Authors note: Hi, this chapter's been written by me, author Procrastinator-starting2moro. Sorry about the delay, there were many problems with the beta. Forgive us Round Robin Ducklings?How can you not with a pen name like that, eh? Anywho, the next Chapter 4 is written by the wonderful author Weird Not Boring. Please read and review. Consider it an early Christmas present to us ;)

Chapter 2- Because grabbing on to boobs will stop you falling

Lily Evans' neck was swelling: or so she claimed. Her neck was the victim of James Potter's drunken scarf strangling. And this was one of her only body features which she usually did not feel self-conscious about, as many people said it was a very slender neck – but now it was anything but. It was bulging, red, and looked highly unattractive.

She would give Potter his own personal neck bruise.

But just before she went to inspect the probable permanent scarring on her skin, she watched out of the corner of her eye as James appeared to be exiting the common room with a bewildered Lucy Summers in tow. This looked highly suspicious.

It was in Lily's nature to be skeptic about any Marauder, but the second she saw James leaving the common room, she automatically knew she'd follow him.

"But that's what Potter wants you to do," Lily said aloud to herself, as the music blared around her.

"Who wants to do who?" Sirius asked, his wad of black hair tumbling into her face as he was pushed along by some very hyperactive dancers.

"Nothing, Black."

"No, seriously, who's doing who?"

"Nobody's doing anybody!"

"Tha'sh wha' you think." Sirius quirked an eyebrow, then made a very seductive, hip-swinging walk as he followed a tall brunette, then consequently fell headfirst into the cushions of a common room chair.

Ignoring that particularly odd scene, Lily continued back to the subject of the four-eyed, no good doer.

"There can't really be anything going on between Potter and Lucy, right?" she asked herself.

"Who's going on top of who?" a voice slurred.

"For Merlin's sake, I have to stop talking to myself!"

Lily stormed off, leaving Peter Pettigrew to ponder in his rat-arsed condition. The boy was thinking he was blind drunk after having a bottle of Firewhiskey, when really it had been water with the slight added spoonful of apple juice.

"That's the stuff," Peter said, taking another gulp of his fruit drink.

Lily put a lot of emphasis on 'storming off', even though it was really only winding her way through the sweaty, dancing bodies of the Gryffindor common room. It was then that she spotted Remus Lupin snoozing lightly in an arm chair.

Instead of letting the poor soul sleep, she thrust two pointed fingers at his eyelids which caused him to give a great yelp and leap from his seat, as fast as humanly possible when you are smashed.

"For the last time, Padfoot, I don't want to belly dance," he mumbled, sitting back down again as he squinted his eyes open. "Sirius, is your hair on fire? It looks strikingly more red than usual."

Lily shook her head disapprovingly, rolling her eyes at the empty bottle of Firewhiskey at his feet. "You better hope Black spiked your drink, Lupin. Honestly, you're a prefect!"

"Haven't you been drinking too? And you're Head girl."

Lily looked at him, a little dazed. "I am?" she slurred, that bottle of what she thought was mild 'butterbeer' slightly going to her head. "Oh-wait, of course I am!" She slapped her forehead in stupidity, a little too hard but enough to shake her into sobriety. "Yes...Did you just see your friend Potter strut out the room with Summers? Did you? Really, Lupin, did you?"

Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Who, now...? What?...And where?"

"Potter and Summers!" Lily repeated, more impatiently. "Aren't you going to stop them? Stop them? Stop them."

"You're repeating yourself," Remus stated, trying to keep his head in an upright position. "You do realise that, don't you?"

"Did you just see him, though? Strutting out of the common room with Summers! The nerve of that boy. The nerve! They can't be romantically involved because they're both on the Quidditch team, for goodness sake. How bloody stupid is that Niffler dung brain of his? What kind of example is he setting for the younger students, swashbuckling off with girls! He's head boy! How could he be so irresponsible and inconsiderate to- Remus? Remus! Are you even listening to me?"

A monstrous snore confirmed that he wasn't.

Lily scowled. "Jeez, inebriated people..."

Before stopping herself with sensible second thoughts, she made her way through the portrait of the Fat Lady and ignored the calling shouts from her friends.

O

"James, when you said we were 'going for fresh air', this wasn't what I had in mind."

"C'mon, L-...Li-"

Lucy shook her head at the incorrect prefixes he was using in an attempt to say her name.

"La-"

Lucy shook her head again.

"Lu-cy?" he said uncertainly.

"Wow, got it in twenty guesses."

James tried straightening his glasses which kept moving out of place, no matter how much he pushed them against the bridge of his nose. "Another game? Two out of three, c'mon, I shwear, I get'sh better as I go along."

Lucy rolled her eyes and rested her elbow on the Astronomy tower wall. "I'm not playing Thumb War with you anymore. Where did you even get that weird game from?"

"Shwa Sh'muggles do for fun."

"Good for them," Lucy said dryly.

"Dy'a think Evan'sh saw me leaving with shoo? Do you think Evan'sh is shealous?"

Lucy sighed and touched a hand sympathetically to his arm, putting on a wide smile that made James think whatever was coming next would be positive.

"She hates your guts," Lucy explained, in a slow tone for the boy to understand. "She wants to gorge out your eyes and use them as those pretty collective marbles you can get."

"I had one of those. Sh'was purple. Shirius sh'ate it."

"Good for him," Lucy said, rather dryly again. "Just let your mind slip, James. Just look at this night. Look at the stars." She gestured her hand towards the sky of sparkling twilight as both of them upturned their heads.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked him.

"Sh'is."

"Can you not speak normally? I'm a little tipsy but at least I'm not adding 'sh' to the beginning of words."

"Sh-"

"Never mind ," Lucy muttered. "Oh, look!" She straightened up as she spotted a shooting star flying across the sky. She turned her head to look at James, and guessed he was mesmerised by it, judging from his slightly gaping mouth and floppy tongue.

"Sparkly green eyes..." he mumbled.

Lucy ignored the odd comment. "Make a wish, then."

James closed his eyes childishly; no mature thoughts coming into his brain at the particular moment and everything magnified hundred times more fun and exciting than it actually was. He finally opened his eyes again though they were squinting in haziness.

"Did you wish the same thing I did?" Lucy asked huskily.

James gaped. "Shoo wished about pudding too?"

"Er, pudding?" she said confusedly, which eventually evolved into a suspicious leer. "Your wish didn't have anything to do with Evans, did it?"

"Sh'no."

"You either said 'no' or 'snow', and I highly doubt it was the latter."

James tried poking her in the chest childishly but missed her by a couple of feet, hitting Lucy's twin which only he could see. This was because she wasn't actually real and only appeared when you very much drunk and had very much blurry eyesight.

"Hows shoo know? I coulda been talkin' bout shnow."

"You wished for Evans, didn't you?"

"With minimal clothing."

Lucy sighed. "And where does pudding come into it?" she asked.

James bowed his head embarrassingly. "She was covered in pudding..."

This somehow didn't surprise Lucy. "Just forget about her, James. Think how beautiful this night is." She tried again to steer his mind away from the Head Girl. "Don't you just love stargazing?"

"You remind me of those bloody centaurs," James teased.

They both lifted their heads up to the sky again, but James did it a little too suddenly for him to cope with.

"Ooo, too much stargazing makes you woozy..." he mumbled, wailing his arms in the air as he reached out for something to grab a hold of to prevent a drunken fall.

"James, you're holding on to my boobs."

"Sorry, if I let go I'll fall over," he said truthfully.

"I've heard that line too many times from Sirius Black."

"No, I'm not lying," James protested. He let go of Lucy for a second and she watched as he genuinely fell back, unable to stand on his own. She quickly grabbed on to his shoulders to pull him forward but did this a little too strongly, whether the intention to was hard to work out.

"You don't have sparkly green eyes," James mumbled drowsily, round orbs barely inches away from his as their faces hovered near to one another.

"Nope, they're blue."

James observed her again, "And you don't have soft red hair."

"Naturally blonde, I'm afraid," she murmured.

James groaned painfully, "I feel like I'm gonna hurl..."

Lucy took this available and 'romantic' moment to lunge towards James and kiss him.

"Crap."

Lily tumbled into the Astronomy tower, just as James and Lucy broke apart. James looking thoroughly bewildered to why his mouth had been lip attacked, and Lucy looking shy and flustered,

"Lily? Sh'that shoo?"

She really didn't know why she was feeling so shocked. She'd expected witnessing some kind of kissing action, but seeing it in the flesh was somehow too hard for her to handle. She'd even thought up a very menacing telling-off speech for James' behaviour whilst walking the corridors to find him. The speech including phrases of 'moronic', insensible' and 'gormless', with the old classic back up remark of 'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid', just in case he tried hitting on her again.

Right now, her mind was blank.

She wasn't really bothered by the image of Lucy dipping her tongue into James' mouth. She was more bothered by the fact that she was upset about James kissing another girl. Kissing any other girl.

"Er, I'm sorry," Lily fumbled shakily. Heating in the face, she swiveled around and quickly ran from the scene, wishing she would have just jumped of the Astronomy Tower to her gratifying death instead of dying of humiliation.

"Lily!" James called out, quickly letting go of Lucy to search after the red head.

Drunken people cannot search; they can barely remember where they live. However, they can be searched after by clear-headed people. That is why whenever a game of Hide and Seek is played with alcohol, the barely sober person is always 'it', and has to hide, and Remus Lupin ends up having to find Sirius Black who's trying to hump the Whomping Willow.

But that's another story for another day.

"Lil...li...l-"

James stumbled, falling face flat into the Astronomy Tower floor.

"Oh poop," he mumbled, before blacking out.

O

James was very aware that his Head Boy's Dorm felt rather drafty...And birds were squawking? Birds were indeed squawking. Unless he wasn't corrected, his dormitory hadn't been converted into an owlry...lately.

The second he opened his eyes, he immediately thought he was being raped in the Astronomy Tower. Of course, what other indications would you get from a group of chortling second year males with the same look of childish, prank-driven thoughts?

"What are you doing?" James shrieked, wincing at his projected voice that made his head throb. He cried out as a long black haired boy, looking like a younger version of Sirius Black, pulled on his trouser leg, whilst two others were now holding in their arms: his shirt, a sock and his shoes. "What are you bloody doing, oompa loompa? Le'go of my trousers!"

Wrestling with the twelve year old proved to be unsuccessful, screeching as a boy with dark hair, hazel eyes with glasses helped the boy pull off the remaining trouser leg.

"Sorry, mate. Pranking purposes, I'm afraid," the mini-James Potter apologized, but obviously not with full meaning as he grinned quite freakishly.

"What? But-you-HEY, where are you going?" James yelled, trying to stand, presently quite naked in only boxers, but only faltered again as his eyesight blurred from his current and painful hangover. "Where are you oompa loompa's going? Give me back my clothes! I'm head boy!"

The second years snickered as they ran off giggling, James' clothes clutched tightly in their arms.

"Oi! OI!"

The light haired boy glanced back, looking apologetic and guilty, as the rest of the boys ran off ahead.

James breathed a sigh of relief, noticing the boy's weakness. . "Please, kid, just give me my trousers at least," he begged.

"ROB, C'MON!"

The boy flinched at the sound of his name being called, made another apologetic shrug, and tossed James... a shoe.

"No! NO-WAIT!" James tried scrambling to his feet, trying to follow the boy. But he predictably sat down again, head aching and in desperate need for some headache pills.

A sodding shoe.

In frustration, James hurled the shoe away from him, unfortunately over the Astronomy Tower wall.

"No! NO-DAMMIT! Crap! Bugger!" James wailed, watching the shoe fall to the ground. "I liked that shoe..."

In desperation, rather chilly in his tight boxers and nakedness, he staring searching the ground, feeling his hands over the nooks and crannies of the floor.

"C'mon, invisibility cloak! Be here! BE HERE!"

James had clearly gone insane. Looking for his invisibility cloak that was not only hard to find because it was invisible, but also which was not even in the Astronomy tower, as it was currently wrapped around the shoulders of Sirius Black who wore it as a cape whilst tipsy and playing the role of a muggle super hero.