by KoUsagi a.k.a. Lovedance Lady
Disclaimer: RotS would not have happened if they were mine...
Note: This
will be very much diary-fashioned; focused on emotional stuff, no
re-enactment of events, so don't expect punctual fact-reciting, that
is none of my concern here. Also the style and register is chosen as
it were Anakin's actual diary so beware! ;)
Posted originally on
LiveJournal, in the ewanhayden comm, under my other alias, Lovedance
Lady.
Warnings again: SLASH! Altered Universe! Coarse Language! 16+ Themes!
If you still wish to look into that gorgeous head of Anakin, read on and have fun ;)
Prologue
1st Entry
I, Anakin Skywalker, 17 standard years old, a Jedi Padawan, started this diary today. Came upon this genre by accident, on a literature class I barely ever attend. Anyways, they say this journal-thing, apart from keeping track of the events of one's life, may help you in dealing with your feelings that disturb you. This is what I will do here. Deal with my emotions. My deeds are recorded nicely in official archives anyways; being the Chose One comes with that sort of shit. My emotions, however, are my very own. And it's too bad but can't let go of them. At least want to try and figure them out.
Allright, so will be sincere here, as no one could read this but me. This fact that there are no "others" is very strange though, hope will get used to it in time. Being a Jedi is all about others.
And being a Jedi is about being a
Padawan. There comes the problem. Because you need masters for them.
And my master is... well my master is... HOT. Darn, that's the first
word that comes to mind. I know I just should not think this but I
do. Guess he grew close to me, just too close. Fucking hormones.
Also, fucking war.
Just...
argh. I'm random here. Back to
the matter. Obi-Wan is the most wondrous creature that I have ever
seen. And yet he is supposed to be my MASTER. Of course he is doing
great in that. He is kind, really, and he is awesome with a 'sabre
too. Not to mention his wisdom. And patience. Can admit here that
sometimes I push his limits. Am impulsive and rush and hot-headed.
Force, AM A TEEN! not to mention he is most cute
attractive when he is all riled up and angry with me. Though his
lectures get on my nerves and pretty boring. still, those are the
moments he shows some... how to put it... some life, some fire,
something that is HIM not just your usual Jedi Master. Like Windu.
But don't want to write about him. Not now.
So, Obi-Wan. Master Kenobi. Perfection Embodied. All mine. BUT only as his protégé or whatnot. I want more. Though I know it is stupid cause I'm a man, and I want to be a Jedi, and yet, yearn for him. At night dream of him. Not very proper dreams. There was one time when he was kissing me, hard, against a 'fresher wall, both of us naked, and man he had the most beautiful cock ever. What cock, a rock-hard erection. And this was one of the less sexy dreams. After those, can't look him in the eye in the morning and probably do something that makes him angry so our day is generally fucked. Otherwise we get along well. He patronises me less and less. He is not much older, really, and age gave him a charm that is irresistible.
Force help me resisting him. Fear that I will snap. After a battle, after a sparring practice, during a shared meal when he looks at me, his blue-green eyes beckoning... Should blame it on my hormones. Though guess it is more serious now. Hence, this journal.
Am tired. Will continue this journal I guess. It felt good, wording all the stuff, even though reading it again, it was pretty much a mess, just like my mind.
May the Force give me a peaceful sleep.