They chose to forget it had ever happened. Severus and Harry carried on as normal, speaking scarcely during the day and meeting in their hidden room every few nights. They conversed easily enough, but stuck to the subjects they both knew were safe, like acquaintances will before they've gathered the confidence to let a little of themselves slip beneath their protective shield; they sat a little further away from one another, not even looking at the other often, other than the small glances they sneaked occasionally; Harry returned to his own room at night, and lay next to the Draco he assumed was sleeping.

And Severus never let Harry touch him again. He tended his own wounds, and even moved his arms when Harry shifted slightly, crossed his legs so their feet wouldn't knock together. He'd retreated hastily back into his shell and Harry knew he would probably never be able to draw him back out.

During meals, when the four of them were forced to be together, they spoke casually, and Harry often felt suffocated by the heavy lies polluting the air around them. Lucius smiled to keep up the pretence that his and Severus' relationship was a happy one, so Draco and Harry wouldn't know what went on behind closed doors; Severus smiled to hide how much Lucius hurt him from the boy he loved as a son, and to hide his growing feelings for the man he loved, fearing Lucius' anger and Draco's grief; Harry smiled to deceive Lucius that he knew nothing and himself that he felt nothing for anyone but his fiancé, but however much one wants to fool oneself, the truth has an annoying habit of wanting to be acknowledged; Draco smiled to cover the dismay he felt at Harry's almost nightly disappearances, and the unnoticed tears on his moonlit cheeks. They were silent to avoid having to face reality, or socially undesirable situations.

Inside, they screamed.

Draco didn't ask Harry where he was going, or why he'd once returned crying and begging forgiveness, a short time ago which seemed like years. He knew Harry would tell him when he was ready. However, he wasn't sure he'd be ready to listen when that time came.

Everything continued as it had always done at Malfoy Manor. The sun rose a little later every morning and set a little earlier every evening, the small party moved inside for breakfast as the weather became more hostile, they rose, dressed, talked until they felt like vomiting, amused themselves for a few short hours before going to bed and preparing for the long night ahead, and they died a little more with each passing day.

22

"Harry? Where are you going?" Harry felt Draco's hand on his back and turned to see him looking blearily at him through half closed eyes. He twisted around and kissed him on the forehead before standing up.

"Nowhere, love. Just for a walk. Go back to sleep." Draco snorted.

"Chasing after things that go bump in the night?" Harry turned sharply, his hand still on the door knob.

"What did you say?" Draco looked away.

"Nothing." Harry was kneeling by the bed, gripping Draco's hand desperately.

"What have you heard, Draco?" Draco sighed and covered his eyes with his free hand.

"Nothing. Just noises. That's all." Harry hesitated.

"I have to tell you something. I can't keep it secret anymore-"Draco sat up suddenly, throwing Harry's hand away from him.

"Don't, Harry! Please don't tell me. I don't think I could take it. Please, don't tell me anything." Draco dissolved into tears. He drew his knees up to his chest and covered his head with his arms, rocking back and forth as sobs wracked his body. He looked so small. "I'm not strong enough."

Harry stepped away from the bed, running his hand through his hair. He didn't know what to do, if he should comfort Draco or Severus. At one point it would've been Draco, no question. At one point he would've put his arm around him and soothed him, dried his tears, filled in the role of mother, and friend, and lover. He would've done anything to ease his pain. But now…now there was an invisible barrier between them, like a wall of ice, separating them and making them cold. Harry wrapped his arms around himself and took another step backwards.

"I'm sorry, Draco. I have to go." He turned and fled.

333

Severus had been trying to clean wounds on his back, with little success, when Harry closed the door. He let out a cry of exasperation before hurling the cloth across the room and lowering his head into his hands.

"Let me." Severus closed his eyes.

"No, Harry. I'll just wait until tomorrow and get Lucius to look at them." Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Severus?" Snape glanced at him twice before letting his arms fall dejectedly.

"Fine." He barked. Harry retrieved the cloth from the corner of the room and returned to where Severus was sitting, kneeling behind him. He tried to lift Severus' shirt to see the damage, but Severus pulled it down again self-consciously. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Severus, I need to be able to see it if I'm to help." Severus breathed through his nose emphatically.

"Fine." He repeated. Harry lifted the shirt again to see perhaps two dozen cigarette burns on the pale flesh. Severus blushed as Harry brushed his fingers over the sensitive marks. "He found out about my smoking. He hates cigarettes." He laughed harshly. "I should've quit when you told me to." He wished Harry would say something, even 'I told you so', but he remained quiet, running his fingers across his scarred skin. Severus felt uncomfortable with the tender yet strangely intimate touch of his former pupil, but couldn't deny that it wasn't completely unpleasant. Or unwelcome. He knew he should put an end to the caresses, a sharp comment would probably work wonders, but didn't, not even when the ethereal fingers were replaced with gossamer lips. Harry placed his hand on Severus' shoulder, and Severus moved to cover it with his own slender fingers. The touch brought him back to reality with a bump.

"Harry, stop it." He stood and turned to face Harry, who was still sitting on the floor, looking hurt and ashamed. Severus' anger dissipated and he sat down with his back to the bed. "We have to stop this."

"I can't, Severus. I can't." Harry's voice was barely a whisper.

"We have to. If Lucius found out it would be more than a few bruises and broken bones." Harry stood up quickly, making Severus flinch instinctively, and started to pace.

"Leave him! You don't need him, you don't need this. Pack your stuff and get the hell out of here."

"You really think it's that simple, don't you? If you hadn't noticed, this is all I have. He's everything." Harry stopped pacing.

"He doesn't have to be." He kneeled in front of Severus and gripped his hands tightly. "We can run away. Sirius left me 12 Grimmauld place, we could live there for a while. Together. I love you." Severus snorted and looked away.

"I'm afraid the feeling's not reciprocated."

"Don't dismiss me, Severus. I don't think I could stand it. And don't lie to me. There are already too many lies in this house." Severus sighed. He looked tired.

"Are you prepared to leave Draco? Do you know how much it would hurt him?" Harry ran his hands through his hair.

"Shit. I love him so much. I don't want to hurt him, Severus, honest I don't. But I don't want to see you hurting anymore either."

"Who do you want, Harry? You can't have both of us. If you choose Draco I'll walk away and pretend that nothing's happened, but you have to decide now." Harry started to pace again, not the regimented figure of eight Lucius preferred, but a more aimless wandering. Severus' thoughts strayed to Draco and he felt sick, disgusted by how much he was willing to hurt the boy he'd thought he'd do anything to protect. He was contemplating telling Harry to forget it, to go back to his room and sort things out with Draco, when Harry's voice stilled him.

"You." That small word awakened countless emotions in Severus he'd thought he'd buried too deep to unveil. He felt the pang of happiness he'd felt when Remus had first said he loved him, the strain of uncertainty from his first crush, the worry that he'd mess it up, the worry that Harry would, the weightless sensation of placing his heart in someone else's care and the fear that it would be shattered, and underneath it all the bitter taste of his betrayal. He was confused, excited, worried, happy, scared, everything he'd tried to abolish and now found that he didn't mind.

"Are you sure?" Harry didn't reply. He simply slipped his arms around Severus' waist and let his head fall into the crook of his neck. Severus returned the embrace, rocking slightly backwards and forth. "We have to go now, before Lucius finds out." Harry nodded into his shoulder before stepping back.

"I need to see him again. Just once more." Severus nodded his understanding and Harry went back to his room, stopping only to kiss Severus hesitantly.

Severus sat down and found that he was shaking. He twisted the edges of his shirt worriedly and stared at the door, waiting for it to open, wondering what he would do if Harry didn't come back.

4444

Draco lay on his side, facing the window. His recently shed tears were still drying on his cheeks. The moonlight illuminated his pale skin, pink lips, casting deep shadows across his features. His translucent eyelids shifted occasionally as his eyes moved in his sleep, searching in the dark. Harry kissed away the tears clinging to his inky eyelashes, smiling at his first love, his beautiful, fragile angel. His lower lip trembled slightly and a tear fell to his cheek. He wiped it away hurriedly, before kissing Draco one last time and fleeing, leaving him alone in his nightmare-filled sleep.