in here." She swing her legs onto the floor. She took the glass of water offered and drank it down. "Thank you."
She just sat there holding the glass. "You been ok, Emily? You been working to hard? Eating enough? That's a lot of work for just one girl."
She nodded. "I'll manage. I have to."
"You don't have to. Everyone needs help once in a while." Buck said, concerned. "You look a little pale. Do you have some food around I can get for you?"
"I ate the last of the biscuits this morning." She said shaking her head.
"You can come home with me and Rachel can cook you up something."
Just then Emily went from pale to green. She jumped up and ran out the door and lost the biscuits she had in the morning.
"You must be sick, Emily. Let me get you to the doctor." Buck said as he guided her back into the house.
"No, I'm ok. I'm not sick. Well, it's not the kind that will go away with a doctor." She said as she sat down in the rocking chair. She closed her eyes and put her head back on the headrest.
"I don't understand. Emily, what's wrong?"
Then Emily said something that sent Buck into a whirlwind. "What I got will go away in time.. well a few months to be exact. Buck, I'm gonna have a baby."
Buck went from standing up to plopping back on the other chair. "A baby?" He was stunned. He was in awe.
Emily sat and rocked with her eyes closed but a stream of tears rolled down. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I told Ike I had never lived alone before, and now I have but now there's gonna be a baby. " She continued, "I miss him. I miss Ike and I miss Daddy and I'm so tired." And it seemed to Buck that a flood gate of tears was opened.
Buck went over to her and tried to awkwardly put his arms around her. She cried into his shoulder. "There there." He said patting her head. "I'll help you."
"With what? My life is such a mess. I ain't got no money. I don't even have a crop to sell. I have a few eggs I could sell at Thompson's store but I'm way to tired to ride the little bit into town."
"Well, let me think here. First off we gotta get some food in ya."
She shook her head. "Not now, I just don't feel up to it."
"But you gotta eat. You have to think of your baby. Of Ike's baby." He hoped his statement didn't sound like a question. Thinking of his own conception and her being alone out here.
For the first time since he arrived on the property, she smiled. She put a Hand on her stomach. "Yeah," she said wistfully, "Ike's baby." Then her face hardened. "I'm not runnin'. I told Daddy I was tired of running." Then she sighed. "We'd been on the run from the law, so I guess bein' a social outcast won't matter much."
Ike was gonna be a Pa, that's all that ran through Buck's head. "I want to help you. Let me help you please. Ike was my brother. My best friend. I want him to know I'm taking care of his girl. You don't have to be an outcast."
"Yeah? How? I ain't married.. I can't really lie an' say we secretly got married the night my daddy died then Ike immediately died after. Or I could stay here away from everybody and say I found a baby on my doorstep. Neither are the right thing to do." Then she got a far off away look. "Ike offered..." she held up her hand, "He had brung me home late that night, or maybe it was early that morning...He held up his hand and pointed to the ring finger and then motioned to me an' him." She said motioning to her hand., " But my daddy had just died and I was a mess, and I was so overwhelmed. I don't know what I was thinking. No, I do know. All I was thinking was Neville had to pay.. and what did he pay? What was the result? Ike's dead. For my foolish, stupid, revenge. It brought me nothing. I told Ike he didn't know what he was sayin'. That he didn't really mean it...that I wanted to be alone." She began to cry even harder. "I'm so sorry, Ike. I've been alone ever since. He slept on this here chair. I covered him with a blanket."
Buck went back over to her and held her. "I know it's not the same and I know it's far from what you would have wanted and that I'm not much, but..." Buck said as he let out a breath. "I could marry you."
Emily stopped crying. Buck thought she may have stopped breathing. She just looked up at him. "I don't even know what to say, Buck. I don't even know you that well. I didn't even know Ike that well but I loved him. And I didn't tell him, but" she took in a deep breath. "Buck, I don't love you. I loved Ike and I didn't say yes to marrying him. I was so stupid. But I'm sorry. I don't love you."
"I'm not tryin' to force you or make you do anything you don't want, but I could help you out around here and I could be a protection and..." he was trying to think of what else, " I know it's not much but I could give you're baby a name."
She smiled. He understood why Ike loved her. She had a pretty smile.
Buck went on, "Um, it doesn't have to be THAT kind of marriage." He said hoping she understood what he was meaning as he tried to motion to her belly.
She looked at him blushing. Then cast her eyes down. "I'm not sure I'd want THAT. I really did love Ike."
"Look, I'd really like you to consider this real seriously. This baby doesn't have to grow up an outcast. Neville called both me and Ike 'undesirables'. You don't want Ike's child growing up like that."
Emily nodded. "I don't want to be ashamed but I told Ike that bein' friends was good enough. It seems like a life time ago. I wish I could take everything back and start again. Go back to the dance and that's it." A small smile Spread across her lips. "If I had to pick the most perfect few hours of my life, it'd be then. Dancing, laughing... going to the barn. Not all the stuff after midnight, with Daddy." She rocked in the chair a bit. "If I were to agree to this... how would it all work?"
"I'm not sure on the details but I know I'd spend the rest of my life taking care of Ike's baby AND his girl. I'd consider it an honor. Let me help you. You let me help you lace up your boots. I can do a lot more."
"I don't know anything any more. I know I'm tired. I know I need help, will need more help. I told Ike I didn't believe in it, you end up getting hurt, but I don't want this baby getting hurt."
She Took in a deep breath, stood up and held out her hand as if sealing a deal with a handshake. "Alright Buck Cross, I will marry you."
—-
It took a bit of convincing, but Buck got Emily to lie down and he went out to the field and put a minimum of seed down. Then he went home to tell the family the news. He asked for his dinner to be put on a plate and a second one as well and into a basket he can take back to the farm.
"Why ain't you eating with us?" Jimmy asked.
"Well, I got something to tell you all. Just wait till everyone is sitting down." Some of the boys were sitting down, others hadn't gotten in yet.
Finally Teaspoon sat at the head of the table. "Ok son, we're all here. What's on your mind?"
Buck said, " I went out to see Emily today. But I didn't find her in the house. She passed out in the field."
"Oh my! Is she alright?" Lou asked.
"That poor girl all alone", said Rachel.
"Please, let me finish. She told me what had been ailing her. " Buck said and all eyes were on him. "She's going to have a baby."
"A baby?!" Came from several different voices.
"Yeah, Ike's baby."
Then there was silence.
"What she gonna do?" Asked Lou.
A smile came across Jimmy's face. "I'm gonna be an uncle."
"We all are." Noah said, patting Jimmy on the back, smiling.
"I thought Jimmy'd be the first one to become a Pa." Cody said.
Teaspoon said nothing.
"You best hurry that food over to her." Rachel said.
"I will," Buck said, "but let me finish. There's more. We're gettin' married."
"You!?" Came several voices.
"Son, let's step outside for a minute." Teaspoon said. Once they were at the barn he continued, "do you know what you are doing?"
"Honestly? No, sir. Nothing's made sense since Ike died. I've had this hole in my chest and this void in my life. Yesterday was finally a bit better and today, today is brand new. We all get a piece of Ike still."
"Do you love her?"
"No, not like that." Buck said s he looked at the ground.
"Son, marriage is a lifetime bond. It ain't something to be fickle over." Teaspoon said.
"I'm not fickle. I know this ain't how a regular marriage should be. In a perfect world, it'd be Ike that we'd all be congratulating. I don't know how this will all work out, what I do know is I loved Ike and I will do anything to help out his girl."
"That's saying a bunch but have you thought about the rest of it... like the actual marital part?"
"Well, I told Emily it doesn't have to be a marriage with THAT, and she seemed to agree. I don't know, Teaspoon."
"You're sure that's how you want to go into a marriage? With it not being real? Now I don't know how much experience you have in these things, but uh, you might be setting yourself up for a heap of heart ache."
"None, Teaspoon. In the Kiowa way, once you bring a woman into your dwelling, you are considered married. So Ike and Emily would be considered married, but not by this town's customs. I don't want Ike's baby to grow up like Ike and I did. I don't want his child to be an undesirable, like Neville called us."
Teaspoon patted him on the back. "I can't tell you what to do. But I admire you. You're trying to do the right thing. I wish you the best. Did you sort out details, like where you going to live? You gonna stay on with the express?"
"Absolutely. I have to. I'm gonna have a wife and baby to take care of. I'll come out for my runs and stay with her, when I'm not. I'm not so sure she's takin' good care of herself."
"Let me be the first one to congratulate you." They shook hands and everyone must have been looking through the window because they all came running out.
Lou was the first to run into his arms. "Congratulations! When's your wedding?"
He got hand shakes and pats. Then he was ordered to hurry to deliver the food.
—
"They really all congratulated you? " Emily asked.
"Yeah. They're my family. They're your family too. We were all sad over Ike but the news of a baby is just so happy. I really am happy." Buck said as he reached across the table and out his hand on top of hers. "We are now in this together. I wish it were different. I wish it were Ike sitting here, but it ain't. We have to do the best we can with what we got, right?'
Emily smiled. After they ate, Emily washed the dishes to return to Rachel. "Thank you for everything, Buck."
"I'm gonna go back home and sleep in the bunkhouse til we actually do get married. Then I'll come here and I, uh, could take your Pa's room to sleep in. Word around the bunk house, is I snore."
Emily laughed. She stood at the door threshold and Buck leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Good night" he said and headed home. For the first time in almost three months, he was looking forward to the future.