Disclaimer: I do not own Code Lyoko nor "You Can Still Be Free." The song is property of Savage Garden. CL is property of AnteFilms.
Pairing: You decide.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Death.
Author's Note: I recently started listening to my Savage Garden CDs again. In warning, there will probably be tons of songfics as a result of the ideas spiraling around my head. Please read and review and enjoy.
Dedication: This is dedicated to Katie-Kae for her wonderful support and enjoyment. :hugs: Enjoy KK!
Cool breeze and autumn leaves
Slow motion daylight
A lone pair of watchful eyes
Oversee the living
She walked down the street, cold, disheartened. Her body was slow and sluggish today - she'd had to be called more than once to come for breakfast. But somehow, she was surprised to find herself functioning still. The wind blew from the north, running ghostly fingers through her midnight hair. Dull now in the sunlight compared to what it had been a few months prior.
A car horn sounded and she stepped quickly back from the curb she hadn't even realized she was stepping toward. She frowned, wrapping her arms tightly around her chest, leaning against the stone wall, twigs tangling in her locks as golden red leaves rolled down the sidewalk and gutter.
She envisioned it perfectly as she stood there, holding her broken, battered body together. Him, sitting on the bench, laughing as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she laughed at something he, or perhaps someone else, had said. Her head laying peacefully, comfortably, on his shoulder, smiling up at him. Adoring. Loving. Happy.
Her stomach heaved and she was thankful that she hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. She put a fist to her mouth, biting down on a knuckle, thankful that her mother hadn't noticed, or if she did she hadn't said anything, the new injuries that appeared on her daily. It shouldn't matter anymore, she told herself firmly. What's in the past is in the past. This it the future, the present. It doesn't matter.
But it did.
Feel the presence all around
A tortured soul
A wound unhealing
No regrets or promises
The past is gone
She walked through the school gates, laughing, smiling, happy. It had been a good morning for some reason. Probably because of the rain last night making everything look, smell, feel new. She wrapped her arms around herself, grinning like a fool. And the fact that today, today, she would see him and tell him how she really, really, felt. No more second guesses and "tell him laters." This time, this time, she would.
She had promised herself.
He hadn't promised anything.
She swallowed hard, wiping at the tears streaming from her eyes. She hadn't realized that she'd started crying. An elder woman exits her house, giving her a wary look as she reaches for the newspaper on her front porch. She pales, looking away, sucking the blood off the damaged knuckle as the wind picks up, billowing around the corner and raking fingers through her hair, calming her feverish face.
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
She hurried down the street, leaves grasping at her legs but she took no notice, stopping at the enormous, wrought iron and brick fence surrounding the perimeter of Kadic. Her mind told her to go in, nothing would happen. All she had to do was step inside. But her heart wouldn't listen and somehow that had taken over her body and was in control.
Students passed her, laughing and talking, shooting her strange looks over their shoulders. They were looks of pity and confusion she decided, detesting their anxious faces. She gripped herself tighter, feeling bile rise in her throat, the cold wind whispering insecurities to her. One of the boys looked at her sympathetically and she glared at him until he ran off.
Laughter reached her ears and she looked around the wall and into the schoolyard, seeing them sitting on the ground, laughing at something. They were entwined in each other's arms. They were whispering to themselves and looking like fools to the others that passed them by. But they didn't notice because they were in their own world.
Time now to spread your wings
To take to flight
The life endeavour
Aim for the burning sun
You're trapped inside
She couldn't go inside she realized. She turned instead, fleeing down the street, past the long fence, the empty houses staring at her through frosted windows. Her feet hit the pavement with a calming rhythm - slap! slap! - over and over again. Slap! slap! and her heart joined the rhythm, pounding against her ribs and feeling ready to burst.
People jumped out of her path as she raced around a corner, skidding on the wet sidewalk she fell, scraping her palms on the cold cement. She pressed her forehead to the ground, eyes closed tightly, breathing in and out. In and out. She could hear a voice, not his voice, but a male voice, asking her something. Or maybe he was telling her to move. She couldn't seem to remember the human language.
He gave up. That didn't surprise her, everyone gave up eventually, mostly on her. Or with her. Something along those lines. She pursed her lips, eyes opening as she tasted blood in her mouth. The sharp tanginess surprised her. She didn't remember cutting her mouth. With all her energy she forced herself to sit up and looked at the strange marks on the sidewalk before her.
Red hand prints smeared across the grey concrete. The water from the sprinklers already dissolving it, sending it out on its way. Her hands burned and she wiped them on her pants, feeling the cloth chafe her broken skin. And then she was off again, running once more, tearing through the woods and shoving branches aside. One tangled in her hair but she pulled free, feeling the sharp sting when a few strands were left behind. It felt good.
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
But it's a long long way to go
"Are you alright?"
She looked up and shrugged as the other girl sat down across from her. She had seen, they all had, she realized and felt herself shudder. She had loved him. He hadn't loved her. She stirred the beverage in front of her, trying to force her sluggish memory to figure out what she had ordered.
"Are you going to answer me?"
She shook her head, not trusting her voice to speak. It would probably sound as broken as she felt. Her chest was a gaping hole, the edges ragged and frayed from when he had ripped out her heart. And he had been gentle about it which was worse.
"I'm worried about you."
The pitying look again. The concerned eyes staring at her from across the table. Warm fingers gripping her cold ones. She couldn't bear it, wouldn't bear it. Pity was worse than sympathy. Pity was...
"Don't be."
Keep moving way up high
You see the light
It shines forever
She emerged from the woods, stumbling in the bright sunlight. She had come out on a plateau and beneath her stretched the woods, a hawk spiraled slowly through the air. Before her was a field of grass and wild flowers and she sighed, sinking to the ground by a sun warmed boulder, eyes closed, breathing even. Her head was throbbing, fingers stiff.
Three months of this. Of watching them with their secret, shared looks, feeling the hole grow wider, deeper, as her heart was shattered and stepped on. She could only blame herself from running from him or dancing around her feelings. She should've said something before hand.
Her body convulsed with dry sobs and she buried her face in her arm, trying to still the sobs wracking through her body. Tried...tried...Nothing mattered anymore. Everything was dark and dim. She reached up, running fingers through her hair before gripping the boulder and shoving herself into a standing position.
Her breath was uneven once more and she felt her knees shake but she didn't see why. She felt the grass crunch underfoot as she walked the field, stopping to pick flowers that caught her eye. Soon she had a bouquet of blue, purple, gold, in her hands. A thorn or thistle, she wasn't sure which, pricked a finger starting the ooze of blood once more but she didn't mind. Instead she painted the eyes of the daisies crimson instead of yellow, laughing quietly to herself.
Sail through the crimson skies
The purest light
The light that sets you free
If time will set you free
She saw a lake beneath her as she stood on the lip of the precipice, staring down at the field of green and blue and trees. The school was in the distance, she saw a few of the peaks and gables of the roof above the tree line, the town Cathedral's bell tower rose highest and the sunlight glinted off the wrought cross on the peak. The bells tolled the hour, slowly, methodically.
She swallowed, wondering, distantly, if this was really how she wanted to resolve it. To end it. Small stones tumbled away beneath her feet and she watched them fall into the lake below, watched them hit the water and imagined the ripples forming. The wind was stronger here and she felt it tug at her hair and clothes, freezing the tears to her face. She wondered if anyone would know to search for her here. Or maybe...maybe she would be forgotten.
Like a childhood memory.
Sail through the wind and rain tonight
You're free to fly tonight
And you can still be free
If time will set you free
"Come out with us tonight."
"I don't feel well."
"Please...you never go anywhere with us anymore. Please."
She gazed in the worried eyes and smiled tiredly. Her head was pounding and she rubbed her wrists unconsciously. "Will he...?" She couldn't finish the sentence.
"I'll uninvite him."
Pity again, she was almost getting used to that look and it frightened her. The fingers of her left hand traced the familiar jagged scar on her wrist, right along the vein. She couldn't remember where it had happened, when it had happened, but it gave her pleasure to run her nails over the pale line.
"No. I have homework."
"I guess you do since you haven't studied since it happened."
That hurt her. It was supposed to be a secret. At least it was better than pity, she thought. The eyes relaxed again and the warm hand touched her shoulder once more, friendly, supportive. Pity again. She couldn't take it. Her nails bit into her skin sending pleasing shockwaves through her body. The new drug. Pain.
"Please, come with us."
"I'm busy."
She hadn't seen them, really seen them, since.
And going higher than the mountain tops
And go high like the wind don't stop
And go high
The last toll rang, filling the valley with its dying breath.
She stepped forward.
Free to fly tonight
Free to fly tonight
Later that night, they found the note, pinned neatly to her bed, a drop of red - ink or blood they couldn't be sure - stained the corner. She had known the ending before ever reaching the plateau.