The nineteen years between battles had seemed to stretch on forever. Of course, I did have my tours and Yume to keep me busy, but part of me had always known that Genom would surface again. But nineteen years later? I hadn't thought it'd take that long, and at least it didn't happen while I was out on tour. I wouldn't have wanted to leave my friends to fight the battle without me, partly for their own safety, and partly because I'd have been missing out on the fun!
That first battle in October '54, after nineteen years, I felt so alive again, and yet at the same time, I felt a little rusty. Being out in a hardsuit wasn't exactly something I'd done on a regular basis lately. And honestly, part of me actually didn't long for the Knight Saber days. I'd actually…been happy the way life was, paparazzi and all. But now, a year and a half after we'd started up again, I felt like my nerves were shot. They'd never felt like this when we were fighting back in the '30's!
But back then, I didn't have Yume to worry about. And now I did. She was still a child and already somebody's hit list had her name on it. Hell, when I was her age mine was probably on somebody's too, but not on Genom's! The thought of somebody trying to harm her…it turned my stomach, to say the least. Every battle we went and fought, I'd worry about her, even when I didn't admit it. So when the summit attack happened, and months later, Boh attacking her…I felt so damn responsible it was like I could feel her pain, feel myself getting shot and stabbed. I could taste her tears. It was the worst taste in the world.
Damn, I think I'm too old for this, I grumbled to myself as I pulled on my innerwear, ready to kick more Boomer asses. There hadn't been any Boomer rampages lately, and while Linna and Nene were glad for the reprieve, I was in fact very wary. They happened on a semi-regular basis a few months ago, but for the past few weeks there hadn't been any at all, and me being the cynical type, I figured something had to be up. I just wished I knew what.
"I bet you're happy to get back out there, huh?" Linna chuckled, climbing into her hardsuit. As the armor folded over her chest and clicked shut, she added, "I guess it's hard to keep yourself entertained all the time."
"Right," I replied dryly. "I need no help there, thanks."
"Valentine's Day is in four days," Nene chimed in, slipping into her own suit. "But I bet the only thing you're going to be with that night is the TV and a beer."
I shrugged. "Maybe. And I bet you're gonna go rent out a hotel room and torture poor Mackie."
"Am not!"
"I'm sure he wouldn't complain," Linna pointed out, a smirk on her face. "I wouldn't either."
"And we all know how you're the S&M type," I quipped, pulling on my helmet. She just snickered and wagged her finger at me, as if to say, "Priss, you naughty girl!"
"Let's focus, ladies," Sylia interrupted, motioning everyone to get into the van. "The situation tonight is nothing to make light of. How many does the radar show, Mackie?"
Mackie, sitting in the driver's seat as usual, pressed a few buttons on the dashboard and read out the results. "Definitely nothing to sneeze at, Sis. Five BU-33Bs, eleven 55Cs, and two guardian-type Boomers."
"Guardian-types?" I repeated sourly. "Why bother?"
"Decoys, probably," Linna offered.
Some decoys, I thought. I could take 'em out in one shot. May not have set off any alarms to the two girls sitting next to me, but I could hear them blaring in my head. What the hell were those bastards at Genom up to? Sylia turned her head to look at me for a split second, then turned and ordered Mackie to get us to the location of the Boomers – Aoyama district – as fast as possible. I wished I could have seen the look in her eyes, but at the same time, I didn't need to. I was sure she was thinking the same thing as me.
"I could probably take care of the guardian Boomers," Nene said after the silence that had ensued as everybody mentally prepared themselves started to get painful.
"Don't worry about it, Nene," Linna replied, turning to her. "Just keep back and stay on the lookout."
"And try to stay out of the way," I added, rolling my eyes, though since my visor was down, nobody could see that.
"I'll be fine," she retorted with a toss of her head.
"We're five kilometers out," Mackie called out.
"Roger," Sylia said. She stood up. "Nene, you're coming with me. Priss, Linna, I advise you two not try anything rash. There are a lot of Boomers and a lot of potential collateral damage if we're not careful. Let's make this as quick and clean as possible."
"Quick, I can do. Clean, I dunno," I joked, climbing onto my Motoslave, which was in bike form.
"Priss," she said sternly, "I'd like to keep casualties to a minimum. At least TRY not to waste time. No 'testing' the Boomers out. Just kill them and be done."
"Fine, fine, I hear ya."
Linna climbed onto her Motoslave, while Sylia opened up the roof hatch and climbed through, Nene following close behind. At Mackie's two-kilometer warning, the sound of explosions and gunfire suddenly came into play. I couldn't deny the fact my heart was starting to pound with anticipation, although I knew I wouldn't be allowed to hang out and 'play' with the Boomers for a while. Ah well; I guess it would suck if people got killed because I was taking my sweet time. Couldn't argue with Sylia there.
The sides of the van opened, and the moment the hydraulic booms deployed, I could hear the bullets whizzing by me. Ok, let's do this, I thought, revving up my bike.
"Knight Sabers, go!" Sylia yelled. And so the dance began.
Sylia and Nene leapt off of the roof of the van, Sylia using her flight wings, Nene with her jumpjets, while Linna and I were dropped from the booms onto the road. Mackie turned left on the first road we came to, and a few seconds later, at the third or fourth road, Linna made a sharp turn right, the wheels on her bike squealing loudly at the sudden movement. I kept going in the direction we'd been going in at the beginning, right into the thick of it.
"Priss!" came Nene's voice over the comm. "33B at ten o'clock! Two 55Cs at nine!"
"Roger that!" I affirmed. Activating my jumpjets, I leapt off of the bike and made it transform into its Motoroid form. Once it had transformed, it cocked the huge gun on its right arm and jetted in the direction of the two 55Cs. I jetted straight upwards onto the roof of a nearby building, where my scanner had said the 33B was, and sure enough, no sooner had I landed than I was greeted with a barrage of lasers. I ducked down to avoid them, but one grazed my shoulder, leaving a scorch mark there to remind me; it didn't penetrate, however.
"No playing tonight. Enjoy this while ya still can," I spat, making my charge. The Boomer did likewise, lowering its head and coming at me like a bull towards the red flag the matador was waving. I jumped up and did a roundhouse kick, connecting with its head with my Leg Bombers, followed by a half-dozen railgun needles. It swung at me furiously with one fist, me barely able to duck in time to avoid it. I rolled to the side, then swept my leg under the Boomer's feet. It didn't trip it, but did leave the thing stumbling for a moment. That gave me my chance.
I got to my feet, crouching down, then rammed my whole body into the Boomer's stomach, my Knuckle Bomber leading the way. After another similar punch to the chest, I slapped one of my S-Mines onto its chest and did a few back-handsprings to get out of the way of the impending explosion.
A 33B dead less than a minute after the battle started; if it was a new record, I wasn't keeping track. In any case, I didn't quite get far away enough to avoid the blast; when the S-Mine went off, I was still close enough for the shock wave to actually make me stumble backwards. A few more scorch marks on my suit to match the one on my shoulder, but they were nothing; I myself didn't have a scratch.
Deciding to check on Typhoon III's progress against the 55Cs, I leapt down from the building and landed in the street just in time to observe it crushing one of the Boomer's heads against a brick wall. I smirked as the Boomer dropped, dead, only meters from its companion, which was in a similar state.
"So much for clean," I quipped, chuckling. "But we got 'em."
My scanner started beeping again, letting me know there was another Boomer in the vicinity. It wasn't one of the 55Cs or 33Bs, though. It was one of the dinky guardian Boomers. The sound of a heavy vehicle getting started up let me know it was trying to make a quick getaway.
"Stupid bastard. Thinks he can get away, huh?" I remarked to myself, jetting back onto the rooftop. Spotting the truck heading down the street, I started building-hopping in pursuit of it. When I was close enough to see the windshield, I jumped down on top of the front of the car and punched through the windshield. The Boomer didn't have a chance; I punched through its head with my Knuckle Bomber, orange fluids gushing out of the stump. As it slumped to the side, I got my whole body through the windshield, then, sitting down in the driver's seat, stomped on the brake pedal, bringing the truck to a halt.
I climbed out of the truck and scanned the cargo section to see if there were any more Boomers that might've been hiding in there, and what came up should have put me on edge.
But it didn't.
"Nothing in there," I fumed; no Boomers in the back of the truck, but that wasn't it. Absolutely nothing had come up on my scanner. The damn thing was empty.
I couldn't even complete my next thought, the attack came so suddenly. The only thing I was aware of was something bright smashing into the front of my helmet. I screamed as I was thrown back several feet, shattered glass stinging my entire face. Where the hell had THAT come from?
"Shit!" I cursed, rubbing my face with my hand to clear away any embedded glass. Once I could get my eyes open, I immediately let out another scream as something slammed hard into my arm, making a sickening breaking sound as that something made contact. I instinctively rolled my body away from whatever was attacking me and jumped to my feet, grabbing my arm in pain.
Another Boomer. And it definitely wasn't one of the ones Mackie said there was. Hell, I'd never seen this type before; it was three meters tall, and didn't have any weapons from what I could see. But that last thought was quickly put to rest when the Boomer opened its mouth and fired its mouth cannon at me. I ducked down to avoid it, but then the Boomer was right there in my face again, and I found myself with my feet over my head when it tripped me up in a similar fashion to what I'd done to the 33B just minutes earlier. I tried to get up, but was pinned down when the Boomer grabbed me by the helmet and started shoving my head into the pavement.
"What—the—hell?" I screamed, trying to squirm my way out of this position. What kind of Boomer was this! It was freakishly powerful…unlike anything I'd fought in a long time…
"It's not so fun when you're on the receiving end of these blows, is it?" the Boomer inquired in a voice a full octave lower than anything I'd heard come out of a human, and entirely serious. It lifted me up by my head, making me cry out in pain. I grabbed the Boomer's arm with my good arm, hoping to keep as much strain off my body as possible. With my bad arm, I drew my fist back and pounded the Boomer in the face with my Knuckle Bomber, making me scream with the pain that shot up that arm as a result. The Boomer released its grip on my head, and I dropped down to the ground, landing on wobbly feet. I took a few steps back and crouched down into a fighting stance, preparing for its next move.
The Boomer didn't charge towards me like it had done before, though. It calmly walked towards me, glowing red eyes narrowing as they glared in my direction. Its face had been charred when I punched it before, but now…now it actually looked like it was healing up. Newer flesh crept across the charred flesh, slowly covering up all of the wounds. Seeping into the blackened wounds, it slowly took shape, and my jaw half-dropped when in a matter of seconds, the Boomer's face looked good as new.
It could regenerate itself. Wonderful.
The Boomer didn't say anything, only walking towards me with the same menacing look as ever. I growled, then figured that this was my chance, probably the only one I had to land a decent blow, and hope that it would be bad enough that it wouldn't just heal up.
"C'mon!" I challenged, off to a running start as I sped towards the Boomer. I jumped up to deliver a kick to its chin, and the next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.
My kick missed, but not for lack of good aim; the Boomer simply dodged it, stepping backwards. I started to land on my feet, already about to go on the offensive again, when it happened. The Boomer jumped forward, only inches from me, then drew back its arm, and out of the back of its clenched fist popped a lasersword.
And all of this was while I was still recovering from my missed kick.
I didn't have a chance to even start dodging it. The lasersword came forward, and then I felt the sharp pain ram into my stomach, instantly setting my lungs on fire. I felt the metallic-tasting fluid burst forward from my mouth, and the energy dissipate rapidly from my body. After what seemed like an eternity, I drew in a sharp breath, the pain excruciating enough to have made me scream if I was able to. It felt like the sword was shoved clear up into my lungs, shoved in at such an angle that the Boomer could have lifted me up.
"D…d…d-damn…" I mumbled, blood filling my mouth. The only thing holding me on my feet was, incidentally, the Boomer's sword in my gut.
"Is this your end, I wonder?" the Boomer asked, withdrawing the sword. I started to fall to my feet, but it grabbed me by my shoulders and held me up. I could let out little more than a groan when it started squeezing my shoulders, threatening to shove them into my ribs.
I was barely conscious by now; I could see my own blood coating the stomach armor, running down my legs, a red pool underneath me small, but growing. Over the comm I thought I heard Linna and Nene screaming my name, asking if I was alright, but I couldn't answer. This wasn't my end…it couldn't be. I wouldn't let it be!
I'm not dead…I won't die…I can't die… They need…me…, I thought. "You won't…k…kill m-me…" I managed to croak weakly. "I'll…g-get…you…first…"
The Boomer actually laughed out loud. "You're not dead yet, but you're on your way! And how do you expect to kill me in your condition?"
"N…not today I won't…but…but later," I swore.
"I won't kill you, yet. Someone has a mind to talk with you first. It's only a brief delay, however. Think of it as being in misery for a few minutes longer."
"Talk…? Who wo…" I started to ask.
I got my answer shortly thereafter. I heard the sound of tires rolling up the street and coming to a halt, followed by the sound of several car doors opening and closing.
"Let's greet her," the Boomer said, spinning me around so I was facing out. I gagged in a feeble attempt to yell in pain, instead spitting out some of my own blood.
From the car, a figure in black approached me, accompanied by several bodyguards, and judging by their size, it was easy to assume they were Boomers in human guise. The figure stopped in front of me and looked me over. It was clad in a black outfit that resembled a ninja's outfit, complete with the headcover and the bit of fabric covering the nose and mouth. The eyes told me that this figure was a woman.
"I…k-know you…" I coughed.
"I figured you would," she agreed, pulling down the cloth covering her face.
Katherine Madigan.
"Some outfit there," I said, managing a weak smirk.
"All for secrecy. You should know that. And you know why I've come to have a little chat with you."
"I…" I let out a cough. "I don't…"
She frowned and crossed her arms, leaning in close to me. "Yes you do. I want you to tell me the whereabouts of the purple Knight Saber."
Ambushing me just to try to get me to tell 'em where Yume is? They're desperate…or just don't wanna do it the hard way, I thought, blinking several times as my vision started to blur. I could feel myself fading into unconsciousness, but sheer willpower kept me from doing so.
"Safe from you… That's w…where she is," I spat.
"When you attempt to run and hide from Genom, you're never safe. Yumeko Asagiri has been quite the thorn in our side, not that the rest of you haven't been. But it's obvious that having her in your group has revitalized you. And what's going to happen when you're too old to fight? Is she going to take us on all by herself?"
I sucked in a breath, sharp pain shooting through my stomach and lungs at the movement. I gritted my teeth and declared, "I'll be damned…if I let her get dragged into…into this anymore. She is my daughter, and she's…b-been to hell and back because of you bastards. I'm fighting…for both of us, and if you want to get to her, you'll…you'll…have to go through me first."
"My thoughts exactly. Which is why we're here right now." She motioned at the Boomer who was holding me captive, and suddenly I felt my arms get shoved into my sides. I screamed in pain as practically every bone in my torso felt like they were threatening to break. "Tell me where she is, Priss."
"Fuck you!" I screamed, coughing up more blood as the Boomer continued to crush me.
"We could just crush you right now. You know that. And then we would just have to find some other way to find your precious daughter. But I'd much rather hear it straight from the horse's mouth." Her expression was cold, hardly a hint of a smile tracing her lips. I would've spat some of my blood onto that pasty face of hers, but she was far enough away that she was out of reach, even though she was only standing a few feet from me.
"Go to hell. We could be here all night, and you still wouldn't—" I let out another scream as the Boomer squeezed even harder. "S-still…wouldn't…get it outta me…"
"Yes, we could. But we could still try to coerce it out of your other Saber friends. I know at least one of them would be willing to talk if threatened with imminent death."
"We face that every time we…we come out to fight. Ain't…ain't gonna work."
"You'd be surprised. Many people want to die, yet decide they really want to live instead once they see what death is like."
"Never said we wanted to die. Just that…that we're willing to give our lives."
"I know. Just like your daughter's friend was willing." She smirked. "Not the most willing, perhaps, but she did die protecting her friend."
Mentioning Michiko only further incensed me. "You…sent out Boh, made him kill Michiko…"
"I didn't make him kill that girl. He had orders to eliminate anyone who got in the way of his mission. She was in the way of that mission."
"You took away my daughter's best friend… You…you don't care about anyone but…" My voice left me before I could finish; I couldn't hold out anymore. I could feel my body weakening rapidly.
Madigan noticed. She walked up to me and cupped my chin in one hand and lifted my head up so she could look at me. "You believe I'm a cold-hearted bitch, don't you, Priss? And what were you going to say? That I don't care about anyone but myself? That's not entirely true. I care about the Genom corporation, and I care about finishing what chairman Quincy started, or rather, refused to finish."
I moved my leg to try to kick her, being one of the only things I could do, but they felt so heavy, so weak… I could barely even lift them.
"I'll show you how merciful I can be, Priss. I'll let your friend over there come and attempt to save your life after we leave."
"W…what…?"
She motioned towards a nearby alleyway. I didn't see anything or anybody in there, but the Boomer holding me captive took care of that. It fired its mouth cannon into the alley, and after the ensuing explosion took out a good chunk of brick wall in said alley, a red-and-pink hardsuited girl emerged, screaming.
"There she is," Madigan said, smirking as she turned and looked at Nene.
"Hey!" Nene yelled, screeching to a halt a short distance from us, visibly shaken. "You…you better let her go!" She aimed her laser gun at Madigan.
"You want her?" the Boomer asked, lifting me up. "Here." I found myself briefly airborne as it threw me in Nene's direction. She ran to catch me, falling to the asphalt with a thud when she did. I hacked up more blood, the pressure from the catch forcing it up my throat.
"She's lost a good deal of her volume," Madigan reminded her, still smirking. "Good luck getting medical aid to her in time. At this point, death would be a blessing."
"Oh God, oh God…" Nene mumbled, looking down at me. "Priss, it'll be ok. Hang in there, ok? The others are on their way."
"We'll see." Madigan and her bodyguards climbed into their car and sped away. The Boomer, on the other hand, stayed for another moment. It walked right up to us, looking down whatever nose it had at us.
"What're you gonna do?" Nene asked, trying to mask the fear in her voice. She held me tighter, as if to protect me. I grimaced in pain, too weak at the moment to get anything out of my mouth besides another small stream of blood.
"Nothing," it said. "If your friend dies, fine. If she lives, I'll just get to play with her again soon, as well as the rest of you. You'll all end up like her, I assure you."
"I don't think so! You'll be the one watching your back!"
"You think you can stand up to me? This wench here couldn't even do that," it spat, nudging me with its foot. I groaned in pain. "I'd like to see you try. But another time." The Boomer leapt onto a nearby roof, and before I knew it, it was gone.
"This sucks…" I managed to cough out, chuckling.
"Priss, don't talk. Don't talk," she pleaded. "Save your strength."
"Shut up, Nene."
"What did I just say? Just try to stay with me here!" She held me tighter, as if that would keep me awake somehow.
"Stop…s…stop…worryin'," I moaned. "I'm…I'm…not go…gonna die…"
"We'll make sure you won't!"
"No, I know I'm…n…not. I s…s…still got…stuff to…to do…" I sucked in a breath, which revived that shooting pain in my lungs. I hardly cared about that by now though.
Nene lifted up her visor. I could see tears running down her cheeks. "Priss…just stay still. Don't talk. They'll be here any second."
"Don't…don't do that. No…crying. It'll…be ok..."
I closed my eyes, feeling myself sinking further and further into the black pit of unconsciousness. I heard Nene's voice, pleading with me to come back, and just before everything went black, I thought I heard Linna and Sylia's voices as well. But, all sounds were just murmurs when I finally did black out, so I wasn't sure if I had really heard them, or if it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.
-----
My eyelids felt as heavy as lead when I tried to open them. Hell, my whole body felt that way, and for a few minutes after I became aware of myself again, I had no idea why. I couldn't remember the last thing I'd done. A fight…I remembered there was a fight…and then Madigan's face before mine…but was that a dream? Truly I couldn't have come face-to-face with that damned woman.
By now, I was aware that I'd sustained some pretty bad injuries, most notably the one to my stomach. Every breath sent a searing pain up my chest and into my lungs. Even when I tried to take as shallow a breath as possible, the pain didn't lessen at all. How the hell had I…?
I drew in a sharp gasp as the memories came flooding back into my mind; a Boomer had ambushed me. It stabbed me, tortured me, more or less beat the living shit out of me. And Madigan…I HAD seen her in person. I remembered the sound of crying as Nene begged me to just shut up and save my strength.
That gasp made the pain shoot up into my lungs even harder than before; it made me let out another gasp, then a strangled yell.
"Easy…" I heard a gentle voice say. I opened my eyes and looked to my right when I felt someone put their hand on top of mine.
"L…Linna…" I coughed.
"Nice to see you're finally awake. Definitely gave everybody a scare there. Nene was so freaked out that Sylia actually mulled giving her Haldol for a moment."
"She always…gets worried over little shit."
Linna's jaw almost dropped, but she managed to stop it from doing so. She gave me a look and shook her head. "Little? Hardly. Do you know how close you came to dying on us?"
"Close enough?"
"…Yeah, close enough. I'll leave it at that."
"How long've I been here?"
"Two days. Sylia decided to keep you sedated until this morning so your body would have a little time to start healing."
"How bad did I get 'seppukued'?" I asked, my voice hoarse with the effort to talk.
Linna raised an eyebrow at my term of choice. "Sylia says you were lucky. The sword missed the major organs, but the edge did nick your lungs, which is why you're on oxygen."
I fingered the oxygen tube that was strung across my face, wrinkling my nose at the feel of the two prongs going partway up my nostrils. "That'd explain why…why it's hard to breathe."
"Even without hitting anything major, you still almost bled out. You were VERY lucky this time." She looked away. "I'm saying 'this' time because knowing you, you're going to raise hell as soon as you're recovered."
"Is it that obvious?" I quipped, grinning, then letting out a cough. "Ow… Well, Madigan wants to know where Yume is…and I wouldn't tell her. Goin' through all that was worth it."
"I know…" She wiped away a tear. "It just sickens me that…that they're doing all this just to get their hands on a teenager who's still fairly new to this game."
"Young energy…that's what Madigan said. She…she said…it was obvious that having her in our group had energized us. That's part of why…she's going after her."
"I'm sure Yumeko invading Genom Tower has something to do with it too," Linna added somewhat dryly. "You know…she's going to want to know what happened."
I shook my head, gritting my teeth as my stomach wound started to throb. "N-no…I don't want her to know."
"W…why not?" She looked surprised.
"You know her! She's…she's just gonna blame this on herself, and…and she'll…j-just wanna come home."
"She's already blaming a lot of things on herself, and she already wants to come home, very badly," she pointed out. "Although…I'm sure knowing about this latest incident wouldn't help."
"Tell Nene not to…not to tell Yume anything about this, ok?" I asked. "Let her…live her life for now."
Linna nodded. "Ok. I'll tell her. But I don't know what kind of life, if any, she's living over there."
"I don't want her to worry about me…that's all…"
"I know, Priss. I know."
-----
Between school, my tai chi lessons, and training, I barely had time for anything else. I didn't mind though; I'd filled up all of my spare time partly on purpose. It kept my mind occupied, kept me from hitting any major lows…or major highs, for that matter, unless I included my occasional dipping into my bottle of hydromorphone. I knew better than to take that stuff every day; I didn't want to get myself addicted like I'd almost done after the summit battle. And yet…the high I got from it was unlike anything else…
Damn. I knew I had to stop thinking that way. The only thing that could get me TRULY 'high' was the thrill of gymnastics, the thought of having an Olympic gold medal placed around my neck. That was one of the few things keeping me going now. Now that Sara was out of the hospital and donning a new pair of legs, I had one less thing to worry about.
But damned if something else didn't come up soon afterwards.
The fifth of March.
I woke up that morning, my body feeling heavy. I managed to drag myself out of bed and throw on some clothes, but I didn't take my morning jog; I wasn't up to it. I wasn't up to doing anything at all. My plan for the day was to just lock myself in my room and be alone with my own thoughts. I popped one of Mom's CDs into the stereo and put her song Itoshiki Rival on repeat. After turning the volume up on it, I grabbed a piece of paper, an envelope, and a pen, and started writing a letter that nobody else but my best friend would ever see.
Odoru tokai wa kawaita savannah (The dancing city is a dry savannah)
nakama no mure hagurete hitori. (in which, alone, I lost sight of my group of friends.)
Kizu o otte mo tachidomaranaide (Even if I get hurt, without stopping,)
hokori ni omou anata de ite yo. (I take pride in having you here.)
Micchan,
Today is your eighteenth birthday. How funny that I'm only remembering it now, when you're not here to celebrate it. I remember last year, when you came over to my place so I could go shopping with you, and how you made fun of me for never being able to remember your birthday. You bought Mom's latest album. I'll never forget how your face lit up when you took it in your hands and said that you just couldn't wait to buy it, and you did just that, now that you had the money.
Awai seishun no hibi (Day by day, sentimental youth)
hitotsu no koi (contend for a first love,)
hariatta ne suteki na rival yo anata wa. (and you are a wonderful rival to contend with.)
As I write this I'm listening to your favorite song of Mom's, "Itoshiki Rival." Although you said you loved all of her songs, this one remained your favorite; it was your favorite when I first met you, and it remained your favorite for the rest of your life. I never knew if it was the lyrics that attracted you to it, or the general rhythm, but I do admit it does kinda have a unique sound to it, compared to some of her other songs.
Furimukazu ni hashitteite (Running without looking back,)
kaze o kirisaite (I cut into the wind,)
chikaiatta ano hi no yume (making a vow that I would surely)
kitto tsukamaete. (seize the dream I had that day.)
I remember how, after the summit attack, you lent me your unwavering support during my physical therapy sessions, and during my struggle to learn to walk again. I remember the look on your face when you saw me without the leg brace for the first time, after Nationals. I also remember your reaction when you figured out that I was a Knight Saber. You cried…and in the same breath as that cry, you swore that you would always support me, no matter what I did. You'll never know how much that meant to me. It still means a lot to me, even now.
Tooi goal ni tadoritsuku made ni (By the time people reach their distant goal,)
hito wa doredake itami o shiru no. (how much pain will they have come to know?)
Tabi no omosa ni kujike-soo na yoru (At night, when the weight of the journey has me feeling down,)
anata no egao itsumo omoidasu. (I always remember your smiling face.)
Micchan…I miss you so much, but I guess you already know that. I love you like I will never love another friend. There's a place in my heart that will always be reserved for you. You made the ultimate sacrifice for me, and I know that I will never be able to pay you back in kind for that. But I know that you wouldn't ask me to do that anyway. You'd say, "It's no problem, Yucchan. Friends do that sort of thing for one another, right?" Yeah…you're right. But my heart still aches, knowing you're gone.
Kumo ni tokeru yuuhi o mitsumeteta (As I watched the setting sun dissolve into the clouds,)
ano hi no yoo ni (with burning eyes I wanted to relate to tomorrow)
atsui me de asu o kataritai. (as if it were that day.)
Am I selfish for wanting you back? I don't think so, but Irodia says that you're probably up there because "heaven was missing an angel." She means well, but…but what she has to say doesn't help take away this guilt I have. I feel guilty…for not being able to protect you. I'm so sorry…although I know you wouldn't want me to be. But I can't help but feel this way. No matter what anyone else tells me, I'll feel the way I'm going to feel.
Naite nanka irarenai ne (Refusing to cry,)
motto tsuyoku naru… (I will become stronger…)
Itsu no hi ni ka (Someday, by standing up tall,)
mune o hatte anata ni ai ni yuku yo. (I will head off to meet with you.)
Until the day we see each other again, I'll keep you alive in my memories, my photo album, my heart…everywhere. I'll try to live my life so that your sacrifice will be worth it. It's hard, trying to get on with my life without you here, but…you'd want me to. And I'll try my best.
Yucchan
I folded the letter into thirds, then slipped it into an envelope and sealed it. I wrote Michiko's name on the front of the envelope, then set it down on the desk in front of the picture of her and me that I had sitting there. I gingerly touched the dried cherry blossom branch that sat nearby, smiling when I remembered her giving it to Mom for her birthday the previous May. I'd dared her to call Mom 'Sakura,' a common name meaning 'cherry blossom.' The comment had even amused Nene and Linna.
"Can't I relive those days?" I whispered to myself, flopping down on my bed as Itoshiki Rival went on repeat. Even after the summit, the days that I had thought would be my darkest, Michiko had been there. She helped make everything just a little bit brighter. And now, being in Cali, supposedly recovered and not having to fight Boomers, my darkest days were supposed to be behind me. But Michiko wasn't here. That alone made these days the darkest I'd ever had. I'd have gladly relived those first few months after the summit, relive all of that physical therapy hell, if only to have Michiko by my side again. But what I wanted even more was to have my pre-Knight Saber days back, back when I was a normal kid, back when my biggest worries were about homework and paparazzi, not Boomers and Genom! Back when Michiko wasn't anywhere near the line of fire…back when none of us were…
I fell asleep, exhausted by those thoughts, and when I woke up, the song was still on repeat; God knew how many times it had played by now. I heard a banging on my door, followed by a voice pleading, "Rocío, PLEASE turn that song off! I've been listening to it all day!"
"I'm taking a personal day, Irodia!" I yelled through the door. "Live with it!"
"If you're going to listen to it, at least turn down the volume!"
I mumbled under my breath and walked over to the stereo. Instead of turning down the volume, I cranked it up. Through the noise, I could barely hear Irodia spitting out some words in Russian that I was thankful for not knowing the meanings of, then her yelling, "I said DOWN!"
"I'm NOT someone to be screwing with today," I growled. "I'm letting everyone know it."
I was doubtful she could hear me, but my meaning got across all the same. I heard nothing more from her.
-----
Long after I turned off the stereo and headed over to the park that Irodia and me and the others went to after church every Sunday, I could still hear that song playing in my head. It was playing on the brink of annoyance, but it was Michiko's favorite song, so I didn't mind as much as I would have if it had been another song.
I went to the top of the tallest hill in the park and looked out over the horizon, a slight breeze making my hair tickle my cheeks. As luck would have it, the wind was blowing west…in the direction of Tokyo. I reached into the pocket of my jacket and took out a tiny pouch, dumping the contents into my hand. It was ashes, the ashes of the letter I'd written that morning. After writing it, I'd taken it, along with several dried leaves from the cherry blossom branch, and burned them together in an incense holder. It was the only way to ensure that nobody else would ever see the contents of it, but even so I knew that Michiko would know what I had written.
I cupped my hands together so that the ashes were held in both of them, making sure the wind didn't blow them away. I looked up at the sky and offered a Buddhist prayer:
"May all things be filled with joy and peace. May all beings everywhere, the strong and the weak, the great and the small, the mean and the powerful, the short and the long, the subtle and the gross."
I took a breath and spoke louder, more powerfully. "May all beings everywhere, seen and unseen, dwelling far off or nearby, being or waiting to become: may all be filled with lasting joy. Let no one deceive another, let no one anywhere despise another, let no one out of anger or resentment wish suffering on anyone at all. Just as a mother with her own life protects her child, her only child, from harm, so within yourself let grow a boundless love for all creatures."
I brought my closed hands in towards my chest, putting them over my heart, my voice softening as emotions threatened to overpower me. "Let your love flow outward through the universe, to its height, its depth, its broad extent, a limitless love, without hatred or enmity…"
Stopping, I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself composed. This was a peace prayer, and it saying to love everyone, to not hold any grudges…would I be able to do that? Could I not hate Boh, and Quincy, and Madigan, not hate them for what they had done to my life? For what they had done to my mom, my friends?
Yeah right.
It was too much to ask, just too much, at least at the moment. Maybe sometime, but not now.
My face hardening in determination, I lifted my head up and tossed my hands up, letting the wind take the ashes and carry them away. They swirled in the wind, carried higher up and further away into the clouds, into the horizon, until I could no longer see them. Yet, I could still smell them, and it was not my imagination tricking me; residue still remained on my hands. I took in the scent that lingered on them, then closed my eyes and mumbled the last of the prayer:
"Then as you stand or walk, sit or lie down, as long as you are awake, strive for this with a one-pointed mind; your life will bring heaven to earth."
The prayer done, I mixed in a little Shinto custom: I clapped my hands together twice and bowed my head. I knew this prayer, as well as the letter and the cherry blossom leaves, would reach her. I just wished I knew how she would let me know she'd received them.