Phase VI: Goodbye

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Murrue walked nervously towards the park. Somehow, Kira had managed to find where Mwu was staying, and arranged for him to meet her.

She spotted him sitting alone on a park bench, staring off into space. Her heart sped up. She didn't know whether it was because she was nervous or excited or scared.

"Um, hi," she said with an uncertain smile as she approached him.

"Hey." She wasn't sure, but somehow his smile looked a bit strained.

An awkward moment of silence passed as she stood watching him. He'd already turned his gaze away from her.

"So," she started as she sat on the opposite side of the bench, "How have you been?"

"Okay, I guess."

Silence.

Murrue fiddled her fingers and bit her lip, searching for something to say. The silence was uncomfortable, unnerving even.

"I'm, I'm sorry about, you know," she stammered out. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I'm sorry that I didn't, um, tell you about my uh…situation." She mentally kicked herself for not being able to say what she really wanted, but she seemed to be afraid to use the word "engagement" in front of him.

He merely nodded in answer. But a glance at him and his eyes slightly widening told her that he was as sorry as she was.

Minutes ticked by while they sat on opposite sides of the bench, wanting to, but perhaps nervous or afraid to look at each other or speak to each other.

"Are you angry that I, that I…didn't…" she spoke up, voice trembling, "That I didn't wait for you?" The last part came out as more of a mumbled whisper. And she wasn't sure if he heard her or not; she wasn't even sure if she wanted him to hear or not.

She could've sworn that she saw him shake then. He opened his mouth, as if to answer, but seemed to change his mind. She held her breath as she waited for him to decide. Finally, with a slow shake of his head, he answered her, staring at the ocean.

"No, I'm not angry." His voice sounded odd, strained. "It's partly my fault after all. What was I thinking, disrupting your life like that? I shouldn't have come, thinking that things won't change, and that we can go back to the past, but I was too foolish to realise it. I thought I could stop time, but I guess in the end, I really can't make the impossible possible."

Murrue bit her lip at his words. She supposed she ought to feel relieved to learn that he wasn't angry with her. But there was such an underlying bitterness and regret in his words that made her sad. Did things really change between them? Couldn't they go back to the past?

"I'm sorry," was all she could say. Then in a desperate attempt to convince him, or herself, "But I, I can't go back on my word now. It, it won't be fair…" She displayed the ring for emphasis.

"I know. I won't make you do that."

She wasn't sure how to respond. She supposed that she should be thanking him for being so understanding, but couldn't voice her thoughts. So they fell silent again.

"But you know," she finally started, "You really did make the impossible possible. And I'm really glad that you survived Mwu," she turned to him with a shaky smile, but he was looking at the ground.

"Hmm," was all he said.

"I was," she looked to the ocean in the far-off distance while talking in a quiet whisper, just loud enough for him to hear. "I was heartbroken when I thought you died. So when I saw you standing there that day, I was really glad."

Mwu glanced at the woman sitting a few feet beside him. She had a serene smile on her pale face, but there was something in her eyes that didn't quite match that smile.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, turning his gaze back to the ground.

"Don't be," she answered softly without looking at him. "You saved me and well, I, I feel grateful to you. I owe my life to you, and I can never repay you for that. I, I never did thank you Mwu, for helping me so much while we were on the Archangel," she smiled to herself, as if reliving precious and beautiful memories. "Anyway, thank you for everything, I feel so indebted to you."

"You owe me nothing Murrue." She looked up in surprise at his reply. "I did that out of my own free will, so please don't feel that way. Besides, that was all in the past now."

"I guess," she sighed quietly and closed her eyes. Yes, it was all in the past now, and didn't she agree to move on?

"So, what do you plan on doing now that…" she trailed off, unable to say those words.

"I, don't know, exactly," he replied after a pause. "But, like I said before, I won't interfere with your life and your decisions."

"I know," she answered painfully. "Will I see you again?"

"Maybe."

Another awkward silence. She glanced at him and felt a terrible pain in her heart. They never seemed to run out of things to say before, and now…When had it become so awkward? Did they grow apart during this time? Had it been too long? She swallowed the sudden urge to cry. No, she promised herself that she wouldn't, not here, not now. Not in front of him.

She suddenly remembered something. She fumbled through her bag and produced a familiar white Earth Alliance cap.

"This, this is yours," she said as she fingered the rim of the hat. "I've been keeping it safe for you. And now…" she paused, shifting closer, "I guess I should give it back to you."

He said nothing, just nodded slightly.

"You know," she swallowed and clutched the white material in her hands, "I never got to say goodbye properly. I meant to at Alaska, but I, couldn't. And at Jakin Due," she cut herself off, unable to say the words she had in mind.

She looked back at him, and he chose that moment to glance at her. For a moment, their eyes locked, and both could see that the other was desperately trying to hold something back. She held his gaze, unable to look away. She opened her mouth, but nothing would come out. So she torn herself from his gaze and licked her lips nervously. She took a deep breath and focused her gaze on the far-off ocean.

"So, I guess, I guess this is good—" her voice suddenly hitched and her words caught in her throat as she realised the gravity of what she was about to say. She gasped as the realisation hit her, of how he always seemed to be leaving her, just when things looked like they would be going well. The first couple of times, at Alaska and Jakin Due, she had no choice in the matter, she could not stop him from leaving her. But now, now was different. This time, she had the power to stop him, but she chose not to; in fact, in a way, she was the cause of him leaving. And that realisation just made it even more difficult.

"I, I wanted to say g—" she tried to say those words again as she glanced up at him, which turned out to be a mistake, because she found herself choking on those words again as she met his cobalt gaze. Tears gathered in her eyes as she saw her own suppressed pain reflected in his eyes. Not wanting him to see, she covered her face with her hands to hide the tears, before it became too much, as she moved next to him and buried her face on his shoulder. He made no move to take her into his arms to comfort her, but he didn't push her away either, and didn't seem to mind the fact that her tears were soaking into his cloths.

"Mwu, I…I still…love…you," she managed to choke out between sobs. She didn't know why she was blurting this out all of a sudden. Of all things to say, why…

He didn't react at all in return, no words, no actions. The only indication that he had even heard her at all was the slight movement of his fingers curling into a fist. And for some reason, she was grateful for that.

They stayed like that for some time. He stayed silent as he listened to her soft sobs, which subsided slowly as the afternoon went on. Her thin shoulders stopped shaking and only trembled slightly with her remaining hiccups.

"I'm sorry…I don't know what came over me," she mumbled as her tears dried. Again, he didn't answer; she didn't expect him to.

They sat there on that bench as the sun slid below the horizon, setting the sky on fire. Once, their relationship was like the sun, bright, passionate, and fiery. But the fire had diminished as time moved forward. Time caused the sun to disappear below the waters, taking the fire with it.

"You know," he spoke up, not looking at her, "I'm really happy for you, that you've found your happiness." His voice dropped to a whisper, "I'm just sorry that I could not be the one to give it to you."

She wanted to cry again at that. He sounded sincere enough, but she could tell from his strained voice and bittersweet smile that it took everything he had to say that to her. His love for her was still there for her to see, beneath the pain and the regret. It was still as beautiful as she'd remembered. It was there, the regret mixing with the happiness. It was unconditional. And it was too much for her to bear. Because she realised that unlike his love for her, her love for him was tainted with guilt and obligation, with anger and selfishness, and most heartbreaking of all, she realised that it was conditional. She had dreamed of being able to love unconditionally, selflessly, like in fairytales. But that had only been a fantasy, a dream of her childish mind. She didn't realise how difficult true and pure love really was.

Was this it then? Was this the end? She had dreamed of her being stronger than that, but because she was weak and scared, she was running away again.

The streetlights came on. She shivered slightly as the cool night wind brushed her skin.

"Come on Murrue, it's getting dark," he said finally, patting her hand to get her to detach herself from him. It was only then did she realise that she was holding onto his arm, clutching on tightly.

She nodded, hiding her face from him as she released her grip. She didn't protest as he helped her stand up, but she didn't dare look at him, because she knew that if she did, she'd burst into tears again.

"Are you okay getting home by yourself?" he asked. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"Well, take care. I guess I'll see you around then," he nodded to her before walking away. Had she the courage to look up at him, she'd see a genuine, albeit a bit wistful, smile on his face as his gaze lingered on her.

"I guess so," she whispered to no one in particular. She was glad that the way he said goodbye didn't sound as final as how she had put it.

She slowly made her feet move in the direction of her home, forgetting that she still clutched the hat that she had meant to give back to him.

(...to be continued...)

AN: I really liked writing this chapter, and it was quite easy to write :) But you guys probably hate me now for the angst... Did I bring tears to anyone's eyes? ;)