Disclaimer TEEN TITANS and all other related characters and material are the property of DC comics and Cartoon Network, I claim no ownership.

Chapter 7: Soul On Fire

By: Ansa

"This heart is not a broken one
But where have all the colors gone
You're still among the lucky ones
And burning longer than the sun"

-Finger Eleven

"Ow!" A sharp clang rang throughout the garage as a heavy wrench dropped onto the concrete floor. Derek turned from his spot on the bench, fiddling around with a very stubborn alternator to see Beast Boy roll out from under a small company car, sucking on the area between his thumb and forefinger.

"What'd you do this time?" Setting down his tools Derek got up off his stool to help him up, grabbing the hand that wasn't currently being nursed and pulling him to his feet.

"Got caught between the gear shaft."

"Ouch." Derek leaned over to the wall and pried open the first aid kit, getting out a small band aid before handing it over and sitting back on his stool. Leaning back over his alternator he continued to work as he talked, cursing every now and then when things didn't go his way. "So what's up with you? You've been out of it all day."Beast Boy didn't answer, instead he pretended to be quite involved with placing the band aid over the small cut. "Trouble in paradise?"

"How'd you guess?" Beast Boy sighed, wiping his hands clean from grease as he leaned against the car hood. There was no point in trying to hide it, Derek was rather good at reading people, especially him.

"Well, you didn't shower since last night, you're wearing the same stuff as yesterday, and I've noticed you've got a stiff back. My guess is you spent the night on the couch, didn't have an alarm set so you didn't have time to shower or get a fresh set…that or you were to scared to go into the bedroom to do so." Beast Boy blinked at this as his friend stated things so casually, his sense of detail never ceased to amaze him.

"Well…I was actually up against the wall but still, that's damn creepy."

"Not creepy, it's easy if you look hard enough."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and I'll have you know, I shower at night. There's no point in showering before work."

"True."

The meaningless banter succeeded in driving the two away from the topic at hand. Beast Boy waited in the awkward silence, slowly starting to set himself down on his back, ready to slide back under the car, hoping the subject had been dropped…it hadn't.

"So what'd you do?"

"Ok, what makes you think it was my fault?"

Derek laughed, still not looking up from his work. "You definitely haven't been in many relationships." Beast Boy looked confused, not sure what this meant, sitting there silently on the floor. Finally Derek turned and leaned forward comfortably to talk. "Ok…no matter what it may be, no matter what happened, even if it's not your fault…in a relationship, it's always your fault."

"What?"

"Trust me. She could have shot a total stranger off the street while you were at work and still come up with a way to say it's your fault, that's what women are best at."

Beast Boy laughed, "You've got to be kidding me."

"It's true, trust me. It doesn't matter what it's about either, all you can do is try and figure out what she is mad at you about and apologize." Derek looked up thinking, remembering a past girlfriend. "Oh, and make sure you don't apologize for something she doesn't know about yet…then you're in big trouble."

"Yeah well, this time, it really was my fault." Beast Boy leaned his head back and looked up at the ceiling. His heart started to ache as he once again visited the previous night, and what he had done.

"Uh oh, what'd you do?" Beast Boy hesitated on telling him, it was definitely the thing he would not care to discuss in public, if at all. Not to mention it wasn't something he was particularly proud of.

"Well…an old girlfriend stopped by last night before we got to dinner."

Derek Grimaced, "This cannot be good then."

"It's not…we, started talking. She and I didn't leave on very good terms." Not exactly a lie, he thought, but not the whole truth either. He didn't need to know the whole truth…that was one thing he allowed Terra. "She was a wreck…as always. And…we got to talking and…she…" He took a breath; it was hard enough admitting it a first time, a second wasn't much better. "She kissed me."

"Damn, look at you player." Beast Boy glared at him and Derek immediately cleared his throat, "I mean uh…that sucks. So she did it right in front of Soma, or did she just happen to see it by accident?"

"Um…neither."

"Then how did she find out?"

"I uh…kinda told her." Derek blinked before grabbing the nearest magazine, rolling it up and whacking his green friend on the head.

"No, NO, bad Garfield! BAD!"

"Ow! What?"

"Why did you tell her, you idiot?"

"Cause I wasn't gonna act like it didn't happen, I want to be honest with her." A few eavesdropping co-workers laughed at this, turning their heads away or shaking them as they hung.

"Man, you really have a lot to learn don't you? Look," Derek moved down from the stool and sat down next to him, knees bent as he let his arms hang over them. "Your heart was in the right place, I give you that. But when it comes to these things, honesty is not the best thing. Especially when you kiss…" Derek gave him another whack with the magazine, "an old girlfriend."

"Well what should I have done? Not tell her? What would happen if she had found out and I didn't tell her?"

"Oh then you would be dead."

Beast Boy's head hurt as he pondered these newfound lessons on relationships. Most of them didn't really make sense to him, but then again he didn't really have many relationships to go on.

"So…if I tell her it's bad…and if I don't it's bad…so, what should I have done?" Derek thought about this for a second, looking up at the ceiling as he let out a sigh.

"Well, I guess you probably shouldn't have kissed your ex-girlfriend."

"…" Beast Boy blinked again, something in his forehead felt like it was about to pop. "You're so not getting that CD now."

Beast Boy opened the door slowly and peered inside through a crack roughly half a foot. The apartment seemed as same as it ever was, warm, comfortable, and poorly furnished due to lack of cash. After looking around he realized he couldn't really see the entire inside and opened the door fully, slowly creeping in. His footsteps were silent, as well as his careful closing of the door. Once inside he took another look around, this time finding his fiancé meditating as she usually did, floating a few feet off of the floor. He was tempted to kiss her cheek like he always did, but decided against it. Giving her some time and space until the issue was resolved, until she let him know that it was safe to do show affection again. The last thing he wanted was a piece of furniture fly at him.

"How was your day?" Her voice took him by surprise as he started to unzip his greasies and head into the kitchen. At first he didn't know what to do, looking over his shoulder he saw her feet touch down to the ground. Slowly she turned her eyes still slightly red and bloodshot from crying. As he looked at them he could feel his heart wrench, and even though he knew he shouldn't, he looked away. It was just too hard to see how much pain he had caused.

"…It was hard." That was all he could think of saying, his hands covered in bandages and bruises from various injuries caused by an undying amount of distraction. Even his forehead had a few bumps where he had managed to clunk up against something. Raven looked these over and thought about her own day. It wasn't much better than his. Even though she didn't have any physical injuries, she did manage to tarnish her participation grade in a number of her classes. Wrong answers, daydreaming and alike plagued her day, her mind elsewhere, thinking about this moment. All day she could only count the seconds until they could talk things through.

"Yeah…same here." Raven sat down on the couch, her arms crossed gently in front of her, her eyes noticing his turn away and moving to stare ahead of her. Even though she would not call him over, she left a sizable space between her and the edge of the couch so he could sit.

"Rav-…Soma…I know you probably hate me right now, and you're entitled to."

"I don't hate you…" Raven blinked, she had found herself in a very awkward position. Suddenly she found herself saying the same thing, thinking the same thing, and in the same tone as Beast Boy had last night. "You know I love you." She decided she was not going to be like that, he had messed up no question, but she still loved him and the only thing that really scared her…was losing him.

"I love you too…I don't think I can say that enough." Things were starting to roll, it would be a bumpy ride, and a long one at that so he decided to sit. "I can't tell you…how sorry I am." There was that word he hated to say, that simple meaningless word that didn't really seem to say much at all about how anyone really feels, but at the time, it seems that it's all you can say.

"Please…try. I need to know…what you feel, if anything, for Terra." She was scared to ask this question, or rather, she was scared of what answer he might give her. Her hand trembled slightly in her lap, until he took them in his gently, squeezing them warmly in his soft grip.

"What? Hun…you know…" He sighed, this was going to be hard to say, but she deserved an explanation. "What happened between me and Terra was along time ago…and when she betrayed us…it tore me apart. I didn't really feel like I had any real closure I guess. I mean, when she was cured she just ran off." He finally looked into her eyes, still holding her hands in his, his soul on fire with love and regret. "When she showed up last night…it was like…it was like my heart and soul were going insane, my head was spinning. I mean, I have you, the love of my life…and here comes Terra…who I never really had a chance to really love." He looked away for a moment, he knew it would hurt her to hear this, and he didn't dare look into her eyes when she heard it. "Inside me there always was this voice screaming at me… 'You're about to marry Raven, you love her! Don't let this happen!'"

He stopped there for a moment, it seemed his entire body was reliving that night. He felt cold and wet somehow, his head was spinning just as fast as it had, and his poor heart was aching so much it almost brought a tear to his eye. Inside he felt his soul weep and burn, not knowing what would happen to them…not knowing, if they still had a chance after he had done such a thing.

"It…it just happened…and all I could think was 'Oh God, please let this be a dream.' I knew that if this was real…I couldn't be able to forgive myself…ever." In the end he let a tear fall, which was a big deal for him. He wasn't the weepy type, even during especially hard moments. Those times, even though he felt he might, all that happened was inner torment that left him curled up in the corner somewhere. He would never cry…especially not in front of her. He needed to be strong for her, even if she was stronger than him in many more ways than he cared to think of…he still needed to show her that he could be strong, and be there when she needed him. He saw this tear as a failure on his part, perhaps even a sign of weakness. Inside he scolded himself for it, and nearly turned away from her, but she held on tight to his hands, not letting him leave.

Raven looked at him, her eyes showing warmth and tenderness that was rarely revealed, even though they had been together for years. Inside she still held on the ideal of showing very little emotion, somehow she felt safer that way. In the years she'd spent with her love, she found that slowly he had begun to wittle away at that ideal, her emotions showing up slightly more than they had used to. To her surprise she found…that she was actually glad he was able to do this…it proved to her that he wasn't just any man. It proved to her that he was something special, something to hold on to no matter what might come in their way…no matter what.

"I'm so sorry…"

"…I'm sorry too."

"For what?" Beast Boy looked at her confused as she turned her head slightly, staring ahead. There was some thing she hadn't been completely honest with him about…and she needed to tell him now, lest it be too late for them.

"There's something…I haven't told you yet." Her hands trembled in his and her eyes started to gloss over, a slight mist forming slowly. "Something I should have told you so very long ago…but I was too afraid…I would lose you." She tried to hold on as long as she could so he could hear what she was about to say clearly.

"Soma…there is nothing you could ever say that would make me leave you…you know that right?"

"I do…but…I was scared, just like I'm sure you were last night." Raven looked up at him again, a pool of tears edging along the corner of her eyes. As he looked into them it seemed they were begging him to hold her, almost screaming for comfort. He let go of her hands and before he could reach around her she dove into his open arms, wrapping her own tight, fingers clenching onto his t-shirt desperately. "But…you still told me…because you wanted to be honest…even though you knew it would hurt. I can't be so cowardly now…"

"Raven…" He slipped, her civilian name seeming in appropriate for this moment. Besides…he fell in love with the purple haired girl named Raven, and in times of passion, that's the only name in the entire world he could think of using. "You can tell me…what is it?"

"I…" Her voice still trembled, despite her best efforts to keep it strong and clear, her tears pouring down her cheeks, and soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "I can't bear children…"

"…what?"

"I can't give you a child." Her fingers clenched tighter, bunching the back of his t-shirt as if it was so very painful to speak. Her entire body trembled in his embrace as she waited, terrified for him to respond.

"Hun…"

"Would you still have me? Would you still be with a woman who can't give you a son or daughter?" She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears, her face ravaged in torment as she saw into his soul. The way he looked back at her confused her, his eyes were full of…of…love, and warmth, but why?

"I would still have you…even if it meant losing everything else I have ever known." He held her tight to him, resting his head on her shoulders and whispering quietly into her ear. "Having a child would mean nothing to mean…unless it was yours. And if I can't have your child…then I don't want any. All I could ever want is you…and I could never ask for anything else."

Raven's eyes flooded, her body shaking wildly as he spoke, and her fingers held on to him so tightly she almost tore the fabric. She wept in his arms, feeling so foolish, and yet so very happy. She never wanted to leave him, she never wanted to be alone…everything that could happen that would upset her was trivial…fleeting. Her love for him was eternal…not even her father would have been able to separate them. Inside her heart still ached, but not in pain. No…her heart ached terribly, with love. Something so rare…to be able to love someone so much it hurts, even when you are happy. This blissful pain…this everlasting joy that would last their entire lives now…she had never felt it before, and nor could she even begin to explain it to one who hasn't shared it as well. She cringed as she suddenly felt his embrace loosen, tightening hers all the more, burrowing deeper into his arms.

"Beast Boy…"

"Yes?"

"Please…don't let go. Don't ever let go."

I'm usually quite modest but…damn I'm good. Not much left to say I guess, except…prepare for some other character pairing soon, once the other Titans come into play. I must say I can't wait to start writing Cyborg's pairing. Till then, Later Days!

ANSA