Disclaimer: Laren's: What you don't recognize. J.K.R's: the rest.
A/N: So many reviews…so happy…ahem. Sorry about the delay – life (a.k.a end of semester hell) caught up to me and I was regrettably unable to finish this. In fact, I should be doing work as we speak….better get on that.
Of Cowards and HeroesChapter 4
The Daily Prophet, Wednesday November 6th, 1972 – Murder!
In a stunning and tragic turn of events, the magical community lost three of its members this past Monday. The bodies of Ellen Potter, 21, and Abigail Potter, 8, were found in the home of Mrs. Juliana Potter, nee Malfoy. Based on the evidence, Mrs. Potter, whose body was not found, is presumed dead. Abigail Potter was the daughter of well-respected Ministry official Stephen Potter and his wife, Emily; their eldest, James, currently attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…
London, Canada 1996
The sound of a key in the door made the woman look up, a smile on her face. Smoothing out the crinkles in her skirt, she got up from the table she'd been eating at, heading out of her dining room and into the hall, where she was engulfed in a large bear hug quickly followed by a noisy kiss on the cheek.
"Stop that!" she commanded, but the laughter in her voice gave away her pleasure at seeing the man now standing before her. She always loved to look at her nephew; he reminded her to no end of her Joseph, all those years ago when she'd first met him.
He knew that she was happy to see him, too, as he simply grinned at her before kissing her other cheek.
"There you go," he told her. "Two kisses for a beautiful lady."
Juliana snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, child. I'm no spring chicken, and I changed your nappies. Don't think that your charms can work on me."
"What charms?" he asked her, eyes wide. "Really, Aunt Jules. I was simply stating the truth."
She raised a delicate eyebrow at him, and allowed herself a small smile. She knew that she did look good for her age – most women in their sixties would love to be regularly mistaken for someone in their forties. However, the smell of baking was wafting throughout the house, and she knew him well.
"Fine," she told him, turning on her heel and marching back into the kitchen. "I may have put something in the oven. But really, James, you should just get yourself a wife. Maybe then you'd get a decent meal."
James momentarily panicked; he did not want his aunt to know about Adéla; not then, and if he could help it, not ever. Quickly, though, he managed to bring himself back under control, and was smiling smugly at her as she pulled a freshly baked cake from the oven.
"A wife?" he asked teasingly. "This coming from the woman who does as little as possible around the house?"
Juliana scowled at him; he knew that she hated the lack of house-elves, but as someone who was supposed to have been dead for quite a long period of time, it wasn't a luxury she could afford. Composing herself and smirking back at him, she set the cake on the counter.
"And I suppose that you're enjoying having to actually clean up for yourself…their way?"
James's face darkened, his fists clenching in to balls at his sides. "Their?" he practically hissed. "You do remember that I married one of 'them', as you call Muggles?"
"Well, she was quite a powerful little thing," Juliana noted, as one would comment about the rain. "And then, when she died, you did just up and leave the child. So, really, James darling, don't be a hypocrite and get all upset at me."
It was as if someone had pulled their arm back and hit him in the stomach as hard as they possibly could – several times over. His anger now instantly dissipating into thin air, James stared unseeingly in front of him. "There was so much more to it, Aunt Jules…" he murmured. "I couldn't stay…you don't understand." His hands, which had fallen limp at his sides, shook slightly. "I didn't have a choice."
Juliana set a piece of cake in front of him, rubbing his back reassuringly as she smiled at him. "Of course I understand, sweetheart. I ran too, remember? You know I understand. Why do you think I was the person you came to for help? You and me, James…we've always been alike."
No, a small part of James thought. We're nothing alike. But a much bigger part of him relaxed into her comforting touch and smiled wearily back up at her. "Yeah," he muttered. "You and me, Aunt Jules."
Hamilton, Canada, 1996
Adéla stood up on tiptoes, trying to keep her balance as she reached for the shoebox at the back of the closet. "Damn you, Potter," she murmured, cursing the fact that James was tall enough to simply shove all his waste up in the dark corners of their closet whilst she was forced to risk breaking her neck if she ever wanted to find anything.
Eventually, though, her hands closed around what she'd been looking for, and a look of triumph on her face, pulled it out, only to discover that it had been stored upside down as a cascade of old photographs tumbled down around her. Rolling her eyes at her back luck, she sighed as she slipped off the chair and bent down, beginning to pick up the numerous pictures now scattered around the tiny room.
Grinning, she looked down at the first picture she picked up, enjoying the way the people within it moved and waved at her. Ever since she'd left her parent's – no, their house, she'd missed several things about the wizarding world – their photographs being one of them. Still smiling, she gently brushed her fingertips across the face that was currently grinning at her. "You never changed, did you James?" she asked quietly, and was rewarded with a smirk and a kiss blown in her direction.
Suddenly, though, picture James reached behind him and seemingly pulled a petite redhead from behind him, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her in position as she tried to duck back around him.
Adéla frowned. She did look a lot like Lily – especially with her hair dyed to a vibrant copper shade that her pale skin enabled her to pull off. Her eyes, at least were blue. She'd come home, once, with green contacts, just for the fun of it, and James had gone so quiet that she'd immediately thrown them out. And she wasn't so slender; no, she was naturally endowed with curves that James loved to trace whenever possible.
Putting the picture down, she picked up another, this one of James and Lily, both looking proudly at the baby boy in Lily's arms. Her heart sinking, she unconsciously placed one hand over her softly rounded stomach and stared at the picture. "You loved her so much, James…and you obviously loved your son…so, why? Why did you go?"
Getting up suddenly, she walked into their bathroom, rifling through their cabinet until she found the bottle of hair dye she'd been searching for. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she knew it was stupid, what she was doing, that it didn't make any sense. Still, she stripped and turned the shower on, taking the bottle of black hair dye with her as she stepped inside. Maybe, she thought, ignoring the protests of her rational mind. Maybe, if I don't look so much like Lily Potter…
Godric's Hollow, October 25th, 1981
James groaned as the sound of a baby crying jolted him from a nice, warm sleep. Without opening his eyes, he turned over, reaching out to Lily, only to find that he was waving his hand in thin air. Momentarily disoriented, he rolled towards her side of the bed, wondering where on earth his wife had got to. She was a deep sleeper; there was no way that Harry's cries had woken Lily up first.
Thud!
If he'd only been half-awake before, the sharp and painful contact of his face hitting the floor certainly served to bring him into full consciousness. Rubbing his now throbbing temple, reality rushed back to him as he slowly picked himself off of the ground. He was in their spare bedroom…and…Harry was still crying.
Blinking his eyes, he stumbled towards his son's room. "Hey, baby…" he began softly, only to stop when he realized that Lily was already in the room, rocking Harry gently as his cries finally began to subside. "Oh," he muttered, and began to turn away, but she had already heard him.
"Thanks, James," she told him. "But I've got him."
"…right…" he said, the confusion of the newly awoken still clinging to him. He took a step towards the door, before suddenly turning back to his wife and son and speaking. "Look, Lily…is he hungry? If he's not…I'll put him back to sleep for you."
Lily slowly turned around, staring at her husband with a calculating look in her eyes. Finally she appeared to reach a decision and walked over to him, holding the now quiet Harry out to him. "Sure. I could use the rest. Thanks, James."
She handed Harry to him, fussing over him slightly before turning and walking back to the master bedroom. James stared down at Harry, who was now fidgeting slightly.
"Hey, why don't we get some sleep, okay, Harry? Otherwise you'll be all cranky tomorrow, and then your mum will be all cranky, and we certainly don't want that."
Grinning, he brushed his fingers gently against Harry head, but the infant only seemed to become more agitated. James frowned. Harry had always seemed to know when James was joking, relaxing and falling asleep in his father's arms in no time. Now, however, he was clearly getting more upset by the second, and the fact that James was now rather tense was not helping the situation.
"Harry!" he tried again, doing his best to remain calm. Harry sucked up his parents' emotions like a sponge; it would do no good to either of them for James to get frustrated. "Harry, baby, come on. Daddy's here…you're alright! Why don't we just go back to sleep, okay?"
His son, however, was having none of the numerous platitudes, soothing words and back rubs that were being directed at him. Finally,Harry's cries now fully blown, James gave up and headed out into the hallway, only to find Lily coming towards him, her face annoyed but her eyes slightly triumphant.
"I'll take him now, James. Thanks for trying, though."
James gave Harry back to Lily, clenching his fist as Harry quieted down almost instantaneously. "Someone just wanted their mummy, didn't they?" Lily cooed, and James had to fight back an urge not to say something he'd regret.
Instead, he swallowed his pride, and looked Lily directly in the eyes. "Lils," he said softly. "Lils…I…"
She gave him a small half smile. "It's okay, James – you were just a little tense, and you know how Harry gets. We're all stressed – how could we not be, living like this?"
James nodded tightly, and, hoping against hope, looked meaningfully past Lily to the open doorway behind her. At this, however, Lily's look cooled, and he knew it was no use. Turning and going back towards the spare bedroom, he had to restrain himself from shoving his fist into the wall.
'Yeah, I'm tense. Living like this is just great,' he thought. 'I'm hiding from a homicidal maniac because he wants to kill my family, which isn't really even a family anymore, considering that my wife has, for all intents and purposes, kicked me out of the house.' Collapsing on the bed, he smiled wryly. 'Some life.'
The next morning, however, despite the fact that he forgot where he was yet again and had to deal with the ugly truth of reality once more, he was feeling slightly more cheerful. He'd fed Harry his breakfast, and the one-year-old had been giggling the whole way through, apparently enjoying himself. Lily, as a result, had been considerably warmer towards him, even remaining calm when he reminded her that Peter and Sirius would be coming to see them day about the Fidelius charm. Even much later on, when Harry was taking a nap and they were waiting for their friends to arrive, she stayed remarkably easy going, and James felt his despondency of the previous night leaving him.
"I still think…I know that we're going to ask Peter, but I still think it should have been Remus, James."
Strangely enough, he found he wasn't annoyed that she'd brought it up again. He was, however, distinctly uncomfortable, due to a horrible, nagging suspicion at the back of his mind about his chubbier friend.
"Well, actually," he coughed slightly. "I have been thinking about that lately."
Inwardly he groaned as his wife's green eyes lit up. "You've been thinking about it!" she asked, incredulously. "James, then…if you've actually considered Remus, then, let's not just rush into this! We have…"
"We have time?" he asked dryly, and the light in Lily's eyes went out. "We don't, Lils. That's the point. And I'm not saying that Remus is…is… well, he couldn't be…you know,"
"The traitor?" Lily interrupted, folding her arms across her chest. James's eyes widened slightly and he hastily backtracked.
"Look, the thing is, Remus is, logically, the better option! So, if we go with Peter, no one will even consider him!"
"And so we leave Remus to fend for himself when everyone thinks it is him, or Sirius?"
James sighed, closing his eyes. "We've had this argument before, Lily."
"Yes." Her voice was clipped. "We have. And the real fact of the matter is that you just don't trust Remus Lupin."
James's eyes flew open, his mouth opening to protest the absolute idiocy of her statement, when the wind was suddenly knocked out of him. Sagging slightly, he looked at her, his expression pained. "I…I don't know who to trust anymore, Lils."
Lily's own momentum crashed to a halt. "We'll make it through this, James." She said after a time. James swallowed as she reached for his hand, squeezing it softly.
They sat together quietly for a while, neither moving until a couple of sudden cracks in quick succession from the entrance way heralded the arrival of Sirius and Peter.
"James," Lily's voice was low, and she spoke quickly. "You know I love you, don't you?"
James just stared at his wife, letting out a breath that felt as if he'd been holding it for the last month or so, the time since she'd last said that to him.
"Yeah," he finally managed, and an expression of extreme relief broke out over Lily's face.
"Oh, good," she began.
"Hullo!" called Sirius, obviously seconds away from barging into the room they presently occupied. "I'm here, folks!"
"I know we've been having this stupid fight, James, and I hate it. I'm so sorry…I…"
James leaned forward and kissed her, effectively silencing any further remarks.
"Sirius…er, don't you think we should keep it down?" came Peter's slightly anxious voice. "I mean, suppose Harry's asleep or something?"
"Asleep? What for?"
"Lils," James said, after he'd pulled back. "I love you too."
Lily smiled at him, and then Sirius sauntered into the room, followed by a rather tired looking Peter.
"James, Lily," he greeted, but was drowned out by Sirius' exuberant "Prongs! Mrs. Prongs!"
James and Lily looked at each other, both coming to the conclusion that now that Sirius had a Plan Of Action, he was back to his normal, boisterous self.
"Hey, come on in," James said, and gestured to some chairs. "Harry will be awake soon, so let's get this over with."
Sirius looked slightly embarrassed, but Peter was rather confused. "Get…what…over with?" he asked, sitting down rather shakily.
"Pete," Lily said gently. "Have you ever heard of the Fidelius charm?"
A/N: Alright! There it is! And now, I have finally managed to repair all the various plot holes that were inevitable with a spur of the moment idea such as this story, which, let me tell you, is a good thing, because when I asked "why did James leave England?" I wasn't being rhetorical. I was genuinely asking the question…but now, the characters have sorted themselves out, and so I know exactly what's going to happen. Mwhahah…oh, this is fun.
Anyways, to my reviewers…much thanks to Froboy, weird-and-wonderful, Carnivore…and…
Jasu – you think my plot is unique? That's possibly one of the best compliments I've ever received. I really hope the rest of the story stays that way. And, um, yes, I did come up with it all by myself blushes . Actually, the James gets remarried and has a kid idea had been floating around in my head for quite a while; and then, I was reading my health-care ethics book, focussing on a section on abortion…and suddenly – I swear, it almost hurt it hit me so hard…there it was. Yes, there were a few plot holes, but for the most part, it hit me all at once. Wow, that's a long response.
tweeny-weeny – oh, James has a damn good reason for leaving. One of them, in fact, is hinted at in this chapter. And it was after Lily died…everything that was in the books happened, except that James wasn't quite as dead as they thought he was.
fiona – James went to Canada almost immediately after Halloween 1981. The whole remus issue…is dealt with superficially in this chap, so I hope it will answer your question for the time being. There is more to it, though, but I can't tell you yet!
Cherrysinger – seriously, you should get some kind of award for best reviewer. Do they have them? Hm…anyway… YOU HAVEN'T READ THE FIFTH BOOK! Okay, I highly suggest it before I get another 6 or so chapters in; otherwise there will be major spoilers headed your way. And, I wouldn't exactly say that James is a coward, really. Just that he's human. But yeah, I know what you mean…and that's kind of what is so enticing about this not-so-brave James.
Tondo-the-half-elf – I know, and I'm sorry…but I did repost after I got your review to add some dates for clarification! Hope it helped!
StonySilence – no, and once more, I'm sorry about the confusion. I added the dates in after I realized that it was pretty much all over the place. There are several storylines going on, in different time periods, so I can't simply go through it in chronological order. Hopefully the dates will keep things somewhat organized.
Lovin'Moony – I love Remus too…did you read cfw101? Yeah, I felt bad about James abandoning him too… and then I figured out why, and the world was right again. You'll find out, in time. And Remus, who actually has a fairly central part that he has yet to truly play, does not know. Juliana, however, does…(here's a spoiler – let's see if people actually read all these responses) andPeter knows that Juliana is alive – now…what might just happen there, hmm?
Well, that's everyone, I think. I'm glad you all reviewed…it means the world to me, honestly. Feel free to sound off on anything in this chapter… I love hearing from my readers - Laren