Title: Education for the Masses

Author: Eeevee

Genre/Rating: General/PG-13 for language

Challenge Fic: "Shake Yer Tailfeathas" by Nelly. Song #15 of 18. Rules: from the pov of an underappreciated character. Poor, poor Keigo.

Warnings: Rambling, stupidity… um, yeah. Also, spoilers for the latest manga chapters. Sort of.

Keigo walked in and set his books down with an irritated thump. It was hard to be cheerful about life where there were two freaky squatters taking up residence in your house. He had thought they were weird enough at school, and said as much to his friends, but he was learning first hand how annoying his new roommates could be.

The two of them were sitting in the kitchen. Ikkaku was slowly polishing his sword with long, even strokes. Somehow he had found a bottle of liquor and it rested by his left hand, half forgotten. His bored eyes flicked to Keigo and then back to his companion, "Eh, Yumi, what're ya doin'? Yer bein' real quiet ova there."

Yumi didn't look up as he did several precise strokes on the paper, "I am composing a stunning essay for my class."

"Uhh…" Ikkaku thought about that for a moment and Keigo felt panic setting in. What essay? He didn't remember any essay being due! "When's that shit due 'gain? Cuz, ya know, I don't haf time fer that sort of crap."

"Yes, that would be a tad too difficult for you. Writing is not a strong point of yours." Yumi replied with a benevolent smile and Keigo cringed as Ikkaku flared up at the insult. "Besides, you could never pick a topic as glorious as the one I have."

"Tch, what's that?"

"Myself of course!" The man beamed brightly, "Is that not grand? The teacher will be so grateful to read it, that she will fall to her knees and pray."

"Sure she will."

Keigo decided he felt sorry for the teacher. This was tangible proof that not everyone should go to college.

"Now, I simply need to find a word worthy of describing me. Not that I would ever find a perfect match, that would be far too difficult, however, there should be at least one that is adequate!"

Keigo mumbled under his breath, "How about vain and narcissistic?" Usually he was an accepting sort of guy, if a bit excitable, but when Yumi spent more time in the bathroom than his sister did… not to mention the god-awful noises coming from his sister's room in the dead of night, the muffled screams… it was all a bit much. Plus, he still had to see them and their circus sideshow friends at school, taking up his precious Ichigo's time.

"This word seems a likely candidate." Yumi held up the thick dictionary, which was turned to the 'G' section. Somehow, Keigo didn't think godly was quite the word Yumi was looking for. Or at least not quite the same definition.

"Heh, the only religion ya follow is to yerself." Ikkaku pointed out, tucking his sword behind him and taking a swig of alcohol. "Yumi tha God."

Keigo shivered at that one, ominous sentence and asked himself for the millionth time since that night, why, oh why, did I ever bring them home?

A/N: Title was inspired by my sociology class, idea was inspired by… I don't know but the transvestite comedian on the BBC didn't hurt with his comment about narcissism, motivation was provided by my playlist playing Nelly songs over and over on random.

Beta's note:  you didn't write the cheap banter (that stuff was gold!) and you know, I killed it with the 'on top' bit : you should have at least written that much…oh well, I can never win with you.

AN's reply: Not everything is yaoi you know . ;;