Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, yeah, not mine.
This isn't what you're thinking," Deacon said cheerfully, after only a few moments of awkward
silence. Toad's eyes had been glued to Anya, who was absorbing his waves of unwilling discomfort and concern at her close proximity to Deacon, but he pried his gaze away and gave Deacon an appraising glare. "And how would you know what I'm thinking?"
Deacon's only reply was a mysterious smile, but Toad jumped. "Another one? Bloody hell…"
Anya realized that Deacon had spoken to Toad's mind without her sensing it. "Hey, how did you do that?"
The psychic winked ingratiatingly. "Trick of the trade, girl. I'll teach you sometime."
Toad smirked. "What's this, a freak convention and I wasn't invited?"
"I'll tell them to put you on the mailing list," Anya said, apparently reverting back to the boldness that she had acquired the first time she met Toad.
Deacon chuckled and Toad quirked an eyebrow.
"Anya's like my Padawan learner," Deacon continued, reclaiming his role as breaker of the ice. "I'm teaching her how all the cool mutants roll. I'm accepting students if you're interested." He broke into a dazzling teasing grin, and Anya wondered if even the prickly Toad could stand up to Deacon's mix of charm and confidence.
Toad snorted. "I'll pass, chap." Apparently, he was immune.
"Good, because I have a better plan. How about we go to my kind of club?"
Anya got the gist of his idea right away and smiled tentatively. Toad demanded further clarification.
"Your kind? A Rastafarian convention, or perhaps a self-help group for the unbearably conceited?"
"I should have said our kind," Deacon amended without malice.
The green mutant grimaced skeptically. "I'm not the most popular guy around. There are a few people around here who wouldn't exactly welcome me with open arms if I ran into them."
"Which is why it's a good thing that you have the two of us to watch your back," Deacon retorted quickly.
"Remind me what's in this for you?" Toad said irritably.
"For me? Nothing. But you'll ruin her night if you say no," Deacon replied, hitching his thumb in Anya's direction.
Anya's mouth fell open. "What?"
"In that case… still no," Toad snapped, but Anya felt his surprised pleasure and flattery at Deacon's unfortunately accurate revelation. His green skin had taken on a slight pinkish tinge.
"Please?" she said, speaking without thinking, then wishing she could take it back. She wasn't used to putting herself in a place where she could be rejected, or asking for something she wanted if she wasn't sure of getting it.
The end result, however, was pleasing. "Fine," Toad grumbled. "But one of you is buying me a drink."
They arrived at the second club after a walk of about twenty minutes. Toad and Anya had to take Deacon's word that the club even existed, for there was no sign labeling the place, nor even the slightest indication that anything but abandoned buildings filled the rather sketchy neighborhood that they had entered. Deacon paused at one of the nondescript buildings and pulled open the door. "Ladies first," he said, motioning his two companions in ahead of him. Anya bobbed a sarcastic curtsy and walked in. Toad ducked under Deacon's arm and followed, bumping the taller psychic with his broad shoulder and trying to pretend that it was an accident.
"Are you sure this is the place?" Toad groused.
"Yes," Deacon and Anya simultaneously replied. Deacon led them through the empty building to a door, then down a set of stairs into a huge room full of black lights, dance music… and mutants. Different shades of skin, strange faces and limbs and—to Anya's mind—strange thoughts filled the room. A group of girls dancing in a circle near the door let out a collective squeal of joy when they saw Deacon and ran over to shower him with hugs and greetings. Anya stood back awkwardly, hating the feeling of being left out. Toad stood next to her, and she felt waves of discomfort from him as well, but he wasn't thinking about the little group surrounding them. He was scanning the room, in fear of finding a face that he recognized, or that would recognize him; she realized that he didn't notice being ignored because he had never grown used to being with people at all. She felt a pang of pity for this lack that he didn't even recognize in himself. Now that she was letting herself into his mind, she felt the burden of his isolation, his grudges, his loneliness, his pain, and she realized that this soul was one of the darkest that she had ever read. As he searched the club and Deacon smiled at his friends, Anya stepped back from them and tried to keep tears from flooding her eyes as she let his darkness surround her.
Her thoughts were thankfully interrupted by Deacon, who reached out and grabbed her hand to pull her into the circle, then motioned for Toad to join them. The green mutant hesitantly stepped closer to the group of girls as Deacon began rather confusing mass introductions.
"But hey, who needs to know names, we're not talking—we're dancing!" Deacon concluded, grabbing hold of the nearest girl and gyrating expertly. Anya burst out laughing at this sudden transition, but the other girls just resumed their partying. Toad's lips were quirked in amusement, but Anya could tell that he was about as likely to blow up the club as dance… more likely, as a matter of fact.
"C'mon, don't be shy!" the nearest Deacon fangirl admonished.
Anya began swaying to the music hesitantly, feeling like the eyes of the entire circle were on her, but
she felt only friendliness from them, and her movements loosened. Her discomfort reasserted itself when she realized that Toad was standing awkwardly behind her, scorning the whole scene, including her involvement in it.
"I'm gonna go get a drink," he yelled over the music, retreating hastily to the bar, where he glowered in a shadowy corner as usual.
After a few minutes of dancing, Deacon's teasing voice slashed across Anya's brain. So have you noticed where our new friend's eyes have been glued?
Shut up, Anya responded brusquely. As a matter of fact, she had noticed—Toad watched her. He scanned the club, looking for whatever unsavory friends he was avoiding, but time and again his gaze came back to her. She recognized this preoccupation as one of the classic symptoms of a crush, but his feelings weren't that simple—or flattering. He watched her, but at first she felt more annoyance than attraction. She was dancing with the others, becoming just like the gang of mutants who seemed as happy and pretty as any normal people, and therefore received an equal dose of Toad's resentment. Suddenly, his mind turned—to a dream.
He dreamed of me, she realized, surprised by the blush that flooded her cheeks and the little thrill that ran through her body at the realization. She remembered her own dreams, of his big staring eyes and quick movements under streetlights. In her dreams, she'd felt fear and curiosity, hostility and protection… a strange, heady jumble.
As though against his will, softer feelings flooded Toad's mind as images from his dreams presented themselves. In the real life street scene, Anya's mind was still hampered by that night's fear of discovery and had felt only irritation and nervousness from him. In his mind's dream version, she felt connection, responsibility, even tenderness. She saw herself in his mind, felt the ghostly touch of his fingers on her hair and his cold hand in hers. Another chill ran over her. His eyes found her again, but this time they clung to her, sliding over her body and locking onto her face as though he couldn't draw them away. She forgot to keep dancing, forgot to think about anything except for the lifeline of his eyes and his mind—his face had somehow grown familiar, and her own face was so strange through his eyes.
Then the spell was broken. He jumped, looked dazed, then glared, his feelings instantly turning to anger, embarrassment, pain. He had realized what she was doing, and his eyes were filled with the rage that leaked from his mind. He slid off the barstool and stormed out the door of the club.
Deacon's friends didn't even notice, but Deacon was by her side in a moment. "Good job," he said in a tone both sarcastic and gentle.
"I… I didn't even think," Anya stuttered. She felt scattered. All of her mind had been concentrated for once, and now its object was ripped away.
He switched to telepathy. Psychic Rule One—You can't spend your life buried in other people. Addendum to rule one—you especially can't do that when the other person knows about your powers.
Anya was speechless, but he didn't seem to mind. He continued. I've been watching you tonight and now I know what you need. You need to get a life.
"What?" Anya bristled a little.
The purpose of being psychic is not to walk around being self-conscious to the tenth power. You're selfish, because you manipulate people, and at the same time you have no self because you're a slave to what they think. Nothing is right—so right now is perfect.
What do you mean? Anya demanded, feeling something like guilt and panic rising in her.
When you have nothing, you've got nothing to lose. If you want to, you could make a whole new life. I'll take care of you… and soon there will actually be a you.
Why are you doing this?
Because I understand. I did all of this too. I can help. And, I was a psych major before I dropped out to DJ. He chuckled out loud, and Anya's mind swam at the sudden paradigm shift.
"A word to the wise," Deacon said out loud. "The part of you that wants to go find Toad even though he's out there thinking only bad thoughts about you and is a classic social reject?"
"Yes?"
"Right now, that's the part that's you. Go. Do what you have to do. Make restitution."
"What, is that an order?"
"It's a friendly suggestion. I, Miss Anya, am your first real friend." He winked and went back to the girls, immediately cheerful and nonchalant again.
Anya stood frozen, surely looking out of place and awkward on the dance floor, but for once not caring. Deacon's speech had been off-putting, but even stranger was her reaction to it. Rather than feeling offended, she felt something like righteous anger, aimed at herself. I am not happy, she thought. It was time to try something new.
She found him a few blocks away, walking slowly in the luxury of a person who knows that they can defend themselves. She felt his restless discomfort from half a block away, but she pushed the impulse to dig deeper away and instead, spoke aloud.
"Toad!"
He wheeled around. "Go away!"
"Wait!" She ran to catch up with him instead. Forcing herself to be unwelcome and annoying… another new experience.
"Leave me alone, don't you know enough by now?"
"Please listen. I want to make it up to you."
"Oh, and how would that work?"
"Just listen. These… are my thoughts from tonight." She took a deep breath and prepared to tear down every defensive wall she had ever built.
He was wary and impatient, but he stopped walking and turned to look at her.
"OK, look…" she began nervously. "I thought about you. I've been thinking about you all week, and dreaming of you at night, like holding my hand and stuff. When we were at the club and I realized it was you… I got this weird chill all over, and I never get chills for myself, I just feel other people's… a few minutes ago, all I could feel was you and it was so good because I'm used to feeling everything, all the time, but I forgot everything but you and it felt so good to be alone… I mean, alone with someone."
She paused, gulped, and tried to keep from scanning Toad's reactions. "I'm sorry," she continued brokenly. "I didn't read your mind the first time we met, I promise, but I can't help feeling things or knowing them sometimes, I mean I really can't… but I shouldn't have been in your mind like I was. I won't do it anymore. Please don't go. I don't want to never see you again. Now you probably never want to see me again. Don't feel like an idiot… you just thought about me a little, and I just told you everything I've been trying to hide."
She felt a sudden sense of déjà vu, looking and being looked at by Toad on a dark street at night. She saw how eerie his eyes were in the darkness, how his skin glowed yellowish in the moonlight, and how he cocked his head oddly to the side as though pondering, weighing her judgment. He was so strange and foreign, and his mind was dark and alone, but somehow this matched the hidden darkness that Deacon's accusations had revealed in her. You think I have it easy, but we're both so twisted, she thought, not realizing that the words had been spoken into Toad's mind until his eyes narrowed skeptically. She felt frozen in time, waiting for judgment, in suspense… then he moved.
In two steps he was right in front of her, so close that he filled her eyes, and one hand tangled fiercely in her hair, grasping the golden strands until it pulled, but somehow she didn't mind. His other arm snaked around her waist and pulled her flush against him. His face was close to her face, and he took a deep breath, as though taking her in through every medium possible. Her whole body relaxed against him, but she didn't fall. She saw him, and herself, so close that they became one shape, and she felt more herself and at the same time more lost than she had known was possible.
Just as quickly, he let go and pushed her away, so suddenly that she stumbled and landed with her back pressed against a building. Instead of feeling cornered, she felt an irrational longing that he would come closer.
"Look, here's the deal," he said matter-of-factly, as though nothing had happened. "We're even. I'll forget everything you said and you forget everything your creepy mind recorded. I'll get over it… and sorry I pushed you against the wall. We'll be… friends, or something." His voice was gruff and his shoulder twitched uncertainly, but his gaze held no malice.
Anya knew that she couldn't forget any of this, and she doubted that he could either, but she realized that he was offering her a chance for a fresh start, and tonight was a night for that, so she nodded. "Friends. Or whatever."
"One condition—stay out of my head."
"I'll do as much as I can," she promised, then made one more concession to her new honesty policy. "One condition for you."
"Yeah?"
"Walk me home."
A/N: I hope a long chapter makes up for lack of updates! I hope it's a good chapter! Please, please review! It's about to be summertime, so I'll be more likely to update again soon. Thanks!