Truth hurts
It took every ounce of self control Ai had not to laugh out loud as Carter got kicked in the balls. He was seriously tough, even as a very old man. He didn't cry out. He didn't even shift his stance. He just shook his head. But what said next-
"I deserved that." The man said quietly as Jenni snarled at him. "Jenni, I didn't want to leave. I didn't have a choice! You of all people know that!" His tone was conciliatory, but Jenni was having none of that!
"What I know is that you are going to apologize to my daughter,…" That was biting! She wasn't about to let him hurt Maya. "...right now for what you EXALT scum did to her and then you are going to leave and not come back." Jenni snapped, her power flaring as her anger found voice. "If you do, I can and will tell Lizbeth and Jian where to find you." Her growl was pure 'mama bear' even as Maya found her tongue.
"Mom?" Maya asked in a very small voice and Jenni uncoiled, just a little from her rage.
"I can't stay, Honey. But I had to come. To kick him at least once for leaving me and you two alone. Not to mention what his organization did to you." Jenni was still angry, but her ire as purely focused on Carter who slowly shook his head. "You and yours made this mess, William. Don't deny it!"
"Yes, EXALT hurt Maya very badly." Carter was very quiet now. "As for the rest of why you are angry? Leaving wasn't my choice and I never lied to you, Jenni. I was very careful not to explain where I came from or what I did."
"Jenni." Weaver was clearly unhappy with being involved in this sort of family reunion/discussion/domestic dispute, but she was also sort-of in charge. Anya was the therapy person, Weaver was the boss. "Jenni, you can't do this kind of thing! Yes, you are angry. You have cause, but everyone will be upset by you coming here now."
"I know." Jenni retreated a step, her face still a rictus of rage, but slowly losing its tinge of purple psionic power. A good thing. The Lady had described her well. Even to Ai as a non-psionic being, Jenni radiated power like no one else in the Nigthstalker's experience but Alley at the height of her power. "I will pay for it, but it was worth it to kick him." Everyone else shook their heads as she shook hers. "I am sorry for showing up, but he drew me here. He knew I would come when I heard about Maya." She smiled a little forlornly at Maya who wilted, but nodded. The girl was no novice and knew the costs of such. "I better go now."
"Wait." Ai surprised herself by speaking and everyone paused to stare at her. Everyone stared at her and as the Nightstalker shook her head. "I am not cleared for a lot and I know I won't remember a lot, but neither will Maya." She smiled at Maya and extended her hand to the girl who stared at it like a drowning person offered a life preserver. "We may not be able to remember the facts, but can we keep the emotions?" She asked Weaver who looked thoughtful. Maya reached out a trembling hand to take Ai's and Ai pulled her up to stand beside the Cobra operative. "Positive emotions to counter all the negative ones?"
"I don't know." Weaver said slowly, looking at Anya who shrugged a bit helplessly. "Such has never come up as far as I know." Anya nodded to that. "Janet?" She asked the monitor on the wall and both Jenni and Carter stilled as Janet's voice sounded from it. Carter moved as if to step back but everyone glared at him, so he stilled.
"Let me run some variable." The woman speaking from the blank screen mused. "Maya does need help." Janet said softly. "She is a good kid. Strong willed and smart, but she is broken still by what she endured. Both from Advent and from EXALT. It will take some time for her to recover and she may very well relapse. I have a couple of times, myself." Maya wilted a little more, but Ai crooned to her and the sorely hurt girl relaxed. "As far as I can see…" What was that odd inflection on the word 'see'? Did Ai want to know? "...Jenni's presence here is not going to cause any more trouble than all of ours, but I am not infallible." She warned. "Ai, what are your thoughts?"
"Me? I am here for Maya and Sam, but I am not their parents." Ai said after a moment. She smiled at Jenni who returned it a bit hesitant. Ai turned to eye Carter who eyed her right back. "Why?"
"Why you?" Carter asked quietly and Ai nodded. "You were available. You were coming here anyway. Maya and the others needed and still need help. Help I cannot give. I was always about breaking things, not mending them. I cannot go into why I left, but I can say that leaving you was not my choice, Jenni. I wasn't there when my first wife died. My son. My dad." He bowed his head. "Leaving you was wrong and I tried to keep it from happening, but there are powers that even such as you and I cannot beat." He smiled a bit forlornly. "I put up a hell of a fight, but in the end? I lost. Jenni…" He pleased as as Jenni shook her head. "Hate me if you will, but Maya needed help. I helped find her said help. The one who hurt her..." He sighed. "Yes, I belonged to EXALT once upon a time and I still wear the uniform to separate myself from the idiots in X-Com who never even realized they were pawns of an alien. And before you ask, Maya…" He nodded to Maya who would not meet his eyes. "...such as what was done to you was planned all along. But I never wanted it to happen to you or your sister!"
"It would have been okay if it happened to any of the others." Maya said in a monotone.
"From my point of view, yes." Carter said quietly. "We were not going to kill whoever we put in that thing. Earth was lost, Maya. We all knew that. X-Com was being run by an alien so, we went our own way." At that, everyone else jerked. Carter slowly shook his head again. "There was no way I was going to just let that lying piece of blue crap run around loose."
"Oh." Weaver looked thoughtful for a moment and then she heaved a sigh. "Be that as it may, Carter, you betrayed humanity when you put on that uniform."
"Did I?" Carter shrugged. "An argument can be made I did when Faulk recruited me, or when Asaru possessed me or when I left Faulk to die in my need for vengeance against that lying piece of blue shit. I didn't kill Faulk, but I would have when he tried to stop me. You know that." The old human said quietly. "After what Asaru did to me, I would have shot Weir. Maybe even you too."
"Yeah." Weaver was very quiet now. "I know. I didn't understand at the time what exactly happened to you, but I do now. I thought you had just lost it. But then, Weir… What he did… I…" Weaver slumped and shook her head. "Carter, for what it is worth, I am sorry, but you better leave. The Lady is very upset with you. As upset as Jenni is or more so."
"You know I cannot trust her any more than I could trust X-Com." Carter said with a growl. "You…" He slumped a bit. "I want to trust you, Angela. But I can't if you are with that thing."
"Go, Carter." Weaver said softly. "We will help Maya and her sister if we can but after all of what you have done? We are enemies." That clearly cost her to say, but she stood straight as Anya nodded, never taking her eyes off the old man.
"I know." Carter nodded slowly. "When next we meet, one of us dies." With that, he vanished.
"I uh…" Jenni swallowed hard as Maya fought not to cry. "I guess I better-" She broke off as Ai stepped forward, pulling Maya with her. "Ai?" Jenni asked carefully as Ai pulled Maya right up to Jenni and waited, still holding the girl's hand.
"You likely won't get another chance any time soon, if at all, Maya." Ai said softly as she urged the girl forward. Maya didn't want to move, but then she gave a squeak as Jenni reached out to touch her arm and then, Maya was in the psi's arms, sobbing as Jenni held her. Ai smiled a bit sadly and stayed where she was as Weaver and Anya shared a look. Sam stepped forward to take Ai's other hand and the mismatched pair just watched as Jenni started to cry too. After several moments of quiet tears, both the older psi and the younger were staring at each other and Jenni smiled.
"I am not a fortune teller. I cannot use my powers to see the future, but I think we will meet again, Maya." Jenni promised her wayward daughter. "Until then, you mind Ai and help take care of the others. Okay?" She asked kindly as she let the girl go. Maya made a noise of grief as Jenni pushed her to Ai who took the still crying girl in a gentle, one armed embrace. Jenni smiled at Maya and then at Ai. "Thank you, Nightstalker."
"You are welcome." Ai smiled back. "But now? You better go too. We have a therapy session to finish."
"Yeah." Jenni groaned but it was good-natured. "I have therapy too."
"Jenni…" A half groaned, half growled warning came from Anya, Weaver and Janet's screen.
"How can you have therapy if you are-?" Maya started and then broke off, gasping. "No!" She said sharply enough that everyone stared at her as she shook her head. "I can't know! I mustn't know! Help?" She asked Ai who pulled the still crying girl close and held her tight as Jenni slumped, nodded and vanished without another word.
"I will." Ai promised in a croon as she hugged Maya gently. "Easy. It is all right, Maya. It is going to be all right."
Somehow, AI was not surprised when the girl was suddenly glowing a dim shade of white. So was Ai! A quick glance showed everyone glowing the same color. She picked the suddenly limp girl up and carried her back to the chair Ai had been sitting in, settling herself gently down with Maya in her lap as the girl continued to glow softly. Ai did not look up but she felt Sam sit in the chair beside hers and she knew the others were taking their seats again.
"It won't be long and it won't hurt." Weaver promised as a soft hum built all around them.
"Good." Ai said and then-
Ai jerked awake in her chair as Maya gave a sob. She stared at the girl, but Maya was asleep. She had dozed right off. Ai looked around at the others who all nodded as Ai gently shifted the poor girl so she lay easier on Ai's lap. Something had just happened, but she was reasonably sure she wasn't supposed to know that, so she just held Maya as the girl slept.
"Ai." Weaver said quietly. "You know Alley and her people are very upset by the fact that you are dying." Ai nodded, but did not speak, not willing to jostle Maya in her slumber. "Is there nothing we can do to persuade you?"
"I am a monster, Weaver." Ai said quietly. "Whatever arguments anyone makes, that is what I am. I default to violence in almost every situation. I can curb it around the kids, with Sam's help and Alley's, but in the end? I am not-" She paused and stared at an empty chair that had been full of a young woman a short time before. "Wait a moment! Where is Valere?"
Anya and Weaver both jerked up and stared at the empty chair as well, Weaver going pale. Both of them shot to their feet, but then without fanfare, Valere was in her chair, her face solemn as she stared at the others.
"I had to ask." Valere said softly even as Ai stared at her. She saw Sam shake his head in her peripheral vision. Was that directed at Ai or Valere? "Ai saved me. I had to at least ask."
"Valere!" Weaver growled and it was not feigned in the slightest. "If you make a mess, the Lady will get even more upset than she is now, as difficult as that is to believe." She grimaced but not at anyone present.
"Weaver, I am not an idiot! All I did was ask." Valere did not relent, her gaze shifting to Ai who slowly shook her head. She was missing something here, but whatever it was, she likely wasn't cleared for. "The people I asked recommended that I offer to help Ai with Sam, Maya and the others. That way, I can stay close and help Ai when problems come up, which they will."
"You cannot save me, Valere." Ai said softly, still trying not to disturb Maya. "The only person you can truly help is yourself. Maybe things will change. Maybe I will get better. Maybe I won't." She said bluntly enough that Valere winced. "Do not try to live for me. Live for yourself!"
"I see you hurting and I want to help." Valere said quietly. "I see you fading and I fear what the world for Sam, Maya and the others will be without you in it. You are not a monster, Ai. You have done horrible things, but so have I. Neither of us derive joy from doing such, so please, stop calling yourself that."
"A monster is an imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening." Weaver interjected when Ai opened her mouth to retort. "It is often a reflection of the darkest parts of our own psyches. Be it fiction or whatever reality you wish to discuss, monsters are bad because they wish to be. You do not wish to be, Ai."
"Frankenstein's monster did not want to be bad." Ai replied, still glaring at Valere.
"Frankenstein's creation did not understand what was happening." M'lian spoke up for the first time in a while and everyone turned to her blank wall screen. "His rejection by his creator did not help things, but Mary Shelly's fictional monster simply did not understand why people could not accept him for what he was. You are not a monster, Ai." The woman from the screen said quietly. "You are hurting deep inside and you are lashing out. Just like I have. Like Anya has. Weaver. Janet. We have all been there, Ai. Hurting and lashing out at those around us. Through care, love and some tough talks, we got better, for the most part, but we all bear scars of the horrors we endured." M'lian offered. "You are not as psychopath or a sociopath in any way except your training. You learned to be a soldier. You can learn to be something else."
"Part of me doesn't want to." Ai admitted after a moment of making sure she was in control of herself. "I was a killing machine. That was all I was. A sneaky, stealthy killing machine. Now?" She slumped as Maya sobbed in her sleep. "I want things to be simple. To make sense."
"Or you want someone else to swoop in and save the day for a change." Anya said quietly and Ai stare at the older woman, but Anya's gaze was far away. "You are tired, Ai. I know that feeling all too well. You wanted a rest." Ai nodded, but only had eyes for Maya. "Maya needs help. Sam needs help. You need help. We are offering, but you need to want it. Do you?"
"I don't know." Ai said weakly. "Everyone has been so nice. So understanding, but I don't know what I want. I want to feel good, but I have no idea how to do that. Killing makes me feel bad. It always has." She fought to keep a whine out of her tone, but from how Valere jerked, she didn't succeed.
"Ai?" Valere all but whispered, shock and fear warring. Fear for Ai. "How old are you?"
"Does it matter?" Ai asked. She was not being defensive, she was unsure.
"Yes. It matters a great deal." Valere rose to her feet slowly and carefully. She took a step towards Ai's chair and then, when no one moved, another. She slowly and carefully moved to stand by Ai and then, squatted down to look Ai in the eyes. "Oh, Ai. All you have known, your whole life was war. A horrible one even as wars are compared." Ai would not meet Valere's eyes and the girl spoke again. "Ai. How old are you?" Ai shook her head and Valere sighed.
"According to my memories, she would have been almost seven years old when she died." Sam said from where he sat and Ai hissed at him, but her heart wasn't in it. At that, both Weaver and Anya recoiled and Sam nodded. "Yeah. As bad as what we went through was, she had it worse. She was well educated, well trained and well led, but her only experiences have been fighting. I tried." He had tears in his voice now, but Ai still did not dare look up. "Oh, my God, Ai! I tried!" He was crying now.
"Oh no!" Came from M'lian but no one else spoke. "Valere… She…"
"For all she looks and acts adult, Ai is a kid. A child soldier." Valere said weakly even as Ai bowed her head. She didn't want to talk about that.
"Just like Maya and me but different too. We never had the chance to grow up. Her growing up was fighting in a war." Sam agreed. "Small wonder she wants to help us so badly. To make something good of all the bad she endured."
"This is... I didn't understand, Ai. I am sorry." Valere said with a sigh as she reached out to touch Ai's arm. Ai didn't dare move and Valere sighed. "I want to help, but I don't know how."
"I know some people who can help with such traumas." M'lian said quietly and suddenly everyone was staring at the wall screen. "Who helped me and a number of others. But Weaver and the Lady won't like it."
Weaver's face was a study as she looked at Ai, then at Valere, whose face was set. Then the old agent shook her head.
"If it can help Ai? We will talk."