Disclaimer: All characters and things from ANGEL and BUFFY belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. If they aren't on the show they belong to me.
Summary: A different turn of events after Season 1 Episode 12 "Expecting" A/C pairing
CHAPTER 22
Angel sat in his car outside of the Summers' residence watching Cordelia sleep in the seat next to him. They had left for Sunnydale right after Willow broke the news about Buffy, or rather didn't break it. Angel recalled watching Willow exit quickly after he had said Buffy's name. She hadn't even bothered to look up at him; Willow just kept her eyes on the ground and walked out. Giles called a few minutes later, explaining everything about Buffy's death, and asking Angel to come to the funeral.
For the first few moments after Buffy's death, Angel had been angry. Angry that Buffy never told her about Glory or Dawn being the key. If she had told him, he could of helped her. After the anger subsided he felt the pain. He had lost a part of his heart. He cared about Buffy no matter what. She had been his first link to humanity, and he would never forget her. Then the guilt hit him. The guilt that he knew he was going to be able to move on without her. He had always thought, the day Buffy died, he would be at her side, dying with her, but now he had so much more to live for. He had Cordelia and a daughter.
Angel shifted his attention from Cordelia to Jessica, who was wide-awake in her car seat. "Hey baby." Angel smiled weakly as he reached over the front seat to pat Jessica's little leg.
Jessica immediately rocked forward, chomping her jaws together in an effort to bite Angel's hand. The car seat, however, held her in place, and once she realized her mouth was nowhere near her father's fingers she went hysterical.
Cordelia jolted forward at the sound of Jessica's cries. "What?" She turned around to see Jessica crying and quickly made her way over the seat, taking Jessica from her car seat. "Shh...baby..." When Jessica had quieted down, Cordelia looked around to see the familiar house, on the familiar street, in the very familiar town. "We're here."
Angel nodded. "Yeah."
"Are you going to be okay?" She asked.
Angel sighed and nodded again. "I'll be alright. Come on." He quickly got out.
Cordelia joined him on the walkway up to the front door. She carefully had Jessica balanced in one hand. Over the past few months Cordelia had become a professional at holding Jessica with one hand and doing something with the other. Maternal instincts were the cause for that, she decided as she slipped her free hand into Angel's. The couple silently made their way to the door, and Angel knocked softly, fully aware of the fact that it was three o'clock in the morning and he didn't want to wake up anyone he didn't have to.
Giles answered the door. "Angel...Cordelia?" His eyes immediately fell to the baby in her arms. Who was it? Giles didn't remember hearing Cordelia was pregnant, and he didn't remember Buffy mentioning a baby on her many visits to Angel. Giles' eyes then fell on Angel and Cordelia's entwined fingers, and he was sure that the brandy he had earlier was the cause for the sight in front of him.
Cordelia immediately threw her arm, without Jessica in it, around Giles causing him to realize that the sight in front of him was indeed true. "I'm sorry, Giles. I really am. She was too young." Cordelia told him.
Who was this girl hugging him? Giles wondered. It certainly wasn't the Cordelia he remembered, strolling into the library and wrecking havoc on a large portion of the student body. This Cordelia had grief and sincerity in her voice, and a baby in her arms. He gently patted her back. "Thank you." Was all he could manage.
"Did Willow make it home?" Angel asked as Giles and Cordelia's embrace ended.
"Yes." Giles told him. "A few hours ago. I'm sorry she ran out like that, she isn't...well none of us are dealing well."
Angel nodded. He understood.
"Well, you two should probably get some sleep." Giles told them. "I didn't know you both were coming. I only made up the guest room-"
"It's okay, Giles." Cordelia told him as she bounced the baby in her arms. "We can share."
Giles nodded. "It's the room on the right."
Angel nodded and helped Cordelia up the stairs.
Giles then sat down on the couch, pouring himself another brandy and trying to rationalize what he had just witnessed. Angel and Cordelia and a child. Angel and Cordelia holding hands. Cordelia being one of the most caring women he had ever encountered. What the hell was going on? Giles sighed. He was too tired to think straight and he was sure any question he could possibly think of about Cordelia, Angel, and the baby would be asked tomorrow over breakfast by the rest of the scoobies. They had never showed Cordelia or Angel must mercy in the past and he was pretty sure they wouldn't now either.
Cordelia woke up the next morning to see Angel bouncing Jessica around in his arms as she squirmed around. It was such a beautiful sight that she almost forgot where she was and why she was there. Then she looked around and remembered. She sighed and ran a hand through her short hair.
The sigh caught Angel's attention and her turned to her. "You're up."
Cordelia nodded. "Did Jess wake you up?"
Angel shook his head. "I couldn't get any sleep. She was up, I was up, so we kind of just hung out this morning." He looked down and smiled weakly at his daughter.
Cordelia could tell her was nervous and upset. "It's going to be okay, you know."
Angel sat down next to her. "Yeah. I know. It's not even that. Buffy's in a better place now, I know that. I've already said my goodbyes to her, and I know she's watching me."
Cordelia rested her head on his shoulder. "So what are you so worried about then?"
Angel sighed. "Them..."
"Who? Willow and everyone?"
"They didn't exactly care to much for me."
"Incase you forgot I wasn't their favorite person either." Cordelia reminded him as she ran her hand over Jessica's head of curls. "But this isn't about them. It's about Buffy."
"I know. It just isn't going to be the easiest thing."
"Nothing ever is, but remember we are in the together. Me and you." She told him.
He turned to face her and kissed her gently. "Thank you."
"Angel! Breakfast!" They heard Willow shouts from downstairs.
"Here we go." Angel sighed and kissed Cordelia again before handing Jessica to her.
Angel and Cordelia entered the kitchen to find everyone starring at them and Jessica. Everyone except Giles, who continued drinking his coffee and reading the paper. Xander, Anya, Dawn, Willow, and Tara just stood there. Clearly, no one had expected Cordelia to show up. Feeling uneasy, Cordelia looked down at Jessica and shifted her feet.
"Angel." Giles broke the silence of the room, but did not lift his head as he talked. "Spike ran out to get you some blood, but in the mean time there is plenty of food for Cordelia and well..." Giles looked up, indicating he was referring to Jessica as well.
"Thanks." Angel nodded, and looked at Willow who immediately perked up when she saw his eye catch hers.
"Come on, Cordy." Willow motioned. "Sit down, there's plenty."
"Uh...it's fine, Willow." Cordelia said, stepping a little closer to Angel, and looking down at Jessica. "This one's probably hungry I should feed her."
"Oh, sure." Willow smiled, not sure what she should make of Jessica.
"Who is she?" Dawn looked up weakly and motioned to Jessica. Dawn looked drained and tired, and Angel could tell the girl had spent many hours crying over her sister, and would probably spend many more doing the same thing.
Cordelia looked to Angel and then back at Jessica. "My...my daughter. Her name's Jess."
That comment started Xander off. It was clear that he was hurting over Buffy, and needed to release it all. Unfortunately for Cordelia, she was the easiest one in sight for him to prey upon. "Well that's a surprise." He snorted from his seat next to Anya. "The girl moves to LA and bam she gets herself knocked up in the blink of an eye."
"Xander..." Willow said as sternly as her broken heart would allow. The loss of Buffy had hit her the hardest, probably even harder then it had hit Dawn.
"He's right, Willow." Anya said, mater-of-factly. "She did move to L.A., and she must have gotten pregnant if that is her daughter."
Cordelia looked down, trying to hid tears. Angel wrapped an arm around her, but to her surprise wasn't the one who defended her.
"Thank you, Anya, but try not to be so blunt." Tara told her.
Anya rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair.
"So, Cordy, who the hell is the father?" Xander asked, still hurt and angry at the same time. He was all mixed up, his emotions jumbled around like someone had stuck them in the blender. "Or can you even remember his name?"
"Angel..." Cordelia said weakly, still not looking up. This was not how she planned any of this to go at all.
"Oh don't ask Dead Boy to help cover for you-" Xander started, but stopped when he felt Angel's hand clamp around his neck.
"She didn't ask me to cover for her. I'm the father, and if you don't watch it, I won't be the only dead guy in here soon." Angel hissed at a clearly shocked Xander. He looked up to see everyone, including Giles, now starring at him.
"Damn right you won't be the only dead man." Spike walked in, unbelievable intoxicated. "Because...well I'm dead...and you're dead..." He staggered into a chair. "And Buffy's dead." His head fell in his hands and he suddenly began to cry as Buffy's name slipped past his lips.
The room grew silent, as the watched the blonde vampire weep. Everyone looked down, ashamed at what had just happened in the room. They had been so wrapped up in Cordelia's arrival that they had all forgotten the real reason they were there. Buffy. She was gone, and instead of helping each other through it, they were tearing each other apart.
"I'm sorry, Cor." Xander broke the silence. "I shouldn't have...I didn't mean-"
"It's okay." Cordelia told him.
Xander was at a loss for words. It was the first time he had ever heard Cordelia Chase accept an apology, especially from him. He then watched her lips curl into that familiar grin he had loved so much.
"Now, not to sound insane or anything." Cordelia said pointing to Spike who was still sulking. "But why the hell isn't anyone staking him?"
"A chip." Anya told her. "In his head. He can't hurt any of us anymore."
"Well, he can only hurt demons." Tara continued what Anya had started. "He helps us...kind of."
Cordelia nodded. Anything was possible; she off all people should know that so she did not question Spike or his chip.
"We should probably get ready." Willow stood. "Buffy's waiting."
The group watched as the red headed witch walked out of the room, trying to hide tears. Then they slowly broke apart, going there own ways to get ready for the service.
The wake was beautiful, Angel thought. She would have liked it. He was the last one to walk up to the casket and say his goodbye. Everyone watched him. He could feel their eyes on his back. From the corner of his eye he caught Cordelia, with Jessica leaning against her chest. She was wearing a tight black dress, and if the circumstances were different Angel would have spent much more time looking at her curves through it. He smiled at the thought of Cordelia, but felt the smile fade as he looked at Buffy.
She was pale. It was the first thing he noticed. Angel had always remembered Buffy's skin being a shade of bronze, but now it was whiter then his own. She lay there in a black dress, with her eyes closed as if she was asleep. And she was, Angel decided. His first real angel, she was asleep forever.
"I'm sorry." He grabbed Buffy's cold hand as he whispered to her. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you. I could have helped you…" A tear slide from his eye. "You should have let me help you." He lowered his head. "Thank you for everything, Buffy. You changed my world. You helped make me what I am…" Another tear. "Thank you for forgiving me in the end. I know you did…" Another tear. "You're always in my heart, Buffy…no matter what." He softly kissed her hand and then made his way back to his seat next to Cordelia.
Cordelia grabbed his hand and squeezed it. She did not say a word. She knew how much pain he was going through. She wished she could make it stop. She didn't want to see him hurt, but she knew there wasn't anything she could do. Angel had to get through this, and he would. She knew he would.
Cordelia sighed as she set Jessica down in the portable crib they had brought with them. "Long night." She looked over at Angel who was untying his tie on the bed.
"Yeah." Angel nodded.
"You look tired."
Angel nodded again. "A little."
"You okay?" Cordelia asked, slipping out of her dress, and into a pair of sweats.
"I'll manage." He looked up at her. She was beautiful, even in sweatpants.
"I'm going to go downstairs and grab a snack." Cordelia told him. "You want anything?"
Angel shook his head. "I'm okay."
Cordelia leaned over and kissed him gently. "Try and get some sleep, okay?"
Angel nodded. "I will." He pulled her in for another kiss and then watched as she walked out of the room. He sighed and leaned back into the bed. It had been a long day, indeed.
Cordelia made her way into the dark kitchen. It seemed that everyone else in the house was asleep. Probably drained from the past few days. She made her way to the refrigerator and jumped when the lights flicked on.
"And I thought I was the only one going for a late night snack." Xander said, leaning against the doorframe.
"Did I wake you?" Cordelia asked him.
Xander shook his head. "I was up." There was a pause. "Listen, Cordelia, about earlier…"
"Xander, I told you. It's okay."
"No it's not. I owe you an apology. A real apology."
Cordelia nodded. "You want to take a walk?"
"Sure." He said, leading her out the door.
It was cold outside, and Cordelia was thankful she had put on her sweats. She and Xander walked down the familiar street for a long time, silently.
"So…" Xander began. "Life in L.A., good stuff?"
Cordelia shrugged. "About the same as here. Demons, vampires…"
"Babies." Xander added.
"Babies…" Cordelia looked at the ground.
"You want to explain that one?"
"Who Jess?"
Xander nodded.
Cordelia took a deep breath. "Well…I met this guy. I thought he was really nice. We spent a night together and I ended up pregnant."
"So Angel isn't really the father?"
"No, he is." Cordelia ran her hand through her hair. "When I say I ended up pregnant, I mean I was eight and a half months pregnant the next day. Turned out the guy I thought was so nice was just helping some demon raise an army. I happened to be the lucky girl who got impregnated with the demon spawn."
"So Jess is a demon spawn?"
Cordelia shook her head. "No. She was…I went into labor, and Angel helped deliver her because I wasn't going to make it to the doctors. He had a cut on his hand and his blood mixed with the demon spawns, and like absorbed it and replaced it with Angel's, making Jessica mine and Angel's daughter and human…well kind of."
"Kind of?"
"She's Angel's daughter so she is part demon. Immortal. Going to be a big champion. We aren't really sure what kind of demon she is yet, or what kind of power she has but…" Cordelia sighed, looking up at the stars.
"How old is she?"
"Almost five months."
"Wow." Xander was shocked. By this story alone, he knew the Cordelia he once knew and the woman standing next to him were not the same person.
"Yeah." Cordelia said.
"Anything else I should know about?" Xander cracked a smile, relieved that his thoughts were able to leave Buffy's death, even if it was just for a few moments.
"Well…" Cordelia raised an eyebrow. "I'm part demon now. Immortal too…kind of needed it for the visions."
"Right, the visions. Buffy…" Xander's voice filled with sorrow. "She…uh…she mentioned you had them."
Cordelia put an arm around Xander. "Xander, are you okay?"
He shook his head violently and fell into Cordelia's arms. "No…" He sobbed. "She's gone. I was there, and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it. Buffy's really gone this time, Cordelia. It's not like last time. She isn't coming back…"
"Xander." Cordelia held her ex-boyfriend close. "You're going to be okay. You're strong. I know it. You'll be okay. It will hurt and sting and those feelings won't ever go away, but you'll be okay."
Xander pulled away to look at Cordelia. He nodded silently. "Thank you."
"Anytime." Cordelia said. "Let's get back."
Xander nodded and followed the woman he wished he had gotten to know better back down the street.
"Were you crying?" Angel asked as he watched Cordelia slip in the door of the dark room.
"I thought you were asleep." Cordelia whispered.
"No. I couldn't. Were you crying?"
Cordelia climbed into bed next to Angel. "No. Xander was. How did you know?"
"I smelt the salt on you." Angel rolled over to face her. "Is he okay?"
Cordelia shrugged. "I don't know. Are any of us?"
Angel pulled her close to him and was surprised to hear her whimper softly. "Cordy?"
"I feel horrible." She admitted to him.
"Why?" He asked.
"Buffy…she hated me. I was never nice to her, and she hated me and I know I owe her my life and…" Cordelia sobbed.
"She never hated you, Cordy." Angel assured her. "Last time I saw her she wanted to stop in and see you and Jess, and when me and you were fighting, she was on your side. I came to talk to her one night, and she told me she felt for you. Cordelia, she never hated you."
"I owe her so much. I never got to even thank her…"
"She knows." Angel kissed her gently on her forehead. He had never thought in a million years he would cradle Cordelia Chase to sleep after she cried over Buffy Summers death. He also thought he would never be alive after Buffy Summers death. And of course, he never thought he would be in love with Cordelia Chase. He sighed. "Try and sleep, Cordy. Okay?"
He felt Cordelia's head nod against his chest and the closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep himself.
The funeral was held the following night, probably because Angel and Spike could not attend a day one. It didn't matter though, as it happened to rain all day and night. Angel held an umbrella with one hand and wrapped his free hand around Cordelia, who had Jessica in her arms. He looked around; everyone was crying. He felt sorry for them all. Sorry they had never got to know Buffy quite like he did. When the service was over everyone made their way back to the Summers' house.
"Cordy, are you packing?" Willow stuck her head in the room to see Cordelia over a suitcase, and Jessica struggling to sit up in her crib.
Cordelia nodded. "We've got to get back. I don't know how well Wesley is holding up without us."
Willow gave a slight smile, but Cordelia could tell she was broken up inside.
"Come on in, Wil." Cordelia said, sitting on the bed, and patting the seat next to her.
"Okay…" Willow sat down on the bed. Neither said anything for a while, than Willow broke the silence. "Thanks for coming, Cordelia. You didn't have to."
"Yes I did." Cordelia told her. "Buffy watched out for me, even when I was a total bitch to you guys. I owed her for that much."
Willow gave a nod, indicating she understood. "How's Angel holding up?"
Cordelia sighed. "The best he can. He's trying to hide his emotions about it, I think. Probably because Buffy's always kind of been a soft spot between me and him. I feel bad about that now."
"So you and Angel are the real thing?" Willow asked, clearly interested in Buffy's first love's new love.
"Yeah." Cordelia smiled slightly, looking over at Jessica who had now given up trying to sit up and was chewing rapidly on a toy.
"She looks like him." Willow said motioning to Jessica. "Xander told me the whole thing. She's got Angel's eyes and that brow…plus…"
"She looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders." Cordelia sighed.
Willow nodded. "Yeah." Willow looked to see that Cordelia was clearly touchy about the subject of her and Angel's daughter. "But, I mean, hey, she looks like you too. She…she's got your hair, and your complexion, and your lips."
Cordelia gave a slight smile and hugged Willow. "You know that whenever you need it, L.A. is always opened to you."
"Thanks, Cordelia." Willow said, breaking apart their embrace. "You need help packing?"
Cordelia gave a slight nod, and she and Willow began packing.
Angel sat outside on Buffy's steps. He had sat here a million times, but this time it was different. This time he wasn't waiting for her to come out of the house or down the road. This time when he looked up he knew he would see her. He lifted his head, half hoping he still would.
"Spike." Angel said simply, looking up at the blonde vampire in front of him. "Didn't hear you come up."
"You wouldn't." Spike sighed, sitting next to Angel. "To wrapped up in your own damn pity-party."
"Excuse me?"
"You miss her, mate. I can see it."
"We all do."
"It's killing you."
"I'm already dead."
Spike snorted. "Well so am I, but I'm still bloody hurting like hell."
"You don't even have a soul."
"Doesn't mean I don't care."
Angel looked at him, but did not say a word.
"Okay, well maybe not having a soul means I can't care, but I do. It's this bloody, damn chip they got in my head. I care."
Angel nodded. "Sadly, I believe you."
"So, judging by the way your baby smells, it didn't take you long to get in Cordelia's pants."
Angel stood. "Spike, shut up."
"What? I'm just saying…" Spike stood.
"Me and Cordy…we never…it's a long story, mystical thing."
"But you never boned her?" Spike laughed. "Well, that's bloody brilliant."
Angel shook his head. "I don't even know why I'm talking to you about this."
"Because you can't talk to anyone else. Everyone in there hates you." Spike pointed to the house.
"They don't…"
"What? Hate you? Sure they do. Well, maybe not Willow but Xander sure the hell does. Dawn hardly knows you, only that you broke little Buffy's big heart, Anya I don't believe ever went either way on you, Giles doesn't trust you, no matter what he told Buffy and Tara…well she doesn't know you at all, now does she. Face it, Angel, you and Cordelia, and me, we are three of a kind. None of them care to much for us, and none of them ever will trust us. Especially not me and you, the bitchiness, they expect that from Cordelia, I think-"
Spike felt his back slam against the wall of the house. "You don't know Cordelia, so shut the hell up! You didn't know Buffy either so quit acting like you do!" He slammed Spike again.
All the slamming must have startled everyone in the house because they were all out on the porch in about five seconds flat.
"Angel!" Cordelia handed Jessica to Willow and immediately struggled to pull him off Spike. When she got him to release his grip she punched him in the arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Angel looked around, then at Cordelia, then down at the floor. "He started it…"
"Oh, because we're in first grade and all." Cordelia said angrily.
"You tell him, princess." Spike chimed in.
"Spike, shut up." Xander told him.
"Right. I'll just be on my way then." Spike said, wiping out a small bottle of whiskey and taking a swig before continuing down the street.
"It's been a long day." Giles said. "Why doesn't everyone come inside?"
"L.A., Angel." Buffy's voice rang in Angel's head as he watched everyone start to walk back in the house. "Go back. L.A. needs you, not Sunnydale."
Angel stopped short in his tracks. Her voice in his head, it couldn't possibly be real.
"It's real." He heard Buffy's voice again. "I'll see you soon. Get back there. Sunnydale will manage without you, L.A. won't. Keep the good fight going."
For some reason Angel grabbed Cordelia's hand. "We've got to go."
"What?" Willow asked. "You only got here two days ago."
"Duty calls, Willow." Angel told her. "You guys understand."
"That we do." Xander told him. "I'll go grab your bags upstairs."
Angel couldn't tell if Xander was relieved that they were leaving, or if he actually understood Angel had to get back to L.A. Angel wasn't even sure why he had to, or if Buffy's voice had been real, but he knew in his heart that the good fight was nowhere near over. For some reason, something was calling him back to L.A. He needed to find out what.