Sorry for being horribly late on this update. My lame excuse: I had a busy summer with no inspiration for this fic. I know it was cheap ;) Fear not though, the diary will be finished sooner or later :)

Enjoy!

5th Entry

Wow. I just found this journal-thingy again... Guess life got into the way of recording life. Actually, I thought about writing into it right after ... Obi-Wan and I became... LOVERS! For REAL! My, the thought still makes me leap with joy, again and again and again... my sweet, sexy, wise, fabulous and have I mentioned SEXY Master LOVES ME! -but let's start from when it all began, so I can re-live it all...

The Big Day had nothing out of the ordinary. Classes, meals, practices went by, in my (then) usual gloomy mood. Needless to say I was occupied with the thought of Obi-Wan having a lover, how I wasn't important for anyone in the World except as the person or rather, the marionette in the mythical role of the Chosen One etc. People were really avoiding me that day and rightfully. A depressed and angry Anakin is never a beautiful sight, I should know 'cause it's me...

Well, my beloved Obi-Wan thought otherwise. He said something like "Padawan, this can not go on any longer. You sit down and tell me what's wrong or I will make sure you will not have your Trials in the near future and I will listen. Force, I might even help you, my little stubborn apprentice!" He smiled, an exhausted but genuine smile of concern. Then he mentioned how I was in his care and how hard it is to bring me up with my hot-headed nature.

Well it wasn't his words that made me do as he bid, since Force knows how many times he tried similar approaches and none worked or just partially. Rather, I'd say it was his unusual openness and mostly the fact I was fed up. My heart was swollen with poisonous emotions, reeking of darkness and suddenly it occured to me that if this darkness grows and grows inside, it might even HURT my beloved Master in some way or another... For a moment, the Force rippled and twisted around my mind, and while I can't say it was a vision since it wasn't but a horrendous presentiment, involving my doing something dreadful to the One I swore to protect... No, I can't recall more... my very being recoils from the memory of it.

Thus I had no other option than to let go, happen what may. I warned my dear Master that he would be disgusted from what I must tell, but he wasn't frightened by the prospect. Thus I shared it with him all - all the pain, the distress, the restrained love seething inside my heart, the ever-raging, heart-sinking jealousy, the sensual, forbidden but enticing fantasies plaguing my very being, my ache for his unattainable love.

I had no idea I was crying, but I became aware of it the moment his sensual fingers touched my cheeks, taming the teary mess that was on my face. He whispered something nonsensical like it's all right, it's gonna be okay, or whatnot, I can't remember really 'cause I was overwhelmed with the beauty of his eyes that shone with love and then his feelings and emotions that reached me through the Force - which is, to put it shortly, was a heartfelt confession of HIS true love for ME, of HIS troubles with HIS forbidden feelings towards ME... goodness I have never been more shocked than at those moments... dizzy with all the new information, I was suddenly aware of lips on my face, kissing down the tears, trailing down to my own lips, and the shy question of Obi-Wan who is not one to forget his manners, not even in the most intense minutes of our lives... "Would you allow me to --"

Goodness, those whispered little sentence will stand unfinished forever, for not only did I allow it, I rushed ahead (well, it's still me...) and claimed his lips with all my worth.

Never did kiss taste any better.

My eyes water again as I think of the salty tang, those tender touches of lips, then the more sensual dances of tongues, the wild rapture after that as we devoured each other, feeling... well feeling ambiguous, cause it was still something very much forbidden, and that hangs over us even now. Yet it would not stop us from loving and from being the happiest we have ever been. I am pretty sure my Master feels the same way, for our shared bond is tighter and stronger with every day and night...

Speaking of night, my sexy Obi-Wan should be at home any minute now and I have to make certain... preparations for my lover. I can't wait to feel him in and around and on me again... we are just perfect together, surpassing my fantasies by far and that says a lot.

The only little cloud over our bright sky is the secretiveness. It is hard to behave myself when I think about for example pleasuring Obi-Wan orally while I am around 3 Masters 4 Knights and some Padawans, as it happened a couple days ago. Apart from the sex, the screening of emotions from others is a great issue as well, but we will have to manage someway. For our love, we should.

Oh yes, my fabulous Master is back, should go now. Next time I shall put down something about our lovemaking more in detail because that is too marvelous not to be saved for later times.

Ah Force. That's the voice of the whipping of cream. May the Force be with me ... (so I can last long enough.)