Warnings: Spoilers for all of the manga.
Notes: I had to stop Kei from turning this into a lemon in the beginning. I almost had to change the title to "Men" to get his mind out of the gutter, but realized that still wouldn't have worked. Little tease. This week I obligated my priorities to my beta duties, so this is all you are getting yet again, sorry. This is mostly unrelated to my being stuck on the next installment (OK, much to do with it; Kanji is talking a lot but not saying anything interesting, Hatozaki won't say anything at all right now, and I had to gag Kei before he could go on any longer about sex. This fic is supposed to be rated T, Kei!). Eternalsailorsolarwind: I've had Hero Heel on my wishlist for months now myself; I'm getting impatient for it. Ruusei: You don't need to apologize, and I would never expect anyone to spend all the time to respond to each and every chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this installment!
Disclaimer: Yellow is owned by Makoto Tateno; I'm just borrowing it so I can make myself feel better about the plotholes...

Sex

I really like sex. There's nothing better than having a gorgeous well-built man wrapped around or pressed up against you. I'm a real sucker for a good kisser. Lips are the first thing you taste on a man. They are the first thing that enters your body and tastes you in return. Hot, moist and passionate. Oh, boy do I love men.

Goh says I "can't keep it zipped." He's completely right. I think he's just frustrated that even he wasn't enough to satisfy me, though. A shot to his ego. Oh well, he'll survive. He's got his gorgeous lover and his happy ending now.

I'm glad it worked out for them, I really am. I know I sort of freaked for a while, but I can acknowledge when I'm outclassed. Taki's a better partner than I could ever be for Goh. He needs someone smart, strong, stable and beautiful, and while I like to think myself both beautiful and intelligent, taking literal shots (twice!) at people because they broke my heart isn't exactly stable, is it?

When I first met Goh he was even more impulsive and audacious than he is now. I say he forced me back then, but really, I didn't mind. It wasn't like I was some sort of virgin or that I wasn't attracted to him. I just had planned to keep business and pleasure separate in our partnership when we entered into it. Goh came into the relationship with no such qualms. I often wonder if his decision to join me in our new venture as snatchers wasn't based completely on his desire to bed me all along, and the job incidental.

It was fun back then. I did most of the thinking and he did most of the leg work. Our days were filled with danger and excitement and our nights filled with passionate lovemaking. I fell pretty hard for him, and while he played the part of the doting lover I could always feel that distance that he placed between us. He never would let me in or trust me completely. It broke my heart, so of course I did everything I could think of to destroy our relationship in return. I slept with other men and when that didn't affect him I ran off with all our money. Even that wasn't enough. People say Goh is good at reading others. If that's true I wonder why he never saw it coming; never saw how much he hurt me. Who knows? Maybe he did, but he just didn't care. Another barrier between him and real love. At least Taki could admit he was separating himself from such feelings. I wanted to show Goh just how much he hurt me. I wanted to show him how to love. I guess it wasn't me who could do that for him in the end.

I can't say I'm not attracted to Taki, either. The man is gorgeous. Straight men shouldn't be allowed to look that good. Good thing he never really was, right? Hah! Oh, their feelings for each other were written all over their faces from day one. I can't believe anyone could be surprised about how it turned out. I can't believe it took them so long to get into bed with each other! Goh restraining himself like that, or rather, being able to restrain himself is mind-boggling to me. The Goh I knew would have thrown Taki to the floor and ravaged him months earlier. Though, I guess I have to admit some of his insecurities were my fault. Instead of showing him how to love I showed him how to try and separate work from pleasure when he got into his next partnership and he kept even more distance with Taki. I think that was one more of my guilt-ridden consolations working against my burning jealousy about how Goh would look at Taki; look at him with such longing and affection.

I was so sure they were already lovers when I got there. I'm so glad they weren't. To have had to kill Goh for being in love would have destroyed me. People shouldn't be punished for being in love. That's one thing I wish I could have left Mizuki with. Not just trying to punish Goh, but herself. Watching her make herself suffer like that was hard on me. I guess I'm just a sucker for a person with a broken heart.

W all have our issues, after all. Taki rejected men because of what happened with Mizuki. Goh rejected women because of what happened with his mother. I can't keep it zipped because I want to be loved and I never was. Rejected by my father before I was even born and rejected by my mother because she had to raise me alone. Raised mostly on the streets and self-educated I searched and searched for a meaning to my life and found it in my value to others. To be wanted and needed is the greatest feeling in the world and I have always treasured it, whether it be of me or observed between others and I vowed to never stand in its way and to always fight for its survival in this brutal and uncaring world.

When I watched that proud man grovel, I knew. Goh, groveling, can you believe that? Begging me, his former lover who ran out on him, who tried to kill him no less than three times; standing in front of him with his head bowed low and desperately asking for help. What a wonderful man. To be loved like that, Taki is truly lucky. A truly lucky and totally stupid man for doing what he did, so of course I had to help them.

I'm not claiming any sense of selflessness here. I did what I did for me just as much as for Goh. To make amends for running out on him. To make amends for trying to kill him. To make amends for ruining their beautiful life together by bringing Sandfish to their door. It was an obligation; an act of penance. And of course because I still love him. Damn that man for making me love him.

I do hope theirs is a love that will last them their lives. For myself, I'll keep searching for the right one. In the meantime I can have lots of that beautiful sex with all of those beautiful men that I want.

Kei
8/20/06
1079 words