"Every time I see you coming I feel sick
But at least I know your ass is mine to kick
Why don't you bend that fat load over
Hold it steady
Zorak's ready
To kick your ass!"

- Kick Your Ass, Zorak

The Shinobi's Guide to Training
Part Ten: Genesis of Heck
By Kaori

Tsunade decided enough was enough when Kakashi was discovered cowering underneath her official robes during a treaty agreement with an outlying mercenary village. Feeling that the best way to get over your fears is to face it, she locked Kakashi in a room with Hinata for three weeks.

Hyuuga Hiashi was not happy with this as he felt that having Kakashi fear Hinata might do something for the Hyuuga heiress' reputation. Imagine it: Hyuuga Hinata, feared by even the Copy Ninja! Tsunade pointed out that most people were saying that Hinata was secretly evil and all that nervous finger pointing was really just to cover up the fact that she was plotting to inflict stabbity death (1) on them all.

Anyway, Naruto had had more than he could stomach of the jounins' shenanigans and insisted that the Hokage put a stop to it. Tsunade agreed that it was getting old and to make it up to them all, they could have a C-class mission.

Sakura was less than happy when Naruto came back with the "good news" remembering the last time they had a mission of that level.

"B..but Sakura-chan," warbled Naruto. "All we have to do is take the place of the Konoha Dodge Ball Team (2) next week."

"Are you sure that's all?" she glared, causing Lee to hide behind Neji.

"Sakura-chan is scary."

"You're just noticing now?" Shikamaru rolled her eyes.

"What was that?" Sakura was now directing her wrath against the chuunin.

"It's too troublesome to repeat myself."

"I'll show you troublesome…"

"Can't we all just get along?" wailed Lee. "The flames of youth are not to be used against good friends!"

Everyone stopped suddenly to stare at each other.

"Are we good friends?" Ino asked slowly. "Lately all we seem to do is beat the crap out of each other."

"Hey, for most guys that is friendship." Neji said dryly.

"If that's the case, Sasuke and Naruto must be really good friends." Nodded Kiba. Naruto and Sasuke kicked him.

"Don't even joke about that!" both boys yelled. A puff of smoke appeared behind the two and out stepped Kakashi.

"Yo." He waved.

"What do you want?" Shikamru asked. "Haven't you tortured us enough?"

"How rude. I just wanted to let you know that we shall be going back to the regular training regimen after you all are done with your mission." Naruto made a face.

"Oh really?"

"Yes. But before that…" Suddenly a hail of rocks flew in from nowhere, startling the rookies.

"Gah! Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!" they shrieked. All the rocks were either caught and thrown back to the point of origin, or punched to dust. Panting the teenagers rounded on Kakashi.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Calm down, it was only a test of your abilities." Eye-smiled the jounin. "A ninja must be prepared for anything,." A second volley of rocks screamed through the air. "especially sudden attacks." And before any of the rookies could blink, a tremendous boulder flattened them. Kakashi shook his head. "It seems they still haven't gotten that sensory training down. Oh well." He took out Icha Icha Paradise. "Now where was I?"

"REVENGE!" twelve voices chorused from the bushes. Apparently, the rookies under the boulder were just kage bunshin and now the rookies were out for blood. Poor Kakashi, he'll have to take it like a man.

"Tie him up tighter TenTen." Growled Neji. "Lee hold his arms!"

"Yosh!"

"Hinata, get me a log." Said Shino.

"NO! Not the log again!" screamed Kakashi.

You know, when I said that Kakashi would have to take it like a man, that wasn't exactly what I meant…

Yeah, I know, the ending is lame out but my head is so full of ideas for my next fanfic that I this was the only ending I could come up with. Anyway, the next Shinobi Guide may be a lot shorter and for the first time, you all get to find out what it's about in advance. Coming up next: The Shinobi's Guide to Dubious Jutsu.

1) The phrase "stabbity death" comes from 8-Bit Theater, one of the most hilarious sprite comics on the Internet (and no they didn't pay me to plug it, they don't need me to, it's that good).

2) We had a debate and it was decided that the top three games ninjas would play are: Hide, Seek, & Destroy, Dodge Ball, and Tag.