A/N: I heard this wonderful rumor that I owned the rights to Harry Potter, but soon found out that I don't own them. It's alright though… J.K. can keep them and continue to write wonderful books. It's not like I'm jealous or anything.
Hermione sat silently contemplating the implications of the situation. What situation now, you ask? Why, naturally, it's the situation of the final chapter. For you see, the author has decided that seven chapters is definitely enough for a humor fic. Or, at least, it will be enough until summer comes and she can take a break from school. But that's besides the point. Or is it? Moving on!
Where was I? Oh, right. Situations, implications, contemplation. Semi-big words. Anyways, Hermione was in a conundrum. Conundrum, that's a funny word. I mean honestly, who uses conundrum in every day situations? Well, besides me. But I digress, once again.
Hermione glared at the author, whose mind seemed to be jetting off in a few different directions at one time. The problem that was bothering her most was that she was now married to Ron, with seven kids. Wait. Seven kids? At this point, Hermione had a mild panic attack.
"I have seven kids? I didn't even know I have seven kids? Are you sure? I mean, you could have me mixed up with so--," Hermione ranted, until the author held up her hand. It would all be explained to her (and the reader) by Crabbe and Goyle. Why Crabbe and Goyle, you ask? Because those poor nitwits don't get too many lines as it is. Why don't they get a chance, anyways? If the myriad of authors on this site gave them a chance to speak properly, the author is sure that they could string together a few sentences and sound rather intelligent. Oh… was she wrong.
"Well… you see, Hermione… when a bee loves a bird very much... they love each other. But not in the 'I love you' way… but in the 'I love you… on the nearest tabletop' way. And then they find out later that the bird has a tiny bird inside her. And then, only nine months later--," Crabbe blabbered on, Hermione looking mildly deranged. Her right eye was scrunched up, her mouth slightly agape, and her head tilted to the side. The only coherent thought she managed was, 'I don't think that bird's gestation periods are nine months…' before she zoned back into consciousness.
"…and then the bee has to pay child-support, because the bird and the bee just don't feel that same passion." Goyle finished his sentence, both of the goons looking thoroughly pleased with themselves for explaining the child-like mechanics of life by using the 'birds and bees' analogy. Moving on!
"Well then. That was just… lovely… Goyle. And you as well, Crabbe. Um, I'm just going to… leave." And with that, she ran. Quickly.
As the author watches Hermione run off towards heaven knows where, she frowns. It seems that all of her inspiration has left her, along with Hermione. Now where does the story go from here? Does Hermione ever stop running? Do the readers learn where Goyle learned the word passion from? How did Hermione manage to have seven children without realizing it? Is Ron even the bee to her bird? Seriously, where did Sirius go? Does the author add any more words to her list of funny words? Is this story even continued? All of this, and even less, could be answered in the next chapter. If it's written. This all depends on your reviews, criticisms, and funny words.
Heinous. That's a funny word. Moving on!