Disclaimer: Dick Wolf, whateva.
Title: Hurricane Katrina
Chapter 14 – Snippets
Summary: Six slices in time of Goren and Katayeva's temp partnership.
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor/Angst
Reviews welcome.
Snippet No. 1 – You Put Your Flash Drive Where?
Logan was standing near Katayeva's desk, chatting with Goren and Deakins.
"What's that thing hanging off your belt loop, Kat?" asked Logan.
"What does it look like?"
"Well, it says Sony™ on it, so it probably has to do with music. Like an iPod™?
"You can certainly store music on it, but it is not an iPod. It's a flash drive"
Katayeva noted the blank looks. She pulled an old 3 ¼ black plastic diskette from her desk drawer, waved it at them.
"You've used this?"
Affirmative nods all around.
"The plastic diskette holds 1.44 megabytes of information. My flash drive holds 256 megabytes. That's more than 170 times as much information. Most new computers don't have a floppy drive, but they all have the USB port that the flash drive plugs into."
"Women's clothing doesn't always have belt loops or pockets. How do you carry it then?"
"Simple. I just clip it to my belly button ring," smiled Katayeva, as she picked up some file folders and headed for the copier machine.
The three men looked at each other.
"OK," said Logan, "How do we find out if she really has a belly button ring?"
"This ain't vice," replied Deakins, "I can't have her dress as a decoy in Major Case."
"Don't look at me. I'm not asking her," said Goren holding his hands palms facing out, "I don't need a sexual harassment complaint against me."
"Oh…we will find out," smirked Logan.
A couple of weeks later, Goren came in on a Saturday morning to catch up on some paperwork. When he got off the elevator on the 11th floor he heard music. Rock music. Loud rock music. Abba's Dancing Queen.
What the…?
As he rounded the corner into the Major Case Squad Room he saw the back of someone standing at the photocopier. Snug grey sweat shorts, a pale blue t-shirt, white gym socks and Nikes. The woman's hair was in a pony tail, sticking out the back of a baseball cap. She was moving to the music. And she sure looked good from the back. It suddenly dawned on Goren that it was his partner, Katayeva. The music was coming from her iPod, which was running through her laptop on her desk. Before he could say anything, Goren saw her turn to her right. She had a big smile on her face, she was singing to the music. Then he saw the little girl. That must be Kat's daughter. The child ran to her mother, Kat picked her up, swinging her in the air, as she danced to the music. It was then that Goren noticed it. The momentary glint of yellow gold. Katayeva's t-shirt moved up slightly when she lifted her daughter. Moved up enough for Goren to see that she did indeed have a belly button ring.
"Detective Katayeva," greeted Goren.
Kat turned towards him. Now Goren could read the front of her t-shirt. Smith College Centennial. A Century of Women on Top.
"Hey, Goren," she replied, "This is my daughter, Katie."
Goren squatted down and shook hands with the little girl, whose shirt read Future Smith Alumna.
"What are you two doing here?" he asked Kat.
"I made two copies of the Ferguson investment documents, so we can get started on them first thing Monday morning. I just finished up. Katie and I are meeting Jack and Mack for lunch at the Thai place where we had lunch."
"Do you know how to eat with chopsticks?" Goren asked Katie.
The little girl nodded yes vigorously.
"Why am I not surprised?" chuckled Goren, "You're as pretty as your mom and just as smart, I'll bet," as he ruffled the little girl's curly hair with his big hand.
"Yes, sir," said Katie, with a big grin.
"Got your mom's attitude, too," he chuckled at Katayeva.
"It's a genetic gift," winked Kat, "You have all your stuff, Katie? We have to go meet Daddy and Mack now."
The little girl raced over to her mother's desk and grabbed her purple backpack, then raced back to her mom. She handed Katayeva her flash drive. Kat promptly lifted her t-shirt about an inch and clipped the flash drive to her belly button ring.
"I knew you guys didn't believe me," laughed Katayeva, "See you Monday morning, Bobby."
"See you then, Kat."
When the elevator closed on Katayeva and her daughter, Goren started laughing out loud. I should've known. He just shook his head and got down to work.
A couple hours later Goren got out of his chair to take a break, stretch his legs. He walked past Katayeva's desk. Noticed her daughter's purple baseball cap with the word Princess embroidered across the front. Goren picked it up. Traced the embroidery with his fingers. Must be nice…real nice….to have a family like that. A wife who loves you. A couple of kids. Maybe I can order one over the Internet? I'll take one beautiful, smart wife who adores me; two cute, smart kids. Fed Ex 'em. Goren just sighed…somehow he couldn't envision that future for himself, no matter how badly he might want it. He put the little girl's cap back on the desk and returned to his documents.
Snippet No. 2 – Aw, Nuts!
Goren and Katayeva had just walked into the M.E.'s. Dr. Rogers had the vic on the table. Goren nodded to the M.E., Katayeva called her by name.
"The deceased is a 55 year old male, Caucasian. No external injuries noted. I just started on him."
Both detectives had already snapped on latex gloves. Katayeva began the sniffing/poking/prodding routine. She sniffed the vic's face, near the mouth.
"Smells like almonds. Possible arsenic poisoning."
Goren nodded, but walked closer and stuck her gloved fingers in the vic's mouth. Moved his finger around, then pulled it out. Bits of something clung to his glove. He sniffed the glove, offered Katayeva a sniff.
"Almonds," said Kat, as she sniffed Goren's glove, "The vic ate almonds not long before he died."
"Doesn't rule out your poisoning theory, though," offered Goren, "He could have been fed almonds in order to throw us off."
Katayeva nodded and the two detectives continued their inspection.
Ohmigod…now they sniff each other's gloves….
"You're getting just like him." whispered Rogers to Kat.
"Why, thank you, Dr. Rogers," beamed Katayeva.
Snippet No. 3 – First Wives Club
Goren and Katayeva were investigating the murder of a famous Broadway/Hollywood actor. They were sorting through a stack of articles about the vic.
"How many times was this guy married, for crying out loud?" asked Goren, "He's got enough ex-wives for a baseball team."
"Spoken by a confirmed bachelor," laughed Katayeva, "Not everyone can be the first wife, ya know. I'm not."
Goren was taken aback. She wasn't Jack Kennedy's first choice? He divorced someone else to marry her?
"Ummm, your husband was divorced?"
"No," replied Kat, "His first wife, Sheila, was killed when a drunk driver launched his pickup truck over a highway divider and crashed through the windshield of her car. She was four months pregnant."
"Oh…"
"And you were thinking something really juicy," chuckled Kat, "like I was the other woman."
"Umm…no, not at all."
"That would make you the only person on the planet who doesn't think that first off, Goren."
"I can't …uh…see you as the other woman, Kat. You have too much integrity for that."
"Thank you for the compliment, Bobby. Dating married men was never a concept that I embraced. And having five older brothers kept the guys in line," grinned Kat, "Sleazy guys were sent packing fast. My brothers are big and there's plenty of 'em."
"How did you meet your husband?"
"My bother, Gabe, introduced us. They're both in finance."
Goren just nodded.
"Oh, Bobby, I heard that you and Irene Adler used to be a hot item," smiled Katayeva.
Irene? How the hell would she know about Irene?
"Irene? Uh…where'd you hear that?"
"I'll take that as a yes. Jack and Gabe both know Irene through business. Let's see, how did she put it? Oh, yeah….'You screwed up your chance.'"
Goren sighed. That would be correct. But Irene found someone else pretty fast, so it's probably for the best. What's his name? Carlos? Lucky s.ob.
"I heard that sigh, Goren. You really did screw it up, then?"
"On advice of counsel, I have no comment," chuckled Goren.
"You forget what we do for a living," laughed Katayeva, "If you're interested, Jack knows several smart, attractive women in finance he could introduce you to."
Do I seem that lonely that people are looking to fix me up? Jeez….And are any of them as smart as you and look like you?
"I'll…uh…think about it."
"I guess that's better than a flat out no. You know, sometimes we just don't see what's right under out nose."
"What is that supposed to mean, Katayeva?"
"Not a thing, Goren, not a thing," as she resumed writing her report.
Snippet No. 4—Teen Angel
Goren and Katayeva had just arrived at the crime scene. Young, Caucasian female. Face obliterated with a gunshot blast. They had no identification and were just trying to guess her age.
"Early twenties," edu-guessed Goren.
"I'm going to say teenager, high school age," countered Katayeva.
Goren glanced at the body and then back to his partner, gave her a sideways look, eyebrows raised questioningly.
"Why?"
"Left ankle. Sterling ankle bracelet with one lone charm, a tiny blue lapis heart."
"Mmmm?"
"My teenage nieces…I have three of them, thanks to my brothers…keep me up on the latest teen culture. One heart on an ankle bracelet in the color blue indicates recent breakup with a boyfriend. The girl is still upset by it. Thus the color blue, as in having the blues. This is strictly high school age behavior. No one post-high school would be likely to do it. They would consider it juvenile."
Goren absorbed every word she had said. Digested the information. Found it acceptable.
"OK."
Twentyfour hours later the M.E. pegged the vic as in the 14 – 16 age range. Then they got a positive ID. The parents of a missing girl brought in a child identification kit that contained their missing daughter's prints. The girl was 16 years old.
Goren added that information to his internal database for future reference.
Possible spoiler for No. 5 – fanfic The Burberry Conspiracy
Snippet No. 5 – Fashionista
It was a nice sunny day in New York City. Temperature was sixtytwo degrees. Goren and Katayeva were walking from the courthouse back to One P.P.
"Bobby, are you cold?"
"Cold? Uh…no. Why?"
"Because you are wearing you raincoat over your suit."
"So?"
"There isn't a cloud in the sky, no rain is predicted. It's over sixty degrees. Why are you wearing that raincoat?"
"You don't like my raincoat? It's a Burberry. Expensive."
"As a woman I pride myself on being familiar with the cost of pretty much every article of clothing known to the western world, Bobby. There is nothing wrong with your coat. Except that at the moment it doesn't match the weather. And, it definitely doesn't do anything for you."
"Do anything for me?"
"Clothing should either be functional or enhance one's appearance. Ideally both. Since you don't need it to keep you warm, nor is it raining, it's not functional at the moment. And it definitely does not enhance your appearance."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I realize I am being a real pain in the ass here," grinned Katyeva, "but I won't let that stop me."
"Apparently not," chuckled Goren.
"So, are you aiming for the Columbo look? Only cleaner, neater, more upscale?"
"Do I umm…look that bad?" Goren recalled the disheveled Columbo.
"Well,… you'd look much better without it. You wear terrific Armani suits. They look really great on you and they make a good impression. The raincoat detracts from it."
"Oh…."
"What?
"I was just thinking," said Goren, "I had a black Burberry that vanished a few months ago. Into thin air. Now I am wondering about that."
"You think someone stole it?"
"More like kidnapped," chuckled Goren, "if they shared your opinion."
"Aha…the Burberry conspiracy! And you didn't solve the mystery, Detective?"
"Never even had a clue," conceded Goren.
"Then I am guessing it was an inside job."
"Hey…what do you know about it?"
"Absolutely nothing. I wasn't even here then."
"But you've uhh…heard things?"
"I refuse to repeat idle gossip," she said, managing to keep a straight face.
"I may have to resort to torture, Kat" replied Goren.
"That would be a violation of the Geneva Convention, Detective."
"I didn't sign the Geneva Convention."
"I can produce a copy with your signature," laughed Kat.
"I'll just bet you could, too," snickered Goren, shaking his head.
"So?"
"So…what?"
"Gimme the raincoat, Goren."
"Why?"
"Pretend this is a Nike™ commercial. Just do it."
"What….uh what .. are you going to do with it?"
"Carry it."
"You're not going to uh…toss it?"
"No. I wouldn't do that….at least not in front of you," laughed Kat.
"Alright, alright," surrendered Goren. He took off the raincoat, handed it to her. Katayeva folded it neatly, squeezed the air out of it so it would be less bulky and put it under her arm.
"That was painless."
"I guess."
They continued walking, passing dozens of other pedestrians. Katayeva noticed that female passersby were giving Goren the once-over. Something that had definitely not been occurring when he wore the raincoat.
"I think your social life is about to improve, Goren. Improve significantly."
I don't have a social life. Anything would be an improvement.
"Huh?"
"Goren, pay attention. Women passing us on the street are now looking at you. Giving you the once-over."
"You mean like the… umm… men look at you?"
"Yeah…but I'm not looking back, Bobby. You should be."
Goren started to blush. Just a little. Katayeva noticed it.
"Uh….really?"
"Yes, really! And that blushing thing is really cute. Women like that."
That just made Goren's face get even redder.
Is he really as shy as a kid in short pants? Small wonder he's still single at the same age as my husband.
They arrived at One P.P. As they were riding up to the 11th floor in the elevators every woman who got on gave Goren the eye. Some were very subtle about it, others more obvious. Those women who already knew his name made sure to say it, especially when they touched his arm. It was all Katayeva could do not to smirk. Jeez, he'll have a date before we get to the 11th floor, if he actually opens his mouth.
When they finally got off the elevator, Goren stopped and leaned back against the wall momentarily. Kat could see that his mind was racing. With god knows what.
"That, Detective Goren," whispered Katayeva in his ear, "could be called the Armani response. You look really good in that suit and you're not hiding it under that ….that raincoat. So, Romeo, can you handle all this female attention?"
"Uh…I have no idea….I think I need some…ummm… coffee…or scotch…or something…"
Don't laugh….don't laugh….don't laugh…it will hurt his feelings.
"Goren, why don't you pull out the files we need and I'll get us both some coffee?"
"Sure." Goren looked relieved to have something to concentrate on.
Katayeva hung up his Burberry on the coat rack, then walked down to the kitchen to get the coffee. Once there she ran into Isabella, the Chief of D's secretary.
"Hey, Izzy."
"Kat…how on earth did you do it? Get Goren to part with that stupid raincoat? Did you have to wrestle him for it?"
"Friendly persuasion, Izzy."
"Did you notice all the women on the elevator paying attention to him?"
"Yeah. I was afraid he might go into cardiac arrest for moment."
"Well, if he does, I know plenty of women who will gladly give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."
Katyeva couldn't help laughing.
"Did I ever tell you what we did with his last Burberry?" asked Isabella.
"No! Do not tell me! That would make me an accessory after the fact. Anyway, I have pretty much guessed."
"OK. Anyhow, on behalf of all the women at One Police Plaza, thanks for getting him to ditch the raincoat."
"You're quite welcome, Izzy."
Katayeva got coffee for Goren and tea for herself. As she walked back to her desk, she passed Barek, who gave her a thumbs-up and a big smile. She placed Goren's coffee on his desk.
"Thanks, Kat," as his eyes never left the paper in front of him.
He seems to have calmed down. Let him bury himself in his work for a while.
"You're welcome."
Then the two Major Case detectives sat down to study over their files, to put the pieces of a crime puzzle together.
Snippet No. 6 - Oh, Baby!
Goren and Katayeva ran into each other at the Starbucks before work one morning. They were waiting for their orders when Goren's cell phone went off.
"Goren."
"Don't call Katayeva, Captain. She's here in Starbucks with me. We'll be right up."
"Bobby," said Katayeva, "I'll get all the stuff we both ordered, you go now. I'll be right behind you."
Goren nodded and took off. Katayeva collected their coffees and pastries. The cashier had this dreamy look on her face.
"If he was in here any longer," sighed the girl as she looked wistfully at Goren's retreating figure, "I think the chocolate would've melted off the Black Forest cake."
Katayeva managed to forestall the fit of giggles that was attempting to descend on her.
"Did you notice anything different about him today?" she asked the cashier.
"Oh, yeah...he wasn't wearing the goofy raincoat. I think I'd kill to see him a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Have you seen him dressed like that?"
"As a matter of fact I have. On an undercover assignment."
"And?" asked the cashier.
"Definitely hot," grinned Katayeva.
"Is that his girlfriend? The little blonde woman he used to come in with? She's pregnant? The staff was betting he was the father."
"She's another detective. She's on maternity leave now. And, no, he's not the father."
"They always seemed like they were together...only I don't think either of them knew it," mused the cashier.
What an interesting observation from someone who sees them regularly in unguarded moments. My suspicions were correct.
"See you tomorrow," said Katayeva as she left the counter.
Goren doesn't need a date. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee.
Katayeva smiled as she walked into Major Case. Let's rattle Goren's cage a little. She placed Goren's Guatemala Antigua and pastry on his desk. Got herself settled at her desk. Waited until Goren was sipping his coffee.
"I had the most interesting conversation with the Starbucks cashier, Bobby," Kat said casually, "Apparently everyone there thinks you are the father of Eames' baby."
First, Goren choked. Some coffee actually came out of his mouth. From the look on his face, I'll bet it backed up his nose, too. Katayeva was observing him carefully. Next she caught the momentary look in his eyes. The look that said if only. It disappeared quickly. He's not even aware that thought lives in his brain. So brilliant yet so...clueless?
Katayeva gathered up some files and started towards the file room. She walked behind Goren, leaned over and whispered in his ear.
"Her next one could be yours, Bobby"
She was gone before he could respond. And Deakins was now standing next to him, demanding an update on something.
"Uh...yeah, Captain. Eames and I...I mean uhh...Katayeva and I...interviewed the witnesses and this is what we found out."
Katayeva wasn't fooled. He could hide it all he wanted. But she now knew the truth about Bobby Goren.