Disclaimer TEEN TITANS and all other related characters and material are the property of DC comics and Cartoon Network, I claim no ownership.

Chapter 31: BLUE

By: Ansa

"Mistook a nod for an approval,

Just ignore the smoke and smile.

Call an optimist she's turning blue,

While I just sit and stare at you…

Because I don't want to know."

-A Perfect Circle

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you would please give me your attention for a moment. It gives me great pleasure tonight to be the very first to introduce you to, Mr. and Mrs. Garfield and Soma Logan!" The dark recreation room was suddenly given a burst of light as the Derek, now acting as the DJ shone a bright spotlight to the two main doors where the proud new couple stood arm and arm. The small crowd of only friends and the few they actually considered family even if it wasn't by blood, turned in awe, standing to applaud while Beast Boy and Raven made their way to the seat of honor at the main table beaming with smiles and giving out hugs along the way.

Dick smiled warmly, for once forgetting everything that he was, forgetting he was both Nightwing and Dick Grayson, and only acknowledging that he was Dick Grayson…friend and family. One problem still lingered in his mind however…not Nightwing's problem…but Dick's problem. This problem only made itself more prominent in his mind, making it so much harder to keep an unconditional smile, when she took her seat next to him.Starfire looked even more stunning than ever today, maybe it was her dress, or perhaps the way she did her hair…but much more likely it was her smile.

In the background Dick could hear Derek spinning CD's from his station at the end of the small dance floor, although they had managed to get largest room they could afford, it was still quite small. Somehow, the song "Blue" echoed in his mind as it played over the speakers. The song reminded him of her somehow, at least, what he felt when thinking of her nowadays. Cold, somber, and almost depressing, knowing that he had once had something so perfect, so wonderful…and yet, he willingly forced it from his life.

As soon as she sat down he could feel it, the undeniable tension between them even if he couldn't see the look on her face. His face turned forward, his eyes met with the glass of champagne in front of him. Even if it was the cheap kind, and most likely not very good, it still taunted him. Quitting wasn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be…especially if he had to spend most of the night sitting next to the very person that both mad him so happy, and yet so sad at the same time.

"It was…a beautiful ceremony, was it not?"

He heard her the first time, but he was just in so much shock that she was actually talking to him that it was almost as if he had momentarily lost all senses. Her voice…just as gently as he had remembered, still had a twinge of pain in it…pain that he had given her.

"I-I'm sorry?"

"The ceremony…it was certainly wonderful. Simple, not like those on my planet…but still…it was beautiful." She could feel him turn to face her, but her eyes could not bear to meet his just yet, so the turned away, counting the ceiling tiles one by one as the dinner plates made their way from the kitchen and across the room to the main table.

"Y-yeah…it really was." Dick fiddled with the napkin in front of him, twisting and wrenching it in his hands nervously before setting it down on in his lap. His smile returned as he turned his attention to the guests of honor. It was still quite clear that Raven had still some getting used to with these kinds of things. Her cheeks were still slightly flushed as she sank slightly in her chair, one hand always under the table, presumably gripping her new husband's tight.

"You made her really happy you know…"

"Hmm?" Dick's attention was momentarily drawn to accept his plate of steak and potatoes, although even if it wasn't he still would have hesitated to look at her.

"Giving her away…"

"Oh…" Dick smiled that warm smile again, his current awkwardness with Starfire slowly melting with the memory of walking down the aisle, acting as his friend's father, giving her that moment for the rest of her life. "Yeah…I was happy to do it." It was a good thing food was there to occupy his mouth because he wasn't sure of where to go from here. He knew what he wanted to say, he knew what he wanted to tell her, but he also knew that he couldn't, not here at least. It was his friends' wedding, it was their day to shine; it was a day where everyone should be happy for them and celebrating. He decided it would just be best if he kept whatever was on his mind to himself, and try to have a good time.

"Who is that you came with? I-Is it a…friend of yours?" The one flaw in his plan, even if he kept himself quiet, that wouldn't guarantee that she wouldn't talk. Turning his head slightly he could see that she was glancing over to one of the tables in the front where Barbra sat chatting with Susan and Jynx in between bites of her fish. Dick cringed a bit before answering, not from the question itself, but rather at the potential disaster of Barbra actually figuring out who Jynx was in her past.

"More like an old comrade in arms…from before I formed the Titans."

"Comrade?"

Even with the black bandit mask provided from the ceremony, it didn't take a genius to guess that Barbra Gordon was the woman with the brilliant red hair sitting in the front row of tables. Dick scolded himself; he had to remember that he was probably the only one here who actually knew that Batgirl and Barbra Gordon were one in the same…that is, unless she had told Beast Boy and Raven. After all, Batgirl was indeed invited to both the ceremony and reception, and Barbra would much rather expose her identity to someone she could trust than thought to be rude. Still, if she chose to tell them, that was her choice, that didn't mean he could tell her secret to the others. It was only then he realized that Starfire knew who Batgirl was, but unless she paid careful attention to the few news articles featuring her, she would not know who Barbra Gordon was.

"…from my days with Br-…Batman."

"Oh, so she is Batgirl I am assuming?"

"Yeah…she also helped me out of a…rough part of my life." Looking at the champagne glass the days he spent shut up in his loft crawling in and out of liquor bottles seemed only minutes before the ceremony. His only real defeat…he had lost his will, his spirit, to a demon in a bottle.

"Oh…are you two…"

"No…no, not for a while now." Admitting a prior relationship with Barbra was a risky move, but after all that's happened, he wanted nothing more to be completely honest…Starfire deserved as much. "Nowadays she's seems to be trying more and more to be the mother in my life…even if I am older than her."

"What do you mean?"

"Ugh…she's just so damn, so damn overbearing sometimes." Dick immediately shoved a small square of steak into his mouth before he swore out loud. He knew Barbra was only trying to help…but he wasn't a kid anymore, he didn't need anyone but himself to look out for him. "It's like every time I make some kind of decision with my life she shows up to question it. She has to question everything I do…everything." There was a long pause where he could have sworn he had seen her stir and briefly look at him from her table not even 20 feet from where he was sitting. "Sometimes…I owe her for that."

"Perhaps she is just trying to help?"

"I know…I know she is, but I don't need help. Everyone thinks I'm stubborn or crazy or paranoid or something…that they need to help me figure out what is really going on."

"No one thinks you are crazy…I do not think you are crazy." Despite the comfort she expressed in her tone Starfire still did not turn to face him when she spoke. Instead her eyes gently rolled to the corners, desperately wanting to look upon him but too afraid to do so fully.

"But they do think I am stubborn…among other things."

"Please…let us not talk about such things. Today is a happy day."

"Sorry…you're right." Reluctantly Dick crawled back inside himself, burying all the frustration that had managed to surface during the conversation. After a few silent minutes of finishing his meal he decided that to say something. They had actually started to talk, civilly, and god help him…he felt a faint trace of something between them still. "S-so, are you still working at the library?"

"Hm? Oh…yes, I am."

"How is that going…good?" A horrid failure at striking idle conversation…but he had to keep talking with her. If he kept her talking, he still had a chance to patch things up.

"Yes…"

"G-good…a-are you s-seeing…anyone?"

"What?" Starfire nearly dropped her fork, her cheeks starting to flush and her face turned away from him once again.

"Well, I mean…you asked me if me and Barbra were…so…I…uh…" He was drowning, and there was no one in sight to toss him a life preserver. Somehow he had to pull through. "I just…" Dick sighed, "I'm sorry…it's really not my place to ask."

"It is alright…and…I am not. Seeing anyone, that is…"

"Oh…ok."

A long silence separated them as they chewed on their food, each looking for the best words to follow up with. Little did Dick know that thoughts of a warm embrace between them were shared by Starfire next to him. The love she had felt for him, despite her own beliefs, was not completely gone. The night on the rooftops gave her much to think about, and left her feeling empty inside. She was just so torn and frustrated with herself; her feelings for him buried themselves deep inside her until they were almost forgotten. Sitting here now, she could feel her love beginning to resurface, despite her best efforts. As much as she wanted to be happy…with him, she didn't want to risk receiving another broken heart.

Dick, meanwhile was too busy fighting with his own emotions to notice the distress. In front of him his steak sat half eaten, while everyone else around him was already pushing their empty plates away from them and sinking back with a satisfied stomach. His stomach, although still quite empty, was too disturbed by his state of mind to possibly take in any more of what sat in front of him. He toyed around with the idea of leaving the table for a moment to discuss things more privately with her…that is, if he could find the words that he wanted to say. But then again, he also toyed around with taking the glass of wine before him and using it to wipe his mind clean of these troubling thoughts, but that would be the easy way out…besides, it would be rude to miss the toasts that were only moments away.

"I…I am sorry." Starfire broke into his thoughts, her meal also unfinished, her eyes staring into her lap as she wrenched her cloth napkin. An apology she felt long overdue, now out in the open left her as well open and vulnerable to that heartbreak she so desperately feared.

"Sorry? For what?"

"…For what I said…that night. About…not being able to…to…"

Dick squirmed slightly with her in his seat. Of all the years he had spent as a hero he had learned to expect the unexpected…but for the first time in his life he was truly taken by utter surprise, so much so that it left him virtually speechless. It took him a minute or so, yet another minute of agonizing silence, but he soon regained enough composure to reply.

"You…don't have to apologize for that you know."

"I feel I must…it was cruel of me."

"It was completely understandable, given what I had…put you through." It had seemed that the truce of unfortunate and sorrowful talk had been tossed out the window…and quite easily it seemed. Another surprise, perhaps she was just as eager as to settle things. He would not get too confident however, for this may be his only and last chance to patch things up, the last thing he wanted to do was say something stupid.

"…"

"In fact, I should be the one apologizing."

"It is alright, you have already said your apologies for that."

"I don't think I can ever apologize enough for it…and I don't think I ever will."

"It is sometimes said that the best apology is to learn from the mistake so that it might be prevented in the future."

Dick nodded, in fact he almost felt like smiling, but the mood of the conversation would not easily allow it. She amazed him, the things she said and did could be so wise and pure sometimes that it made him wonder just how much more she could teach him and the rest of humanity.

"The last thing I ever wanted to do…was to hurt you…but I did. I was stupid, I was confused…but that is no excuse. If I have learned anything, it is that sometimes it's the people around you that define who you are…not what you know, not what you learn, and not what you do."

"That is…good." Right then, even if it was just for a quick moment, Starfire slowly grew the warm smile of the kind she once wore way back when. Before her heart was broken, this smile made Dick feel like so much more than some confused kid in tights…it made him feel worth while, it made him feel like a man…who was loved by a woman. He had missed it, so very much.

"So…what do you have planned for after the wedding? Are you going to stay in Gotham?"

"Well…I do enjoy working in the Library; it gives me a chance to learn more and more, but I am afraid I do not have enough money yet for a place to stay." Starfire let one hand rest in her lap while the other used the fork to push around the leftover bits of food on her plate. Engaging in such a personal conversation with him, being so close to him, it was so nice, but also quite unnerving.

"You have been staying with Raven and Beast Boy lately haven't you?"

"Yes," Starfire could see where this was going and answered before the idea could even come up. "But they are married now, and I'm would not wish to intrude on them anymore, they need their time together."

Dick smiled, Starfire was so polite and mindful of others, much more so than anyone else he had ever knew. This one fact stood out to him as the strongest proof she was alien…no human he knew could be so kind. He wanted to do something to help her, the thought of her having to settle for some slum on the bad side of town churned his stomach…but could he really ask her? What Dick's mind had considered as a viable solution might not be acceptable…especially considering how delicate their current relationship was.

"W-well, there's always…I mean if it doesn't make you too uncomfortable or anything…" Before he could stop himself his mouth started to move, the words flowing out of him quicker than he could keep up with. How stupid was he, he thought? Did he really think this was a good idea? Regardless of what he thought, it was too late to turn back now.

"Hmm?"

"Well…erm, my loft is pretty big…there's more room than I need really." Dick scratched the back of his head, looking down and slightly away, ashamed of his own stupidity and forwardness. "And…well, I'm not really there a lot, so you would really have the place to yourself."

"Oh…Dick…this is um…" Starfire turned a bright red, nearly dropping her fork in surprise. "This is…"

"I know…just…think about it. If it's too weird for you-"

"Dick…I am very happy that you would offer such a thing."

"I get the feeling there's a 'but' coming on."

"But…I am not sure that it is such a good idea right now." Starfire spoke looking off ahead, head tilted down slightly as if looking at some non-existent spot on the dance floor in front of them. Inside her head there was a civil war going one between her lingering feelings towards him and her intense fear of being hurt again. Deep down she wanted to say yes…and even if she didn't say it now, she would say it sometime later.

"That's ok…I, didn't really expect you to say yes."

"But…"

"But?" Dick perked slightly…the first time in a long while where the word "but" was something that showed some sort of promise. It was the first time he actually anticipated the statement that would following it.

"But…maybe…later, when our friends return from their… 'honeemoon' I might need to find a new apartment in which to stay at. After all…they are married now, and they do not need me there to bother them."

"I'm sure they don't see you as a bother."

"Not now, but when they get back I am sure that they will want their time together…alone." Starfire blushed slightly, her mind drifting towards happiness for her friends, and how dearly she wished she could be so lucky as to find the joy that they have. Coming home, would have a new meaning for them. Home, no longer refers to place in which they live…but rather, the place in which they live…together.

"Although…I'm also sure that, they enjoyed having you there with them for the past few weeks. We all…missed you." Dick moved his head away from her, mostly out of shame for leaving her in the first place, but also out of embarrassment of what he had just said so forwardly. He didn't want to push her on anything…he didn't want things to turn out like they had last time. Starfire, meanwhile continued to blush from the tip of her nose to her ears, a soft rosy glow that easily gave away her thoughts and feelings.

"…I m-missed you too."

GOMEI! I know it's been a loooooooooooooooooong ass time, much longer than even I expected. This particular chapter was a bitch to finish, not to mention a number of different things got in the way…school, Disney Vacation, work, my webcomic and Starshine (aka girlfriend.) However, I am going to do my damndest to finish this fic series…as well as maybe starting a new one. For now, please be patient, and enjoy what I have for now. Later Days.

ANSA