I'm suffering from not sleeping... so this may seem a little bit different from what I normally write... okay...
"I thought that whole episode was a dream, though," Keely was saying to Phil.
"No," Phil replied, "see, they wanted the audience to think that, but remember when he saw her at the end of the episode? After he reveals that his sister is a phony?"
Keely frowned, thinking. "No…"
"Well, the person he ran into earlier in the episode--"
"Oh, when everything froze and he thought--"
"Yeah," Phil said, nodding. "That was her at the end of the episode, when she winked at him…"
"Really? See, I hadn't noticed that…"
"Well now you know," Phil said, smiling.
"So that episode wasn't a dream, then?"
"Nope."
"But… didn't they have an episode earlier in that season similar to that?"
"How so?"
"Well… just like, with the main plot of the episode, and then… the characters are put right back where they started… you know, something similar happened to that when the family was having dinner with their neighbor… It's the same basic thing, isn't it? Something happens to turn back time, and… the characters are right back where they started…"
"Huh." Phil thought for a minute. "Yeah, I guess that is kind of similar…"
"I guess they're different enough, though…" Keely sighed.
"Yeah… I guess so."
"I guess that's just bugged me for a while."
"Well, a show like that, of course there's going to be some confusing stuff happening."
"Yeah… you're right…"
At that point, Ashley came into the room, rubbing her eyes.
"Hey, Ashley. What's up?" Phil asked, as she sat down and shook her head.
"I just received a peculiar phone call," she responded, looking absently ahead.
"What kind of call?" Keely asked.
"A call from Kurt…" Keely raised an eyebrow at the mention of Bonnie's ex-boyfriend. "He was… he sounded a bit bothered… and he was rather apologetic. He seemed to blame himself entirely for what she did to herself…"
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him the truth. He wasn't the only thing playing a factor in it, but he played a part nonetheless." Phil nodded, when Ashley muttered, "Of course he'd be remorseful now…"
"What?" Keely asked.
"Of course he'd be remorseful," Ashley repeated, more loudly this time.
"I heard you, but… what do you mean?"
"I mean… it seems to me that the knowledge of Bonnie's death is causing Kurt to act remorseful… to forgive her for any wrongdoings she may have committed… why is it that we're only willing to do that when we face the reality of death?"
Keely frowned. "Er… um…"
"We always seem to take things for granted… we live, thinking that we'll always be with them, that they'll always be with us. Kurt told me he's always cared for Bonnie…"
"He has, though," Keely said. "Maybe they had their problems, yeah, but he's always cared for her. That's always been the same."
"Oh no… it changed now. Death changes everything about us. It changes the way we act, It changes the way we feel, It changes the way we think, It changes the way we see the world, the way we live our lives. Keely, I'm not sure you understand just how much of an impact it has on us, ironically." Keely tried to argue, but Ashley cut her off. "Keely, if I were to tell you the exact moment you were going to die, it would destroy your world entirely. Can you imagine what it would feel like if somebody sat you down and told you that you were dying? Can you imagine what kind of an impact that would have on your life? Hmm? Because you can't. There's no way you could imagine something like that. To imagine somebody telling you you're dying is impossible to wrap your mind around until it happens to you."
"We're all dying, Ashley," Phil said. "Ever since the day we came out of our natal… ever since the day we were born."
"But most people have the luxury of not knowing when they're going to die. The ironic thing about it is that the people who do know are the ones that really live their lives to its full extent. People don't appreciate their lives until it's being taken away from them."
Keely, under the impression that Ashley was talking about her sister, said, "Bonnie appreciated her life… or, at least, she used to…"
"Regardless if that's even true or not, did you appreciate her life? Do you value your own more now than you did before?"
Keely opened her mouth to try and say something, but no words came out.
"We only truly appreciate the value of things when they're gone, Keely. Even Dad was affected by this, even though he left us. The knowledge of his youngest daughter's death had quite an effect on a man who had barely even seen any of his children for the past ten years."
"But… I appreciate my life…" Keely said.
"At the cost of your sister's…" Ashley said. "You wouldn't truly feel that way if Bonnie was still alive. But since she's gone, you find that you're grateful for the life you have, and for the body you live in. Just like she wasn't."
"She was…"
"No she wasn't. Not in the end. She wasn't thankful for her life. And so she didn't deserve to live it."
"Don't say that…" Keely said, closing her eyes.
"I'd be telling lies otherwise, Keely. I thought of telling Kurt about that, but I figured, 'Let's do not… put him through my ramblings…' He wouldn't understand, anyway."
Keely sighed.
"I'm not sure you understand…" Ashley muttered, then left the room.
"Phil?" Keely asked, timidly.
"Yeah, Keel?"
"Would you do me a favor?"
"Sure."
"Lock up the Giggle."
"Sure thing," Phil said, smiling.
Well. Drop me a review now, okay?