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Chapter Six: Of Unwanted Heroes and Trash-bins

By: Celina Black

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Peachy. Just peachy.

Grumbling to herself, Lily struggled to paste a threatening look on her face while her instinct roared at her to get the hell out of there. She knew Malfoy was a Dark-Arts fanatic and probably memorized the load of them, perhaps hoping to get the chance to use them on someone. And just her luck that he decided she was a suitable target.

"Oh, goody. I finally get to try out my newest spell. It's for castration. I found it in a book called, 'How to Make Pale-Faced Prats Screech'. Rather interesting read, actually," Lily wildly invented. Her hand gripped her wand tighter, preparing herself.

Just act like Potter. No, do not ruffle your hair. ACT CONFIDENT, WOMAN!

"Is that so?" Malfoy coolly replied, looking a tad paler than usual.

"Oh, yes. Shall we begin? I'm a bit late for an appointment as is."

Malfoy, looking decidedly uneasy, sneered, "Why on Earth would I want to duel with a pathetic little Mudblood? If I want to waste my time, I'll waste it in a way that's actually useful."

Lily was about to point out that wasting time usefully was an oxymoron and paradox, but decided to not press her luck. Her grammatical inner-sense would get her killed.

"Are you sure? I'm positive you won't need yours anytime soon, seeing as how all girls find you utterly repulsive." Lily sighed, as if turning away from the duel was a disappointment. She mentally kicked herself. If not her grammatical inner-sense, then her sarcasm would be sure to get her killed.

Malfoy flushed, a slight pinkish tinge rising in his cheeks and neck and he snapped, "I've plenty of girls wanting to be with me. They find me quite attractive-"

"Is that so?" Lily dryly asked. She couldn't think of anyone she would want to be with less, and knew every other sane girl probably agreed whole-heartedly. Chicks didn't really dig pale, evil worms last time she checked.

"Is that before or after you perform the Imperius on them?" Lily quipped.

Eyes flashing, Malfoy raised his wand, "Give me one reason more and I'll hex the-"

"Did someone summon a hero? Stupefy!" A loud, obnoxious voice broke the tension between the two. Lily rolled her eyes, not bothering to turn around. She'd know that annoying little twit's voice even if she was deaf.

Heh. She cracked herself up, really.

A dull thump on the floor announced that Potter's target had fallen.

"Potter. Why am I not surprised?" Lily muttered, wondering if he had some sort of radar on her. If he didn't, he had an uncanny sense of where she was all the time.

He probably had some stupid map so he could stalk her everyday.

"Lily! I was so worried because you didn't show up and you're always on time except for that time when you were sick and had to go to the Hospital Wing but even then you turned in all your homework assignments earlier than half the class-" Potter babbled nervously.

"Merlin, Potter, take a breath."

"So, er, why're you late?"

"Well, if you must know, you and your raucous friends woke me up at five with your infernal noise and I fell back asleep and overslept. And now that we're all caught up, can we go?" Lily impatiently tapped her polished shoe on the floor.

Bemused, James shrugged, "Alright. Where to first?"

"Er, Dueling Supplies would be the logical answer."

Beaming, James agreed, "Wonderful. Let's move on, shall we?"

As the two started walking towards the doors, the stiff figure on the floor groaned mentally, cursing a certain messy-haired prat for messing up his perfectly gelled hair.

---

Lily was not a Potter expert.

Although he had an unhealthy obsession with finding out every detail about her life, she simply couldn't care less about his, so long as he stayed away from hers.

Despite her lack of expertise, she could tell that Potter was acting strangely.

Well, stranger than usual.

For example, he kept glancing around them with narrowed eyes, staring determinedly at random places until he was satisfied and turned his attention to another place. Several times, Lily had followed his line of sight but saw nothing.

Who knew? Perhaps he was going mad.

However, he was quiet for the most part, content with following her and staring at random places. And it was an improvement over his constant tirade of bad pick-up lines and proposals.

But when he tripped over his feet for the fifth time, she exploded, "Merlin, Potter! What do you think you're doing! You haven't been looking where you're going because you've been too busy staring at empty space! What? Are you seeing dead people? Are you little friends playing hide-and-seek?"

Nervously, Potter mentioned, "My friends? They're not here. Why'd they be here? Nope, it's just us two. You and me. Me and you. Nobody else, especially my friends."

"Thank you for enlightening me."

She stopped suddenly, watching with slight amusement as Potter tripped over a tree root, and enjoyed the look of surprise mingled with shock as his face became better acquainted with the pavement.

Heaving a sigh, she stepped into the dingy store, blinking as her eyes became used to the poor lighting.

"There be anything you're wanting, Miss?" A gravelly voice called out.

She turned to see a stooped, old man with twinkling eyes, a kind face, and really bad teeth.

"Yes. I'm from Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall was wanting these for the dueling club." Reaching into her pocket, she placed the list in front of him.

"I see. Let me jus' get you the things…" He growled, stomping over to the back.

"LILY! LILY!" Potter's alarmed voice rang out. The two turned to see James running around wildly, searching for her presumably.

"That be you?"

"Never seen him before in my life."

Finally, Potter hurtled into the store and grinned, "Found you! Have you gotten the stuff, yet?"

Lily looked pointedly at where the owner was gathering supplies, a knowing smile on his old and cracked lips. It looked a bit painful.

"Ah, right. Well, while he's getting it together, shall we stop for butterbeer?"

Well, I can stay here with an old man who might have been a pirate in a past life. Or, I could drink warm butterbeer, although Potter would probably blabber on the whole time.

"Let's go."

---

Assuring Lily he'd be right back with her drink, James left her at the table and hurried over to the trash bin in the corner.

"Moony?" He asked anxiously, screwing up his face in disgust when the stench wafted into his nose, withering up all his nose-hairs with its foul scent.

Remus's head lifted from inside the bin and he hissed, "I hate you, Prongs. I think my nose has gone numb." He lifted his hand accusingly, a squelching noise resulting. James bit back a smirk and Remus glared at him, scowling. For him, hygiene was of utmost importance and hiding in a trash bin filled with God-knows-what was not his idea of fun.

"Okay, get a butterbeer and a few chocolate biscuits. She likes those. Make sure they aren't filled with cream. Even if she wants to pay for them, don't let her. Insist that you pay to… er… make up for all the times you've aggravated her," Remus instructed.

"And stop looking around for me. I'm not going to take off the cloak and say 'boo'. And I reckon Lily thinks you're going mad. Make pleasant conversation with her instead of looking around like an idiot."

James nodded, "Right, then. Can I ask her out?"

Rolling his eyes, Remus picked a moldy banana peel out of his trousers, shuddering. "No. You'll kill everything."

"Can I tell her that her arse looks great in the skirt she's wearing?"

"No."

"How about a kiss for rescuing her from Gel-boy?"

"James. Go. Before I decide to kill you."

Sighing, James closed the bin's cover, not hearing the muffled swear-words erupting as Remus discovered that someone had vomited in the bin recently and, judging by the slickness under his arse, he was currently sitting on it.

For the millionth time, he cursed Sirius Black and his "brilliant" plan, which consisted of Remus following the pair to Hogsmeade under the Invisibility cloak and hiding in the trash bin so he could tell James how to act so Lily wouldn't murder him. Remus would've just stood in the corner with his cloak on, but there was always the risk of someone bumping into him.

It was a miracle he had discovered the Malfoy dot on the Map, and he had told James to go help her just in time.

Groaning, he thrust his hand down the back of his shirt and pulled out what might have been a bologna sandwich in a past life, but now resembled a moss-covered rock.

---

"Well, here's where we part," Lily announced, stepping into the Common Room. Potter followed her, stumbling a bit as his foot got caught. Scowling, he pushed himself in, and fell onto the floor with a groan.

Observing this, Lily's lips quirked up into a smile. He was cute, really, especially when he wasn't trying to impress her. He was like a little boy, except with muscles and reasonably attractive features.

"So, er, that wasn't completely a disaster, was it?" Potter asked anxiously, standing up.

Lily shrugged, "Well, you did act like a lunatic, but you did buy me butterbeer and biscuits. That's a definite plus, by the way. And you did carry all the bags… I'll give today an E. You definitely exceeded my expectations, James."

His face broke out into a huge smile and he pressed a kiss onto her cheek. Then, whooping loudly, he proceeded to dance around the room. The victory dance, consisting of exaggerated pelvic thrusts and hip wagging, was definitely traumatizing, but Lily didn't notice.

She was too busy touching her cheek where Potter had kissed her.

---

Hey!

Celina Black here…well, I'm sorry for the huge delay. I've been working on my stories and well…time just flew right past.

Anyways, keep reading Fork in the Eye and until the next time I write…

Adios, mis amigos buenos!

See the review button? Click on it. Write a line. Press Enter.

Good job.

Kisses,

Celina Black