Iruka woke up, in bed, with Yoko, and she was naked. God no! He couldn't have, wouldn't have, especially not with a woman. Her arms were still around him. He carefully removed them and slipped out of the room, numb with horror. Yoko opened one eye to watch him go, smiling wistfully. Close. Next time she'd have him.

The abbot was waiting for him. He saw the look on Iruka's face and Yoko through the open door.

"Still so loyal to Hatake? The chakra you're shedding everywhere must be effecting her too, and she's a princess, probably used to getting everything she wants." He waited for Iruka to close the door then moved closer, putting him inside his aura. "The frustration will only get worse, let me ease it for you. Please? I'll be very gentle and you'll feel so much better."

Iruka teleported to the far side of the room. "No! Kakashi and I... we… we've been apart longer than this before. I don't like it but I can handle it."

The abbot stared at him coolly, despite the colour in his cheeks. "Maybe. But can the rest of us handle you?"

Iruka was startled by the careful man's sudden bluntness. "Is my control really that bad?"

"I think you should leave as soon as you're ready. If it wasn't for my training I'd have you nailed to the wall by now." The strain showed through his smile.

The teacher bowed stiffly, fighting against the humiliation that was threatening to drown him. "I'll wait outside by the road. Please tell Yoki-san to join me as soon as she, er, he is ready."

In his agitation he didn't notice the shadows lurking nearby. Yoko did. She dispersed them with a sharp gesture before approaching Iruka and taking his hand.

"The abbot told me what happened last night." Iruka turned pale as Yoko continued. "Thank you for protecting me. For staying by my side through the danger."

The Abbot had told her? So she didn't remember anything either, whether they'd... Maybe the mist he'd mentioned had something to do with it. Iruka couldn't look at her. Right now he'd give anything to be risking his life deflecting stray kunai thrown by Konoha's next generation of potential nins.

"I'm just doing the job I've been paid to do."

She pouted prettily. "That's all?

He tried not to blush, and failed miserably, as he finally met her eyes. "I'm a shinobi escort. It would be unprofessional to do any more or any less."

The pout turned into a smile. She may even have winked. "I understand Sensei."

They set off along the road, Yoko almost dancing ahead of him. Iruka was glad they hadn't stayed at the shrine for breakfast. If the taste of a couple of standard ration bars didn't dampen her high spirits nothing would.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kakashi woke up suddenly. The cold metallic heaviness around his wrists and ankles told him that he was chained down securely. This wasn't good. The heaviness in his head told him he was drugged. Not good either. So the incense at the shrine was used to cover the smell of something much more potent. Not a shrine at all but a safe-seeming haven to lure poor gullible fools who'd found their way into Port Kaizoku. Stupid kids seeking adventure and naïve innocents who thought they'd find an actual priest in this place. Like him. Well Dakatsu had warned him.

So what the hell was going on? Wasn't this the second attempt in as many days to capture him? Although by the look of things this time it had gone way beyond an attempt. Who on earth was behind them? Of course he knew of plenty of people who wanted him dead, for a wide variety of reasons. Or who simply wanted the honour of killing him. But alive? Well… not so many.

He started to form the fingers of one hand into a seal.

"Don't waste your time with that magic stuff ninja-boy, we've got you sealed."

Kakashi slitted his eye open and peered in the direction of the voice. The bulk of a rhinoceros was sprawled in a chair to his left. A cigar tip glowed in the gloom as he watched. Strange that he hadn't noticed its smell, or the smell of the animal for that matter, even drugged. He wrinkled his nose, obviously he'd got too used to chakra enhanced senses. So that meant his chakra was sealed, they must have a jutsu scroll on him somewhere. Stolen or blackmarket. Definitely not good. Tensing his muscles he felt a prickle against his thigh and another at his ribcage. At least they hadn't found all his weapons. Finally something positive.

Suddenly he couldn't resist laughing, it was funny. Of all the impossible situations he'd got himself into and out of over the years. To find himself chained down in this hole, guarded by a cigar smoking rhinoceros, was… funny. "What do you want with me?"

The beast laughed too, heartily, its rolls of flesh quaking like a sack of jello. "Pretty boy like you has to ask?"

"Pretty? A one eyed shinobi with an ugly scar on his face?"

Kakashi shifted slightly on the bench he was chained to so that his right hand drooped off its edge. His hand moved reluctantly, as if it wasn't his, as if it was a puppet and he was pulling strings from the other side of the room, strings made of rubber.

The animal grunted as it pulled itself to its feet, then waddled over. It pulled up the Leaf headband and yanked down the mask. Kakashi noticed that it had fingers instead of hooves, he laughed again, but stopped abruptly as a grey horn was pushed into his face.

"Looks like there's an eye there to me."

"Yeah but it's not real. Take a closer look." He opened his left eye.

"Hey look at that, one blue and one brown. You couldn't find a better match?"

Fuck. His chakra was sealed pretty damn tight if the sharigan wasn't active. Out of sight he flexed and twisted his wrist, worrying at the lock.

"It's a big scar but it ain't so bad. The boss'll be here soon and I don't think One Eyed Dick will care."

"Your boss has one eye too?"

The rhinoceros laughed again, poisoning the air around Kakashi's face with foul tobacco breath. "Naw, he's got two eyes but his dick's only got one, if you know what I mean. Little Gep'll be glad, gives him the night off."

Kakashi managed not to flinch. He let his head roll back making his unmasked mouth gape open an inch. Every perspective in the room warped and shifted at the movement.

"You're not even gonna steal a kiss first? I suppose a big guy like you can do better than spoiled goods like me."

A lustful haze misted over the animal's bead-like eyes. Kakashi smirked inwardly, so he'd guessed right.

"Well normally I like girls, given a choice, but I gotta say there's something about you. I almost envy the boss on this one."

It slowly, suggestively, rubbed its hand up and down the length of the horn on his snout and opened its black slit of a mouth, showing uneven yellow-stained teeth. Then leaned forward.

Kakashi saw a slimy spotted tongue reaching for his lips. He flicked off the chain and had the kunai between the beast's ribs before it made contact. The huge animal reared up and staggered backwards, falling into its chair. The little black eyes registered shock as it stared at the growing circle of red on its chest. Kakashi snatched a needle from inside his jacket. His feet seemed a long way away. He crawled towards them and used it to pick the locks on his ankles. The second lock snapped open just as the rhinoceros bellowed and came pounding across the floor towards him.

Fuck, too much flab. The blade hadn't gone deep enough to hit any organs. Swinging his feet to the ground Kakashi pulled the bench, which was still chained to his left wrist, between them. The dingy room swirled around him and he locked his knees to stop them from buckling. Double fuck. Without chakra the only way he could hope to defeat a monster like this was with speed, but with so much drug in his system he might not have that. He pulled the bench on end, using it as equal parts support, barrier and weapon. As the animal hit, he threw his weight behind it and crashed it into it, using their combined force to drive the kunai deeper into its chest.

They both went down. Kakashi rolled off snatching back his weapon, he might need it again, then pulled his disobedient legs under him in a crouch. But the huge body on the floor made no attempt to come after him this time. It lay, face distorted in pain, gasping and gargling. A sucking chest wound. Still not a vital hit but he'd punctured the beast's chest cavity. The wretched thing would either suffocate or drown in its own blood, either one was a horrible way to die. Supporting himself on the hand still attached to the bench, the copy nin knelt next to it and sliced the kunai across its throat. Crimson blood sprayed across the room then pulsed from the severed arteries, forming a surprisingly wide pool on the dirty floor. As the flow ebbed the rhinoceros's eyes focussed into a look of gratitude and then went blank.

Kakashi rolled back and lay still, trying to find his centre, as the ceiling circled in both directions at once. He had to get out. The boss was on the way, probably the rest of the gang too. There was no way he'd be able to fight them all, not like this. The glint of steel caught his eye from the corner of the room, his weapons. Dragging the bench with him he sorted through them, tucking each into its proper place on his strangely unfamiliar body. A few seconds working at the lock on his wrist with a needle freed him of the bench. That was a relief. His pack was there too, even better. Just as things were starting to look up he heard footsteps and voices. From the look of things he was in one of the buildings he'd passed on the outskirts of town, hardly the beaten track. That meant whoever, or whatever, was out there was coming for him.

There was no lock on the door but it didn't budge when he pushed it. So it was barred from the outside, an interesting way to protect contraband. Unless it was for human contraband. Maybe he could break it but if he injured himself trying he'd really be fucked. Literally. There was only one other way out, a bright dusty window high on the far wall. That was out of reach right now, he could barely touch it, even it he stacked up everything in the room, and as dizzy as he was he'd probably fall. He dragged the bench under the window, piled a few empty crates from the corner of the room onto it, and perched the chair on top. Taking a few steps back he launched a shuriken at the glass. The sound as it shattered was masked by the noise of the bar on the door scraping back, his cue to get into position behind it, a half dozen kunai in each hand.

The door creaked open towards him. At first Kakashi couldn't make out the white shape standing in the sunlight. Then as his eyes adjusted he saw a white horse with a flowing white mane. No a unicorn, he found himself looking for an eye on its horn. An involuntarily shiver went down his spine, he certainly didn't want to risk being reamed with that thing. It trotted into the room then stopped at the rhinoceros corpse. A dragon and an ape were outlined in the light behind it.

"Fuck he got away. That fucking seal we put in his shoe didn't work. Shitty so called sennin."

The dragon slithered forward. Kakashi could see a cigarette hanging from the corner of its mouth, maybe that explained the wisps of smoke as it spoke. "You sure it was the seal boss? I always said it was too risky going after these ninjas, even if the pay's good. I heard the scorpion gang ran into a white-haired guy out on the sands. Killed five of 'em before they knew what hit 'em."

The unicorn reared up and slammed a front hoof into the back of the dragon's neck, making it squeal with pain. "Scorpion gang! Bunch of stupid thieves, what do they know about pressing a man? Of course it was the seal! I shoved a whole damn ball of opium down his throat myself, there's no way he could have taken down Big Tomo without his weird fucking ninja powers."

Another shape became visible behind the ape, something delicate and slender with a shaggy crest of feathers around its head. A heron? A crane? It spoke with a slight lisp. "You really think he could have got out that window boss?"

The unicorn rounded on it angrily. "Of course he got out the fucking window, the door was still barred wasn't it? You two stay and clean up this damn mess, the rest get after him, he can't have gone far. He's still gotta be high as a kite, probably standing on the dock right now, fighting seagulls and cursing about flying nuns."

As the unicorn cantered away, the door slammed shut behind it and Kakashi found himself staring eye to eye with the dragon. It was a beautiful creature, silver grey with a metallic blue sheen, he reached out to touch the glittering scales on its neck. The dragon backed away nervously, bringing him back to what little senses he could muster. Three kunai left his hand and the dragon was pinned to the wall by one wing. Shit, lousy aim. And he was only a few feet from his target. Movement behind him drew his attention to the ape. Its dark shape was harder to see in the gloom after staring into the sunlight and it was about to pounce. He sprang out of reach just as the dragon pulled free and the two collided on the spot where he had been standing.

That gave him the moment he needed to kick off his sandals. The release as his chakra points opened was almost like sex. As his eyes came back to something closer to a focus, he saw the ape bearing down on him again, red pointed teeth bared menacingly. Did apes have red teeth? He didn't have time to ponder the question, within fractions of a second the multiple images formed by the sharigan had flooded his brain, clogging it with an impossible amount of information. He almost collapsed under the overload, no longer knowing what was real, where anything was, where he was. Hands flashed through seals, were they his hands? If so he wasn't sure who was moving them. Then the whole building exploded in a kaleidoscope of coloured flames.

Ok, that was a lesson well learned, don't try higher level jutsus when stoned out of your gourd.

One-eyed Dick and his gang could hardly have missed that. Kakashi pulled his headband back into place to shut out some of the confusion. Now to find a safe quiet place to sleep off the rest of the opium, if such a place existed in this damned town. He picked up his sandals and pack and leapt for the closest intact roof.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Iruka was trying hard to keep his distance from Yoko, to maintain the strictly professional relationship required between a client and a shinobi escort. It wasn't easy. She was flirting with him. In fact she was, without a doubt, flat out trying to seduce him. Stopping to rest often, and when they sat down leaning up against him, claiming she was tired. Loosening her clothing, claiming she was hot. And when they'd come across a small mountain lake, it was all he could do to keep her from taking her clothes off completely to bathe. She'd only stopped when he'd refused to stay there and guard her if she did, settling for taking off her pants, untying her hair so that it floated in a silver cloud around her shoulders and splashing her bare legs in the cool water. While he stared into the trees uncomfortably.

Several times he considered explaining that he just wasn't interested in girls that way. But he just didn't want to. It was none of her business, no one's business but his and Kakashi's.

If only Kakashi was with them now. He'd be able to tell him how to handle this. He dealt with unwanted advances all the time, deflecting them easily with a joke and a smile. Maybe he should try wearing a mask. However he couldn't help remembering what the abbot had told him, and feeling that he was really the one to blame. Why had his level of control suddenly become so poor that he was leaking sexual tension everywhere, tainting what had started out as a sweet and promising friendship?

At least they were finally closing in on Hidden Waterfall. He could smell the pine and junipers that grew in the higher parts of the mountains, and feel the added freshness in the air from the rushing water. A few more hours and this mission would be finished, he'd be able to leave.

He stiffened suddenly. There was a movement in the trees that didn't belong. A branch that was swaying, not with the breeze, but with the weight of a man. He grabbed Yoko roughly and teleported to a gap between two large boulders, the only defensible position within reach. Transforming a handful of smaller rocks into bushes for more cover, he stretched out his senses, trying to detect the presence on the far shore of the lake. He couldn't. There was something there, powerful chakra, but he couldn't make it out. But one thing was certain, whoever it was they weren't bandits, they were highly trained ninjas.

Signaling for Yoko to stay silent he whispered in her ear. "Keep still and let them pass. They aren't likely to be looking for us."

Perhaps it was a mistake hiding, but he'd acted on instinct. A team on a mission wouldn't be interested in civilian travelers. But the nearest village was Hidden Sound, and the shinobi scum that Orochimaru attracted might just kill them for target practice. On the other hand, if they'd seen them, and seen the jutsu, they'd have marked him as a potential enemy already. The only thing to do now was to wait and to hope.