Update on the animation of the Shinobi's Guide series: Well, it would seem you all are going to have to suffer through my crappy artwork because I can't find anyone to do the drawing for me. This means that it is going to take me a lot longer to animate because 1) I have a full-time job and when I get home I am farked 2) I spend most of Saturday sleeping like a dead person, and Sunday agonizing about Monday. So yeah, this might take some time.

Kakashi and Sandaime Hokage: Panty raid!

The Shinobi's Guide to Training
Part Eight: Fun House
By Kaori

"Naruto, you're my friend, right?" Neji asked.

"Yeah…" Naruto wasn't sure where this was going but he would go with it for now.

"And friends help each other in their time of need, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And since you're my friend you'll help me if I need you to, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Good. Then do me a favor and break my legs." This got the attention of the other rookies and they watched the exchange like a tennis match.

"The hell? I can't do that! Why don't you ask Sasuke? He hates you."

"I know. But I can't trust him not to kill me, that is why I am asking you."

"Hey, if you break his legs you gotta break mine too!" protested Kiba.

"The hell! I'm not breaking anybody's legs." Interjected Naruto.

"I thought you said you were my friend!"

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"Enough!" groaned Kurenai. "Nobody is breaking anybody's legs!" She massaged her temples.

"So, what are we doing exactly?" Sakura asked only to be glared at by Sasuke and Neji; the others simply resigned themselves to the fact that they would be tortured and humiliated some more.

"You're going to be training your senses." Asuma took a drag from his cigarette. "Any questions before we take you to the place where you will be training?"

"When's Kaka-sensei getting out of the hospital?" asked the hyperactive ninja.

"As soon as they figure out how to get him to stop barricading himself in the nearest room whenever someone mentions Hinata." Those standing in the clearing faintly heard the sounds of someone screaming followed by Tsunade yelling "Hatake Kakashi get out of my bathroom!"

The twelve disciples were ushered to a large building on the outskirts of the forest surrounding the village. This in itself wasn't so strange until you got closer.

"Hey this place has no windows." Observed Ino.

"Oh it has windows all right, but you have to know where to look for them." Kurenai said. The rookies gave her a quizzical look. "You'll find out once you're inside." Shikamaru arched an eyebrow.

"Once "you're inside" meaning you aren't coming?"

"Of course not, this is your training not ours."

"Now off you go!" cheered Gai, and suddenly all twelve teenagers were thrown through the door of the black-painted building landing in an unceremonious heap. The door closed and locked behind them and they were left lying in the dark.

"Would you bastards get off of me?" snarled Neji, the unfortunate person at the bottom of the pile.

"Whose hand is that?" demanded Sakura.

"…sorry." Muttered Shino.

"Neji, Hinata, can you guys see anything?" ventured Naruto.

"Byakugan can't see in the dark, dobe." Snorted Sasuke.

"Shut up, teme I wasn't asking you! Your sharingan can't see in the dark either so there!"

"Don't talk to Sasuke-kun like that!" chorused Ino and Sakura.

THWACK!

"What'd you hit me for?" growled Neji. The girls chuckled nervously.

"Arf!" yelped Akamaru.

"Shikamaru, Akamaru says you're crushing him." Kiba translated.

"Well I can't move, TenTen's lying on me." Sighed Shikamaru.

"How do you know that's TenTen?"

"The weight. Chouji's bigger around the middle and if Lee was lying on me I don't think I'd be able to breath quite so well."

"Who is sitting on me?" asked Lee.

"Anou…I think I am, Lee-san." Ventured Hinata.

"Hold on, I'll check…"

"Ow! Lee! Why'd you pinch me?" Naruto cried out.

"Ah, sorry Naruto I thought you were Hinata."

"Hinata's on the other side of me, I think we're both sitting on you." A faint, red glow appeared about shoulder-level to Naruto. "Ne, Hinata? Are you okay? Man, you're so red I can see you." (1) THUMP! "Hinata! Oh man, she fainted…"

They'd finally sorted themselves out and were now stood in the pitch-black darkness trying to figure out what was happening to them.

"Okay, we're in a dark room that apparently distorts the direction where sounds are coming from." Shikamaru surmised.

"Distorts the direction of sounds? How do you figure that?" asked TenTen.

"Earlier Sakura and Ino hit Neji thinking he was Naruto. From what I could guess, Naruto was actually on the top of the dog pile."

"So we can't trust our ears," Shino stated. "and we can't see where we're walking."

"So what do we do?" wondered Hinata.

"Well…" drawled Sasuke. "when you can't trust your eyes or your ears, use your nose."(2)

"We've got you all beat in that department!" you could hear the triumphant smirk in Kiba's voice. "Right, Akamaru?" The puppy barked in response.

"That won't work." Neji pointed out. "There's no breeze in here to carry a scent and all the air in here is stale. I bet that door hasn't been opened in some time."

"Damn, so now what do we do?" groused Naruto.

"Well, failing that, there's always your sense of touch. We can apply the maze principal here." Shikamaru said.

"Which is…" prompted Ino.

"So troublesome. Find a wall and follow it, you'll eventually find an exit." (3)

Stumbling around in the dark, they did manage to find a wall but came across another stumbling block.

"There's only one door and it's been locked from the outside." Lee said.

"That must be the door we came in through." mused Sasuke.

"Uchiha don't end your sentences with prepositions." Sighed Neji.

"Shut up Hyuuga."

"This is almost like one of those lateral thinking puzzles that only Shimamaru gets." Groaned Ino. "We're in a dark room with no light, no windows, and a locked door with no clue what we are supposed to be doing."

"All right, priority one, get the freakin' door open." Snarled Kiba. They heard the distinct sizzle of an explosive tag.

"ARE YOU INSANE!" screamed everyone else.

BOOM!

Outside, the jounins watched impassively as smoke filtered out from the numerous camouflaged slats in the walls.

"Wow, I thought sure they'd try to blow up the door sooner." Hummed Asuma.

Inside the building, the twelve teenagers tried to stop coughing; the smoldering door which (they were now discovering) had been coated with a foul-smelling concoction that smoked like nobody's business.

"(hack cough) Well that was a stupid idea…" choked Sasuke. "…but what else can you expect from Kiba."

"Shut up (cough gasp) you bastard. Like you could (cough cough cough) do better." Retorted Kiba.

Eventually the door stopped smoking and they could all breathe again. Predictably it was still dark.

"This is really starting to piss me off…"growled Naruto. "How are we supposed to get out of here." He stamped his foot and there was a metallic clang. "What the hell?" He stomped his foot again, and the floor made the same sound. He knelt down and felt along the floor. "Hey guys, there's a trap door down here!"

Well it appears that they have a way out of the room, but where does this path lead? What could their senseis be thinking? And what of Kakashi? Will he stop hiding in the nearest room whenever someone even utters the name Hinata? (Kakashi screams. Sounds of running feet and a door locking). What the crap? Kakashi you can't hide in my mother's bedroom! (Kakashi: Ooh, whirlpool bath. (sounds of water running)). No! Get out of my mother's bathroom! Out! (Kakashi: You know you could always join me…) …fine let me get my rubber duck... (Kakashi: I win.) …and my swimsuit. (Kakashi:…I still win).

1) Okay I think I'd better explain this scene a bit. Neji's on the bottom, Ino Chouji, and Sakura are on top of him. Kiba, Shino and Akamaru are on top of them. Lee, Sasuke, and TenTen are on top of those three, and Naruto and Hinata are both sitting on Lee.

2) Sasuke basically just quoted what Kakashi said to Zabuza even though he never actually heard it. The line is appropriate nevertheless.

3) I'm not sure if that's what it's actually called but I've applied the principal to several maze puzzles and it works. It's not the fastest way but it does work.