And now a bit of online banter:
Kaori: If I'm still working at the bank in 2009 I want you to shoot me.
Rei: What happened this time?
Kaori: I envy you, people don't make you work on Saturdays just because they happen to be going on vacation and don't know how to organize their time to get their desk reasonably clear before Friday.
Rei: Your boss sounds like a scatterbrain.
Kaori: Not to mention has no life and insists on sucking it out of me.
Rei: Oh well, snakes on a plane.
Kaori: Motherfarking pythons to boot…
The Shinobi's Guide to Training
Part Nine: Twelve Chambers of Shaolin (not really)
By Kaori
There was light in this room. It was just bright enough to see the words written on the wall scroll they were now facing.
"Congratulations on getting out of the first room." Sakura read aloud. "Be warned however that the real challenge begins now. Behind this scroll is the door leading into the First Trial. Please note that the only way out of this building is to get through all the trials."
Not reassured in the slightest but having no other options at this point, the twelve pushed the scroll aside and stepped into the next chamber.
They stood on a ledge overlooking a massive pit that was about two hundred feet wide and so dark you couldn't see the bottom; but there had to be one because scattered within the gaping hole were a number of pedestals set up in an unusual pattern. Out of curiosity (and because someone always does it in this situation) Lee took out a shuriken and dropped it into the pit. Everyone leaned over slightly and listened for a few minutes.
Ten minutes later they were still waiting to hear something.
"That's a deep freaking hole." Said Kiba. Akamaru whined in agreement.
"Enough sightseeing, let's get to the other side already." Sasuke said, irritably, and jumped towards the nearest pedestal. The second his foot touched it, it began to sway dangerously. "Woah!"
"Sasuke-kun!" wailed Ino and Sakura in unison as Sasuke flailed his arms around like an epileptic hula dancer. Eventually he managed to stabilize himself and the column he was standing on.
"Ah, it is a test of balance then." Hummed Shino. "You have to keep the pillar and yourself from falling into the abyss."
"Can't you use a less creepy tone of voice?" Naruto grimaced.
"What's wrong, usurotonkachi? Thinking about what a klutz you are?" taunted Sasuke.
"Shut up teme! I'll show you who the klutz is!"
It was then that they heard the sound of the shuriken hitting the bottom of the pit.
"Just remember, if you fall in it'll take you weeks to climb back out."
"Say that after you've made it all the way across, teme."
One would think that being used to jumping from tree to tree like squirrels on crack would mean this would be a simple task, but that is not the case. You see trees are, usually, stationary objects (and some get turned into stationery objects (1)) and these pillars started falling over the second something landed on them. This meant that not only did you have to land on the pillar, you had to stop it from swaying so you didn't fall into the pit.
Lee, not bothered in the least by the lack of stability, was the first to reach the end and waited patiently for everyone else to catch up. Shino, TenTen, Hinata, and Neji weren't too far behind. Sasuke was miffed by this and tried to speed up his advance. Consequently, he couldn't recover his balance fast enough and ended up falling. Eyes wide and panicking, he glomped onto the nearest pillar like a koala and hung on for dear life. Unfortunately, the pillar he was holding ended up swaying.
"Dammit…" seethed Sasuke, gathering chakra into his legs and leaping to the nearest pillar also setting it swaying. He continued jumping from pillar to pillar until he got close enough to the ledge Lee was standing on and then aimed for that, barely managing to catch the edge and haul himself up.
"Sasuke you bastard!" yelled Kiba. "You've set them all swaying now!"
"Bark!" agreed Akamaru.
"Deal with it!" Sasuke yelled back.
And deal with it they did.
"Gatsuuga!" Kiba used his technique to propel himself forward and purposely knocked Sasuke over.
"Why you…" Sasuke got up and tackled Kiba and they started fighting. Neji watched for a while and then nonchalantly kicked them both over the side.
"AAGH!" both boys yelped, scrabbled at the ledge and pulled themselves up. Once the color returned to their faces they glared at the Hyuuga boy who glared right back.
"This is not the time to be fighting amongst ourselves."
Sakura used her perfect chakra control to stick to the pillars and then timed her jumps so she would land dead center. Once she was on a pillar she'd steady it. The Ino Shika Cho merely followed in her wake.
Naruto's solution was far more creative…
"Taiju kage bunshin no jutsu!" A series of clones appeared on the pillars (he formed one directly behind himself) towards the ledge everyone was standing on. "Henge!" The original transformed into a kunai and the clone picked it up and threw it towards the next clone who caught it. This continued until the last clone when Naruto deactivated his henge and merely jumped over to the ledge. "Ta da!" he cheered, and suddenly the floor opened up underneath all of them and they fell screaming into the darkness.
Twenty-five minutes later…
"Oww…" groaned TenTen.
"I think I landed on my keys…" Naruto moaned.
"Where are we?" Chouji asked.
They all looked around the area. They were sitting on a small island in the middle of an underground lake. The water was clear but it gave off an odd odor and it was so hot in the cave that Kiba, Shino, Hinata, and Naruto had to take off their jackets. There was a sign in the middle of the island.
"Congratulations of passing the First Trial." Read TenTen. "The second trial begins now. You must find a way off of this island."
"Ha, this is too easy, we'll just swim!" snorted Kiba.
Everyone soon discovered why this was a bad idea…
"AAAAGH! HOT HOT HOT!" everyone screamed.
Outside the building, the jounins were playing Go Fish when they heard the yelling.
"Kurenai! Do you have any fours?" asked Gai.
"Go fish." She deadpanned. "Asuma do you have any kings?"
"Damn…" he handed over the cards. "Judging by the screaming and cursing I guess they've found the old sulfur baths."
"It's a shame that they had to close it because it got too hot." Sighed Gai. "It was truly a most relaxing area!"
Sitting in the sweltering hot enclosure trying desperately not to pass out from heat stroke, the rookies attempted to formulate a plan but could only think "damn it's hot."
"We're all going to die in here…" moaned Neji. "We're going to die in here and it's all your stupid sensei's fault Uchiha!"
"At least I have the satisfaction of dying knowing that you'll be dead too." Sasuke spat.
"Hey, I don't want to spend my afterlife with you two bastards." griped Kiba.
"Guys, please. It's too hot to argue." Sighed Shikamaru.
"Seriously…" Sakura agreed glancing over at Naruto. "Naruto, what are you doing?" This drew everyone else's attention to the blonde-haired boy.
Naruto was sitting in the lotus pose with his eyes closed and his hands in a toh seal (2), his shirt was folded up neatly with his jacket and both were on his head. He cracked an eye open. "I'm trying to use that training Kaka-sensei gave us on keeping focused in a crisis."
"Which one? The one where he kept hitting us over the head and making us fall in the water during meditation or the one with the snakes in a bag?" asked Sasuke.
"Er…a combination of both."
"Your sensei hit you?" Ino apparently is too overheated to pay attention to the correct part of the conversation. "Even Forehead Girl?"
"What's the big deal? Gai-sensei hits me all the time!" (3)Lee blinked.
"That explains a lot…"
"I..is it…helping, N..Naruto?" stammered Hinata fanning herself.
"Hmm? Is she red because of the heat or because she just noticed Naruto has his shirt off?" wondered Shino.
"I guess so, I don't feel as hot as I did." Naruto admitted.
"I suppose it's worth a shot." Shrugged Neji.
"We should be concentrating on getting out of here, not relaxing!" Sasuke interjected.
"Well we can't think while our brains are cooking." Snarled Kiba, settling into the lotus position. "You can fry if you want to but I'm going to do what I can to keep cool."
Sasuke watched as the others settled down and then gave up and joined them. It was too hot to argue anyway.
An hour went by and Sakura, who was getting a cramp in her leg, decided to get up and stretch. She was surprised to notice that the water level had gone down.
"Hey guys! Look!" she said. "And I think there are some stepping stones under the surface."
"So that means all we have to do is wait until all the water recedes some more before we can go on our way!" cheered TenTen.
It wasn't too long before the water was low enough for them to walk on the stepping-stones. Oddly enough, the rocks were placed in the same pattern as the ones in the previous room. Not sure if this was significant or not, the rookies started to cross the lake. Immediately after stepping onto the course, a large rock came crashing down from the ceiling would have landed on them if they hadn't jumped out of the way. They had no time to relax as another rock came hurtling from above.
"MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" yelled Shikamaru.
They hoped from rock to rock barely avoiding being flattened by falling stone. They didn't stop running until they reached the safety of the third room.
This room looked like it was completely empty except for a rope and a sign hanging from the ceiling that said: Third and Final Trial – Pull rope.
"There's no way I'm falling for that old trick again." Growled Naruto.
"What do you mean?" Chouji asked, reaching for the rope. "It's just a rope." Naruto tackled him to the floor. "What are you doing?"
"Fool! It's never "just a rope"! It starts off with the rope, but before you know it, washtubs and anvils are falling on your head!"
"You watch too many cartoons." Deadpanned Sakura, and she pulled the rope. Naruto crouched down and covered his head. This action proved futile as the walls opened up exposing row upon row of holes.
"I don't like the looks of this…" and then came the arrows.
The jounins, bored with playing Go Fish, were enjoying the picnic lunch they'd brought along when the ground eleven feet away opened up, revealing a trap door, out of which twelve tired, angry, and scratched up teenagers emerged….and immediately set upon their unsuspecting teachers with all the fury they could muster. Even Lee, who was caught up in the moment, helped.
Eleven tired genin and one tired chuuin are no match for three well-rested jounin and they were easily subdued.
"Have any of you figured out the purpose of this training?" Asuma asked, heedless of the glares he was getting.
"You're trying to kill us?" seethed Ino.
"No."
"This training was meant to improve your agility and speed your reaction time!" Gai posed. "You should be able to dodge most medium speed projectiles without trouble! Also, the time you have spent in each other's company has most definitely brought your youthful hearts closer! Oh…bonds of friendship are truly the sweet nectar of youth!" Lee was tearing up.
"Oh Ga-sensei!"
"Lee!" The two spandex-clad men embraced and as usual it was disturbing.
"By the way, what was the deal with the pattern of the rocks in that place?" asked Shikamaru. "I noticed that the arrows forced us to move in pretty much the same pattern."
"That?" blinked Kurenai. "The person who constructed the place just thought it looked cool."
Today's training is inspired by the trap houses that appear in some Kung-fu movies. Next time, things go back to normal for the rookies and we find out whether or not they learned anything useful.
1) A little word play. A droll pun my English teacher in primary school used once.
2) One of nine hand primary seals used by real ninjas (originally used by Buddhist monks) in the Kuji-In or Nine Syllable Mudra (Rin, Kyo, Toh, Sha, Kai, Retsu, Zai, Zen); there are 81 in total. The toh (harmony) seal is for gaining oneness with the universe, balance and protection. Naruto is using that particular hand sign because it looks like the dragon seal and most dragons (if I'm up on my mythology) are resistant to heat. :P
3) Is it just me, or does this make Lee sound like thinks child abuse is normal?