Phase VIII: Chance

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Murrue found it hard to concentrate on her breakfast that morning as she went over the events of last night in her mind. She remembered that look in his eyes as she tried to say goodbye to him. She knew that he was hurting, that she was hurting him, and she hated herself for that. He had said that he wasn't angry at her, that he had forgiven her, but she felt angry at herself just the same for doing this to him. He had remained faithful, while she didn't. Once again, he had come back for her, but this time, she did not wait for him.

As she lay in the darkness last night, she dreamed of him, of all the time they'd spent together, of how he was always there for her, supporting her (Okay, he wasn't there for her for the past year, but that was due to circumstances beyond their control, and he did try his best to find her). She dreamed of the time that he had almost left her at Alaska, when she had realised just how much she needed him, how much she loved him. She remembered how her heart felt torn as she watched his retreating figure. And no matter how long ago it was, time could not take away that memory, time could not change the feelings that she had then. Was that feeling still there?

Yes, it was. She suddenly realised that yes, that feeling was still there. Her heart had felt the same sadness and ache as they parted last night as it did at Alaska and Jakin Due.

"I'm really happy for you, that you've found your happiness. I'm just sorry that I could not be the one to give it to you."

But she realised that she could not be happy without him, that in order to be happy, she needed him, and she could not be happy knowing that she loved him, but gave him up willingly.

Funny how you don't appreciate something until it's out of your reach. And it took a goodbye for her to realise what her heart truly desired.

But was it out of her reach? She still had a chance, didn't she? If only, if only she had enough courage to…

She looked at the ring again. It wasn't fair to Gale. She could not love him the way she loved Mwu. She was just leading him on, using him, because she was selfish, and he certainly did not deserve that. She knew he would be devastated if she broke up with him, but she also knew that he would be even more devastated if she had married him without being true to him.

So she made up her mind to set things right. She had to, even if she ended up heartbroken and alone, she had to make it up to the two men she cared about. She wouldn't run away anymore.

But things were harder than it seemed. It was Saturday, so both she and Gale were off work. She had plenty of chances to bring it up, but every time she opened her mouth to say it, she couldn't find her voice or she'd swallow her words. Was she nervous? Was she scared that Gale wouldn't take no for an answer?

So the morning passed without her making any progress. She kept on making excuses, thinking that now wasn't the right moment, or that she couldn't find the right words. Without realising it, she was running away again.

They ate lunch in silence. Gale had tried to engage her in casual conversation, but gave up eventually as he realised that she was distracted by something and wasn't even paying attention. He gazed at her in concern. He had a feeling that something was up, because she had been like this for the past couple of days, dazed and distracted.

"Murrue? Are you sick?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm almost done, I'll clean up later," she replied absent-mindedly.

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"Murrue, can I talk to you for a moment please?" the voice came from the living room as she walked down the stairs. Murrue sighed. She wasn't really in the mood to talk, even though she knew she should be talking to him.

"Sorry Gale, but can this wait? I'm kind of tired right…now," she finished her sentence slowly as she entered the living room, eyes widening as she took in the sight. Gale was standing there, surrounded by a few suitcases and other belongings.

"W-Where are you going?" she asked, confused. Was he going on a trip?

"I'm moving out," was the reply.

"Why?" she moved closer, startled at his response.

He turned his gaze away, and she noticed a tinge of sadness.

"What are you doing Gale?" For some reason, she was nervous and slightly afraid of the answer. "W-Why are you leaving?"

He looked back at her with an assuring smile. "Please Murrue, don't panic, just hear me out."

She nodded slowly and sat down on the couch.

"I'm leaving because there's someone else on your mind, isn't there?" he started softly. She didn't answer to confirm or deny his question, just stared intently at the carpet. But that was all the answer that he needed.

"Don't worry, I'm not angry," he told her as he saw her nervousness. "I just…" he sighed, trying to find the right words.

He walked towards the couch and sat down beside her. Then he took her left hand gently and removed the ring.

"Gale!" she exclaimed as she stared at him in surprise.

But he just smiled softly and shook his head; there was such kindness in his eyes. "It's okay."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she reached for the ring. "Are you sure, I—"

"Yes I am," he cut her off. She swallowed her words as she saw the pain in his eyes. "Please, just let me do this," he looked away and said in a low voice, "Please Murrue, it'll make it easier on me, and my pride."

She stared back at the floor, mind still spinning from what just happened. "I, I'm sorry," she whispered, "I…"

"Don't look so guilty," he shook his head and patted her hand, "This was my decision, remember? I just want you to be happy Murrue, and if you can't find happiness with me," he swallowed, "Well, then, I don't think it's wise to continue, it'll just make both of us miserable."

She had to bite her lip to keep it from trembling. He had taken the words right out of her mind. He had been so kind to her, yet she…

He stood up stretched. "Well, I guess that's all I wanted to say," he said in a cheery voice, too cheerful. Then seeing her sad look, he sighed and fingered the ring. "I, I'll give you three days," he told her in a low voice. She looked up in surprise. "You can decide what you want without any obligations. If you still want this," he held out the ring, "You know where to find me. Otherwise," he swallowed, "Otherwise, I'll cancel the wedding."

Before she could react, he leaned down and kissed her soft lips. "Goodbye Murrue. I shouldn't be worried, since I trust your judgement. But whoever he is, I hope he brings you happiness."

With that, he picked up his belongings and walked towards the door.

"Wait!" He paused, but didn't turn. "Wait, Gale," she gulped, "Are you sure about this? I mean…"

Gale lowered his head and shook it gently. "It can't be helped Murrue."

"I'm so sorry, I know you're angry with me, and you have every right to be, but…"

"No, I'm not angry, because I know that we can't help who we fall in love with. So I'm fine with it." He started walking again.

"Then, then you should find your happiness too!" she called out, "Make sure you do, or else," she struggled to keep her voice from trembling, "Or else I'll never forgive you," or myself…

He smiled, "Don't worry, I will."

She watched him go from her place on the couch, unable to move or react. Her mind was numb, and she felt a dull ache in a heart. She prayed silently for him to find someone who could give him happiness, someone who would love him selflessly in the way that she could not. And as she watched him walk out her door, she could feel tears trail down her face.

AN: sorry for the long delay. I actually have this chap sketched out a while ago, but took quite some time to get the details right (not sure if I still have it right). And I'm not quite sure about the next few chaps yet, because there's a couple of possibilities where I can take this (but they'd all end at the same point, I just can't decide which route to take yet).

I wanted Gale to be a sweet, kind, guy, perhaps he's just a bit ill-fated...