Disclaimer TEEN TITANS and all other related characters and material are the property of DC comics and Cartoon Network, I claim no ownership.

Chapter 5: Extremely…Awkward Silences

By: Ansa

"Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away"

-Avenged Sevenfold

The apartment was dead quiet…awkwardly so…extremely, awkwardly so. As if it wasn't awkward enough in the alley, they decided to move back to the apartment and try not to look at each other in the silence that could even make the Batman feel uncomfortable. It seemed a dark cloud hovered over the table, rumbling silently as the clock ticked somewhere in the background. Raven sat in the middle; Beast Boy and Terra on either end of the table both looking down into their laps.

Terra's looks hadn't really changed much, that is, except for her hair. Her once bright blonde hair was now dyed a dirt brown, with blonde streaks here and there to highlight her face. The left side was pushed back behind her ears, the right fell free in her face, occasionally covering her eye. Usually she would push the locks aside, but right now she was too embarrassed to even look up, little own allow her face to be seen. Her old uniform was traded in tonight for a dirty black t-shirt and a ragged pair of denim jeans, all covered by a long brown heavy trench coat that fell over her shoulders. As she sat her hands were fiddling in her lap nervously, here eyes just staring, not at anything in particular, just trying not to look at the other two.

"Well…this is fun." Raven was the only one who dared break the harsh silence, leaning her cheek into her hand as her elbow lay bent on the table. She was rather shocked to see her arrive…especially since they hadn't thought to send her an invite…well…they had, but rather decided against it. Her relationship with Terra was always a bit…rocky, to use a corny pun, but since she and Beast Boy got together, she felt a slight bit of jealousy and competition with her. This, as well as Beast Boy's lingering feelings of betrayal, was the reason they had decided not to invite her. To be caught in this kind of situation, and having no real excuse for their actions, was unbearably uncomfortable as well as embarrassing and thus, the cloud grew larger with each moment between the meeting on the street, and the breaking of the silence.

"So Terra, what brings you in town?" Again, it was Raven who spoke, finally bringing the eyes of the girl up from her lap. At first she stumbled with her words, not quite know what to say, her heart beating wildly, butterflies flapping incessantly in her stomach.

"Hmmm? Oh…um…well, I heard from one of the new Titans that you guys were…" Her eyes suddenly got scared and ran back into the cold stare at her lap, her hands fiddling with each other so violently she was scared she might break a finger and thus let them fall to her side. "…I heard you two were…getting married."Raven watched as Beast Boy fidgeted in his seat, not even trying to guess what was going through his mind at the moment, but knowing that it couldn't be pleasant.

"We were going to-…"

"It's ok, I understand why you didn't want me there…I just wanted to make sure I congratulated you two properly." Beast Boy clenched his fists in his lap, a lame excuse, no, a flat out lie. Yet another from his former comrade, a lie that did little damage, unlike the last one, but was a lie nonetheless.

"Hun, could you get us some tea please?" At last Beast Boy spoke up, only turning to look at his fiancé, his eyes still not falling on the former comrade across from him.

"Excuse me?" Raven blinked, clearly annoyed. She knew he didn't really want tea but instead was only trying to get some privacy. That she didn't mind…too much. What bothered her was his choice of words; she saw it as chauvinistic even though he was anything but. Despite her annoyance she stood up and showed a rather forced smile as she headed into the other room.

As soon as she was gone Beast Boy stood up and walked into the living room and sat down near an open window, feeling the cool breeze of the night flow through his hair. It was going to rain soon, he could smell it in the air and he prayed against it. Rain wouldn't help the tension, rain wouldn't wash away the past. Terra stood and followed him, standing a short distance behind him, her hands fiddling once again behind her back.

"What about the tea?" Terra smiled slightly and forced a quite giggle.

"Don't be cute…what are you doing here, really?" Beast Boy turned his head away from the window and looked at her directly in the eyes for the first time in years. They were still beautiful and captivating, only tonight, they were filled with sorrow. A sorrow he could only guess upon, but at this moment he neither tried nor cared to.

"Um…I heard you two were getting mar-…"

"How many times are you going to lie to me tonight Terra?" He glared directly into her sorrowful eyes with no remorse at all in the harshness of his tone. He was direct, he had to be, it was hard enough to have her here in the first place. Terra sighed and sat down on the coffee table, looking away, staring at some spot unseen on the floor as she spoke. Her voice trembled and spoke so quietly only by sheer luck did Beast Boy actually hear her.

"You'll only hate me even more…" Beast Boy's mind searched the validity of what he was about to say, whether or not he in fact was the liar now. Either way, he had to say it. If not for her sake, only to convince himself he wasn't being a jerk about this.

"I don't hate you…"

"Yes you do." Terra hugged herself tightly, still looking at that captivating spot on the rug that existed only for the sake of having something to concentrate on, to stop her from crying. If only, she thought, if only it worked. A tear broke its way though but was quickly caught by a swift hand, moving up, then back to continue hugging herself. "I betrayed you all…nearly doomed the city…" Only now did she look up at him, "and broke your heart." She cursed at her self for these acts, as she did every day since then. "Of course you hate me…how can you not?"

"Because…despite the things you did…" he sighed, as if some epic war was going on in his mind between falsehoods and the truth. A war deciding which of them was best for her to hear. Eventually, the truth fought gallantly enough to come out on top. "Ok…I'm going to be completely honest with you." He looked up into her eyes, leaning forward, crossing his arms on his lap. "I hate what you did. I felt betrayed, and yes, you did break my heart. It took a while to get over, even now, I'm not sure I can trust you yet. But that does not mean I hate you."

Terra nodded, his words having no comfort for her. She felt so empty inside, so cold and helpless. "…Thank you for being honest."

"Now why did you come here?" Terra, shook her head slightly. The truth was too painful, too horrible for her to bear.

"I…can't."

"Terra…"

"No."

"Tell me…I deserve that much." Beast Boy wondered if he should have said that, again, he was angry, but he didn't want to be a jerk…even if he had the right to be. As he looked at her, he could see that Terra was struggling. She knew he deserved an answer…he deserved much more than a simple answer. She had done something terrible to him; it tore her to pieces everyday. Every night she wept in shame as she prayed for forgiveness, not just from him, not just from God…but from herself as well. Yet no matter how many nights she prayed, no matter how many tears she shed she could not find the strength inside to forgive herself.

"I…" Her voice again trembled; she couldn't bear to look at him. She prepared herself for the worse, and took a deep breath, deciding to do it quickly like a band aid. "I came here…to see if you could forgive me…and…" She chickened out, the first half being painful enough, and with the knowledge that the second half would be much worse, she decided to leave it there. Only he would not let things be so easily.

"And?"

"It doesn't matter now…"

"Yes it does, tell me." Her whole body trembled, she could feel the tears starting to force their way out, no amount of strength and will power would be able to stop them now. All she could do was delay it.

"and…I wanted to see…if we still had a chance." She turned a bright red as she spoke, finally looking up at him, tears streaking down her cheeks, her eyes in the heat of turmoil and sorrow. She felt so ashamed to have ever thought up such a thing, she was such a fool. Beast Boy hung his head, clenching his eyes tight. His head hurt and spun wildly at the same time. It felt like the wind was knocked out of him, leaving a sour feeling in his gut.

"Terra…I'm engaged to Raven."

"I know, I know…I'm no home wrecker. I only found that out after I got back into town." Terra stood up and walked aimlessly across the room, her only goal was to get away from him. It hurt to look at him, it hurt to be near him…it hurt so much to be so close she could touch him…and couldn't. "Beast Boy…if you two weren't together…"

"Terra don't…"

"Don't what? I'm asking a simple question." Her tone rose, her eyes formed a scowl. Even she was unsure why she was upset, all she knew was that she needed an answer now.

"A simple question? What's simple about it?"

"Please, just answer it…if you and Raven weren't-…"

"No! I'm not doing this Terra."

"Why not?" They were both now quite aggravated, both their voices growing louder. They also now faced each other, clenched fists at their sides.

"Because answering it won't help things, no matter which way. If I say 'no' you get hurt, if I say 'yes' we both get hurt."

"I don't care, I just need to know."

"And what about Raven?" From behind the door, Raven took a step back, releasing her ear from the wood. Had she been noticed? She couldn't tell, all she could do was wait and see if the door opened, or if they continued to talk. "Do you think this is fair to her?" Raven let out a quiet sigh of relief and set her ear back into place against the door. "How can I answer that kind of a question when we are going to spend the rest of our lives together?"

"You're right…" Terra fell back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, cursing herself once again. "I didn't think-…"

"That's right…you didn't think." Beast Boy thundered now, all of his build up repression was now finding a vent. Every sleepless night he spent wondering how she could have betrayed them, betrayed him, everything was coming out in a blind anger. "You never think, and it always ends up hurting someone."

"Oh yeah?" Terra reverted back to her agitated state, she was about to apologize, try to make things better, but he wouldn't let her. "Like what? Breaking your heart? I'm getting tired of apologizing for that."

"Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of handing the city, almost the world over to a psychopath!" The moment the words burst from his mouth he knew it was a mistake, there was anger…and then there was taking things too far. Even Raven let out a sharp gasp from behind the door, quickly covering her mouth, hoping once again that she wasn't caught. Beast Boy watched as the look on Terra's face went from anger, instantly to shock, the infinite sorrow as the tears seemed to gush from her eyes. Beast Boy slowly reached out his hand, he now wished so much to take what he said back. "Terra…I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did…" Terra ducked away from him and raced out the door, tears trailing behind her as she ran down the hall. She shook her head violently; she was such a damn fool. Of course it was going to end this way, there was no possible way it could have gone well. She shouldn't have come…she should have just left things be. There wouldn't be the chance of getting hurt that way…for anyone.

"Terra, wait!" Pulling on his jacket Beast Boy followed her, stumbling down the stairs. She was fast, damn fast. Occasionally he lost footing, almost sending him toppling over until he finally made it down to the bottom floor of the apartment building. Downstairs the door was still slowly on its way to close, Terra already outside, her tears mixing in with the falling rain.

"Go away!" Terra sobbed aloud, not caring who heard her. The rain that fell over her chilled her to the bone, her feet and ankles soaked from the splashing puddles. Then she came to a hard stop as something took a firm grip on her wrist. She knew what it was, and she did her best to pull away from it. "Let me go!" Beast Boy held on tight to her, desperately trying to keep his footing as he felt the earth start to tremble beneath him. Still, he held fast, and tugged hard, finally pulling her back into his arms, the rain pouring over the both of them. For a moment she struggled, but only for a moment. She looked up at him with her eyes drowning in tears, pleading with him to let her go. It hurt so much to be held by him, her heart burned and even her soul seemed to scream with pain.

"The answer…is yes." His face was turned down so she could not see his eyes as he spoke. Inside he was in his own raging turmoil…the anger had melted away and his caring nature showed face. He knew he had to be careful here…things could get quite complicated very quickly.

"W-what?"

"If you had come back, before me and Raven...I would have…I mean…we…" He stumbled; he was now entering dangerous waters. He knew he needed to stop things here, but…lingering feelings can be quite powerful. In his arms Terra looked up at him, her eyes begging for him to finish. Slowly she brought a gently hand up to brush a large clump of sopped hair from her eyes. They were mesmerizing as he looked into them, no matter how hard he tried to resist, he couldn't look away. He could feel her heart beating through her chest, his own now thumping uncontrollably.

"And…if you were here…like this, with me…would you kiss me?" Inside his head there were screaming, drowning out the wild thumping of his heart. He was entranced…the feelings he once had…he realized, he still had…if only slightly. He knew he had to pull away, but he couldn't. With this going through his head he couldn't form an answer, he couldn't move, his body was a solid as stone. For now, he could only stare back into her eyes as she they slowly began to close. As he watched this he noticed that as they closed, it seemed her face was leaning in closer. Her lips pursed, and he could see them shine with the slight coat of rain water that covered them. They were just like Raven's…RAVEN! Again his mind screamed at him to stop this now, save himself before he does something really stupid.

Her lips tasted wonderful against his, soft, moist, and perfect. As his mind argued with the past she had already leaned in and pressed perfection against his trembling lips. At first he allowed it, but only at first. Sometime around the moment she started to hold him back it felt as if something in his head hit him hard with an aluminum baseball bat with a message written on the length. A simple message written in bright bold letters…YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED! Finally he snapped back into reality and got grips of what was happening. His arms let go of her quick and started to push at her, his head leaning back and away trying to pry himself from her. She held fast, clinging to him desperately and only kissed harder, her arms wrapping tighter around him as if letting go would kill her. Summoning up his power, he quickly changed into a mouse and fell flat on the ground and out of her embrace, scampering several feet away before morphing back.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" His eyes were filled with shame, tears welling up in the corners as he shouted at her. His chest heaved as he tried to keep control of himself; he was on the edge of a break. Whether it would be a sobbing fit of shame…or a terrible rage he didn't no, but neither sounded pleasing to him.

"I'm…I'm sorry…I…" Terra stumbled back, her eyes wide with the same shame and fear. What had she done?

"G-GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE…" He turned away and held himself, walking slowly to the door, only hoping Raven did not watch from the window. "…and don't come back…EVER!"

Terra shook all over, her face cold and pale. She had lost everything in one swift movement…there was no chasing after her this time, she could tell. No one would have her now…the one person she thought understood her…was gone, by her own hands. She took a few steps back, her heart now a frozen block, starting to crumble under the weight of her own shame. When there was no response to this, she turned and ran. This time, he did not chase her, as she knew he would not. Her tears fell like the rain…the rain that now would always fall in her heart. Where would she go…what would she do now? She stopped suddenly on the bridge and stared up into the sky and watched the rain. From her stance, it seemed like the rain fell everywhere around her, but never touched her. As if the storm itself was too disgusted by her to even rain upon her.

"…I'm so sorry…"

Wow…this chapter…I could not stop writing, it just kept pouring out of me. I wanted to get this out as soon as possible, so I might have rushed a few places. I hope you like it. Although, I wonder what to do with Terra…if anything. Oh well, that time will come.

ANSA