Hello Readers!

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! GOSH YOU GUYS, you do know how to make a person swoon! *^u^* For those of you telling me to write longer updates: HAHA YOU WISH! But I'm glad you guys are enjoying reading this, it's making it all the more fun to write! With the plot as it is, I'm not sure whether I want to take it further or I want to cut it clean in two-three more chapters. Let me know what you think!

! A quick warning for this chapter - it contains mention of blood and the way I wrote might cause anxiety ( I know because I was feeling quite anxious as I was writing it ), so if you are sensitive in either department, please make sure you are in good condition when reading this!

This is the last update for this week, the next one will be up on Wednesday.

Yours after two hours of sleep,
HYUN

CHAPTER 4

It's cold. Except it's not cold. I know it's not cold because I'm not shivering, even though I'm drenched. But it's cold, and I feel it to the bone. Ravi's waiting outside the door, pacing. She stops when she sees me, stays standing where she is.

It takes me a while before I can find my voice. "...How long?"

She shakes her head. "Last anyone's seen her was during lunchtime."

My hands are still shaking. I look from her to the door, and my mind starts to race from one scenario to another. I keep imagining the worst.

"Marce?" Ravi puts a hand on my shoulder, and I shudder at her touch. She grips me tighter, and I pat her hand to reassure her that I'm fine. I smile weakly at her, and she scowls back.

I fit the key into the keyhole and turn it slowly, until I can feel the lock come undone. It all feels so surreal, like everything is at a standstill and I'm the only one moving, and it doesn't even feel like I'm moving. There's a hollowness in the air that surrounds me, envelopes me, aggravates me. Every nerve in my body is sensitive to it. I open the door.

I can't see her. The panic I've been suppressing starts to rise and I'm clenching my fists so hard the joints in my fingers are starting to hurt.

Bo- "-nnie?" I call out to her in barely a whisper. I don't dare be louder. If she can't hear me, she can't answer because she can't hear me, not because something has happened to her. If I call out to her, loud enough that she can hear, and she doesn't answer, if she can't answer - what if she is unable to answer? The hollowing around me becomes worse, and I'm not here, anymore...but I am, and on the floor I can see tarp torn to pieces, scattered all over, broken frames in their midst. I hear a crunch beneath my feet. Broken glass. It's cold. The stitches on my palm tear, and my fingernails dig into the cut. I can feel the blood seeping through my fingers, dripping onto the floor, but I don't feel pain. All I feel is cold. The air is frigid, and stiff, and empty, and it's so cold.

"Hey...do you hear snoring?"

Wha-

Then I hear it. A slight whistling, then a soft exhale of air. I quicken my pace, and walk past the bookshelf to where the couch is. She's sleeping. I can see her, curled up, using one of my flannels to cover herself.

"O-oh my god..." My knees give way, and I fall to the ground, my chest heaving violently as I start to cry.

What if something had happened to her, and I hadn't been there? Could I have lived with myself knowing I hadn't been around her all because of butterflies? I clutch at my chest, belting out my sobs, not caring that I've stained my t-shirt with blood. I love her, and yet, I had failed to realise that my absence could have consequences I couldn't deal with, consequences that could result in causing her harm. Whatever pain I felt by being around the unobtainable subject of my desire, compared to the pain I felt with just the suggestion of her coming to harm, was inconsequential. Everything I had done, everything I had thought to do, EVERYTHING had been stupid, so caught up in myself, and so selfish, so, fucking, selfish.

My wailing wakes Bonnie. I know because she's at my side now, asking me what's wrong, pulling me into her arms, stroking my hair. My eyes are shut tight, purging myself of the tears I'd held back since the taxi ride. Shhh., she says, hush, hush.

I won't leave again. I'll be good. I won't leave. I won't lose her.