Yami's koi: and so, an update. This was written after my six exams, and after doing a LOAD of coursework, so yeah. P Go me.
Machines whirred in 2D's ear, the constant drone keeping him on the edge. His blank eyes gazed sullenly at the white walls ahead, the brightness and uniformity of it all driving him slowly insane. Without warning, he flung his magazine at the wall, as if hoping to bring some colour, some change to the walls that reeked of disease and death, despite the colour suggesting otherwise.
White. It could be the colour of cleanliness, the colour of purity and innocence, the colour of searing pain… Yet to the vocalist, it was nothing more than a blank and dull colour. Surely seeing wall after wall of white, broken down only occasionally by the odd poster here and there, would drive anyone insane?
Nobody around 2D responded to the thrown magazine. It was almost as if they had been expecting it. Not even Noodle batted an eyelid; she too, lost in thought.
It ached her heart, knowing exactly who and what had caused Murdoc to do this to himself. It also hurt to think that she played a part in this sorry game. For if she had been there when the bassist had vomited, surely they would not be here right now? Surely her eyes would not be squinting ahead at the blinding white walls ahead, surely her heart and head would not ache from the sorrow and guilt that was slowly gnawing at her soul?
Noodle did not respond when she heard Russel murmur something to her about getting a drink. She simply stared straight ahead, worry and pain marring her once carefree features. Understanding, Russel did not pester her further. He did not even offer 2D a glance, to see if the man would appreciate a beverage from the expensive machines.
Russel had a disgusted, conflicting feeling deep inside of him. It had been stewing for the past two hours, giving the drummer nothing more to do than muse over it, thoughts and ideals swirling around in his head until the words eventually made sense.
Russel was not one to point the finger and blame people, and neither was he one to jump to hasty conclusions. He liked to deliberate over important information, he liked to sit and collect his thoughts, especially before reaching a conclusion such as this.
However, Russel had wasted no time in weighing out the possible factors that had forced Murdoc into binge drinking. Pressing several buttons absent-mindedly on the vending machine, hearing a slight 'clunk' as his plastic cup was dropped into the vending area, Russel sighed inwardly. For he was almost certain that Noodle, or perhaps 2D… One of the two… Had played a part in this tragic, yet self-inflicted storyline. 'Of course,' Russel thought dully, as he watched a warm brown colour trickle into his cup slowly, '2D and Murdoc looked like they'd fought earlier, by the way 'D was acting, but Noodle… She visited him. Did they fight, too? Or did she just say something that was too much for him to handle?'
Two loud beeps rang through the chilly waiting room, and Russel gently yanked his drink from under the vending area of the machine. He returned to his seat, where he resumed thinking, sipping his hot chocolate every so often.
'But then again, what would Noodle ever say to intentionally hurt anybody? That's not like her at all. It's not in her nature. In saying that, neither would 'D, but he did have a reason to lash out at everybody earlier…' He stole a glance in the man's direction, taking in the sunken eyes and distressed face with a shake of his head. '… Whatever happened between them, if anything at all, must have been pretty big. I can't just put this down to Murdoc drinking again, even he knows his limits… But something tells me that 'D will have to cough up some answers, sooner or later.'
Settling back in the stiff, musty chair, Russel, too, began to glare at the white walls of the waiting room. The occasional blur of purple, or maybe even blue, sped past the room every so often, but apart from that, there was no variation in colour or emotion whatsoever. It was all the same: a faceless society of people who delivered bad news for a living.
From thereon, Russel turned his thoughts to reading, a futile attempt to distract himself from what had happened, which was to no avail.
Not interested at all in what magazines there were to offer, Noodle glared at the wall. She desperately wanted, needed to do something. Right now. Like take a walk, or perhaps get something to eat. It was now the early hours of the morning and, as if on cue, her stomach began to groan. She clutched at the flat expanse of her stomach, releasing a fake sob of exasperation. Her head dropped onto her knees, her lower back stretching in protest, but she did not care. She just wanted to make sure that Murdoc was all right.
Every so often, a new wave of guilt would flutter inside her stomach, the emotion permeating every living cell of her being. It would then race towards her heart, swirling around in the organ in time with the beats, the heart sprouting the ill-caught emotion through Noodle's veins, leaving nowhere uninfected.
Noodle shook her head softly. She felt as if the stresses and strains from her past few months had all shattered inside of her, piercing through her flesh from the inside.
She cursed when another wave of guilt stabbed through her heart. Now she was thinking about herself, when Murdoc was so clearly hurting… Because 2D would not submit to the man's power and lack of charm. Her spirits sunk lower when she realised that now, what with these recent events, 2D would be even less inclined to see her, if this would be how Murdoc would react.
Noodle recollected the last few hours of her life. She had put Murdoc to bed, giving him some water, to hydrate his body again, and also to help prevent a hangover the following morning.
If there was a following morning now, that is.
Noodle inhaled through her nose, not surprised to find limited intake of air when she did this. She had been restraining her tears for some time now, and decided spontaneously that, provided 2D did not see her upset, then it would be all right. She believed this because she understood, by the man's vacant look and lack of response when someone spoke, that he felt mainly responsible for Murdoc's alcohol binge.
Cuddling her knees up to her chest so that she could hide, or maybe even feign tiredness again, Noodle opened her eyes and let a few of her tears fall, scuttling down her cheeks. She sniffed again, and exhaled shakily when her feelings were conveyed through tears. They blurred her vision for just a moment, before following a delicate trail down along Noodle's pale face, then hitting her bare knees silently.
Another sniff. 2D glanced over at Noodle, and noted her defeated (or was it tired?) position on the chair. She was hugging her knees up to her chest, covering those lovely – Anyway, her shoulders were trembling, and she kept inhaling through a blocked nose.
Although 2D was not well known for his intelligence, the man did know that Noodle was crying. Why, he could probably guess. Why she was keeping it hidden, that was pretty clear, too.
However, from these deductions, one decision still remained:
Should he comfort her, or should he sit there and pretend that nothing was wrong?
Another shaky sigh. Another quiet murmur of Japanese that the man did not understand. He observed for a few more moments, debating whether to offer his company, when his resolve snapped. In moments he had his knees firmly planted on the cold tiles of the floor, and his arms wrapped around Noodle's slender shoulders.
At first, Noodle tensed up, considering what to do next, when she simply carried on, releasing a dry sob when she recognised the man's scent. Obviously not understanding that he was one of the many reasons why she was crying, 2D rubbed her back and stroked his long fingers through her smooth hair, marvelling at it's texture guiltily.
From Noodle's sorrow, he was able to get closer to her, to take advantage when he should be focusing solely on making her happy. 2D bit his lower lip when she returned the hug, now sobbing openly. He sensed Russel's eyes flicker in his direction for a moment, but when the man did not say anything, 2D disregarded the drummer.
Noodle tried to contain herself. She hiccupped softly, soft little moans signifying that she was trying her hardest to calm down. 2D did not need this kind of worry, she kept telling herself, leaning her head against his. Without question, he copied the action, barely able to keep in a smile. He felt sick, like he was wronging Noodle in some intimate way, when in actual fact, he did not regret a single thing he was doing.
The shuffling sound of feet pattering on the floor. The sound of papers being perused.
"Mr 2D?"
2D drew back with great reluctant from the girl, looking up at the tall profile before him. This man was ageing, with a few lines creasing his face, and greying hair at the sides. His eyes, full of wisdom and tiredness, were currently observing the sheet before him, before flickering between 2D's face and the profile he had on paper.
"You're close enough," The Doctor stated, offering a hand to 2D. Misinterpreting, 2D used it as a way of rising to his feet. The Doctor blinked several times, before clearing his throat and saying in a whispery voice:
"Your friend Murdoc did himself no favours tonight. His tolerance of alcohol is admirable, but tonight his body couldn't take anymore. He has had his stomach pumped."
2D nodded – He had expected that. He rested his hand on Noodle's shoulder, absent-mindedly rubbing the tense muscles there as the Doctor continued.
"In addition to this, we have also arranged for Murdoc to speak with a counsellor before leaving the hospital."
2D's heart sank. There was no way Murdoc would consent to that. He would most probably throw a trademark tantrum, tugging wires from inside his veins out, complaining as loud as he could that he did not need to see a 'good for nothing, shit faced counsellor.'
"Wha… You can' do that!" Russel voiced what the others were thinking, rising to his feet also. "Doc, this is Murdoc. He's not the type of guy who'd benefit from counselling. There's nothin' wrong with him, honest!" He implored, seeing the Doctor's eyes fill with regret and exasperation.
"Clearly, your friend would benefit from at least one session with our experts." The Doctor reprimanded smoothly, a firm look of determination pronounced in his stance. "It is in our every interest to ensure that this does not happen again. I am sure that Mr Niccals will feel the same way when he awakens."
This made Noodle start. She glanced up, allowing her legs to fall back to the ground.
"Murdoc is not awake?"
The Doctor hesitated. Noodle glanced down again, suddenly finding her fingernails of great interest.
"Was he really… That bad?" She asked in a small voice, fearing the answer.
The Doctor nodded, and did his best to reassure her.
"You did not force Murdoc Niccals to consume vast amounts of alcohol, Miss. It was his hand, and his hand only, that has brought him here tonight. You are not to blame."
Although Noodle understood that the man was only trying to help her feel better, she could not help but feel that this man was unused to offering comfort, unlike 2D. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders again.
"Don' worry, Murdoc won' go out like this…" 2D murmured in her ear, causing an involuntary shudder to flutter down her spine. "… He's too stubborn to die 'cause of some bloke."
Noodle nodded, sniffing deeply once more before sighing, staring at the Doctor over 2D's shoulder.
"Can we visit him?"
Again, the Doctor was not keen on answering this question. He deliberated over every word, until he finally said thus:
"You may see him… But he is not anticipated to awaken until late tomorrow afternoon. However, if you still wish to see Mr Niccals, then the decision rests with you. My advice is to go home and get some rest."
"We're seein' Murdoc." Russel answered at once, voicing what Noodle and 2D were thinking.
The Doctor nodded. "I commend your dedication to your friend. Please, follow me."
Noodle slithered her arms back from 2D's waist as the vocalist walked off, following the swiftly retreating steps of the Doctor. She fell into Russel's step pattern, gripping the man's forearm nervously.
"Russel-chan… What if… What if Murdoc doesn't wake up?" Noodle asked, with wide eyes.
The Drummer could not answer. He did not want his mind to travel down that very plausible, possibly realistic scenario. He could not allow himself to think of such morbid things.
After a few twists and turns in the corridors of pure, blinding white (the thought made 2D twitch, wishing he had a can of blue to toss over the wall), they arrived at Murdoc's special, isolated facility. The Doctor held the door open for them, but did not enter. He instead hurried off, escorting a sleepwalking patient back to his designated ward.
2D, Noodle and Russel gathered themselves around Murdoc's bed, eyes wide. Machines dwarfed down the bassist, tubes running into the man's veins in a most awkward manner. The beeping noises occasionally emitted from a nearby device measured Murdoc's heart rate, which was just about normal. The noises echoed like footsteps in a cave through Noodle's mind, pressuring her into feeling more guilt.
2D's eyes sadly took in the appearance of his friend. "Muds…" He whispered, pulling the covers down on the man's dark body. Here he saw more tubes, surrounded by bruises, from where an incapable student Doctor had attempted to insert the wires. The sight almost made him sick, yet at the same time, it felt comforting to know that the bruises on Murdoc's body represented how he felt inside. 2D felt sick with guilt, regret and sorrow. The colours of Murdoc's arms – purples, blues and blacks – Reflected this subtly back to the man.
2D sighed, and brushed stray hairs off Murdoc's face, when he felt movement beneath him. His eyes scanned Murdoc's for any sign of life, yet there was none. Just like the Doctor had warned them, there would be little point in remaining.
He glanced at Noodle's pale face, and knew all that he needed to from that. Her eyes were set in a mode of desperation, responsibility and remorse.
"C'mon. We're not stayin' here any longer." 2D said firmly, gesturing to Russel with his eyes the sight that had affirmed his thoughts. Nodding, Russel took Noodle's arm gently in his hands, and steered the young lady out of the room. At one point, she tried to look back at the lonely man, and a tear fluttered along her cheek.
"He'll be all right, Noodle. He's with the best people in the country. They're too skilled and proud to let anything worse happen to him whilst he's here."
Noodle nodded, although she hadn't really heard what it was that the man had just said to her. She felt numb, and although the cold, early morning air ripped through her skin, like a burning hot knife, she could barely feel it. Her mind was somewhere else, too, during the whole hour journey back to Kong studios. If anyone spoke to her, she could not hear them, and so offered no response.
In fact, Noodle did not hear a single thing that was being said, apart from the voice in her mind that told her what she had heard so many times before.
'It's your fault Murdoc is lying in a hospital bed.'
From somewhere far off, she sensed that the motion keeping her awake had stopped, and that her seatbelt was being unfastened. Strong arms settled around her middle, and pulled her upright. Without her feet ever touching the ground, the slow sensation feeling as if she were floating, she allowed herself to be carried inside.
Noodle could not recall the journey back to her room. Yet the next thing that she saw was a pale ceiling, illuminated by the gentle beams of moonlight ahead. Shifting in her bed, Noodle was startled to find a second body in her bed. She blinked a few times, in a childish attempt to clear her vision of who she thought was lying next to her.
Sure enough, it was 2D. His eyes were closed peacefully, his chest rising and falling in lulling movements, small beads of sweat dancing across his brow, glistening in the dim light. Noodle would have blushed at the sight and felt weak at the knees, yet her heart was too heavy for either of those things. Instead, she flopped back beside the man she had fallen in love with, and yanked at the covers ever so gently, tugging them, inch by inch, from beneath 2D's light frame. The nights were in the minus figures now, and her teeth chattered quietly, the bed sheets giving little protection from the biting cold outside.
Odd. How something so simple as bed sheets could do a better job of protecting Noodle from the bitter hardships of winter than what a single man could do. Covered in a blanket of guilt was not helping, yet that tiny little voice inside her conscience continued to taunt the young guitarist, peeling away what little protection Noodle had, breaking down her defences.
'It is your fault that Murdoc is in a hospital bed.'
Earlier, that same little voice was singing an entirely different song. Why the sudden change? Had 2D caused this change to occur? Could he really… Do that to her? Glancing uneasily at 2D from the corner of her eye, Noodle sighed heavily. With all this thinking, she would never return to the pleasant, heady slumber of sleep. It had awakened her body and mind, and although her eyes were still heavy with the need to sleep, her mind was unwilling to allow her that luxury. So Noodle stared at the ceiling, perusing her mind once more for memories.
Noodle had always had an active imagination. That was why she had fears of things that she knew were not real. Yet something that she had never feared was something… Like this.
Was that wrong? Should she have kept her head out of the clouds, and concentrated on fearing the inevitable twists of life, that could possibly lead to one of her friend's getting hurt? In saying that, what life would she have?
'Maybe you had better leave them. You're nothing but a hassle to them all.'
Noodle had no option but obey. As if in a deep slumber, and not being aware of the movements her body was making, she rose from the bed. Taking one long and powerful glance at the man she had grown to love, she blew him a kiss, the man stirring in his sleep slightly as she left the cold room. Her feet padded along cool tiles and carpet alike, eyes only half-open. Her fingers curled around a banister and the occasional doorknob, the cold causing her clothes to feel damp. Soon, they would be more than damp, and dirty… Just like she was.
Noodle's feet eventually meet with a fluffy doormat that Russel had selected. She stared down at it fretfully, remembering past incidents that had occurred on the same mat. Murdoc had managed to drop his lit cigarette on the corner, blackening the imitation fur there. Russel had staggered in one night, half-carrying Murdoc, when the bassist promptly vomited onto the mat. Now there would be another event happening on the article of furniture, one that would be of great benefit to them all.
Especially 2D.
Not wanting to awaken any of the sleeping occupants in Kong Studios, Noodle decided to slip out quickly. She knew that Russel would not have been able to sleep very much, despite 2D's probable reassurance. Her eyes welled with tears are she thought of him again, and allowed her limp fingers to curl around the keys that had her locked inside for one last time. She turned the keys slowly, watching the lock slide back between the door and it's frame. With a deep breath, she pushed forwards, a gentle snowflake fluttering from the sky.
Gasping for air as if she had run a marathon, Noodle stepped outside – The first step to her band mate's freedom. She had been nothing but a burden to them ever since she had arrived in a FedEx crate from Japan, and now she would allow them to have a time when they would not have to care for her. She was doing them a favour.
Testing out the temperature of the snow with her foot, Noodle hissed quietly and closed her eyes. The snow was bitterly cold against her tender feet, and stung like a knife slicing through her delicate skin. Gritting her teeth, Noodle pressed her other foot out into the snow, and began a slow pace from there.
Her thin arms wrapped around herself as she walked under the tree where she and 2D had fought each other in the snow. That hour now seemed like a distant memory to her, one to be forgotten. She had to forget about 2D now. He was a part of her old life. Now it was time to move on from there, and battle through the strenuous task of life by herself.
Now was the time to prove her independence. A salty tear escaped from staring, bloodshot eyes, mingling with the snow on her face to paint the most beautiful picture imaginable. Her lips allowed a moan to float out, and Noodle's pace quickened. It was still very dark, but now she was approaching a streetlamp, so she would be able to avoid the icier areas of the pathway.
Capture in her sorrows, Noodle was barely able to hear anything but her small feet crunch through the snow, the wind tearing past her ears almost painfully. Then, her footsteps fell out of beat with one another, and when she realised what had happened, a warm and fluffy blanket was enveloping her.
"Noodle girl? Whatcha doin' out 'ere, you'll freeze to death!"
2D. The last person that she had wanted it to be. Russel would have let her go, would have respected her wishes to leave…
"I'm… Running away, 2D-Chan…" Noodle admitted softly, her voice almost lost to the wind surrounding them. "… It's for… Everyone…"
2D listened to her continue, his eyes wide with horror as she peeled away her determination to flee his arms and escape, furious that she would place the blame for this with herself. He cradled her close, wondering how she was lasting out here, in her thin shirt and jeans.
"That's enough, Noodle." 2D said sternly, nudging Noodle's chin with his hand so that their eyes would meet. "You're comin' inside, darlin'. This ain't yer fault… Yew didn't force Mud's ter drink too much now, did ya?"
Noodle was aware that it wasn't a question anyway, but nodded all the same.
"But… 2D-chan… It is my fault! I was the last person to be with him before this happened… If only I hadn't left him alone… I could have helped him! He wouldn't be in hospital!" Noodle insisted, as 2D began to guide the two back towards Kong. She swung her arms around, and backed off away from the vocalist. "I don't want Murdoc to put the blame onto me and have you all hate me. I would rather starve."
2D stared at Noodle sadly. Her actions were most out of character. And although she did look extremely pretty, with stray strands of hair fluttering in the vicious wind, and tears causing her eyes to look as bright as those that a cover girl on a magazine would have, and her cheeks were red from the cold, it was destroying him to see her this way.
"Noodle girl…" He murmured, taking her back under the blanket as he stared into her eyes deeply. "Murdoc would never blame yew fer somethin' he'd done to 'imself. But he will blame yer for beatin' yerself up over it and bein' silly enough to think runnin' away would solve anythin'."
Noodle blushed underneath the redness already present on her cheeks and sniffed, wiping away the glassy look to her eyes.
"You're right, 2D-chan…" She admitted slowly, voice lilting from her tears. "Thank you…"
2D smiled widely, and was about to take her back to Kong, when Russel's voice broke through the early morning air.
"You two! What the hell are you doing, you'll catch your deaths out here!" The drummer worried, half naked body pounding through the snow to reach them. His cheeks were already reddening from the cold, and he looked between Noodle and 2D respectively.
"What are you doing out here?"
Noodle shifted guiltily, about to explain everything, when a thought of great intelligence came to 2D.
"She was sleep-walking, and I found her. I started to guide her back when she slipped over on the ice and woke up. It's lucky she wasn't killed."
Russel stared concernedly at the young guitarist. "Shit…" He cursed beneath his breath. "All right… Let's get you inside. It won't do you any good being out here, especially after a shock like that." Russel stared at 2D for a moment, then took his blanket off him and carried Noodle in it back towards Kong. 2D waited for a moment, staring off at the backs of his friends, before sighing and slowly making his way back through the thickening snow. When he made it, he shut the door and locked it again.
For a moment, 2D cursed himself. He had promised to watch over Noodle, and he had almost allowed her to run away from home… From him. He had almost allowed the love of his life to escape from him, and when would he have known? Three, maybe four hours after she had left?
It was a very, very fortunate thing that he had been awoken by the wind thrashing against Noodle's bedroom windows. And upon noticing her bed was empty, he rushed towards the window, and noticed her form retreating slowly away from Kong. Without giving much consideration for his own health, 2D followed her, not caring that he too was still wearing the clothes, and not to mention underwear, that he had yesterday.
Yet all things considered – Noodle's insecurity and her attempted escape – 2D could not be feeling better. He had been able to watch Noodle as she slept, even get inspired for new songs due to her unusual beauty. Hitching an optimistic look onto his face, 2D marched directly into the Kong kitchen, where he knew Russel and Noodle would be. And, just as predicted, Noodle was raising the drummer's spirits slightly, the man making preparations for a soothing hot chocolate.
"Yew made enough for three?" 2D asked hopefully, winking at Noodle as he sat down. The girl blushed, managing to hide it behind her curtain of hair just in time.
"Just about, D." Russel said with a smirk, tasting the drinking chocolate to see if it was heated enough. He shook his head, and resumed stirring the thin, dark brown mixture.
"Me and Noodle have decided that a little bit later, we're gonna visit Murdoc at the hospital. The Doc said he should be waking up in about seven hours, but it will take some time to get through the traffic anyway… Goddamn Christmas shoppers." Russel growled, narrowly avoiding burning his finger on the hob.
Noodle smiled over at 2D, the resolve and sorrow slowly dissipating inside of her. "Are we still on for Christmas shopping later this month?" She enquired, just to confirm that what she had asked yesterday still rang true.
2D smiled at the girl from behind yesterday's coffee stained paper. "Sure thing, Noodle. I always keep a promise. Always."
Travelling
During the slow and tedious journey towards the hospital, Noodle could not help but feel butterflies re-enter her stomach.
What if 2D was wrong? What if Murdoc was, in fact, furious at the girl? Her stomach, already jolted from travelling, was now alight with guilt and anxiety.
Glancing back in the rear view mirror, Russel sighed. Noodle had become distraught and silent again, and he desperately wanted to talk with her.
Although he had to commend 2D on his quick thinking, it hadn't been enough. The drummer did not believe for a moment that what the vocalist had said was true, despite the man's best efforts.
And no matter what anyone said, Russel was, deep down, a very complex and loyal man. Yet he was also extremely curious, in the respect that if there was something he did not know, he would find out.
And by God, before the end of the day, Russel would squeeze the truth out of the man.
Yami's koi: … Well. That surely was an interesting piece to write. Thank you so much for being so supportive, it has really helped me get through these exams… If it hadn't have been for you gies, I think I would have just deleted the entire fic.
Neutral Man: Yeah. Well anyway, you've had a nice little break, which is good… So you can update more!
Yami's koi: Most of the time was not playtime, NM. It was time spent feeling mad at the weather, because when it gets very hot outside, the heat seems to get into the loft… I have a headache now, just from writing the final four pages of this chap. :D
Neutral Man: Yeah… Well…
Yami's koi: Anyways, please R&R! Love you gies! Live and let live!