Mirror Mirror

Part 5: Kouga's denial

By

Archerelf

Authors Note:

I love updating but I'm expecting about 15 chapters maybe out of this. yeah right. i'll be lucky to sqeeeze 4 out of it. Sorry guys. Its been about 20 days since i've updated this. Since the beginning of the month...which in retrospect isn't really that long at all...

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Kouga felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He always had a small inkling, in the very base of his heart that she didn't like him like he did with her. But he had pushed it away. Kind, sweet caring, Kagome. How could she do this to him? The immeasurable heartbreak was just overwhelming. He just wanted to die, right there and now. Nothing anyone could say would ever make it better. Nothing anyone could say would ever make it feel remotely ok. Nothing anyone could say or do would stop his heart from bursting. He wanted to cry…maybe with tears he could stop the pain…no..

No.

NO

NO NO NO NO NO NO!

It was all wrong! How could she choose mutt-face over him? Evil over kind? Demon over half breed?

Where did he go wrong? He had claimed her as he rightfully should have. He visited her, paid her compliments…what went wrong?

Why did he feel so betrayed? That slight nagging in the pit of his heart wasn't going any time soon. He just wanted to die.. Maybe he won't feel like this …if he was dead no one would care.

The wolves could fend for themselves. They were strong enough. And Ayame? She was a big girl. He couldn't ever look at her again, not after what he had pulled. Maybe she wanted him to die too.. The stupid mutt certainly did. He wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to see him again. That throbbing feeling was back. He just wanted to sleep forever.

And no one would care.

His tribe hated him.

The girl who was like a sister to him was gone

And Kagome.

If he didn't have Kagome's love, life was pointless. That expression on her face…it had chilled him to his very core. He had given himself to her completely. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter how he felt. She was in love with someone else, someone else would always be on her mind, holding her hand, protecting her.

Kagome would never be the one he saw when he woke up in the morning.

Kagome would never be the one that he kissed good night after a long day.

She would never be the one who would bear him strong cubs or cook for the tribe.

She

Would

Never

Be

His.. He howled as loudly as he could at the mocking sun. His heart felt overloaded. Anger and rage, heartache and loneliness, betrayal and denial, love and hate.

Kouga was past the point of taking the heart and ripping it from his chest. It felt like it had just dissolved. And it was all his fault…

It would take eternity to patch his heart up.

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Ayame heard the howl and felt her heart sink to the floor.

Kouga…

"Ayame?"

She ignored Kagome's voice and started running.

"Ayame?"

She followed the howl and ran past Inuyasha, trailed by Kagome. Using her nose, she gingerly sniffed the air and took off the in the direction that Kouga had. Oh crap where had he gone?

"Kouga? Kouga!" she called in desperation. Oh god, what had she done?

"I was wrong to go there. Inuyasha must have said something…oh Kouga hold on.."

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It was pure irony. Kouga had chosen to go to the place where he had found her. The lake still shone with brilliant sunlight but he saw no sun nor warmth. Only night, black night radiated from the sky. He couldn't tell the difference. He had no warmth in his life, no sweet sunshine to flit across his eyes and warm his soul. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. A literal knife in his heart….knife….like the small dagger he always carried with him…Sitting on a ledge overlooking the spot he took out the knife and from the area near the elbow down on each side he began to cut himself..

The blood…

Glorious blood that ran free….

He would never be free…

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"Kouga stop!"

He hardly heard the command and with a sickeningly long slice he severed the main vein that ran blue near his wrist. The pain was fleeting.

Ayame saw it. She saw what he was doing to himself and she couldn't stand it. She started openly crying now as she ran toward him. Knocking the knife free of his grasp Ayame just sat back in the grass behind him, only a few feet away. Kouga just let her; his world was moving in a trance. Slowly he turned around, bloodied appendages running and simply laid his head on her shoulder; as a child would.

As her tears ran they mixed with his, and she couldn't believe it. Her rock, her protector crying was a odd sight. But his tears lay a few while hers continued in great scores. The small dagger lay quiet yards away making small pools in the grass. His blood ran down his arm and formed small droplets on her leg. Awkwardly, she threw a arm across his back, making small circles to calm him. That went on for what seemed like ages. His deep breathing led to believe that he was asleep but she would have known if he had.

"Why did you stop me?" She looked down at him. His face only could be described as broken.

"From killing yourself? Don't be stupid, we all need you…"

"Everyone hates me. She hates me. I don't even deserve you as a friend." Ayame's insides squirmed at the mention of friend but he needed her…oh god and she needed him.

"Kouga we don't all hate you. You're loyal, smart and a strong leader." she sighed and started to rub his back again. He liked it when she had done that. He felt tingly but he shook it off as blood loss. Kouga put his head back down on her shoulder and a few more tears leaked out.

"Shss. Its ok Kouga, I'm here, its ok…just lean on me, you'll be ok…shhs." she whispered to him. Ayame lifted his head up and wiped the residue of the tears away. Kouga's eyes seemed to mirror blank gratitude. Without warning she was caught in a hug; he had risen to his knees and thrown his arms around her.

"Ayame.."

"Its ok Kouga. I'm here for you." she whispered.

"She hates me…she just hates me." he muttered, his tears forgotten. All that remained was a big ol empty pit. Ayame rolled her eyes in disgust.

"She's still all you care about!" she pushed away from in a fluid movement. Ayame turned on her knees to get up when Kouga's arm shot out and grabbed her wrist.

"Don't you say that…you know its not true…I care about my tribe, yours and you…"

"You do?"

"Of course I do."

Ayame fidgeted and dropped her glance.

"Kouga..? Um.."

"Ayame?"

"I love you Kouga…"

She avoided his glance but if she had looked up she would have seen him look pleasantly surprised.

"Wow…Ayame…I can't say I love you yet…I'm not ready for that yet. I'm not rejecting you either if that's what you're thinking, cause I'm not…I want to get to know you more before I say anything. I like you as more than a friend, because I've always thought you were more than my friend…I just don't know you that well. I guess you were right about me always running off and I guess I caused it to happen. I …"

Kouga's eyes dropped and he pitched forward. His wrists! He lost too much blood. Ayame dashed down the ledge to were her clothes lay . She quickly redressed and tore her long undershirt into strips. She wet and bound them tightly…all he needed was rest. But where? Inuyasha and Kagome might ask too many questions and she could probably sneak past the wolves that guarded the tribe this time of day. She gathered him on her back and grunted..he was heavy!

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Stone. The stone of a cave. That's the first thing that Kouga saw when he woke up.he was in his own bed. His arms were bandaged heavily, with only small red splotches showing through. Ayame who had been busying herself with water heard him wake up and spun around. He was trying to lick his wounds.

"You look like Inuyasha." she giggled. Kouga's brow creased.

"Hey!"

" you know I was kidding." She crossed the room with a cup of water and handed it to him while sitting down. He took it and drained the glass and licked her cheek in thanks, as was the custom of their tribes. It was more informal though, like with best friends or husband and wife. She let out a small laugh again. Kouga pulled her into a hug with her head resting on top of his chest. Both of them fell asleep, both dreaming of what was yet to come.

And there was plenty yet to come.

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Ok so I got to work on the ending….

So sue me…

Any who

Please review, I know I haven't updated in ages but brain blocks annoying…

REVIEW!

I want possibly 2-3 more chapters with an epilogue.