CHAPTER 6

I walk back to the studio, a bowl of grapes in one hand and a sandwich in the other.

"You have got to be KIDDING." The way Ravi looks at me is how I feel towards myself, but I've made my decision. She keeps staring. "You said before that you were going to stop being around her. You made me keep tabs on her so you wouldn't. You-" her face is starting to get red "-YOU SAID - I DON'T GET IT." She's glaring now, her hand clamped tightly around a beer bottle.

I look down at my own hands, feeling stupid.

She sighs, her eyes close, and she sets the beer down. "I'm not listening to your shit anymore. You're a lunatic. Why do I hang out with you." She shakes her head, rhythmically, like she's nodding along to a song. "I don't get it. I don't get it. This is why I don't like people. I should never have helped you move boxes. I should have never complimented your work. Why did I do that."

I laugh. This is the side of Ravi that always calms me down, ironically. For the two years that I've known her, her unfailing cynicism has never failed to put me in a better mood.

"STOP. LAUGHING."

And for two years, putting me in a better mood has never failed to put her in a worse one.

I smile at red-faced, fist-clenched Ravi, until she sighs again, picks up her beer and chugs the rest. "Sorry."

She wipes her mouth, and I see pity in her eyes. I think she sees that I see it, because she shakes her head a couple times, and it's not there anymore. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to be her friend."

Ravi rolls her eyes. "You already are."

"I mean, I'm going to just be her friend."

She cocks her head to the side, seeming confused. "You're crazy in love with her."

I close my eyes at the word love, and open them again when the pain goes away. "What I feel doesn't really compare to what I would feel if I lose her."

"Oh my god. You're a cheeseball now. The bubblegum princess has turned you into a cheeseball. I can't believe this. This is insane. WHERE DID MARCELINE THE VAMPIRE QUEEN GO. WHERE IS MY FRIEND? WHO ARE YOU?" Ravi clutches at her hair, and pity is now written all over her face, but the sight of her wild eyes and even wilder hair makes me want to laugh even harder. Her eyes narrow at me - "do NOT laugh."

We drink for a little while longer before Ravi calls it a night.

"Whatever you do, leave me out of it, Abadeer."

I smile fondly at her and nod. She leaves, and I head to bed.

She'd seen what this whole ordeal had done to me, what it had cost me. I'd spent days drinking in her room, not saying a word, and she'd just sat there, drinking with me. She'd sobered me up in time for classes, and told me how useless I was for confusing the difference between a portraiture and a character study, when I was too absentminded to even remember my own name. For someone whose motto was the word "BOUNDARIES", Ravi had been more than a friend. I'm lucky to have her, scowls and all.

The next day, I wake up, and for the first time in weeks, for some reason, breathing isn't a chore. I get ready for class, choosing to wear a pair of cigarette pants and a burgundy tshirt tucked in at the waist. I grab my bag and I'm out the door in half an hour. I hear Bonnie as I open the door, and for a moment I pause, wondering what she's doing here, half panicking because I'm supposed to be avoiding her - but then she smiles at me, and I remember the other night. I smile back, careful to hide my fidgety hands. The pressures I feel on my chest whenever I see her haven't gone away, and I still ache when I think of what I'll have to do to stay at her side, but she's in front of me, smiling. That should be enough. That is enough.

"Ready to go?" She holds out her hand.

I look from her hand to her, and give her a little smile. For a second, I take her small pale hand in mine, because that's the longest I dare to hold her, and let go. "Come on. You'll be late."

I can see her pause a moment, and she stays back a step until -it seems- she's made up her mind. She strides to my side and sticks right next to me. She starts talking about how it's been so boring walking to class by herself, and how Professor Petrikov had given her a new mould to work with for the next showcase. She talks about how one of her classmates had been commissioned for a piece she couldn't stop herself from laughing at every time she saw it. She tells me about the latest gossip she's been hearing. In between every bit of news, she glimpses at me from the corner of her eye, to see if I'm listening, and looks away when she sees I haven't stopped nodding to her words, laughing at how she's chosen to express herself, all the while watching for things she could trip on, just like before. Those glimpses hadn't been there before, though. She hadn't been so eager to see that I was listening, not before everything I'd done. Every time she looks at me, I feel just as I did before; the guilt swarms in and I'm holding myself back even tighter every step I take.

I was ready for this. I knew that seeing what I'd done to her would be painful. I just hadn't realised the execution is more agonising than the prognosis.

We continue walking, and just before we reach her classroom, she stops. I turn back to look at her.

"Bonnie? What's up?"

She clutches at her books, holding them tightly at her side. I see determination in her eyes, and it's scaring me.

"Marcy..."

All of a sudden the air around me is too much, and my mouth is becoming dry. What if she's realised how I feel, or even worse, what if my irregular activity has made her rethink our friendship? Before she can say another word, I burst out.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm really sorry Bonnie. I just.." For a brief second it passes in my mind that I could tell her and be done with. I could tell her the truth and the pressures on my chest, from having to keep how I feel from her, from having to lie to her, would be gone.

Bonnie shakes her head. The second passes.

"Marcie, I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to have lunch with me." Her eyes are wide, and her mouth is twitching into a smile. I can see that she wants to laugh, but is trying hard not to so that she doesn't hurt my feelings.

I bring my hand up to my eyes to cover them, feeling my face grow warm. I start laughing at myself, and soon, I hear Bonnie laughing. I take my hand down, and see her clutching her sides, her head tilted and her eyes on me. When was the last time I'd seen her laughing? I feel my stomach flutter and as she laughs, I'm shining from the inside out, and her laugh chimes in my ears. I pull at her arm, as the school bell rings.

"Go to class. I'll see you at the Quad for lunch."

She nods, beaming, and waves on her way in.

I stay standing, wanting to feel the flutter for a little longer. Just then, my phone rings. It's an unlisted number, and usually when it's unlisted, it's from one of my studio mates, so I pick up.

"Hello?"

No one answers.

"Hellooo? I'll be in in a minute, so if it's Bobby, can you stop worrying? It's supposed to cra-"

"Marceline Abadeer?"

I freeze. I know this voice. It's not Bobby.

"Is this Marceline Abadeer?"

I can feel my hands grow colder and any warmth I had felt before, is gone now.

The voice on the other line sighs, and I hear a click.

I'm shaking. My legs give way and I stay sat in the middle of the hallway while everyone else walks past me, around me. I don't care. HE's found me.