Chapter twenty: Forgive me and I won't forget you
Ruthie lay on her bed trying to go back in time, wishing there was some way she could prevent this all from happening. Thinking back to the day of the barbecue, the day she met Tristan and the day this all began. If Ruthie had never met Tristan he would still be alive. Maybe if Ruthie hadn't screamed at Sam and David she never would have met him, maybe David wouldn't hate her, maybe Tristan wouldn't hate her maybe she wouldn't hate herself.
Ruthie sat up and let her tears stream down her face, she buried her head in her hands thinking if only there was some way she could stop this all from happening.
"I hate myself, I hate myself for killing you! I hate myself for making everyone hate me!" Ruthie cried. Suddenly she jumped up and ran to the bathroom, ignoring the piercing pain that shot up her leg, she started opening every cabinet door until finally she reached into the back and pulled out a little plastic baggie. She ran downstairs into the kitchen.
"I hope you're happy!" She whispered. The kitchen was pitch black, and the house was silent except for the banging of pots and pans and the opening and closing of the cabinet doors. Finally Ruthie found what she was looking for. She grabbed the bottle and ran outside, until she collapsed into the grass. She crawled towards the stone ledge, leaning against it. She ripped open the bag and shoved the little white pills down her throat. She opened the bottle and gulped down the wine, drinking every last sip. She threw the bottle against the curb, watching it smash into a million pieces.
"I hope you're happy!" she yelled. "I'm sitting out here in the middle of the night tormented by your fucking bloody face all over the windshield! While your up they're watching me! I hope you like watching me suffer Tristan!" Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the sweat that was dribbling down her neck. Ruthie just lay there waiting for the ecstasy to take affect. Ruthie closed her eyes leaning her head back. When she awoke she thought she heard sirens; she opened her eyes and got up, her body swaying slightly. She walked towards the curb and saw a black convertible smashed against the tree. Her house faded behind her with each step. She ran to the car, when she got there she tried to open the door but she couldn't she peered in. Looking back at her was herself. She watched as Tristan's blood ran down the window. She placed her hand on his shoulder blood soaking through. She looked through the broken windshield at her own mangled body. Her red halter-top stained darker by the blood, her denim skirt soaked through with her own blood, her brown curly hair coated with blood.
"This is all my fault!" She screamed. "Help! Somebody help!" The sirens grew louder as they got closer. As the ambulances skidded to a halt, Paramedics rushed out hurrying over to the car. Ruthie ran up to them trying to get their attention.
"Help him! I'll be fine!" She screamed. "Help him!" They rushed right by her.
"There's a passenger, I've got a heartbeat!" he said. "What about the driver?" The guy bent over the boy placing his fingers on his neck. He shook his head slowly.
"No!" Ruthie shrieked. "He can't be you have to save him!" She watched as they hurried to get her out of the car. She knelt to the ground letting everything happen around her.
"Ruthie stop it!" Ruthie looked up blinking away tears. She stared ahead of her to see Tristan leaning against the tree smoking a cigarette. The ambulance slowly drove away, as if in slow motion. The sound whirring around her at normal speed, the car slowly faded out dragging his body out of her mind.
"Your not real! Go away!" She shrieked.
"Don't be a baby" He said walking towards her. The scenery fading away, until it was just the two of them.
"Your dead!" She cried. He grabbed her arms and held her close to him. "No! Your dead stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" She pounded her fists on his chest, letting her tears run down her cheeks.
"I know," He whispered. He hugged her closer letting her mind calm, spinning reality and illusion together. Ruthie opened her eyes to see herself in front of her house again. She turned around and he was still there.
"What do you want? Haven't you tormented me enough?" She screamed.
"I'm not trying to torment you Ruthie!" He said stepping closer to her.
"Go away! Your just a part of my imagination!" She yelled.
"Ruthie stop it your acting like an infant! I'm the one who's dead and your still acting as selfish as ever!" Ruthie stepped back hurt by his words.
"You know for a figment of my imagination you're really mean!" She said.
"For crying out loud!" He glared at her stomping out his cigarette. He stepped closer to her and blew his smoke in her face. "Just shut up and listen! You need to grow up! I told you you were a fake but you didn't listen to me! People die Ruthie! But you're too much of a baby to deal with what's happened. You need to stop being such a bitch to your family and stop being such a wimp. I'm dead get over it!" Ruthie stood there looking at him.
"How am supposed to get over it! I loved you doesn't that matter!" Ruthie looked at him. He grew quiet. His eyes wandered to the floor. "Happy! I loved—I love you! Your gone and I never got to tell you how much I love you! You don't understand how much it hurts to know I killed you!"
"Ruthie I do, because it hurts me to know you feel that way!" He sighed taking a deep breath. "You didn't kill me! It was my fault and I'm sorry I hurt you! If I could I'd take all your pain away, but I can't. Ruthie I love you!" Tristan pulled her over and wrapped his arms around her. He pushed his lips against hers as she wrapped her arms tighter.
"Please don't go!" She whispered. "I need you!"
"No you don't, you need to move one, just promise you won't forget me!"
"I promise if you forgive me!" She said quietly.
"There's nothing to forgive, now go back to your family, they need you more then I do" Tristan pulled away. He waved goodbye as he watched her fall to the ground, as everything began to blur around her. He just hoped they would help her before it was to late.