Here is the first chapter.

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I don't own them I just like righting about them

Hope you like it ;)

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There You'll Be

Chapter One

One moment.

That's all it took to change a life forever.

Elizabeth Spencer, Liz, to her friends and family, replaced the patient chart and felt a smile curve her lips as she glanced up to see the infamous flirt Dr. Patrick Drake trying to ply Robin with his charms. Over the past few months since the incident in the OR, she had seen a change in the arrogant doctor, watched as he and Robin grew closer. Now she was witnessing what she figured had been there all along. Beneath the playboy exterior was a good heart.

With Robin that smile wasn't as cocky, but gentle. Tender.

She only wished her stubborn husband could understand that. Despite all of her protests, he still couldn't quite let go of his belief that she and Patrick had something going on between them. Admittedly, her own pride prevented her from truly making him understand that nothing was going on. Inwardly she had been a little insulted that he could distrust her so easily.

Life had been so difficult since their marriage begun. Lucky's various injuries, the astonishing hospital bills that neither of them could see their way to paying, the surrogacy fiasco and allowing Nikolas to pay off the bills all contributed to Lucky's deteriorating self-esteem.

Then his partner, Jessie, was killed in the line of duty and Lucky blamed himself. Manny Ruiz kidnapped her from the hospital and Lucky had been hurt yet again, leaving him not only physically injured but emotionally as well. He so desperately wanted to be the hero for her.

She knew she wasn't innocent in all of this. Her priorities had been on paying their bills, taking care of Cameron, that she had forgotten that a man's ego was a delicate thing. Seeing the playful banter that she and Patrick occasionally engaged in was misunderstood. For her it was innocent. She loved her husband and the idea of cheating on him with Patrick, an admitted flirt, was ludicrous, only Lucky hadn't seen it that way.

In the end, that jealousy had led their marriage through a downward spiral that had bottomed out two months ago with her walking in on him and Maxie Jones in bed together and her discovery of his addiction to pain medication.

That moment she saw them together had been like a knife to her heart.

A moment that had changed her life forever.

Now they were trying to put back together the broken pieces of their marriage. It was hard and there were days when she would look across the table at Lucky and wonder if it was all truly worth the effort. He was going to NA meetings and they seemed to help with his addiction. Helping him go through withdrawal had been a horrific experience.

She was forced to leave Cam with her Grams for several days until Lucky finally dried out. During those days there had been lots of cursing and anger. Lots of pain. Yet her determination and Lucky's perseverance had dragged him through. If only that was the end of it. Now there was the physical pain he had to deal with from his back injury that didn't heal properly as well as the cravings for the drug.

There had been stops and starts to the process, including one vicious fall off the wagon when he had climbed into bed with Maxie one final time.

So far Lucky was clean. He was attending his meetings, calling his sponsor if he was feeling susceptible and taking physical therapy. He was forced to desk duty until he could pass the police physical as well as the mandatory counseling due to his drug abuse.

They were fortunate; Mac could have fired him after finding out everything that had gone on between Lucky and Maxie. Not just as her father, but as his boss, he had every right to do so. If that had happened they would have been right back into the hole that had started this mess in the first place. Yet Mac had taken into account Lucky's record, his previous injuries, and the fact that he had a family to support and given him a chance.

Every time she thought about that close call, she grew furious. Yes, she had neglected their marriage but Lucky could have, the thought broke off as she struggled to take a deep breath against the nausea that swam through her like a vicious wave. She closed her eyes, gripping the counter, feeling all of her pores open as a light film of perspiration covered her face and neck.

That was the second time this week that had happened.

The first time was after a long shift and she was dressing to go pick up Cam so they could go home. She hadn't eaten much all day, a quick cup of tea that morning and half a slice of toast that she really didn't have time for. Cam had been in a mood that morning, wanting to go out to play instead of getting dressed for daycare. Every time she tried to getting his shoes on he would kick them off and pout a loud, "NO!" making her feel guilty.

She had to grit her teeth through tears and frustration as she tried to make him understand that she had to go to work. Lately all she did was work. Work at the hospital. Work at her marriage. Work at helping Lucky with his addiction. Work at trying to forget her pain.

She couldn't blame Cam; it had been a nice autumn day. If their lives had been just a bit normal, she could have promised to take him after work. She would have called Lucky and they would have met there to spend the late afternoon with Cam having fun. Afterwards, they could have stopped at Kelly's for dinner and maybe on the way home picked up some ice cream and a movie for later on where they could cuddle on the couch together after Cam was asleep.

That was before. Now there wasn't any cuddling on the couch, no smiles or laughter. Just a tension that they both tried to ignore, pretend didn't exist.

At work Patrick had pulled her into the OR for two surgeries, the last going through her lunch break, so she had been forced to grab a limp turkey and Swiss sandwich out of one of the vending machines, along with a small bottle of juice that had to be gulped down when she had been paged.

The nausea had hit as she was bending to lift Cam up and she was forced to sit down on the floor until the room stopped spinning. She had put the lightheadedness down to lack of food, stress and just plain fatigue. Yet, as Cam had climbed into her lap with that worried expression on his face, it worried her enough to promise to take better care of herself. She couldn't afford to be sick right now.

"Elizabeth are you okay?"

She glanced over to the concerned voice and the gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine." The doubt on Epiphany's face was enough to make her try to form a smile, "No really, I just didn't have lunch today that's all."

Epiphany was the 'mother' of the staff. A smart assed, take no shit mother, but she looked after her nurses. Whether they wanted it or not. She demanded her staff be quick, efficient and accepted no excuses for poor performance. "They were in the business of saving lives," she often said, "Life doesn't wait for you to pull yourself together."

Epiphany looked down at her watch, "I know you just assisted Dr. Drake in surgery, so you're due a break."

"I have," Liz stopped at the firm look in her dark eyes.

"I said you're due a break. I'll get someone to cover you," then those stern eyes filled with concern, "Go get something to eat, go on your lunch break now. Take a moment to rest; it'll be here waiting for you."

Liz swallowed as she forced back the tears that tried to fill her eyes, partially shamed that everyone seemed to know the difficulties that she and Lucky were going through. She tried to keep her problems away from the hospital, finding these halls the only solace from the tension back home.

"I'll be in the cafeteria then," she relented, knowing there was no use in arguing with her.

"Put something solid in your stomach Spencer or I'll send you home for the rest of the day." Epiphany finished as she practically shoved her out of the nurses station.

Laughter, something that had been in short supply, lilted free as she walked toward the elevator. After pressing the call button she pushed her hair back from her face. She would stop at the locker-room for her purse, maybe a band so she could pull her hair back from her face then head down for something to eat.

Just as the elevator started for her floor, the nausea returned with a vengeance. She slapped a hand against the wall, trying to steady herself as the lobby began to waver sickeningly before her eyes. As she struggled with her next breath, her stomach clenched and the need to vomit hit her with the force of a gun. The doors slid open and the two passengers blurred as everything went frighteningly black.

"Thanks for taking me to lunch Jason."

"No problem," he shrugged slightly, inwardly pleased that Emily seemed to enjoy herself today. Their relationship had been through a lot these past months and though they weren't as close as they used to be they were finally able to be together without that previous strain.

Perhaps it was best that way. Emily no longer looked at him as the big brother with all the answers, infallible. She finally saw that he was just like everyone else with his own set of fallacies and problems. Their relationship had moved past big brother, little sister, to adult siblings who loved each other.

He leaned back against the wall of the elevator as they rode up to her floor, discretely checking to see if she was as relaxed as she seemed. After she and Sonny broke off, she seemed to falter for a while, had devoted herself to school and her pursuit of becoming a doctor. Now she seemed to have found a healthy balance. Her eyes were happier, perhaps more so than he'd seen in a long time.

"Well, what do you think?"

"What?"

A smile curved her lips as she folded her arms across her chest in amusement, "You were the one checking up on me. So what do you think?"

There was no use in trying to deny it, "I think you look content."

"I am," she reassured him, "So you don't have to worry about me Jase, I'm fine." Then her smile drifted away to that same concerned expression on her face that he'd seen when he first arrived at the hospital to pick her up for lunch. "You, I can't say the same for. When was the last time you had a good nights sleep Jason? I hardly ever see you, and every time you manage to look a little worse."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You miss Sam."

"I don't-"

"You miss Sam," she insisted gently, "I know it's been hard for you, but Jason don't you think this has gone on long enough. You love her and I know she loves you still. There has to be some middle ground."

"My life is dangerous Emily, I don't want her exposed to that," yet even as he said the words, they sounded wrong. It wasn't the reason they weren't back together, but it was a good excuse.

"Sam had no problem with your life when you first got together, so I don't understand what the problem is now Jason." Then she placed an arm on his, "Is it because of Ric?"

It wasn't a secret that Sam had slept with Ric; it had after all caused a lot of damage when the truth finally came out. Truthfully, that was part of the reason, because part of him just couldn't get past it. That bastard had caused too much pain to people that he cared about. If she had slept with anyone but Ric, yet she hadn't.

"No," he answered, "Maybe," he amended, "It isn't that simple Emily."

"Then explain it to me Jason because I don't understand. If the two of you love each other, you should be able to work through your problems."

"I feel like there was some truth to what Alexis said."

"Jason you know that Alexis is a bit fanatical when it comes to your and Sonny's work."

"No," he shook his head, "Not that, I mean at how dependent on me Sam became. When she was living with Alexis, Sam went to school, was working and I know there was a part of her that liked that."

"Okay, so what does that have to do with you being apart?"

"Would she have done that if we stayed together?" It bothered him the way Alexis badgered Sam about saying he was her whole life. It made him take a good long look at their relationship. Outside of Emily, she didn't have any close friends. She had lost all of her family until she discovered that Alexis was her mother. The business kept her isolated because she was under guard.

He often wondered how Carly had managed to build a life for herself under such constraints. Now that she and Sonny were divorced, she had a career she seemed to like, family, and though she didn't have many friends, Carly seemed comfortable with herself.

Sam never seemed that way. Beneath that strong exterior was a vulnerability that was easily wounded and when he hurt her by ending their relationship she seemed to lose herself.

Now she seemed to be slowly building a life for herself and he didn't want to interfere with that. It didn't seem right to interfere with that.

"I don't know, but again that's her decision to make Jason's not yours."

"I know. I'm not staying away from Sam to protect her," he released a breath, "I just don't know if I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I can't seem to get them right."

"Well," she paused, "When you think about it, you're relatively new to the whole relationship business."

"What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, when you woke from your coma you were essentially a blank slate. All your experiences, growing up, maturing, they were wiped away. So you've been pretty much winging it for years now."

"Winging it?" the incredulity in his voice undeniable.

"Yes. I mean think about it. Robin, Carly. Courtney and Sam. You've had four relationships in your life Jason; it takes time to learn how to navigate the whole man/woman thing."

"Are we having this conversation?" He lifted an eyebrow.

"It's true!" she laughed at him, "We're all guilty of coming to you with our problems and you're such a good listener that we forget that you're just doing the best you can. You never try to tell us what to do, and it seems like you're giving great advice but what you're really doing is allowing us the chance to figure out what we need to do."

"I think we can safely say, I no longer qualify for never trying to tell anyone what to do."

"Maybe," she agreed, "But maybe that's why it was so difficult to understand why you would do it. You finally felt strongly about something and you acted on it," she rolled her eyes, "Good or bad, they were your feelings and you were entitled to them, just as much as I was entitled to mine."

"I still shouldn't have tried to push my opinion off on you."

"No, you shouldn't," then she smiled reluctantly, "But I shouldn't have expected you not to have feelings at all." She shook her head, waving a hand slightly to dismiss the subject, "That's not the point."

"There's a point to this?"

"Yes. My point is," then she shook her head in defeat, "My point is I love you Jase, and I just want you to be happy. If that happiness is with Sam, I don't think you should let that chance slip away."

"Are you sure you and Carly haven't been talking," he smiled at the shocked look on her face, "because she said the exact same thing to me not two days ago."

"I hate to be in agreement with Carly on anything, but she's right."

"My life isn't exactly conducive to happiness Emily."

She seemed to think for a long time, and he figured maybe she had let the subject go but then she said, "No one can go through life alone Jason. We all need someone to love, who loves us and offer comfort and support. We all deserve happiness. Perhaps it's time to do something about that then."

The elevator bell sounded announcing their arrival to her floor and he stood, as the doors slid open. Blinked in shock as he saw who stood before them.

Her face was pasty white, and she seemed frail. So damned frail.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he watched helplessly as her eyes rolled back in her head and she began to collapse.

"Liz!"