Regal tried to brush the sand off of him, but his shackles made the attempt futile. He sighed. The sand would just have to stay there, yet another reminder of the sin he had committed. The surrounding area was nothing but sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, the rest of the large party he was traveling with, sand, sand, and more sand. Ed, who had just gotten up, stated flatly "Okay, the setting and lack of food here reminds me of a similar, slightly unpleasant experience in Lior—wait a minute…" Ed looked around, and then exclaimed, "Don't tell me he sank i again /i ! Al? Did you sink? Al? Al! AL!" A roar of sand being moved exposed a huge armored hand, obviously Alphonse's. "Here, Nii-san; sorry, but I sank again!" the metallic echo of Al's voice said. Lloyd and Sanosuke helped Ed to pull Al back up above the sand.

There was a strange rumbling sound in the distance, and many of them turned to see if they could figure out what it was. Eventually, those with extremely good ears could discern other sounds besides the rumble.

"I hear….voices," Kenshin stated.

"They seem to be having an argument," Kratos agreed.

"What are they saying?" Shippo asked curiously.

Kratos seemed willing to tell him, but Kenshin smiled kindly and said "A child shouldn't be exposed to such things as what they are saying."

Colette, who had attained excellent hearing and sight, said, "I wonder if they're married, they sure sound like it! Oh, wow, what's that?" and she pointed to the source of the rumbling, which was now determined to be making a dust cloud. Upon closer examination, the dust cloud was found to be the result of a Jeep driving across the desert. The Jeep came right up to them, stopped, and four men got out.

"What's a bunch of people like you doing in a place like this? Are you lost?" asked a kind looking, smiling man wearing a monocle.

"Getting lost when you have this many lovely ladies? A shame on you, men!" scolded a man with long pink hair and a cigarette. Zelos and Miroku bristled ever so slightly at this, but nobody seemed to notice.

"I see a fellow holy priest is among you," noted a man dressed in monk robes, with a scroll on his shoulders. This scripture interested Miroku, and he seemed to recognize it. "I see, you are a monk of high rank, as you carry the Maten Scripture on your shoulders," Miroku said respectfully. The pink haired man said "Okay, that's enough. You guys need our help or not?" to which the smiling, spectacled man said "Now Gojyo, we've already offered our help, it would be rude to retract it now. Come with us, we'll find food and board for all of us in the next town."

"I'm hungry!" a boy with brown hair and a golden headband complained, which sparked a war between him and the pink haired man. This scuffle was stopped by the priest, who whacked both of them with his fan.

On the way to where they were to eat and sleep, the Rhodes Tavern, everyone introduced themselves. The smiling man with the monocle was Cho Hakkai, known as Hakkai. The pink haired man with a cigarette and perverted air was Sha Gojyo, or Gojyo. The priest was Kouryuu, but had the holy name of Genjyo Sanzou, but was known, as most priests of his stature were, as Sanzou. The boy that said he had been hungry was Son Goku.

At the nearby tavern, Ed was gobbling down food faster than it could be handed to him. Yahiko and InuYasha, although they, too, were consuming a considerable amount, were coming nowhere near Ed's progress. "It seems you really were hungry," Hakkai said. Gojyo agreed "Yeah, at this rate, you might even beat monkey boy's food consuming record—the only thing he holds dear, really."

"What was that?" Goku yelled, mostly angry that Gojyo had called him a monkey again.

"I said that you're going to be beaten in the eating department," Gojyo rephrased, gesturing to Ed, who was still gobbling the whole time. "Aw yeah, food!" Goku yelled, suddenly realizing what he was eating, and sat down to eat some as well.

Sanzou, noting how InuYasha, Ed, and Yahiko were eating, and knowing all too well how Goku ate, said "I think the rest of us should eat something before it's too late," and so everyone did so, only just getting their fill before the tavern had to close the restaurant because it ran out of food.

The tavern owner, who owed Sanzou a huge debt, repaid it by giving the large group free food and board. The small tavern only had eight rooms, so everyone had to split up and share rooms. Gojyo, Miroku, and Zelos occupied room one; however Gojyo's joy of not sharing a room with Goku was short-lived, as Goku was soon added to the room's roster. Room two was Kratos, InuYasha, Kenshin and Yahiko. Room three was the only co-ed room, with Kagome, Sango and Shippo. Room four was occupied by Sheena, Misao, and Kaoru; room five was Genis, Sanosuke, and Lloyd, and room seven was Presea, Raine, and Colette. Room eight was Ed and Al's room; even though they were only two it was the only way that they could stay together. As it was already very late, everyone went to their respective rooms.

In room one, after yet another one of the traditional and constant fights between Gojyo and Goku, which had lasted an hour, Zelos pulled Miroku and Gojyo aside. "I say we sneak into the girls' rooms tonight!" he said, a smile on his lips.

"I like how you think!" Gojyo grinned.

Miroku closed his eyes solemnly, but that was not enough to conceal his joy and excitement at the prospect. "Okay, what's the plan?" he asked.

"Well, first we have to sneak out of the room unnoticed, and then—"

"Are you planning on raiding the kitchen without me!" Goku interrupted, enraged at the very thought of such a dastardly deed.

Gojyo, as always, was the one to retort, saying "Who said anything about food, you stupid monkey! Besides, the kitchen's all out, or don't you remember that you helped eat everything!"

"I'm not a monkey and I'm not stupid, you shithead pervy kappa!" Goku screamed.

"Oh yeah? Only monkeys scream!" Gojyo screamed back.

"Well then, you must be a monkey! Why else would you be screaming!"

"So I can be heard over you!"

Just then, the usual one to stop the fight, Sanzou, burst in, bellowing "Shut up! Just…SHUT UP!" which quieted the quarrelling youkai at once. "We don't need to hear your lover's quarrel!" Gojyo and Goku were silent. "THANK you!" he said, and slammed the door. Goku muttered "The hell with this, I'm going to bed." There was a silence, and Zelos said "Good. Now the adults can have a little fun."

In room six, Sanzou was holding his head in his hand. "Those morons gave me a headache again," he grumbled.

"Sounds normal," Hakkai said.

"So, this is how you have to live every day?" Regal asked.

"Pretty much," laughed Hakkai.

"I see…" Regal mumbled before disappearing into thought.

Room two was four of the swordsman of the group: Kratos, InuYasha, Yahiko, and Kenshin. They were sitting in silence, which suited Kenshin and Kratos well. InuYasha figured that there was nothing better to do, so he, too, was silent, and Yahiko's silence was mostly because he didn't want to complain, since then there was a good chance he would be classified as the child of the group. Therefore, all four just sat there in silence.

Room three was the only room with both boys and girls occupying it, since it was Shippo, Kagome, and Sango. Shippo and Kagome were already asleep, but Sango had a feeling that the ever lecherous/perverted Miroku and company were up to something, so she stayed awake, one hand ready and waiting to greet any perverts with a mouthful of demon-bone boomerang.

Room four was occupied by a very worried trio of Kaoru, Misao, and Sheena. They were worried because of a similarity between Japanese and Mizuhoan culture: that the number four could also be interpreted as death in their native languages, and was therefore bad luck. It was going to be a long, tense night for them.

Lloyd, Sanosuke, and Genis were in room five, all three obviously bored out of their skulls.

"I think…" Genis started.

"I'm going to die…" continued Sanosuke.
"…Of boredom." Finished Lloyd miserably.

They all sighed and flopped on their beds. A few moments later, Lloyd popped back up, exclaiming "I know! Let's go for a walk! Sure beats being bored here!"

"For once, you've got a good idea, Lloyd!" Genis exclaimed, standing up.

"All right, let's go!" Sanosuke yelled, jumping up, getting pumped for the walk. On the way outside, they passed Miroku, Zelos, and Gojyo, who seemed to be acting extra sneaky. Deciding that they probably didn't even want to know, they continued on their quest for a walk.

The last of the girls in the large group, Colette, Presea, and Raine, had room seven. Raine was sitting at the desk, recording an account of the recent events, putting the most detail and enthusiasm into the latest adventure at the ruins of the ancient temple. Colette was hovering in the air, cheerfully singing a song in angelic language, and Presea was sitting on her bed, carving several charms of a multi-colored dragon, one for everyone in the group. Upon Colette's awed exclamation of their beauty, followed by a trip and fall as she landed to examine them, Presea explained that this charm was for safe journeys, especially into new places.

The last room, number eight, contained Ed and Al. Ed was very disturbed by the décor: pictures of miniskirts on the wall, and furniture themed thinking tropical, with pineapples, coconuts, and palm trees. There was a coconut table, a pineapple chair, and a palm tree bed, which had the trunk as a mattress and leaves as a bed. The other bed was shaped like a pineapple; Al took this one as he couldn't fit on the skinny trunk of the palm tree. Upon examining the pineapple bed closer, he discovered that it had a sort of automatic canopy. He was thrilled by this, and immediately tried it on and off several times. "I think I'll be busy with this most of the night, so good night," he said happily, his voice fading as the canopy closed over him.

Ed smiled. "All right. Good night, Al," came out of his mouth before he returned to the book he was reading, which was about ways to increase height.

Sango was just starting to settle down and go to sleep when she sensed that something was up. In the other rooms, Sheena and Presea sensed it as well, and alerted the others in their rooms. What they sensed was, unmistakably, the eerie feeling of 'perverts on the prowl'. Although there was no actual communication between the three rooms, they all ended up with the same plan: to wait until the perpetrator entered, then ambush them.

Simultaneously, all three doors creaked open, and a man snuck in. Again, with no communication, the silent countdown to attack was synchronized with not only the members of each room, but of the three rooms together.

i Three… /i

The perpetrator's head saw no signs of trouble, and opened the door to allow the rest of himself in.

i Two… /i

He crept towards the nearest bed…

i One… /i

He was in position for attack…

"NOW!"

The signal was heard from rooms seven, four, and three, coming from eight female voices, and one small male voice squeaked as Shippo was rudely awakened.

"Gotcha!" the girls yelled, having pinned the three perverts. Their plans were foiled, and they were in for a very long and rather unpleasant remainder of the night.

In the morning, Miroku, Zelos, and Gojyo were nowhere to be found. They didn't turn up at breakfast and they weren't in their room. While all of the males of the group were kind of worried, the females were, surprisingly, hardly acknowledging the matter. The reason for their heartless behavior became apparent when the group exited the tavern. Gojyo, Zelos, and Miroku were badly bruised, disheveled, and tied to a tree. The word 'Ecchi' was carved on a sign hanging over them. With a long stream of reprimands, they were eventually set free, and the group began to leave. However, at the exit to town, two people blocked their way.

"We cannot allow you to pass!" a tall man with long, pink hair in a unique style of ponytails said.

"Why not, hairdo?" Goku demanded.

"Like I'd tell a monkey," the pin haired man retorted; Gojyo accidentally let a snort slip at this man's agreement with his views.

"Who are they?" Sango asked Hakkai.

"The pink haired one is Kougaiji, and the purple haired woman is Yaone," Hakkai supplied, "They are, in a sense, our enemies, as they do ultimately belong to the other side of the conflict, but they're not so bad. There are a few others in his group; I wonder why they aren't here?"

Sango took all this in, nodded in understanding, and did all this just in time to hear Kougaiji speak.

"I'm telling you, don't go this way!" he yelled, "something is happening out there, and you don't want to get involved!"

Ed countered "You don't want us to get involved, huh? Is it because you're really trying to help us, or is it because you don't want us interfering?"

Kougaiji jumped down in front of Ed. After a long moment, he asked a very strange question.

"Do I know you?" he asked, staring down at Ed.

"How would that be possible if we exist on different planes of existence?" Ed wondered, "and yet, I share your feeling that we have met somewhere. I feel a strong connection to you…"

Kougaiji knelt down so that his height was level with Ed's.

"Wh-wha-" Ed stuttered, instantly snapping into offensive defense mode, as he always did when his height was brought into the picture.

"Sorry if this annoys you, but I thought it'd be easier if we were on the same level, being that I'm a pretty tall person, demon or not."

Ed's face turned a pretty crimson; this was one of the few times someone hadn't said he was unusually short, but instead said that they happened to be unusually tall.

"Um…th-thanks," he said, "it's very kind of you to think of that."

"Hah! You've got that right, pip-squeak!" a familiar malicious voice cut through the air. "Sorry to interrupt such a i touching /i moment, but I can never resist torturing munchkins, especially ones that sleep on me!" Envy said silkily from the window of room eight.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ed snapped at the unwelcome guest. Envy seemed a little annoyed at his comment.

"Oh, the ignorance! I let you sleep on my body, sacrifice my hair for the comfort of your tiny little head, and yet you forget my kindness? How cruel to me! How cruel to my hair!" he whined.

Ed paled visibly as he realized that the bed he had slept on was, apparently, actually Envy. "You disgusting pervert!" he yelled at the agonizing former bed. His crocodile tears soon stopped, however, as he and all other members of the assembled group with exceptionally good hearing had their ears pricked.

"Something's coming," Kougaiji said tensely, "Yaone, let's go. We gave them our warning; it is up to them now whether or not to heed it."

Yaone nodded, and disappeared ahead of her lord.

Turning to Ed, Kougaiji whispered "It seems we have a sort of special connection…I think we'll be meeting again" before he, too, disappeared.

A dust cloud came rushing through the town towards the group, large bangs emitting from it with no apparent pattern. Everyone stared in confusion as the cloud seemed to move straight for them. The cloud was about fifty feet away when they could clearly see that it was caused by two people: an obviously enraged Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye chasing and shooting at an obviously terrified Colonel Roy Mustang. The chase seemed to be going at hyper speed, and before anyone could comprehend what was going on, there was a loud thud, and a smaller cloud of dust arose from where Roy had knocked Ed over. The Colonel blinked as the shock of the impact hit him, and noticed that he was lying on top of a subordinate of his that he had not seen for a while.

"Oh, hello, Fullmetal," he said, "No wonder we haven't been able to find you, looks like you've been under the radar—not only in location, as you're not in Amestris, but in height, since it took me falling on top of you to see you." The resulting furious kick in the groin made the Colonel groan, and he shuddered, spreading out eagle-style over Ed, whimpering slightly. This was obviously not the reaction Ed wanted, because his face quickly became contorted with rage.

"The idea is to get off of me, you bastard!" he screamed in the whimpering Colonel's ear.

"Yes, get off of O-Chibi-san," Envy agreed, "It doesn't make for a pretty image." He flipped his hair for effect.

"No, I won't!" the Colonel yelled. His remark brought an extremely awkward silence, which lasted for several minutes, broken only slightly by the shuffling and grumbling from Ed, who tried to get away from his captor. Giving up on forcing his way out, he decided to ask the burning question.

"Why the hell won't you get off of me?" he asked, finding himself fearing the possible answers.

"I'm too scared to! If I get off of you, she'll shoot me!" the Colonel squealed, pointing a shaking finger at the livid Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"What, did you install a miniskirt dress code or something?" Ed asked, trying desperately to assess the situation, and therefore get the Colonel off of him—he was starting to feel the Colonel's weight crushing him.

Hawkeye sighed. "What else is new with him?" she asked rhetorically.

Just then, as Ed could swear that he was going to die under the Colonel, the ground shook, and a huge split in the earth opened beneath everyone.

As everyone fell, it was a complete commotion. The portion of the group that had gone through the portal business before simply fell with dignity, sitting and enjoying conversation, an art they had learned from falling through the portals at least three times. The new guys, who were right next to the veteran group, were acting as typical first-timers to this business should. Sanzou and Hakkai had quickly adapted: Sanzou was now learning to sit in midair and meditate, while Hakkai held Hakuryuu, who was chirping apprehensively. Goku and Gojyo were shrieking and crying, tears flying everywhere as they held each other close. Whenever they found a place to stop screaming, they babbled on about anything that came to mind: food, cigarettes, women, liquor, where the hell were they, cheese, and chocolate; anything, everything, and nothing all at once. Envy, Roy, and Riza made up another group. Riza was more falling all on her own, not showing any fear if she felt it. Roy and Envy, after they had finished screaming like a pair of little girls, were now deep in an argument about something; apparently it had to do with Ed, as he was pointed at several times. It took all of two minutes for Ed to lose his temper and start screaming at them, telling them that they were both bastards that were pissing him off, so they should shut up. Shockingly, they obeyed, and hit an alternate current in the portal, so that Riza, Roy, and Envy went one way, and the 'official' group went the other.