Author: WhiteWolfCub
Genre: Drama/Angst
Category: Harry Potter
Warnings: Slash between Sirius/Remus, Mpreg(?), and Voldemort being weird.
Summary: Seventh year has begun and Remus comes back completely different. He is cold, distant, depressed, and uncaring. Something happened to him and the Marauders are determined to find out.

Notes: Long wait on this one, but the spark to write suddenly got lit up again! So, in happiness of this I am also going to post a chapter of another story tomorrow. If I don't….yell at me or something. But you can decide what it will be, I'm too lazy. So anyway, this story will turn very violent very fast. Sirius goes through a problem in this one. Anyway, the story is alive once more! Celebrate by reading!

Gaspeth! On with the story!

WARNING: Incest is in the italics part, which is Sirius' dream. So if you don't like it, don't read it, just Remus' dad being weird!

---Chapter Four---

One week had passed and James was finally released from the hospital wing with multiple bandages over his eyes. Sirius took the liberty to guide him everywhere, the worry never leaving him. James, though slightly afraid, never lost his confidence in Sirius, even when the other boy accidentally slammed into a wall. Sure it hurt, but what the hay! That wasn't his thought when he had first woken up though. He had cursed himself for being so weak, cursed Malfoy for playing such a dirty trick and cursed his very stupidity.

Rubbing his eyes unconsciously, he looked in the direction of the common room fire, wishing he could see the crackling flames. Sighing, his hands groped for a second before they set on the arm rest of the couch, staying there for a second before dropping to his side again. If anything came from this, his hearing got to be as good as Remus used to claim. So, he was able to hear the approaching footsteps.

The person smelled like flowers.

Not Remus or Sirius then. Could it be Peter?

"Potter?"

Ah, it was Evans.

"Yes, Evans, what is it?" He asked, amazing even himself at how he didn't try and flirt. The voice of his crush stumbled over the words a bit before falling silent. A weight to his side made him look in that direction.

"I'm sorry," her voice was soft, almost uncertain. He could feel a chuckle escape his throat.

"You didn't do anything that I know of, so why be sorry?" His vice, to him, sounded wary and on edge. He heard a soft sigh escape from the young woman next to him. Cocking his head slightly, he raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry because…this shouldn't have -er, you didn't deserve this," she whispered. "It was wrong of Malfoy."

He could almost imagine those emerald orbs holding worry. What made the picture better was the fact they were pointed at him for once. Before anything had happened; a word, or even a movement, he had begun to cry, the tears soaking the cloth around his eyes. He was amazed that even his useless eyes could shed a tear. Evans made a sound next to him before hands had come to rest on the bandage end.

"May I?" She asked. Her voice was strong.

"Yeah," he choked, throwing the embarrassing thoughts of crying out of his head. Slowly the bandages were coming undone until the cold feeling came to his eyes. Funny, he still couldn't see a thing.

"Your eyes are still bright," she said softly, a careful observation. He stiffened.

"So they will heal then?" He asked softly. She didn't respond, but instead leaned in so he was allowed to feel her smile.

"I've always hated you, Potter," she said suddenly, her lips still against his face. "But, after this, I realized that you could have died. Something happened inside of me. Something important."

"What was it?" He asked.

"You have loved me since we first met, and I've pushed you away to the point that I loved it…not in a sadistic way, but a way to know that you were always there," she said. "When I heard about this, my mind couldn't come into strait thoughts."

"I can still feel your smile," he spoke suddenly. "So please continue."

"I'm not sure whether this is sorrow or love," she finished. He could suddenly feel her tears against his. Shaking his head he pulled back, missing briefly the warmth. Looking in her direction he grinned stupidly, handing her the bandages.

"As much as I love this confession Evans," he said, feeling her redo the bandages. "This is only pity."

He sighed, standing up on curiously weak legs. Feeling around he made his way up to the dorms, leaving a crying Lily behind.

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He was dreaming, or else he wouldn't be seeing Remus' father through his own eyes.

So this must be Remus.

He was walking towards a doorway, he couldn't tell to what room, only that his pace was fast and rushed. He was almost there. Almost to freedom.

"Remus, no going outside without your collar," a gruff voice was speaking and he turned around to see who it was. It was Remus' father, the man he had been looking at when the dream started.

"Father…I assure you I was only going to sit on the porch," he was speaking, through his own lips but his voice was coming out soft and delicate. It was Remus' voice, the gentle voice that spoke to him when he was troubled. The voice that was gone. His eyes were looking away, at the carpet.

"You forgot to beg, like your mother," the man laughed. His blood was boiling, but he remained silent, getting down on his knees and bowing in front of the man. His shirt collar was lifted up until a leather belt was wrapped tightly against his neck; a collar.

His face reddened, or more, Remus' face reddened as the embarrassment began to kick in.

"May I go out now sir?" He was asking. Remus' father was looking at him again. Then he laughed, and it made him quiver.

"Say hello to your mother when your out there," he laughed. "She does love the doghouse."

His fists were shaking so harshly, and he felt like he was going to cry. Nothing came, and he was going towards the back door again. A large hand grabbed his upper arm and pulled him back again.

"What is it father?" He was asking like this was a boring subject, but the fear was licking him inside out.

"Nothing, just reminding myself of how my spawns can be so beautiful," he whispered. "Just like your brother."

Sirius snapped into the waking world with a scream.

----------------

Remus glanced up from his position at the library table. A presence was watching him like a hawk. Sighing, he went back to reading, ignoring the swift feet coming towards him. They were closing in; acting like Remus had not noticed them yet.

"Lupin, looking lovely as ever, I hear your father trained you well," the voice snickered.

Malfoy. Was he ALWAYS around?

Closing the book he stood up, ignoring the very boys presence. A hand grabbed onto his shoulder, stopping him from putting the book away.

"You know, your father invited the Malfoy's to his house for dinner next weekend, he said you would be there as well," Lucius sneered. "The entertainment." Remus blinked slowly, not looking away from the bookcase. Lucius twirled a strand of honey brown hair between his fingers, relishing in the stiffening posture.

"My father tells me you were punished with your voice too, so if something," -he grabbed Remus' chest, pulling him towards the taller- "were to happen," he whispered, "no one would hear a thing."

Still no response, not even a struggle.

Remus closed his eyes, his fists shaking raggedly, as if not used to the movement.

"Boys!" Madam Pince shrieked. "No inappropriate behavior in my library!" Lucius released the other and smirked before leaving, Remus however stayed. Going to the book he began to read again, getting lost in the world of Merlin's time.

----------------------

Sirius threw the water into his face, his hand groping towards the toilet flusher. Choking again he pushed down, the vomit going down the drains. Collapsing on the ground he began to shake very violently. Pulling at his hair he waited until his breathing was normal again before standing up, praying that he made it to his bed. Then again, there was vomit on that.

His knees buckled and his face was against the cool tile of the bathroom floor. Closing his eyes he relished the feeling against his burning face until the dorm room door opened from behind his closed door. Turning his head he heard a soft gasp and a tripping sound before on object fell to the ground.

"Damn trunk." The voice said loudly. It was James.

Sirius whimpered, wishing that he could help his friend but his legs were still so weak. Gripping the tile he pushed himself up, shaking his head from the dizziness again before stumbling towards the door.

Opening the curiously heavy door he looked out, finding his friend groping around. Sighing he cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the blind young man. James turned towards the sound.

Smelled like vomit.

"Remus?" Why would he guess that right away?

"Guess again," Sirius said softly, his voice sketchy. James' ears perked slightly before holding out his hand, smiling when Sirius took it.

"Just my luck my bed is the furthest away," James grinned. Sirius nodded as he led his best friend towards his bed. It was then he noticed that James' bandages looked redone and wet.

"What happened to you down there?" He asked, sitting them down both on the bed.

"Ev-Lily practically confessed her love to me, and well, I rejected," James said softly. Sirius blinked, looking at his own hands for a moment.

"Love is-doesn't exist," Sirius spoke. James looked at him.

"What about Remus?" The messy haired man asked. Sirius blinked before shaking his head, knowing that James couldn't see it.

"He…has his problems that don't concern me," Sirius said, his voice cracking. Was he going to start crying again?

"I see."

"Yep."

"Maybe love doesn't exist after all," James whispered. "Maybe I was freakishly obsessed with Lily instead, convincing myself it was love." Sirius couldn't find it in him to disagree.

"The same with Remus, that's why, I'm going to end it with him…tonight," Sirius said. James looked at him.

"Whatever Sirius, if Remus wants it too," he said. Sirius barked out, his laugh sounding strange to his ears.

"Remus doesn't know what he wants," he said. James felt like crying again.

"I guess you're right."

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Remus stood outside the dorm door, listening to the conversation quietly. He didn't even notice the tears. After all, he still loved Sirius, more than anything….but clearly the other doesn't feel the same. Remus stifled a sob, biting his lip and waiting until both boys in the room had gotten finished speaking. Walking forward, his hands froze on the handle of the door.

Should he enter? Should he run?

The back door is always right there in front of me.

That meant freedom. Was this the same with Sirius? Would he finally be free from the boy he loved?

An escape always right there, so far from him but so close to the one who controlled him.

Shaking his head Remus pulled the door open to meet Sirius and James sitting on one of the beds. Maybe James'? Sirius looked up at him from his position and he walked towards Remus, his steps confident.

Freedom, so far.

His hand gripped the door handle as Sirius came towards him. He looked like a threat and Remus stepped back from him.

"Remus," he sighed, wrapping his arms around the small frame. He noticed how it stiffened considerably, like he was about to be hurt. In a way, Sirius knew he was.

Speaking pain is the only way I can talk. But does it bring me further from what I want? Or closer?

What DO you want? He thought suddenly.

"I think we need to end it," Sirius was speaking in that hurtfully harsh voice again. Remus stood frozen, wondering if he was reacting too harshly. Sirius would expect better from him. Maybe he didn't need to respond. The taller boy was looking at him now, searching him. Remus grew nervous, hand tightening on the door handle.

Closing his eyes, he felt sick, like the world was crashing around him and he didn't even have the power to stop it. Opening them again, he felt himself falling on the ground, no one, just like at home, catching him.

---TBC---

Bad place to end I know, but thank you all who like this story, especially the ones who have read A Werewolf's Bond. My first story, since then you have all stuck by my crazes! Next chapter is…something, you have to wait and see. Decide on what story you want updated tomorrow.

-WhiteWolfCub

---TBC---