Phase VII: Forfeit

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"So you're just going to leave like this?" asked the Coordinator boy in disbelief as he watched the other man pack as if he had no other care in the world.

"Well, my vacation doesn't last forever," he grinned, "Besides, there's no reason for me to stay. My plane leaves this afternoon," came Mwu's nonchalant reply as he continued packing without stopping or even glancing at the boy.

Kira watched with knitted eyebrows. He couldn't believe how casual and indifferent Mwu was.

"Don't you care about her at all?" he had to ask.

Mwu's hands paused as he remembered the previous afternoon in the park, when she had cried on his shoulder, but he didn't even try to comfort her. I still…love…you…

"Of course I do!" he answered quickly, straightening up to look at Kira, then took a breath to calm down. "Of course I do. But that's why I'm letting her go. I've hurt her enough already, I don't think she needs any more pain from me." He then went back to folding his clothes.

"But don't you think you'd be hurting her more by just leaving?" Kira demanded, closing the suitcase lying on the bed so that Mwu would pay attention to him.

"She doesn't need me anymore Kira, she's engaged to someone else, and I don't want to mess up her life anymore than I already have. She's finally found happiness, and I have no right to take it away from her, or her fiancé for that matter." Kira could see from the pained look in his eyes that it had hurt him, a lot, to admit that.

"Is that what you really believe Mwu-san?" asked Kira sadly, "That she'd be better off without you?" He couldn't believe that the usually confident commander was just giving up like this.

"What else is there to believe?" he replied. In truth, he didn't want to believe what he had just told Kira. But believing in that was easier for him than to believe that she didn't love him anymore, that she never loved him enough to wait for him.

"So you're just going to run away without even trying to work things out," the Coordinator boy stated slowly.

Mwu sighed in exasperation, "What is there to work out?" he asked before opening the suitcase again and started loading it. "Just drop it, okay?"

Kira growled low in his throat. He was getting annoyed at Mwu's passive attitude. "But couldn't you at least try?"

"What point is there?" Mwu retorted. "It wouldn't work even if I want it to. Even if I tried, what about her? I was the one who broke her heart, and he's the one who mended it and given her a future. Who do you think she would choose?" Then he chuckled ironically, "Wait, don't answer that, she has already chosen."

"But that was before she knew—"

"What do you want me to do, kidnap her at her wedding and elope?" Mwu cut in, exasperated. "Or should I go to her fiancé and demand that he return her to me?" he asked with a bitter laugh.

Kira was silent at that. He sighed and looked down. Mwu had a point.

"I just," the older man continued quietly, "I've resigned to the fact that she's not mine anymore. I had my chance, but I forfeited that at Jakin Due—"

"But that wasn't your fault!" Kira quickly cut in.

"It doesn't matter whose fault it is!" Mwu retorted, "Can't you see? It's over. She's chosen someone else, and we, what we had is all in the past now. It was a mistake for me to even come looking for her, thinking that we could still stay in the past. But time forgives no one."

Kira looked away, sadly, he couldn't quite think of an argument. "So, what are you going to do now? Aren't you at least going to stay for the wedding?"

Mwu let out a bitter laugh. "I wasn't invited. Besides, I don't think I could attend even if I was." He looked at Kira with controlled sadness in his eyes. "I think I'll take her advice and move on myself. I too need to put the past behind me."

"But what you had was…" Kira tried again, but cut himself off as he became uncertain whether he was being too nosy. That thought was confirmed by a glare from Mwu. Kira ignored it and continued, "I still think you should stay and…"

"Stay and do what?" he cut Kira off in a huff. "Should I stay here and help her raise his family? I'm sorry, but I'm not that selfless!"

Kira blinked in surprise as his jaw dropped slightly.

"A-Are you angry at her or something?" he asked tentatively.

Mwu closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "No, no I'm not. Just, forget I said that, okay."

Kira wasn't convinced. "I know you're frustrated by this, but don't blame it all on her. She was so heartbroken after Jakin Due, and—"

"And it's all my fault," Mwu continued matter-of-factly. "You're saying that if I should blame someone, blame myself right? Well okay, point taken. I have no reason to be angry at her because it's all my fault. Happy?"

"I, didn't, say, that." Kira gritted his teeth in annoyance, and had to take a deep breath to calm himself. Why was this man so difficult to reason with? From what he had seen and heard, what they had was perfect, unconditional love; he couldn't believe that both were giving up like this. If only he could get them to see what everyone else saw.

"I'm sorry Kira," came a mumbled apology, "Just drop it okay, I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Kira sighed and let it go, it seemed pointless to continue arguing if he wasn't willing to listen. He just had one more question, "Why are you being so cold to her? Aren't you at least going to tell her you're leaving?"

He clenched the material of the shirt he was folding. "Because," his voice lowered to a whisper that Kira could barely hear, "Because I'm afraid that if I see her, I'll never be able to let go." Was it Kira's imagination, or did his voice tremble slightly?

The two were silent as each was lost in their own thoughts.

"I'll be right back, with victory in hand."

Somehow, fate allowed him to keep his promise; it allowed him to come back to her. But did he bring victory with him? If he did, this was not how he pictured victory.

Now that he had finally found her after much dreaming and searching, why was he giving up so easily and so soon? Because as much as he hated to admit it, Kira was right, he was running away. Was it because he couldn't love her unconditionally anymore? That he could only love her if she loved him the most? Or was it because he was angry and disillusioned that she would do something like this? He had thought of nothing but her for the past year, so he was more than slightly cross to find that she didn't do the same. He couldn't just forget about it, his pride would not let him.

He knew that people change over time, and they were no exception. But did they change that much? Had they grown that far apart, had their love fade that much, that they couldn't even try to have a second chance?

He thought their love was stronger than that, so what happened? He searched and searched for a place to put the finger of blame to, but in the end, it didn't really matter whose fault it was. The fact was that he came too late, and missed his chance. So even though he hated to accept defeat, there was nothing he could do about it except to accept his forfeit. Still, it did not help the fact that he felt betrayed, abandoned, deserted. But he supposed that he did sort of deserve it, after all, he abandoned her at Jakin Due, so was this retribution?

That's just the way it is, can't be helped…

Kira watched the pained expression on Mwu's face silently. He could clearly see that the idea of Murrue walking down the aisle towards someone else, and letting her go, knowing there was nothing he could do, broke Mwu's heart. But Kira also understood there was nothing he could say or do to make it all better. He wished he could do something for them, because he knew they really did love each other once, and that they belonged together. But he also knew that it wasn't his place to interfere.

"Mwu-san, why are you still in the military, the war is over," asked Kira, startled when he saw the Earth Alliance uniform peeking out from under a pile of clothes in the suitcase.

Mwu smiled wryly. "Because being a soldier is all that I'm good at." He ignored Kira's worried look and closed the bag. "Besides, it's the only thing in life right now that I still know how to deal with."

(to be continued...)

AN: hopefully, you're still reading this and not wanting to come after me with pitchforks... just some insight into what Mwu is thinking. I rather like writing Kira and Mwu's conversation :)