Disclaimer: We own nothing

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: The way this fic came it be is actually very interesting, I first came up with this idea when I was still a Star Wars maniac and I had seen waaaaay too much Lethal Weapon and while watching the fourth movie I came up with the Star Wars version of this fic. But I switched to writing Stargate Atlantis full time before I could write it until one day I had the idea to convert this to Atlantis. Add my sister's Shweir stuff and here it is.

A/N Tinuviel Undomiel: This little gem was my sister's idea but I fell in love with it. It's a bit of humor, angst, romance and action all bundled up so it comes out as pure chaos. LOL I love it, and I think you will too.

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Pandemonium

Chapter: 1 Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.

"It's called Lethal Weapon, but it's about…cops?" Ronon asked as he stared critically at the screen.

"Yeah," John explained, "They become partners and catch bad guys."

"But if it's about them and there is no weapon, why is it called Lethal Weapon?"

"Because Murtaugh called Riggs and lethal weapon."

"Why?"

Rodney rolled his eyes, "He's like you, he can fight and you know kill people with his bare hands. You're a lethal weapon."

"Oh," Ronon said, "He doesn't seem dangerous to me, I could take him."

John grinned, "Ronon he's an actor I'm certain you could take him."

"I don't care who he can take down!" Rodney yelled, "Just pass the popcorn."

"Rodney," John said, "its right beside you."

"Alright what's going on?" Teyla asked as she walked into the room. The three guys turned to see her.

"Oh explosions, shooting, destruction…you know the usual." John explained.

"Is that all?" She asked sarcastically, she smiled at Ronon and leaned over the couch to kiss him softly.

Rodney and John looked at each other and rolled their eyes, "Get a room," John muttered.

Ronon glared at John causing Teyla to giggle. "So this isn't that Terminator one or…or…or," the three guys watched as Teyla turned a light shade of green, "What's that smell?" She asked as she covered her mouth in a vain attempt to stop gagging.

"Maybe its Rodney," John suggested.

"No! It can't be me! It has to be the popcorn!" Rodney exclaimed, "…but popcorn never made you sick."

"It's just the smell…" She raced over to the waste basket and the sound of retching was heard a second later. John and Rodney exchanged disgusted looks and pushed the popcorn bowl away.

Ronon walked over to her, "Are you okay?" He asked as he gently held her.

"I'm fine," she reassured.

"You should see Beckett," John told her, "It could be the flu."

"Flu!" Rodney yelled frantically, "I almost died from the flu and I have a very low immune system! If I get the Flu…"

"I'm fine," Teyla interrupted quickly, "I'll just go and lie down."

"Are you sure?" Ronon began, "If you need me to…"

"No, I'll be fine, just keep enjoying yourselves and I'm sure I'll be better in the morning." Ronon looked at her skeptically, she smiled, "I promise I'll go straight to our room and lie down."

"All right, "He told her, he gently kissed her forehead, "I'll see you later."

Ronon sat down after she left, John was mumbling to himself, "She gets sick then we all get sick and can't work, Ronon'll probably be first since he's screwing her." Ronon's response to that was to glare at him.

"Oh no," Rodney said suddenly, "my throat's sore and my glands feel swollen, do they look swollen?"

"Rodney!" John exclaimed.

"My eyes are watering!" He continued.

"Because you're rubbing them you baby!"

Ronon looked at the ceiling and sighed, "Teyla's lucky, she's sick and doesn't have to listen to you two."

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Later in the afternoon, John was walking out of the control room when he ran into Colonel Caldwell leaving his office. He didn't normally want to talk to his commanding officer since they frequently butted heads, but he did have a question.

"Colonel," John greeted.

"Colonel," Caldwell replied.

"Do you have our next mission assigned?"

"You'll receive it at 0900 tomorrow."

"Thank you, sir," John said and then walked past him. He stopped outside the office and stared at a plaque mounted on the wall.

In loving memory of

Dr. Elizabeth Weir

The greatest commander

Any man could ask for.

It was posted outside her office, now Caldwell's office. Gazing inside through the glass wall, John noted the differences. It seemed alien without her trinkets littering the desk, her jacket not draped over the chair, and the Athosian jar he gave her no longer sitting in its spot of honor.

He remembered when it happened, almost a year ago.

"We're home," John called out when he stepped through the Gate with his team.

Major Lorne walked over to his superior officer, "Good to see you sir, any problems off-world?"

"Nope, ran into a village, but nothing interesting," John replied.

"Colonel Caldwell needs to see you in the conference room."

"The Daedalus arrived?" Rodney asked.

"Yes, arrived an hour ago."

"Good," John said, "We'll take off our gear and see what he needs."

About ten minutes later, John and his team entered the conference room and were surprised to see both Colonel Caldwell and General Jack O'Neill waiting inside.

"General," John said, "What are you doing here?"

"General O'Neill was just telling me some very tragic news," Caldwell began.

John wasn't paying attention to him, however, he was busy scanning the room for the missing third occupant, "Where's Elizabeth?"

"That's what I came to tell you," Jack said, "Dr. Weir is dead."

Those four words hung in the air and shock crossed the team's features, "Dead?" John repeated.

"How?" Rodney asked.

"She died in a car accident three weeks ago," Jack answered, "I thought it best if I told you in person."

"This is a joke, right?" John said, "She's hidden in here somewhere, she'll jump out and we'll all have a laugh—"

"No colonel," O'Neill interrupted, "She's gone. Colonel Caldwell will take command of Atlantis."

Rodney had pulled out a chair and was staring at the wall in shock, while Teyla had started to cry and was burying her face in her hands. Sympathetically, Ronon placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No, this is a mistake!" John shouted in denial, "She can't be dead, you're lying!"

"I'm not lying, colonel listen to me," Jack said, but John had enough. He pushed past his team and left the room.

"Colonel Sheppard!" Caldwell called after him.

"Let him go," Jack said.

John sought asylum on Elizabeth's favorite balcony, their balcony. He wanted to believe it wasn't true, but the feeling in his heart proved O'Neill was right—she was gone. For the first time in years, John Sheppard cried. The tears fell in buckets as he sank to the floor and let the sobs roll in. The one woman he cared about above all others was dead.

John remembered the months following her death. Teyla and Ronon sought solace in each other—which led to then getting together—while Rodney buried himself in his work. For a long time, John was snappy and rude. He couldn't find relief for his pain so he took it out on everyone around him.

It was Rodney who snapped him out of it by telling him Elizabeth wouldn't want him to act like this. He learned to let go of her memory and bury the heartache inside. She was dead, and he couldn't change that.

It had been over a year, but John still found himself looking for her out on the balcony, or making a cup of coffee to bring to her in the mornings. He was getting better though, but he knew he would never forget her.

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John was heading back to his room when he spotted Teyla who was staring at a small square piece of paper with an anxious expression.

"Hey what you got there?" He asked and snatched the paper out of her hands.

"Colonel no!" Teyla yelled as she tried to grab it back but John could already see that it was a sonogram with Teyla's name neatly typed on the top with an arrow and the word 'baby' pointing at a grey blob.

"You know I never could see a baby in these things but the arrow makes it so much easier." He laughed, "Guess this explains your flu."
"Give me that!" She growled and snatched the picture away.

"You know I think I liked Teyla before she got knocked up, she's nicer."

"Be quiet!" She exclaimed. She leaning against the wall and sighed, John could tell she was freaking out.

"Hey I know it's a surprise but it is a good thing," He told her trying to be supportive, Teyla looked away guiltily, "Unless it isn't a surprise," He realized, "You knew!"

"I had my suspicions," She admitted, "But you can't tell anyone, especially Ronon."

"Why not! He's the father isn't?"

Teyla rolled her eyes, "Of course he's the father I just…I don't know how he'll react."

John smiled, "Teyla, he'll be thrilled."

"Do you know that for sure?" She asked.

John shrugged, "You see," She told him, "We never discussed this and we just started our relationship. It's just…I need to deal with this myself before I tell him alright?"

"Alright," John said, "I won't tell anyone," Teyla looked at him disbelieving, "I won't I promise."

"Thank you," She said and walked away.

Once she was out of sight he moved his hand from behind his back and revealed that his fingers were crossed. He walked down the hall whistling joyfully, "Oh Rodney!"

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"Oh my god did you hear!"

"I can't believe this!"

"It's so great!"

"I saw her throwing up in the bathroom!"

"I saw her eating a banana, I mean she never eats those, it has to be a craving right?"

Atlantis was a buzz with gossip as everyone claimed to have seen some symptom of Teyla's pregnancy and what they thought of it. So when Teyla entered a room everyone in it shrieked.

"How are you? Are you okay?"

"Do you need anything?"

"Any morning sickness?"

"How far along are you?"

"What does Ronon think?"

Before she could react people were rubbing her stomach, wanting to talk about the baby, trying to make her sit down, and shoving good into her face.

She was finally able to escape the room and race to Rodney's lab where John and Rodney were betting on whether it would be a boy or a girl.

"I am going to kill you!" She screamed and rushed towards John who led a chase around the lab, "You promised."

"I had my fingers crossed," He told her.

"What?" She asked confused.

"Oh yeah you don't know about that."

"I don't care! Now everyone on the base knows and they'll tell Ronon and then he'll kill me!"

"Please," Rodney said, "The only people he talks to is us, he isn't going to find out from gossip…so about names."

"You really think he won't find out?" She asked hopefully.

"Rodney's right," John reassured her, "He won't find out from anyone else. Now we have a mission to P4X-638."

"Alright," She sighed relieved, "I'll go get ready and I'll tell him after the mission."

"Whoa," John said, "You're not going anywhere; Doc said that you can't go on anymore missions until Ronon Jr. is born."

"Then what are we going to tell Ronon?" She asked.

John grinned, "That you have the flu."

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"Alright, everyone ready?" John asked as he loaded his P-90. Remembering his promise to Teyla when he saw Ronon, he grinned, "Hey Daddy-O."

Ronon stared at him with confusion while Rodney asked, "Where's Teyla?"

"Oh she's got the flu."

"The flu!" Rodney freaked, "Maybe I should check with Beckett. I think I feel feverish, do I look feverish?"

"No, remember?" John gritted through his teeth. Ronon was inspecting his gun, and John couldn't resist, "You really like that gun, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I bet it's like a child to you."

Ronon raised an eyebrow, "Is something going on?"

John shook his head while hiding his grin, "Oh no, absolutely nothing. No big news what so ever," He was still smiling, while Ronon looked at him like something was growing out of his ear, "Let's go guys."

With only three people on this mission, Rodney stayed on the Jumper and Ronon and John searched the planet for natives. They found natives alright, Wraith natives.

Since they were outnumbered it became a race to the Stargate.

The Wraith caught up and John and Ronon took shelter behind a small stone wall.

"This is bad," Ronon said.

"You think?" John said sarcastically, "Damnit I wish we hadn't run out of grenades."

Ronon and John tried shooting back at the Wraith, "Go!" Ronon told him, "I'll hold them off."

"Are you insane why would I do that!"

"Just do it Sheppard, the city needs you."

John knew what Ronon was doing, being invincible again, he need some incentive to let him stay, "Teyla would kill me if you die."

"Teyla will understand."

Yeah right John thought but he held the ace, "There's something I wasn't supposed to tell you," That got Ronon's attention, "Teyla's pregnant you're going to be a father."

"Teyla's what!" Ronon asked but didn't expect an answer, just stared ahead, "a baby," he said aloud. He turned to John, "I got to say something too… I'm going to kill you!" He grabbed a hold of John's vest and felt something, "What's this?" He pulled out a grenade.

"Hey we have one left!" John yelled happily.

"How could you not know!"

"Who cares, just throw it!"

Ronon pulled the pin and threw the grenade. After the explosion the shooting stopped, the two looked up cautiously and saw the bodies of dead Wraith.

"We did it?" John looked at the remains, "We did it!"

They slapped each other's shoulders and laughed at their near deaths.

"I knew we'd make it, I wasn't scared for a minute," John bragged. Ronon stared at him hard, "Okay, maybe a little."

"I'm still going to kill you," Ronon told him.

"You can't kill the messenger boy," John protested.

"I can since I finally understand all those baby comments."

"Oh come on it was just a little harmless teasing," John explained, he could tell Ronon wasn't convinced, "How about you just stun me instead?"

By the time they made it back to the Jumper Ronon asked the obvious, "Is Teyla really pregnant?"

John smiled, "Yep, you're going to be a daddy."

"How did you find out? How did she?" He started asking a million questions.

"What's going on?" Rodney asked stepping out of the Jumper.

"I told Ronon about the baby," John explained.

"He knows!" Ronon exclaimed, "Who else knows!"

"Just one…two…everybody."

"She told the whole city except me!

"No...no," John explained, "I caught her with the sonogram picture and I told everyone…she wanted to kill me after that."

Ronon nodded, "Why wouldn't she tell me?"

John shrugged, "She's hormonal? At any rate in a few minutes you can ask her yourself."

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Teyla was on her way to the conference room to answer her summons when Ronon spotted her as he returned from the jumper bay. The angry expression written across his face and the fact that the floor shook from his boots stomping towards her warned Teyla that he knew about the baby. She followed her first instincts and fled in the opposite direction. After racing down the hall and nearly knocking three people over, she reached her destination with Ronon still thirty yards behind her.

She sighed of relief as she leaned against the door inside the conference room. This would only last for so long though.

"Problem?" the familiar voice of Jack O'Neill caught her attention.

Both he and Colonel Caldwell were seated at the table and watching her curiously, "You might say that," she responded.

The door slid open and she scurried past Jack and crouched down behind him.

"Teyla!" Ronon shouted as he entered the room.

"I'm not sure where she is, but she is definitely not cowering behind me—ouch!" Jack yelped when Teyla hit his leg.

"Ronon, there is an easier way to—hello," John said as he caught sight of the occupants.

"Colonel Sheppard, I was just about to page you," Caldwell greeted.

"What's this about?" Rodney asked.

"All of you have a seat," Jack said, "Unless you want to keep playing hide and seek, Teyla."

Hesitantly, she left her hiding spot and sat down next to Jack.

"Is something wrong?" John asked.

"No, not really," Jack said, "As I'm sure all of you remember, last time I was here I told you Dr. Weir died in a car crash. Our intelligence says that is not entirely accurate. It wasn't an accident."

"She was murdered?" John asked with disbelief.

Jack nodded, "We found one of the Trust working undercover in the SGC. He caved in our interrogation."

"Murdered," John repeated, shaking his head incredulously.

"There's more," Jack said, "Apparently the Trust has infiltrated Atlantis again. General Landry wants you to investigate this and find out who the snake head is."

"But the Gao'uld are strong and mean and strong," Rodney rambled on.

"We'll do it," John said.

"Excuse me!"

"If this means catching Elizabeth's murderer we'll do it."

"That's what I'd hoped for," Jack said, "Two of you will return with me to Earth, while the others search for the spy here."

"Rodney and I will go," John volunteered, "Teyla and Ronon have a special reason for staying," He gave Teyla a grin.

Jack smiled too, "I look forward to that explanation in the very near future." Teyla sunk lower in her seat.

"Are we dismissed?" Ronon asked, eyeing Teyla.

"Yes," Caldwell said.

"Good," The Satedan then leapt from his chair, grabbed Teyla's arm and was about to throw her over his shoulder when John stopped him, "Pregnant, remember?"

Instead of slinging her over his shoulder, he carted her under his arm and carried her out of the room like luggage.

Jack turned away from the scene to ask, "Pregnant?"

John smiled, "It's a long and funny story."

Jack grinned, "I love long and funny stories."

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Ronon carted Teyla through the halls of Atlantis ignoring the stares everyone gave them.

Well at least this is a step up from last time Teyla thought. The last time Ronon had carried her to their room was when they had a huge fight and she refused to speak with him, he had finally gotten fed up and thrown her over his shoulder and dumped her on the floor. But things had ended VERY well last time. He was obviously very careful about the pregnancy because he dropped her on the bed instead of the floor.

"I understand that you are angry," Teyla began.

"Angry?" Ronon said icily.

"Alright furious."

"Furious?"

"I can't think of another word," Teyla told him.

"Teyla I had a right to know." He yelled.

"Well now you do," She explained.

"To hear it from you," He told her, "not from Sheppard while Wraith are shooting at us."

"The Wraith were shooting at you!" She exclaimed.

"Don't change the subject," He said testily.

Teyla was quiet as she watched Ronon storm across the room, she learned long ago to let him get his anger out.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, "Did you think I would just leave you because of this? Did you think that little of me?"

"No, of course not," She told him.

"Then why?"

"I was…afraid," Teyla admitted her eyes fixed on the floor.

"Of me?" Ronon asked.

"No, I was afraid of this," She gestured to her stomach.

"Teyla if happens everyday," He said.

"I know it happens everyday but it doesn't happen to me," Teyla's voice grew quiet, "I'm not ready for this…I mean we never talked about having children and we just started living together. I just…I wasn't certain how you would react."

"Teyla, I'm not going to leave you if that was what you thought." He told her sitting next to her.

"I know that," She said.

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"It's just…this is such and huge step and it came at such a surprise…I don't know how to be a mother and the thought of being one now frightens me."

"Hey," He turned her to look at him, "I know this is huge and a surprise and it probably could have come at a better time, but that doesn't matter," He gently caressed her cheek, "You are going to be a great mother and I know this because of the way you are with your people and their children and I know its scary but we are going to do this together."

"Thank you," She whispered, tears in her eyes. He kissed her softly and held her close.

"Oh I have something," She said quickly and rushed to the table, she handed him the sonogram and sat down on the bed again.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Well you see this right here," She pointed on the picture, "That's our baby."

Ronon turned and smiled at her, "Our baby…I like the sound of that."

She smiled back at him, "So do I." Their lips met in a tender kiss and they clung to each other to celebrate in the beginning of a new life and a new realization…they were going to be a family.

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A week after leaving Atlantis, John and Rodney were prepared to give their report to General Landry and O'Neill.

"After seven days of interrogating the prisoner, I got absolutely nothing," John said, "I tried everything, I threatened him, befriended him I even got him drunk and he wouldn't crack."

"That's alright, Sheppard," Landry assured him, "We didn't think he'd give up anything else."

"Did you find anything McKay or did you strike out too?" O'Neill asked.

"Actually…yes I found something."

"What!" John exclaimed, "You found something and I didn't? That's not fair!"

"It's not a competition," Rodney said, "Well not a close one anyways."

"I'll show you close," John reached for him while Rodney ducked.

"Colonel!" Landry protested.

"Oh please, let them continue," Jack begged.

Landry shot him a look, "Dr. McKay, what did you find?"

"Well I found a transmission that was sent to the prisoner right after his capture. I figured the mole hadn't got word that you found the guy."

"So you found the mole?" Landry asked.

"No," Rodney said, "The transmission was scrambled and I couldn't trace it."

"I thought you were a genius," John muttered.

"I am!" Rodney protested, "This is Gao'uld technology which I am not specialized in!"

"Oh for crying out loud, tell us what you did get," Jack ordered.

"Right, well I was able to decrypt the message."

"What did it say?" Landry asked.

"Well nothing really just a name," Rodney said, "Kristina Anderson."

"Say that again," Jack said.

"Kristina Anderson."

"Any idea who that is?" John asked.

"Haven't got a clue," Jack answered, "Possibly an accomplice. Look we appreciate your help boys. The Daedalus is leaving tomorrow."

"Wait, aren't we going to help you finding this Anderson woman?" John asked.

"We'll take it from here," Landry said, "We'll keep you in the loop."

"Yes sir."

"I've got an errand to run," Jack told them, "See you later Sheppard."

Once Jack left the room and Landry returned to his office, John said, "They're hiding something."

"What are you talking about?" Rodney asked.

"Oh come on, you couldn't see it?"

"See what!"

"I don't know," John said, "but I'm gonna find out," he left his chair to follow Jack.

"Can I come?" Rodney asked.

"No!"

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An hour later, John tailed O'Neill's car in his own rented vehicle. When they came to a light, John moved in beside him.

"Oh crap!" John swore when he realized his mistake and ducked down, Yeah the car's on autopilot, brilliant John!

He followed Jack to an apartment building in downtown Denver. O'Neill left the car and sat down on a bench at the entrance of the complex. Stealth like, John crept out of his car and snuck into the hedges.

Jack stood up as women walked up to the building with an armful of groceries. He lifted his binoculars to his eyes to get a closer look at her.

The binoculars slipped from his hands and fell to the dirt, No it can't be, this is a dream it has to be, he thought as he picked them up again.

It was impossible, but somehow Elizabeth Weir had risen from the dead and was talking to General Jack O'Neill now. The two friends were conversing on a distressing subject, judging from her reaction. Jack hugged her and opened the door to the building for her before leaving the entrance and cutting across the grass to reach his car.

"You know you're not much of a Private I, Sheppard," Jack informed the man crouching in the bushes as he put on his sunglasses, "My favorite part was the invisible driver."

"She's alive!" John exclaimed.

"Yes she is," Jack replied calmly.

"You told me she was dead!"

"Look," O'Neill began, "We found out that the Trust was after her. I was on my way to warn her when the accident happened. I convinced the doctor to pronounce her dead on the scene and snuck her into the hospital. Once she was out of the woods, Elizabeth decided that it would be better if you and everyone else on Atlantis thought she was dead. We've been hiding her ever since."

"I'll take a wild guess that Kristina Anderson is Elizabeth," John said, "Why couldn't you tell me?"

"SG-1 doesn't even know."

"Then why did you let me follow you?"

"Well you went through all the trouble trying to be sneaky, I figured you earned it."

John leaned against the car, "I'm sorry sir, but I just found out the woman I…befriended is alive."

"Yes I understand how difficult it can be to lose the woman you 'befriended'," Jack said, "but you can't tell anyone about this."

"I've got to talk to her," John moved towards the building.

Jack shoved him back, "No you can't. You need to go back to the SGC and forget you eve saw her."

"Just one second," he pleaded.

"That's an order, Colonel."

Jack watched as John's jaw tightened, "May I speak freely, sir?"

"Sure."

"I hate you right now."

"Eh, I had it coming," Jack shrugged, "Go. I promise I'll keep you in the loop about this."

John sighed, "Alright, take care of her."

"Scouts honor."

He nodded and moved around to the other side of the car and climbed into the driver's seat. After starting up the engine, John glanced once more at the building. Elizabeth was looking out the open window with her elbows restring on the ledge. Her expression was so sad that John wanted to run up there and take her in his arms. Instead, he put the car out of park and wondered what she was thinking as he drove away.

Like a princess trapped in her tower, Elizabeth looked out of her apartment and wished that the one man she constantly dreamed of would rescue her. John, I wish you were here.

TBC

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A/N: So did you like it, next chapter up soon.