Happy Henry Ham Day
Disclaimer: I am a Duck who doesn't want to get sued. Don't sue me. I own the ham, I own him I say!
Author's note: Hmm, so many typos … I spelled that wrong didn't I! –fixes it- ...Well, my editor will help me, and number five shall be all clean!
Author's Reviewing Reply: I had to force her to reply! ...Well, not entirely true. Yes, there shall be a lemon later on…Two parts on. I was going to take this down to K+ but there is a signal bad word in the end. Tell me if that is actually Teen worthy? Oh well, part two will be Teen, and part three will lick the tip of the M iceberg. Haha…
-START!-
"Bye Mr. Mothman." Dib said, as the furry creature took him to the door after dinner. He'd have to call the Swollen Eye- No, first he'd have to analyze the DNA. No- wait…
His brain felt like it was going to explode! So many things were running though it at once, but first, he had to analyze his gatherings.
"Oh man, I lent my DNA analyzer to Gaz." He said to himself as he opened the door.
"Gaz! I need my DNA analyzer!" He yelled, unknowingly getting himself into trouble.
"Dib? Are you and your sister back already?" His Father appeared, to what Dib thought, out of no where.
"Huh?" Dib asked, looking confused. This, of course, brought his Father's wrath upon him!
Professor Membrane snapped his left black glove. "You must go and find Gaz! She's out mingling with people who are UNSCIENCEITIFIC! Now go!" He shooed his son out the door.
"Great, how will I find Gaz?" He asked, starting down the steps.
"Don't bother." Gaz growled, "I'm back."
"Where'd you go?" Dib asked, curiously, as he watched his sister stomp up the stairs, playing her new Game Slave D.S.
"That's none of your business." Gaz threw open the door and slammed it in Dib's face as he followed her.
"Hey!" He shook the door knob angrily. She had locked him out…again.
Dib sighed, walking around to the back with his glasses narrowed. He gripped the conveniently placed ivy and started to climb up to his open window.
"Ah! Finally." He reached the window ledge when –SLAM-
"You shouldn't keep windows open." Gaz said, slithering away.
"AAAH!" He pulled his figures out of the slammed door, holding on to his left hand…"Phew…that was- AAAAAAAH!" Dib fell into the thorn bushes below.
"I don't remember those being there." He groaned, trying to pull a large thorn out of his forehead.
-With Zim the next Morning-
"Yes, G.I.R! Yes! With these…METRIC TONS of…" Zim's hands gripped fist like, dropping the wagon handle on his side walk. "Frosty goodness, my PLAN can COMMENSE! Ne-eha-haha-Haaaa! AHAHAHA!"
G.I.R sipped his Tomato gravy slushy, burst out in crazed laughter with Zim.
"Come G.I.R, on ward to DESTRUCTION!"
"I love destruction. You know, there are a lot of words that rhythm is destruction?"
Zim started to pull the wagon up the stairs.
"Manna-production."
"Errr!" The wagon was struck in the doorway. "G.I.R! Help me!"
"Ham-deduction, timle-uction." G.I.R continued, walking in jolly circles, completely ignoring Zim.
"G.I.R! G.I.R!" Zim pulled extra hard, he and the red wagon went flying into the far wall of the living room.
An extra large cup of slush slipped down the wall and one to Zim's head.
"..MM, cherry!" Zim said, all echo-y because of the cup.
- 6:00 A.m. –
Ishtar turned on the hot water, the stream rolled off the eggs. It was her greatest fear that they would freeze here. They had found them together, her brother and she.
Her plan.
Her great plan.
Everything would be lost if she didn't get help. Irken help. She growled to herself.
"How low must I fall?" Ishtar cried, falling to her knees. Her wings fluttered, she may as well get going.
-8:00 A.m.-
The kids walked, hams in hand, into Skool.
Dib, who spent all last night trying to get back in his house, was hamless.
Zim, who would rather saw his left arm off and fed it to a pack of dingo than touch meat, was also hamless.
And Ishtar, who has no idea what strange and horrible customs the Skool had, was also hamless.
-This is the end of this log...remember this information-
"Okay class, let's start this horrible day so don't have to look at you all for much longer." Mrs Bitters growled, picking up a clip-board.
"Who doesn't have a ham?"
Dib narrowed his eyes, raising his hand slowly. He was covered in sap and bit of bush and stuff. A squirrel crawled out of his pant leg
"A HAM?" Zim asked, the hippo he was drawing ran off his desk.
Ishtar raised her hand, Mrs Bitters apple attack was itched into her mind.
"You three won a one way trip down to the under ground classroom." She pressed the ham shaped button and their desks went plummeting downwards to the darkness below.
-Under ground Class Room-
Although their screams sounded like echoes to the students (Who were learning about the Civil War), they sounded like a never ending chorus to the children of the under ground class room.
"AAAAH-AHHHH-AAAAAH!" Zim was screaming, as his desk came down and then him out. Chains grabbed the chair and lifted it back up. He looked over at Dib, who was freaking out much less than Zim was.
"What's wrong, Zim? Never fell through a hole in the ground? Ha! It proves that you're not human!" Dib gave his triumphant mad laughter.
"How so?" Ishtar asked, enjoying the free fall.
"Um, quick! Zim is weakened!" Matrix music started to play at Dib pulled out a rubber band, and stretched it back and let it go. It hit him in slow motion. Zim flew backwards, then, time sped up to normal and Zim landed in a pile of cardboard boxes.
Dib clenched his fists in a victory pose, looking like superman when Time started again. He landed face down in the concrete, embedding himself in by a few inches.
Ishtar took off her scarf, using it as a parachute. She hovered down with her wings, landing on Dib's back with a crunch.
"Are you alright, Dibbbied, Dib, Dibber?" Ishtar asked, tilting her head.
"Mmmrhm." Dib replied. Ishtar smiled, walking off him vertically.
"That's good!" She said, jumping off his huge head.
Dib pulled his face out of the ground, "Why are you wearing stilettos?"
"Tehehe! Aren't they nice? I sharpened them this morning." She looked at them, with that leg picking up thing, you know the one.
"I noticed." He rubbed the back off his head, getting fully out of his crater.
Zim rose slowly from the boxes, his spider legs out. He screamed that crazy scream with his tongue, you know the one, and went flying into Dib.
The two tussled on the ground, rolling into and random boxes. Out of one random box was a glass case jar thingy, which broke open, oozing green slimy thing over the floor.
"Ah-hahaha-MMHR!" Ishtar laughed; it was suddenly stifled by something that grabbed her in the darkness.
Zim kicked Dib a crossed the room, his head slid into the green slime.
"Ow, what the?" Dib picked up the broken jar as Zim boasted Zim-fully. The jar read ROUS.
"Foolish Human fool! You're monkey brain and worm body it PITHIC! Weak! Carmel topped compared to meeeeeee! Zim the-!" Zim was dragged away by something in the shadows.
"Zim? Ishtar?" Dib asked, frightened by the sudden quiet. Something dripped, like water.
"I've got a-a," He scrambled to the floor for a weapon. He felt something hopefully bat like "Turkey leg and I know how to use it!" A great shadow whipped around his left.
"No. No! Noooooooooo!" A pile of shadows jumped him, squeaking insanely.
When Dib opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a bright pink pig.
"Dib!" Cried both the aliens, one of hate and one of high pitchedness.
The second thing Dib noticed was that he was tied to a large stick over a boiling pot.
"AH! Where are we?"
"This is all your fault, filth monkey!" Zim growled.
"How so?" Dib asked, Zim was nothing more than a green blur though his foggy glasses.
"If you people didn't invented ham, we'd never be in this mess!"
"We didn't invent ham! It was just…there."
"We're going to be eaten by giant rat, now's not the time to discuss the creation of ham!"
"How are we going to get out?" Dib asked, scratching his head.
"Slime child! You can move your hands?" Zim screamed, "Free meee!"
"Use the pig." Ishtar said mystically.
"Onik!" The pig said, touch Dib's itching hand.
The pig started to glow and grow in size. He floated away from Dib, into the golden light.
"I am Henry! I will grant you three wishes, if you use them to hurt others I shall turn you into bacon. Oink."
Dib's mind flashed things like Zim being gored open so science could category his organs.
Hm?" His bacon finger scratched his forehead. "I wish…that we were out of here."
The room flashed bright white as Rat men screamed and scuttled for their lives away. Dib shut his eyes, the intense light blinding his eyes.
When he opened his eyes he saw he was on the bus, with all the students.
"Phew, I'm glad that's over."
"We love the bus." They all said at once, in that strange far away voice.
"Eeeeh, that's nice…Wait! You aren't disgusted in sitting by me?" Dib asked, startled.
"We love the bus." They said again, in the same voice.
"Zim! Zim…?" He called; making sure this wasn't a horrid plan by him, like the moose. OH! THE MOOSE!
"I wanna be a ninja!" A silly familiar voice screamed, as the owner of the voice slid though the emergency hatch.
"Worry not Dib." Zim said, calmly, though he looked like he was going to vomit as he slid from the first seat.
"Aw, it was just getting good." Ishtar said, disappointedly. She looked at Dib with a huge grin on her silly pink face.
"We have fallen in a hideous new dimension and it's ALL YOUR FAULT! " Zim pointed with one, no, with two! hands and two fingers.
Then, then…BLAM!
From the outside, anyone could see the red stained windows of the bus, as it popped back into the right dimension…the doors opened…and, and…!
----------------- END----------------------
Until next chapter, ya'll.