Yami's koi: hello! Ya all had a fucking ace Christmas? Got what you wanted, or enough cash to get what you want? Great!
Neutral Man: still sleepy Urgh… school…
Yami's koi: Two weeks is too short for Xmas holidays, right? Nods of approval from readers Oh, and, Hiro.P? You're the first person to say you'll do me some fan art! Thank you so much, I can't express that enough! This is especially for you. At the bottom, I'll talk again.
Bakura sat anxiously awaiting a doctor's response to his questions asked earlier. Although he knew that holding a knife in a hospital was probably highly unacceptable, Bakura was dimly aware that Ryou's… slitting… tool was still in his hands. He was almost certainly attracting stares from other visitors, or the occasional patients that were brought past on stretchers.
The worst thing of all that absorbed many looks was the dried blood on Bakura's lips, from where he had fallen earlier that day, and the ruby red substance, finally drying, that lay still on the razor. If holding the blade wasn't enough to make the Tomb Robber hurl, then the blood that he had helped to spill would.
Doors swung open, and Bakura chanced a glance upwards, almost hopelessly. His lack of hope was confirmed when it was a sobbing mother, being guided in with a screaming child in her arms, whose thumb was almost severed off. Bakura made himself look away as they rushed past. The infant's thumb… and the amount of blood… only reminded him of the rippling, cooling liquid that was still spreading further into the tiles when he had left.
Again the doors were forcefully pushed open. Bakura looked up for a moment, and, before he could realise who it was, he looked down. Familiarisation finally kicking in, his head shot back up.
It was the Pharaoh, little Yugi and Sugoruko. All looked extremely worried, and tearful. All except from one, and even Honda could have anticipated his next move. Yami approached the King of Thieves, grabbed onto Bakura's shirt, and began snarling in his face. His crimson eyes were alight with disgust, his cheeks flushed from his anger.
"What insanity drove you to do this to him?" He hissed, paying no heed to Yugi's automatic begging.
"I… what, you think that I did this to Ryou? Fuck OFF, PHARAOH! AND… AND GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Bakura screamed, brandishing the knife he still held in the Game King's face.
Yami withdrew slightly but did not stop. He was eyeing the blade warily: but knew that Bakura would not stab him with something so blunt.
"Oh, and I'm supposed to believe you did nothing when I see you holding on that knife like a hand-grenade? Whatever it is that you were dreaming, or thinking, your plan detonated. It's fate, all right. And it's gonna be shitty for you when Ryou gets out and sees your face again. Unless, of course, I feel like banishing you now." Yami hissed, the Eye of Horus gleaming on his forehead.
Bakura smirked, slipping into his old skin again. "Oh, and you would have me sent to the Shadow Realm… when Ryou did this to himself? No… he wanted to kill himself. That's why he always wore the sweatband…"
At that Yami paused, breathing heavily. Bakura had struck a nerve, and what was worse was that he knew of it. The Eye on Yami's forehead flickered for a moment, before fading completely. He stepped back several paces, and surveyed Bakura though darkened eyes. His hikari was crying silently to himself on a nearby chair, his knees held up tight against his chest.
"The reason… why he does that, if you don't know… is because of you. The one sent to protect him. You should be dead." Yami finished, as if drawing the matter to a stunning yet needless conclusion by turning on his heel to comfort his tenshi. Sugoruko shot Bakura the darkest of looks, but said nothing as he continued to calm his Grandson.
Bakura neither retorted to Yami's comment nor returned the furious glares that were directed to him. Instead his mind repeated the last line the Pharaoh had hissed at him… and he knew that it was the truth. His mind was numbed by that thought, memories of all of the abuse that Bakura had given to Ryou in the past… all of that had led up to this moment.
"Um… Mr. Bakura?"
The Tomb Robber stood up. A doctor, dressed in a blinding white uniform, introduced him to a surgeon.
"We had to operate to quickly stitch the wound before Master Ryou died," She explained, calmly, "And we have given him some blood to replace the amount lost." Her eyes strayed slightly to the knife in Bakura's hand, but he wouldn't allow her to question it.
"Has he woken up yet? And will he be okay?"
She smiled, removing her surgical gloves. "He is making a speedy recovery, Mr. Bakura. Ryou sure is a fighter… mainly because he is awake, yes." Bakura sighed, and laughed weakly.
"He… said your name, Bakura." She continued, "I think he wants you to speak to him."
Bakura nodded, but just before he could get past her, she hesitated for a moment.
"Just out of curiosity… are you two… lovers?"
Bakura shook his head in a no. He could never deserve someone so kind as his hikari, let alone as a lover. Not that he even considered his hikari to be even likeable… didn't he detest the creature? Wasn't he the reason why so many of his evil plans had been traded in for dishpan water?
'No, you don't,' a small, nasty fraction of his mind pointed out, 'if you hated him so much, then you would have watched him bleed, and taken pleasure out of it. Since you brought him here…' The voice trailed off, and Bakura acknowledged those thoughts with a sigh. If Ryou were still pissed off at him, which was likely, then he would be in for a rough ride. Not that it was less than what he deserved, of course, but his side of selfishness did not appreciate being declared the root of Ryou's problems.
Brushing past the surgeon one last time, the Tomb Robber made his way along the corridor, and entered the private room. Several tubes ran into Ryou's system through his veins, and Bakura suppressed the shudder that ran through his core. A sight like that… could disturb even the most unshakeable of them all.
Ryou slowly turned his head. Bakura was thankful to see at least his face, so calm, and passive. So devoid of anger, and yet so… emotionless, when it came to a closer inspection. His eyes had lost their once colourful, energetic spark of happiness, almost as if they were drained of all but a solitary thought. Cheeks that were once flushed, now too pale for Bakura's liking.
Slowly Bakura took a seat, yet not too close to his hikari. He could not bear to see such a face… the one that he had helped to destroy. For several moments, silence. Neither seemed willing to part from the comforting, innocence that could be what they had visualised as a happy, peaceful existence. The existence of how things were supposed to be.
Then, Ryou broke that moment, his voice cold and cruel. It almost startled his yami at how different he sounded.
"Why did you stop me, bastard?"
His voice was calm. No anger, or hatred. Just a relaxed, mild request from his hikari. The one who he had tainted so much, the reason for all of the shit in Ryou's life.
Bakura looked up sorrowfully, fearing that he had misheard Ryou. But he knew, deep down, that he had heard correctly. It was just the way in which the statement was to be taken that befuddled his mind. Stop him from…?
"Oh, come on, you stupid twat, even you're not this thick," Ryou snapped impatiently at his yami's lack of communication, whether verbally or mentally. This time, it was almost unfortunate that Bakura could hear emotion in Ryou's once joyful, energetic voice.
"Why did you stop me from dying? It was what I wanted. But then, you've never really taken much heed of what I want, have you? No. It was always about you having a punch bag at your disposal, so willing and submissive to whatever you fucking wanted to do. Someone who would never hit you back, or tell anyone, and all because I thought that you could change. How fucking wrong was I?"
Bakura flinched at the snarling adjectives, and his face cringed painfully.
"I didn't want you to die." He began truthfully, but was cut off abruptly by his not so pure light.
"Oh, so now you don't want me to leave this world?" Ryou hissed, sitting up in his bed suddenly, his eyes no longer expressionless and empty, but rampant with rage. Dark rings under his eyes were darkened by the way the lights were positioned in the room, and it pained Bakura to see him so.
"Oh, please. I can tell that all you give a shit about is that if I died, you wouldn't have a punch bag. You wouldn't have the one person who would never respond to any beating. So you take fun out of other people's problems, darkness? Fine. Go ahead. Just be aware that my only problem right now-"
"It's me," Bakura finished helpfully, his hikari stunned for several seconds before the comment struck home.
"Yeah…" Ryou finished faintly, stunned at his darkness' honesty for a fraction of a second, "You…"
"And I know that you were both pushed, and yet you fell of your own thoughts." Bakura said softly, to which Ryou shot him a quizzical look. "A question asked when someone commits suicide – or, in this case, tries to – is: did they fall, or were they pushed?"
Ryou's eyes darkened considerably, and he took to moodily staring out of the window, silent for a moment.
"Then that statement, darkness," - Bakura flinched – "brings me back to my current emotions: you deprived me of what I wanted, and still want now, yet again. I can't…" Ryou shifted slightly, his eyes glaring at Bakura's sorrowful expression in the glass, smirking sadistically at the emotions he was extracting, "… say that I am grateful, because I aren't. I have no friends, I have no family worth knowing and I have… You… as a bastard yami who doesn't even give a toss about me, until I'm in a critical state, which was where I longed to be before I died. I'd rather die than live with someone like you. In death, I would be away from all of my problems. Away from you. Away from all of the pain, the bastards who have never stopped deserting me… the one thing that they could guarantee they'd do for me.
"So, thanks again, Tomb Robber! I'm back here again, living with YOU!"
Bakura flinched, and released several tears, each fluttering down his cheeks gently. He did not bring himself to look at Ryou's reflection, but knew that he was being watched.
Quietly he rose from his seat, finding nothing more to say when Ryou finally fell silent. Although what his light had just said in reality had only taken nothing more than three minutes, the words' meanings would take him a lifetime to fully comprehend. A lifetime to fully prove his hikari wrong.
"Ryou…" Bakura began, his hand on the door, positioned to leave. "… Ponder this: if I didn't care… then why would I have saved you? Your friends are here… and I feel that you need to owe them an apology of worthwhile. I will leave you to think about what I have said…" He concluded softly, opening the door fully and exiting.
As he walked down the corridor, to wander out of the building, the Pharaoh stood and stopped Bakura in his tracks. Yami, despite Yugi's futile attempts to calm him, did not care how guilty Bakura now felt. What mattered was that if Bakura hadn't been such an asshole, then none of them would be in this situation. If the Thief could have been friendly and loving to his light, as opposed to being heartless and abusing, then Ryou would not be emotionally unstable.
"Bastard," Yami growled, too quiet for Sugoruko to hear, "What have you said to him?"
Bakura stared at the floor, unable to look in anyone's face. He was so… dirty… compared to what they were, even if he wouldn't admit it aloud. Refusing to answer, he pressed past the Pharaoh, who was left, seething.
Once out of the building, Bakura began to run. He did not care that people stared at him. He did not care for the car horns that blared at him when he sped along a busy road. He did not care that his lungs and muscles were screaming in protest after several minutes. All he knew was that he had to get away.
Get away from the truth that was threatening to wrench his soul apart.
Bakura's legs then decided that they had had enough, against the Thief's strong will. They collapsed beneath him, and he fell, his knees smashing against the concrete ground. He growled, yet soon gave in to his greatly needed rest. He leaned against a gate, not caring who saw him, and struggled to return his breath to normal.
Whilst doing this, Bakura stared down at the floor and reflected. His head was bleeding slightly from where he had fallen; yet he felt no pain outside… only the emotional tsunami that was destroying him internally.
What he had done was unforgivable. Not even Ryou, who could accept any fault of a person and offer forgiveness, could do so. Not with him. Obviously, he was an issue that was highlighted greatly, in Ryou's life, as a cold-hearted bastard who literally told him to die everyday. Even if that had never been said, such things could have been implied from the constant abuse and lack of compassion Bakura had shown towards the boy.
The snowy-haired Egyptian shook his head. What had forced him into doing such a thing to his own hikari, that special part of him that could not be ignored? Why had he been so merciless and evil to one whom had done nothing of harm to him? Whatever the reason, Bakura knew, would never be good enough. There was no excuse. There could be no compassion for a man so corrupt and evil.
At that thought Bakura's tears began to reappear. Although this being very out of character for the proud, strong-willed Tomb Raider, he threw back his head and screamed out at his anguish, weeping for the fault that could only be accepted as his own.
The fault that should never be.
Yet it was too late… Ryou was addicted to harming his vessel, and nothing that Bakura could ever do would be able to take away that pain, that craving for death. The pain, oddly, that those who should have loved him had caused. Ryou's father was a complete washout… he was of no extra help to the boy's already mountain-high issues… and his mother, the only one who may have prevented this, was gone. His friends, even if they did not mean to, pushed him away, because they had their lovers to 'go out with.'
'No,' Bakura corrected himself, staring down at his feet, 'Not his mother. You. You caused this shit to happen, so it's only right that you sort it out.'
But how could this level of abuse and neglect be taken back? Bakura himself had just admitted that Ryou could never pardon his crimes… so what could be done?
Ryou had just proved to him that he wanted to die. So should he let his hikari keep that wish, or… would Bakura prevent it? Deprive his light of something that he truly thrived for?
This was getting him nowhere. Bakura was simply going in an enormous circle of pain, and nothing could be concluded from it.
The Egyptian rose to his feet, and slowly began to walk in the vague direction of where he lived. Yaten would probably not need an explanation for why his son was not present… he would be to drunk at this hour to even be awake. Well, either asleep or awake with his head down the toilet. Both seemed possible.
Eventually Bakura reached his house, and found Yaten on the front lawn. He was staggering slightly, and this was when an idea struck the cunning King of Thieves.
"Yaten! What are you doing here? I had a call today from the archaeologists in Egypt, they said that you were needed immediately!" Bakura called out clearly, fooling the man completely.
"Aw, thanks, 'Kura," Yaten finally managed, before making his unstable way down the street. Bakura smiled slightly and retrieved the key that had fallen from his pockets, and entered the house.
To be truthful, it needed to be set on fire. The trash hadn't been taken out in what was most likely to be a millennia, the dishes were in desperate need of being washed, the toilets were filthy, there was no food that was edible within the house…
Bakura's smile widened. He had an idea.
Yugi and Yami
Aibou, are you sure that Ryou will want to see us?Yami asked uncertainly, torn between being concerned for Ryou, and worried for his aibou.
/I don't know… but he's hurt, Yami! He's just tried to kill himself because of a bastard that he's stuck with, so I think anyone would want some support/ Yugi answered, his own voice wavering slightly with uncertainty. At that, Yami knew that he had to say something in addition.
"Aibou-" Yami began, stepping in front of the door, blocking Yugi's path. "Who's to say that Ryou still hates us, and tells us to fuck off? Then you'll feel bad and suicidal yourself if Ryou kills himself."
Yugi shook his head, staring imploringly up at his lover.
"Please, Yami. Ryou must feel so alone right now. What must have happened in there will have been really bad… what he said to Bakura, I mean. I even think I saw Bakura crying when he stormed past. And I would hate myself even more if I never went to see him when he needed me the most. I don't care if he tries to kill himself again, as long as he knows who he will be betraying, if that makes sense. This could be our one last chance to make Ryou understand that we are a reason for him to live."
"But what if he doesn't care about us being a reason?" Yami reasoned, lowering his voice so that the boy inside the room could not hear him, "He never gave us much thought when he tried to die, did he? Otherwise he would have seen sense and apologised for what he had said earlier, and then-"
"Yami. Please, just… for me. If you don't want to do this, fine. Wait outside." Yugi said quietly, before tearing the door open and entering.
Yami sighed, shaking his head as he followed his hikari in. Deep down, he wanted to pity Ryou, and he did. Yet… there was something not right in all of this. Ryou had never complained about any misdeeds the Thief may have committed… but then again, he had been so preoccupied with having a lover that he couldn't really have cared about Ryou, or anyone else's issues.
Could this have been a reason why Ryou had snapped at him earlier? Could this be the reason why the boy had not considered the disastrous affects that his suicide would have had, on both of them?
"Ryou?" Yugi started timidly, slowly making his way towards the bed, where the pale-skinned boy was surrounded by different tubes and machines. Ryou turned his head to face the diminutive Duellist, and sighed. Yami could see several streaks of crimson still making glorious yet disturbing arcs through his hair, and he sincerely hoped that his hikari would not notice. It would only distress him further.
"I am sorry…" He whispered, before a naked tear fell down his cheeks. Yugi rushed forwards and caught the tear with his finger… a habit he had taken up when Malik had been abused by Marik so many times. This technique always seemed to succeed in cheering the receiver up, yet Yugi could not blame Ryou when no improvement was made.
"I should have thought… oh, fuck, Yami, you were right, in what you said out there!" Ryou sobbed, his bandaged wrists coming up to hide his ashamed face. "Oh fuck… I am being so selfish here… and after what I said to you earlier… you still have the heart to come and see me."
"And is that comforting for you to know, Ryou?" Yami asked gently, slightly embarrassed that the snowy haired teen had heard his small argument with Yugi outside, regarding Ryou's state of mind.
"Of course it is, damnit!" Ryou finally managed, choking slightly on his tears, "All I know is that I can't live with myself…"
"Please don't make threats like that, Ryou," Yugi begged, his amethyst orbs shimmering with identical tears, "Please… I can't lose one of my best friends."
Ryou shook at Yugi's words, and began to rock slightly on his bed. The creaking noises soon caused his anger at Bakura to surface. Without warning, the boy raised his fist and smacked it into the lumpy surface of his bed.
"DAMN YOU BAKURA!" He screamed, alarming both Mutou's greatly, "I HATE YOU FOR THIS! DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T TAKE REVENGE!"
And with that threat, Yugi began to allow his tears release from his eyes. Although he said nothing, his tears and quiet sobbing noises were enough to make Ryou pause. This had partially been his own fault, which could still be linked back to Bakura. Bakura had been abusing him, hating him, and being anything but loving… so Ryou attempted to kill himself. This affected Yami and Yugi, and possibly other friends of his, and Yami would definitely blame the Tomb Robber, regardless of what the actual truth would be.
But what of Yugi? He had always been one for forgiving and trusting those who had acted wrongly in the past… Ryou felt his heartbeat subside slightly as he calmed down. Yet could this unique trait become Ryou's hatred in the teen?
"You… forgive Bakura, right?" Ryou asked quietly, his own eyes downcast. Dimly he could feel Yami's eyes boring into his snowy locks, yet paid no heed. If taking vengeance would result in losing Yugi as a friend… then was it really worth it?
Bakura
Half an hour and hardly any improvement had been made. Bakura sighed heavily and tied another bag full of unwanted items before hauling it out of the window. How had anyone been able to live in a house of this state? In addition to that thought, Bakura began to ponder at how Ryou actually had kept his friends after they had visited his home.
Bakura proceeded to move the couch out of its normal position, and groaned. A large patch of sick, emitting a rather foul smell had been concealed underneath it! How long had that been there? Judging by the hardened sections of the spew, Bakura could estimate roughly at three hours.
The Tomb Robber groaned, and knew what he had to do. Producing a bucket, fresh amount of bags, rubber gloves, several cloths and some disinfectant, he set to work on cleaning the vomit from the carpet. This was proving to be difficult for him, as the smell alone was enough to make Bakura add to the amount already stuck to the carpet.
'This is what you deserve, Stealer of Life,' his mind insisted, constantly reminding Bakura of why he was doing this. The section of his mind where flashbacks were stored also was playing its twisted, unjust part in the Thief's torment. Images of Ryou's body, surrounded by unnatural amounts of blood swirling on the cold tiles… the blades that he had used to commit the deed, loosely held in his hand. The feel of Ryou's marred flesh as Bakura had searched for a pulse. The unquenchable feeling of guilt when the reason for this had finally struck home.
Tears began to fall down Bakura's cheeks as he scrubbed at the floor, working hard to make the house presentable for his light's return. And with a rough prediction that that time would either be in two days or three… Bakura could give Ryou the surprise of his life when he returned.
Yami's koi: I know its short, but I've run out of ideas. Laughs nervously Every other fic has had a light bulb lit up… what about Headstrong, you stupid imagination?
Neutral man: that's right! Blame everything on your overworked mind!
Yami's koi: shrugs only what you do best, Neutral Man. Grins I'm writing a Shaman King ficcy! And I've had a load of inspiration since I started work! Yay! Even my pathetic fics are doing well, so I'm happy… except school is just… well, put whatever insult that can describe it here. ……….
Neutral Man: You'll get a plushie for reviewing, and the plushie is of… Otogi Ryuuji. Ryuuji. What an amazing name… and I think it's misspelled.
Yami's koi: Hiro.P, thank you again for saying that you'll do me some fan art! You get the next chapter dedicated for you! LUVVIES ALL!