Some of you have been saying how Instagram and TikTok now shows you all things Cheer. They're on to us LOL. You're welcome?
If you're curious, here are my go-to for inspiration:
Edward: "gauge_ashtonn", "daniel_buyeske", and "xricky_nunnx"
Bella: Mostly "katabela" but also Gabi Butler for Bella's backstory.
Emmett: "keyshawn_leflore"
Thanks for reading and reviewing, and as per usual, all mistakes are mine.
Chapter 9.
I lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling. My mind's a mess. I should have listened to Jasper at the beginning of the summer. Should have kept my distance from Bella. Should have kept my feelings in check. I tried. I did. But it's not like I can keep a physical distance from her. My hands are on her, all over her, every fucking day.
And she's friendly. She's lovely. She's kind and smart and funny and spending time with her is the highlight of my days. If I could just turn everything else off, like I do when we stunt, being near her would be so much easier.
I sigh and get up from the bed, knowing I won't be able to sleep. I stand in my room, phone in hand, contemplating checking Instagram, because I'm a masochist and I want to see if she's posted pictures with Tyler yet, when Emmett and Vicky come in the room, tangled up in each other. Her legs are wrapped around his waist; his hands are lost in her mane of red hair.
They almost bump into me, and as Emmett realizes, he sets Vicky down, his lips and face smeared with her glossy lipstick.
"I thought you were at the lake house," he says, panting, a wide smile on his face as he walks away from Vicky.
"I thought you were at the lake house," I spit back at him.
Great. So Bella is there alone.
"Nah…" He clasps a hand around my shoulder, not so subtly pushing me to the door. "We're going to follow Coach's orders and…rest." He inches closer to me, once we're at the door, to whisper in my ear. "Can you get lost for like an hour or so?"
"Why don't you go to Vicky's room?!"
"Bella might come back," is his unapologetic response.
"Emmett—"
"I owe you, babe." With one last push, he closes the door in my face. I stand in our hallway, in socks and shorts and a T-shirt, with my phone still in my hands and absolutely nothing else.
"I don't have my shoes!" I bang on the door and he's quick to open it, only to drop my shoes on the floor, my wallet in them, and close it again.
Ah, for fuck's sake! As if this day could get any worse.
I grab my wallet and put my shoes on, turning to look at Bella's door. She's at the lake house by herself, and I'm here, with nothing else to do but stress over it.
I tell myself that a walk would help me clear my head, pass the time until I can come back to my room. I contemplate just going up the hill, to the bench that overlooks the campus. It's an easy walk and it usually helps me calm down. But then, I decide I'll just check on Bella, make sure she's okay, and come right back. It's what I tell myself while I walk there anyway.
I can hear the crowd and the music from the driveway. It's not just our team. There's a full-blown end-of-summer party at the house. There are people in the pool. Scattered on the lawn. In the lake.
My eyes search for Bella until I find her sitting up on the wooden railing that surrounds the backyard, a dip in the terrain and the lake behind her. She's laughing at whatever Tyler is saying as he leans way too close to her.
"Colorado!" James wraps an arm around my shoulders, a tray of Jell-O shots in his other hand. "You made it!"
I half smile at him and he moves on to the next person. I debate leaving. She's here. She's fine. She's having fun. Until I see her sway on that railing, and Tyler straightening her with a hand on her back. Then my feet are moving under me, rushing in her direction, without my permission.
Her face lights up when she sees me, which feels like a punch in the gut.
"Cullen!" She extends her arms when I'm near her, and as I close the distance, she hugs me. I wrap an arm around her softly and subtly bring her down from the railing, so that she's standing, leaning on it instead. "You came!" She smiles widely, looking up at me, wrapping an arm around my waist when I try to pull back. It looks like she's been drinking; her eyes are in tight slits.
"He's my favorite person," she says to Tyler, pointing at me, while hugging herself to my side.
She's drunk, all right.
Tyler fake-smiles at me, and I return the gesture. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she won't be saying yes to him after all.
When James makes his rounds by us, the tray of Jell-O shots halfway empty in his hand, Bella reaches for one.
"Oooh, a green one!" She snatches the little cup between her fingers and squeezes it into her mouth before I can say anything.
"You sure you want to be having those?" I ask softly, while I decline the ones James is offering me.
"Relax," she says, her cheek swollen with the Jell-O still in there. "There's no booze in them."
My blood boils, and I turn to James, fuming. "Did you tell her there's no alcohol in these?"
"Of course not!" James steps back, moving away from me.
I switch to Tyler then, taking a step closer to him. He might be big, but I'm taller, and I'm really, really pissed off. He quickly has both arms up in surrender. "It wasn't me!"
"Cullen…" Bella grabs me by my arm, pulling me back to her. "Cullen, I just assumed."
I turn to her, my breathing coming harshly through my nose, while James and Tyler disappear from my field of vision.
"I guess that explains why I'm dizzy." She laughs softly, embarrassedly, looking up at me.
"Fuck, Swan…" I try to breathe while my heart beats rapidly in my chest.
"It's okay. I'm okay." She runs her hands on my arms, the motion would usually ground me, but not when I'm this pissed.
"You thought they were just handing out regular Jell-O in little cups?" I brace myself on the railing, trying to control my anger, while she explodes into a fit of laughter. My hands are shaking a little from the extra energy still surging through me. I was ready and eager to fuck Tyler Crowley up.
"Okay, that was dumb." She's still laughing next to me, then her fingers return to my arm, tracing the shapes inked on my skin. "Do you want to go for a swim?"
"No." My tone is stern. I look at her, her eyes shiny under the slits. "I want to take you home and then go to sleep."
"Okay," she says, without putting up a fight, so I'm relieved. "Can I ask for a favor, though?"
"Of course." I clasp my hands on my hips, breathing a little easier.
"Don't let me fall." She pushes off the railing and holds onto my arm. "The last thing I need is to eat the pavement and have that all over Instagram tomorrow."
"I got you," I say, linking my arm with hers. "I won't let you fall."
~.~.~
Bella talks non-stop as we walk downhill back to the dorms. She's hugging my arm while I try to keep a slow pace. She's tripped a few times and almost hit a post once. After that, I brace an arm around her shoulders, and I keep her as far away from the curb as possible.
"Ugh," she moans a little. "I think green is no longer my favorite color. I will never be able to stomach Jell-O again."
"I can't believe you thought it was regular Jell-O." I chuckle a little, in a much better mood now that she's with me—now that I know she's safe.
"Hey, I hadn't eaten all day. They looked pretty appetizing."
I stop to look at her. "You hadn't eaten all day?"
"I guess I forgot." She shrugs then laughs. "It was a busy day."
"Exactly. We even had conditioning training, Swan. How did you not eat?" Worry fills me. No wonder a couple Jell-O shots had her like this. I pull my phone out of my pocket. It's nearly midnight. The Subway I work at will be closed by the time we get there, but the burger place next to it closes at one in the morning. It will take us around twenty minutes to get there.
"Are you hungry?" I ask, looking down at her, my focus for the night suddenly derailed.
"Yeah," she says with an exhale, pulling on my arm. "I have protein bars in my room. Let's go."
"No." I pull her back. The street on campus with all the restaurants is in the opposite direction. "Real food."
"Where?"
"Collegetown."
She makes a face. "That's all the way over there."
"No shit, Sherlock." I chuckle as she stares at me, her mouth agape. "It's late and it's the only place within walking distance where we will find something open."
"Define walking distance."
"C'mon, let's go." I grab her hand as if on instinct, and she intertwines her fingers with mine.
It takes us a little over twenty minutes to get there.
"Are we having burgers?" She almost squeals as we stop at the door.
"I hope you're not picky, 'cause this is pretty much our only option."
"Can we get a milkshake too?" She practically beams.
"Sure…" I laugh, opening the door for her.
I get two cheeseburgers, a medium fry for us to share, and a chocolate milkshake, just for her. She gets napkins, ketchup, and malt vinegar, which makes me smile. I've never seen anyone as excited for a greasy midnight burger, but being able to do this for her fills me with joy…and other things.
She takes a bite of her burger and her eyes roll back. "Ohmygod," she says with her mouth still full, picking up a fry, dipping it in the malt vinegar and taking a bite off of it. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She does a little happy dance with her shoulders, her eyes closed.
I realize I'm staring, and my food is getting cold, so I go to town on my burger.
"Is it good?" I chuckle, unable to stop looking at her.
"So good…" Her eyes close again as she tries the milkshake. "I think I love you," she blurts out.
"All right now." I laugh awkwardly.
"You don't know how long it's been since I've had something like this."
"How come?" I ask, and then regret it, because she looks down at her plate, and her whole demeanor changes, as she puts her burger down.
Her eyes flick between the burger, the fries, and her drink. "It's over a thousand calories," she says, sounding a little sad.
"So?" I say quickly, and her eyes finally meet mine. "You probably burned a lot more than that on practice alone." I smile at her while her eyes inspect mine. "And it beats green Jell-O, for sure."
"That's so true." She lets out a little laugh like she's back, but I recognize this face of hers. It's the smile-through-the-pain face, the one she's an expert at.
I don't ask what's wrong. I don't push it. She's been drinking and we're both exhausted.
I do notice she doesn't touch her food anymore. She subtly pushes her plate in my direction and wipes her hands with a napkin.
I finish the milkshake and the fries, but leave her half-eaten burger on her plate.
When she lays her head over an arm on the table, her hand touching my elbow, and her eyes flutter closed. "I could sleep right here, right now." Her voice is merely a whisper.
"Same." I hide a yawn into my shoulder, and she suddenly lifts up her head, as if remembering.
"Crap. You have work tomorrow morning." She quickly checks her phone before correcting herself, "today."
"Yeah," I say, smiling softly at her while I stretch my arms over my head. I can't help it. Yes, I'll be shattered at work later, and yes Jasper won't like when I show up, zombie mode, to my weight training, but I'd be lying if I said I regret staying out this late with her.
"What time?" she asks worriedly.
"Six."
"Ugh. Cullen, I'm sorry."
"It's all right, let's go."
We clean up our table and start our walk back to the dorms. This time, we're sluggish, and a lot quieter than before.
"I'm glad you came out to the lake house, Cullen," she says once we're almost at the dorms. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
"I promise I wasn't trying to get drunk. I know I don't tolerate alcohol well."
"You don't say."
She connects a friendly punch to my arm, which makes me smile.
"I had my first taste when I was fifteen. I was visiting Charlie and stole one of his beers. I was feeling rebellious because who wants to spend their summer in Forks, Washington?"
"Who's Charlie?"
"Oh, he's my father."
"I thought your parents lived in Florida?" I look down at her in confusion.
"Charlie is my biological father," she explains. "He's the chief of police in a tiny town on the Olympic peninsula. My mom left him when I was five and moved us to Florida. Then she married my dad, Phil."
"Oh…"
"Charlie never really got or liked the whole cheerleading thing. That's always been Phil's thing. The homeschooling. The competitions. The social media. Charlie doesn't even have Facebook." She laughs, looking at me, while I save her from running into yet another post. "He wants me to have a normal life."
"Isn't that what every parent wants?"
"I don't even know what a normal life is. That's why I wanted to come here. Far away from Florida. Where my parents can't come check on me every weekend. I wanted to live in a dorm. Fit in, for once. Experience things people my age experience."
"Like Jell-O shots?"
"I'm serious." She punches me again.
"I know. I know, I'm sorry."
"Cheer is still my priority. And I want to win...everything. I want to be the best. But I also want to, you know, be a college student, have fun?"
"That makes sense, Swan. You can do both."
"Can I?"
"Of course!" I say as I hold the door open to our building.
"So you won't be mad at me if I go out with Tyler?" is the last thing I thought she would say, and it feels like a bucket of ice water being dumped on me. She's staring up at me, as if inspecting my face, reading me, watching for my reaction.
"You can date anyone you want, Swan." I stare at my feet. I haven't perfected the smile-through-the-pain face like she has. "Anyone who's not on the team," I mumble the last part, as an afterthought.
"So is that it?" Her hands clasp on her hips with a sigh.
"Is what it?" I look back up, my heart speeding up.
"Is that why you won't ask me out?" Her eyes incinerate me.
"Swan—"
"I just need to know. Because I know that I'm young and inexperienced when it comes to this. But I feel something with you. I feel something when we're together. And if that's just friendship, then that's fine. I don't want to lose that. But if there's a chance for more…" She boldly moves closer, her hands reaching for my sides. "I'm shooting my shot."
"Don't." I grab her arms, holding her in place, because I'm pretty sure she was about to kiss me, and I don't think I would be able to hold back after that. "Please."
She sighs and drops her hands from my sides, stepping away from me. My stomach sinks at ho her face falls. "I'm sorry. I-I understand."
Before I can say anything, she rushes into the building. It takes me a second, to collect my breath, before I follow behind her, up the stairs, until I catch up with her in our hallway.
"Swan," I start, while her hand is already on her doorknob.
She turns to me and smiles. "We can chalk this up to the Jell-O shots." She adds a quick chuckle that breaks my heart. "So don't worry about it. I won't make it weird tomorrow."
"Swan, wait," I say again, stepping closer, but she opens the door to her room.
"It's okay, I promise. You have work tomorrow…later, today. Go to sleep, please," she says shakily, eying my door behind me. "It's all good." She smiles again, and steps into her room, but her eyes are tearing up and so does everything inside of me. "Good night. Thanks again for coming to get me." And for the second time tonight, a door is getting closed in my face.
Fuck.
I take a deep breath and drop my forehead on her door. "Bella, please." I knock softly on the door, not knowing if Vicky is there. Not wanting to wake up anyone else. "Let me explain."
"You don't have to. It's fine." It sounds like she's pressed against her door as well. I brace my hands on the door frame. "I'm going to go to sleep, okay? Please, go do the same."
"You sure you're okay?" I take a deep breath against her door then push myself off of it.
"Yeah," she adds quickly. "Good night."
"Good night, Swan." I walk back to my room with my hands on my head and my heart in my throat.